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[woodlandsway]

[rptdamn]

that’s what you get for waking up in vegas

a plot were muse a and muse b are pretty close friends, and they decide to go on holiday together for a couple of weeks. they go to las vegas, and as you would expect they spend most of their time being highly intoxicated. one morning, after a night of heavy drinking, they wake up with no recollection of what happened the previous night. all they have to go on are photos on their phone with a man dressed as elvis, and flowers and balloons with “congratulations” dotted around their hotel room. their memories soon come back to them, however, and they recall that they spent all of their money getting married in their hotel’s wedding chapel. muse a is absolutely horrified, and has no idea how they’ll be able to explain what happened to anyone, especially their parents. while muse a runs around like a headless chicken trying to figure how to fix this, muse b spends their time laughing about their situation (even though they’re actually as terrified as muse a), calling muse a ‘my darling’, ‘sweetie-pie’ and every other cheesy, vomit-inducing nickname they can think of, and keeps jokingly asking muse a if they’re going to consummate the marriage at any point. also; bonus points if one/both of the muses are in relationships with other people!!

[grincarved]

rptdamn:

[literarystarbucks]

Iago

[leftread]

literarystarbucks:

Iago goes up to the counter and orders a green tea with a shot of hazelnut syrup. “It’s for you,” he tells the barista. “You’ll love it.” The barista says that the drink not only sounds disgusting, but that he’s allergic to hazelnuts. “Just trust me,” says Iago. “I wouldn’t buy you a drink if I didn’t love you and respect you.” The barista is incredibly honored. Of course Iago is trustworthy. He takes a sip of the drink and immediately goes into anaphylactic shock. Iago leaves quietly, dropping a handkerchief on the floor.

[leftread]

diiagnose !

        ‘ ah .. yeah , that’s .. real unfortunate . hah . ’

        “yeah,”  aggie shrugs.  “it kinda is. how do you do it? i saw you and immediately thought you were the guy i needed to share this with. you got attention.”

[leftread]

bittengift !

           He would roll his eyes, but he’s a little afraid of that hurting. “Nah, it’ll be okay. I mean, you haven’t been in a real fight unless you’ve left with one of these.” You also haven’t been in a real fight unless you’ve been able to brag about it, later. “Not my first time. I’m good.”

        "alright you hard ass, quit showing off about how tough you are."  she takes the opportunity to roll her eyes since she very much can without injury.  "...also, it not being the first time you've gotten a black eye doesn't stop it from hurting, so, you’re the asshole."

[leftread]

        plot w me but specifically w jesse

[leftread]

@heartreveals !  liked

        “do i have to, like, order something to stay in here?”

[leftread]

@stcrved !  liked

        “...are you on instagram?”

[leftread]

@diiagnose !  liked

        “i love how no one ever pays attention to me.”

[leftread]

@pistollips​  !   liked

        jesse’s mouth hangs open, his phone is inches away from his face but his gaze rests entirely on the person in front of him - surely this has to be important?   “so, what’s your star sign?”

[leftread]

dumbstcr !

@leftread ♡’d.

  ❝Is this your doge?❞ She asks while kneeling down to get a better look at the dog. Eve wants to pet it, but she knows better than to do so without permission. 

        jesse’s attention is torn from his phone to the girl and the dog that had managed to appear near enough to him for it to be assumed it was his dog.  “yeah.”  he says, because he has nothing else to do. he looks away from the stray and back to her.  “he’s my dog. he’s also a biter, so.”

[leftread]

❛ that’s the stupidest question i’ve ever heard. ❜ for my main ho greg

HEATHERS !

        “yeah, well, i mean, it wasn’t meant to be.  stupid, i mean.”  he nods, then lets out a wheeze that was really, truly, supposed to be a smile. but his mouth contorts in all sorts of ways that prevent him from his intended yeah, it’s cool, my whole world hasn’t just been totally shattered by my own intelligence somehow being questioned by the lack of that came across in my question, look, and so, the wheeze.  he nods another few times, he’s cool. he’s a cool guy and he’s not about to disintegrate leaving only a puddle of sweat on the ground where he stands.  “yeah.”

[duckysmemes-deactivated20171228]

❛    well,    fuck me gently with a chainsaw.    ❜ ❛    do i look like mother theresa    ?    ❜ ❛    my teen - angst bullshit now has a body count.    ❜ ❛    chaos is what killed the dinosaurs,    darling.    ❜ ❛    you look like hell.    ❜ ❛    yeah,    i just got back.    ❜ ❛    are we going to prom or hell    ?    ❜ ❛    god    !    i sound like a fucking psycho.    ❜ ❛    i felt bad everytime i did it,    but i kept doing it anyway.    ❜ ❛    now i know you understood everything.    ❜ ❛    now that’s deep.    ❜ ❛    there are no stupid questions.    ❜ ❛    that’s the stupidest question i’ve ever heard.    ❜ ❛    the extreme always seems to make an impression.    ❜ ❛    what’s your damage    ?    ❜ ❛    how very.    ❜ ❛    i just killed my best friend.    ❜ ❛    i can’t believe you did it.    ❜ ❛    i was teasing.    ❜ ❛    i loved you.    ❜ ❛    there’s a new sheriff in town.    ❜ ❛    you don’t deserve my fucking speech.    ❜ ❛    so what’s the deal    ?    ❜ ❛    what a waste    !    ❜ ❛    oh,    the humanity    !    ❜ ❛    our love is god.    ❜ ❛    let’s go get a slushie.    ❜ ❛    is your life perfect.    ❜ ❛    i don’t really like my friends.    ❜ ❛    maybe it’s time to take a vacation.    ❜ ❛    now that you’re dead,    what are you gonna do with your life    ?    ❜ ❛    why do you have to be such a mega - bitch    ?    ❜ ❛    because i can be.    ❜ ❛    did you have a brain tumour for breakfast    ?    ❜ ❛    i say we just grow up,    be adults and die.    ❜ ❛    if everyone jumped off a bridge,    would you    ?    ❜ ❛    why are you pulling my dick    ?    ❜ ❛    that knife is filthy.    ❜ ❛    some people need different kinds of convincing than others.    ❜ ❛    you’re beautiful.    ❜ ❛    did that sound bitchy    ?    ❜ ❛    this isn’t just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.    ❜ ❛    you were nothing before you met me.    ❜ ❛    she’s my best friend.    god,    i hate her.    ❜ ❛    i shop,    therefore i am.    ❜ ❛    a true friend’s work is never done.    ❜ ❛    god had cursed me i think.    ❜ ❛    we’ll crucify her.    ❜ ❛    what’s the up - chuck factor on that    ?    ❜ ❛    ugh,    such a pillowcase.    ❜ ❛    nice guys finish last,    i should know.    ❜ ❛    get a job.    ❜

[incorrectshakespeare]

I wasn’t listening but I strongly disagree with Cassio

Iago, probably (via incorrectshakespeare)

[leftread]

.

[leftread]

playsvulgar !

IF  SHE  WERE  COMPLETELY  HONEST  with herself  :  she couldn’t wrap her head around whether or not he was joking. what kind of idiot would be stupid enough to do such a thing ? and more importantly  ;     ❛     why the fuck are you telling me this  ?     ❜

        “if you can’t face your past mistakes with strangers, how can ya face them with yourself and move on with your life?”  if nathan was being completely honest with himself, he wasn’t sure if he had hallucinated the whole experience, but he sure as hell was ready to move on from it.  “it’s kind of like a free therapy. people know what they’re opening them selves up to when they sit on a public bench.”

[leftread]

lottamiles !

   ‘ BLIND AS A CAT ——— or bat or however the saying goes .  I WON ! ’ jack slammed the last piece in , connecting a diagonal line or four red circles .  ‘ now , who’s the little BITCH ? that’s right ! you !  ’ 

@leftread

        “it’s a dumb game.”  jesse shrugs.  “who cares? i wasn’t even paying attention, so you winning isn’t that big of a deal.”  bitter, betrayed, humiliated --- just some of the things jesse feels upon being beaten in a kids game and being called a bitch immediately after. it’s a hard life.  “i haven’t even played this game before.”