leah williamson x teen!reader | masterlist
⤷ as much as you try to deny it, you’re having some issues sleeping, and it just so happens that your annoyingly observant captain is your roommate.
part of the superstar universe! loosely linked to this
your nerves still hadn’t quite settled after your ‘chat’ with leah. they had however, definitely eased a little bit, and things were starting to run a bit smoother for you, from you happily (forcibly at first) joining the rest of the girls for a meal for the first time, to you actually starting to speak to them - creating a bond which then translated onto the pitch and grew your confidence there massively. despite this, there had been a few moments were your anxiousness was at an all time high - especially as you followed the blonde down the hallway to your shared room.
whilst it had definitely been a shock to the system when you’d originally found out that you were being called up to the lionesses - the captain herself insisting on rooming with you might have just out-done it.
“just wanna keep an eye on you, kid.” she said softly with her signature easy smile - ruffling your hair like you were a small child. “make sure you settle in alright, you don’t need to look quite so frightened, i won’t bite your head off”
that had been a couple of days ago. and so far - you would say that you’d been doing a pretty good job with pretending that everything was alright. like the weight of wearing the england badge wasn’t pressing down on your chest, almost limiting your breathing, and like you weren’t tossing and turning every night without fail, staring at the ceiling whilst your thoughts ran wild - whilst you begged for rest that you knew wouldn’t find you.
however, as in denial as you were about everything, leah had noticed. of course she had. she noticed everything - something you should’ve realised by now.
“y/n” she said into the dark casually on one particular evening after lights out, making you jump out of your skin - having assumed that she was long asleep, like she usually was (or so you thought) by this time of night. “you’re not sleeping well - are you?”
your stomach twisted, dropping at her words. you couldn’t believe that your struggles had been so obvious not just once but twice now - and your cheeks flushed with an almost shame. you were nineteen years old. technically an adult - yet stuck feeling like such a baby. “i-”
“and don’t lie to me - you don’t have to, you know. not at all. and besides, i can hear you shuffling around when you think i’m asleep.”
you chewed on your lip, staring at the blanket that you’d been holding tightly around your legs, thanking the universe that you were having this conversation with the lights off - so you didn’t have to face her, face that caring look in her eyes that no doubt matched the softness in her voice, that had never and would never fail to make you completely crumble. you felt completely and utterly ridiculous. “i-i just….i struggle with it i guess. sleep.”
upon hearing your rather mumbled response, and almost sensing your previous thoughts, leah flicked her bedside lamp on, allowing a warm light to flood the room, and giving her the chance to study you properly from across the room, propping herself up on her elbow, eyebrows furrowed. “struggle how, exactly?”
you hesitate, your throat suddenly dry as you stare at the ceiling, and your shoulders curling in slightly as you attempted to string together an answer. “i don’t know, i’ve um- always been like it i guess. my brain sorta doesn’t switch off, and when or if it does, i have these….nightmares, or whatever, and then i can’t get back to sleep. so it just feels a bit- it’s silly.”
tears pricked at your eyes as you processed what you just said - closing them for a second, as if waiting for the incoming laughter from the older girl. it certainly felt like it deserved it - it felt mortifying, and like you should be better, more mature than this.
but the laughter never came. nor did the teasing. leah just hummed and nodded, like it made perfect sense, like you’d just told her the day of the week it was.
“why didn’t you tell me earlier?” she asked, causing you to shrug gently.
“i didn’t want to be a problem.” you whisper, so quietly that if she wasn’t so focused on you she would’ve missed it.
she sighed, shaking her head. “look at me, sweetheart. you’re not a problem, there’s zero judgement here i promise. i mean- i used to have to room with gee and she slept with jungle noises on at a stupidly loud volume.” she grumbled the end of her sentence, remembering those nights all too well - before sitting up properly in her bed, and running a hand loosely through her hair.
“look, and you can tell me if it’s overstepping, but if it helps you can sleep in my bed with me. sometimes it’s easier when someone’s there - at least i find.”
your face burned as you looked at her, making eye contact for the first time in this whole ordeal, something you were awkward with at the best of times, never mind in situations like this. “no, i c-couldn’t do that. that’s s-silly. childish.” you answered almost robotically, and in a way that made her heart break, like you’d been told those words so many times that you believed them. which you had.
she didn’t take your answer personally. in fact, it checked out - she had already checked in with your u23s teammates after your panic attack, and asked for their advice about how to make you comfortable, and therefore knew that this was something that helps you but you would probably be too embarrassed to ask for. meaning she could’ve pushed and got you to cave, but she wanted the decision to come from you.
“it’s not silly,” she said firmly. “but it’s completely your call - just know that the offer’s always there.”
you nodded profusely, very grateful but far too stubborn to accept, feeling like you had something to prove to yourself now. you could handle this. you needed to.
(spoiler alert - you couldn’t handle it.)
tonight had been worse than usual. much worse. the nightmare itself had been unsettlingly vivid, a slap in the face reminder of all of your worries - with flashes of failure, letting everyone around you down and you inevitably ending up alone. you all but jolted awake just as dream-leah told you that you were nothing but a burden to her, perhaps your worst fear of all, tears streaming down your cheeks.
you sniffed, pressing your face into the pillow and curling into yourself as you took in the overwhelming, almost suffocating silence of the room, desperately trying to cling onto the remains of your resolve and breathe through it.
but of course, it didn’t work - it never did.
which meant, against every voice in your head screaming at you to just suck it up and deal with it, you slipped out of bed, and before you could stop yourself you found yourself stood next to leah’s, trembling.
she was fast asleep, the only noise in the room being her soft breaths, which made you second guess your decision, looking back over your shoulder at your duvet which had clearly been discarded to the floor during the course of your thrashing.
“lee?” you whispered - voice cracking almost painfully through your silent cries.
for someone who prided herself on being such a heavy sleeper - and someone who loved her sleep, taking every moment she could to nap - surprisingly, the blonde stirred immediately, blinking up at you in what started as confusion, before it immediately morphed into concern. “what…hey, hey, what’s wrong?”
you swallowed harshly, the lump in your throat feeling as big as ever, suddenly finding it impossible to utter a word - now beyond embarrassed as well as upset. but leah didn’t push, and whether it be out of understanding or sheer tiredness, she said nothing, just simply shifted over, lifting up her blanket. “c’mere bub.”
you glanced back at your own bed for a split second before climbing in beside her, the tension in your body melting away the moment she wrapped her arms around you, drawing you into her warmth protectively.
“there we go.” she murmured, her voice thick with sleep. “you’re alright, i’ve got you.”
you tucked your face into her shoulder, matching your rushed breaths to the steadiness of hers, instantly feeling yourself calm down.
it was stupid. and you’d probably regret disturbing her in the morning and panic yourself into a hole over it, and the fact that you should be grown up enough to handle this on your own. but leah didn’t make you feel silly - she never did. she just continued to hold you, drawing slow circles into your back until your breathing eventually evened out.
the next morning you woke up in a way that you rarely did, slowly blinking awake, feeling more rested than you definitely ever had at a camp - and arguably even ever. the blonde was already sat up awake beside you, scrolling on her phone and grinning when she noticed you beginning to stir.
“best sleep of your life, wasn’t it?”
you rolled your eyes, unable to fight the small smile creeping its way onto your lips. “maybe..”
“told you it wasn’t silly.” she chuckled, ruffling your bed hair teasingly.
from then on, it just became a thing. every camp, every trip - you didn’t even bother with separate beds, and leah never complained. if anything, she seemed to like it just as much as you did, very much feeling like a big sister looking over her little sister - like she had her own ‘giant teddy bear’ (her words).
and no matter what, no matter how nervous or uncertain you felt, she was always there, like some kind of safe haven.
they say write what you know right? (typing this at 2am. i went to bed at 10pm.)
hope you’re all enjoying this lil series so far! more to come i promise <3 send any ideas you’ve got my way & thank you to my beloved anons who already have - i see you
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