Why Me?
Why me? I believe this question above all else, is what causes me to become stuck where I am in life. And depending on how long I choose to hold on to that question will determine how long I remain in the shithole that is self-pity. You see, with that question comes a sense of entitlement, as if I deserve life to be a certain way, or as if life is somehow supposed to bend to my opinion of how it's supposed to be. That is not how it works. I've discovered more and more that I will never have a consistent state of peace inside if I hold to this attitude. The trick, I'm learning, is to bathe my day in gratitude for everything that I do have and all of the good things that have happened, and even be thankful for the good things that came out of the bad times. And most of all, thankful that I have my Savior, Jesus Christ, who truly loves me throughout every season of life.
There is nothing more frustrating to me, I think, than a victim mentality. You will never live life until you throw that garbage behind you. Over the past year I've had the privilege of working with some of California's most troubled teenagers, working in high level group homes, and now visiting kids at Juvenile Hall. If you want to see how a victim mentality can turn your life into a self-sabotaging hell, just give these amazing kids a visit. I really mean that, they are incredible kids, but this approach towards life, which is almost totally lacking in ownership, has sent them into a highly momentous downwards spiral that will never stop unless they choose to take the reins of their soul back from those they gave it to(most of them don't realize they actually have the ability to do this).
Of course, there are huge reasons that the victim mentality comes into play in their lives. Because, if you actually take ownership for your shortcomings, there stands the sure risk of rejection. There is nothing more wounding to a human spirit than rejection, and these kids have experienced it in their short lives more than most ever have to. And the more rejection someone experiences, the less opportunity they tend to give people to reject them. The thing is, though, by living life like this they(and we) are actually starving themselves of the actual acceptance that they need to heal their troubled souls. And the truth is, when you reveal your sins and someone accepts or rejects you, it merely reveals what was already in their hearts for you. It totally eliminates that question of whether you're really loved or not, and I think that question itself can be even more plaguing than the answer to it.Â
I have struggled with the fear of rejection just as much as the next guy. But it seems the more I'm able to be honest about my sins, fears, frailties, dreams, etc., and really put myself out there, the more I realize that I am loved, by God and also by the people around me. There is no longer this question of 'What will they think if they know this?' I know that I am accepted for who I am. And you know what, even if everyone did reject me, I have learned to find more and more security in knowing that there will always be One who accepts me, my Dad, God Almighty, Jesus Christ, my closest friend. His approval over me is undeniable, His blood is undeniable, and after all the crap I've done I know that it's because of who I am and not what I do that I am accepted as His own.