Diary of a Fat Chick in Remission

I survived Stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma Cancer at 26. Unfortunately at 480+ lbs, I was still dying of obesity. This is my story of surgery and survival. >

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It is race season!

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New Personal Best: 5K in 38:30!

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20 months and 280 lbs difference

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I finally ran a 12 minute mile! I have been working on this for two years, and today I finally did it.

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Half the girl I used to be.

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Enjoying the first day of Spring!

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Skin Surgery on Indefinite Hold

And not because I can't afford it! LOL. :) My husband and I have always wanted children. After years of trying, I got pregnant back in 2011. I suffered a miscarriage 4 months in (that I found out later was due to my, at that time, undiagnosed cancer.) After my first chemotherapy session, my period stopped. The doctor told me both my cancer and the chemotherapy can cause infertility. When it didn't come back after I was in remission, I went to my OBGYN who said I was not ovulating and would probably never get pregnant on my own. Yesterday I started my period for the first time in 3 years!! We could not be happier. I don't care if I gain weight. It is baby making time!

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Athletic Testing

Since the scale has not been an good judge of my effort lately, my personal trainer decided to do a series of athletic tests on me. I have been looking forward to this for a couple weeks. We did it this morning. My cardiovascular health and all the weight tests were great. We did chest, shoulders, back, and leg. All were normal or above normal. However, we quickly discovered my core and stretching were very weak. I was below normal in ever stretching or core test. I could not even plank for a full minute. This should have not been a suprise to me. I love lifting weights, but hate ab work and usually skip it and just stretch enough to not be crazy sore. Time to kick up my routine.

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Springtime means Running Season!

I tried to start running 4 or 5 years ago. It was going to be the start of my new healthy lifestyle. Obviously that didn't work out. It was a couch to 5K running program. The first day I got winded walking with the group to the track. I couldn't jog more than 15 seconds and had to stop more times than I want to admit. The stretching afterwards was literally impossible for my 400+lb body. I was ashamed of myself and my body. Needless to say I never went back. A few months after weight loss surgery, I tried the same program again. There were three levels: turtles, gliders, and gazelles. Again, I was far behind all the other turtles, so much so that a coach was designated to stay back and walk beside me. I kept up with it for a couple months, but my body was still in recovery from the chemotherapy so my immune system sucked. I got walking pneumonia twice. Finally I gave up running outside in the cold. Since then I have run a little and worked out a lot. Tonight I went back a third time for the first night of the couch to 5K. I was nervous, because the coaches know me. I am that girl that quit twice. Having lost over 250 lbs since that first meeting so many years ago, I was also afraid their expectations of my ability would leave them disappointed. I saw everyone with their garmins and cute running clothes and felt just like that scared, morbidly obese girl who was embarrassed to be trying to get healthier. Something amazing happened. I didn't have any trouble walking to the track. When we were warming up, I was near the front. When it was time to run, I actually ran faster than all the other turtles! When we turned back, I ran ahead and passed all the other turtles. The coach told me to consider running in the glider group! It was the proudest I have felt in a long time. I am so happy to start training for upcoming races.

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The woes of getting off track

So I waited a week like everyone said to weigh in, and I was still up by a lot. I should have taken it as a sign to do better and work harder. Instead I let my eating disorder voice win. It said, 'if I am going to gain weight no matter what, I might as well enjoy it.' I realize this morning, physically sick from carb overload, how insane and illogical that sounds. Yet I worked a fundraiser until 10 pm last night. During which I indulged in popcorn, crossaints, crackers, and crazy bread from little ceasers pizza. Worse than gaining weight, I feel bloated, heavy, and gross. No wonder I felt miserable at almost 500 lbs. My body was in constant turmoil. Ready to get back to normal for me, not the scale.

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Plastic Surgery Quote

I went for my evaluation. It was highly embarrassing. The doctor wasn't very positive about calf/forearm situation. Basically I will look like Popeye if I get a regular thigh and arm lift, because my loose skin goes a lot farther than normal. When I got the cost, I was shocked. I am looking at 3 surgeries (2 require overnight hospital stays), and almost $40,000. I am not naive; I knew it was going to be expensive. I just thought it would be less than that. There is no way I can save or borrow that much money. My husband and I are considering medical tourism, specifically Costa Rica or the Dominican Republic. Has anyone done this? Any advice or best practices? Is it a really bad idea? I need help people.

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Me and My Husband in Dallas. Look at how my skin moves up in my belly when I jump!

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Indy

Well it wasn't Dallas. I made some really poor choices. The first two days of the week I ate dinner alone, which was not good. The loneliness contributed greatly. There were a million snacks at the training, so I was always eating nutrigrain bars, peanut butter crackers, and peanuts in between my meals. I did good at lunch and the other dinners, but that was probably because I was full of snacks. I also started drinking juice. I haven't drank my calories in years, but I did. I even got a smoothie with the group. My stomach has turned against, and I have been sick most of the week. I was bloated, defeated, and gross. I can't wait to eat a home cooked meal and go to the gym. I am trying not to worry about what the scale is going to say about this.

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Balance

I went to the gym on Valentine's Day, but I also made healthy cookies and ate most of them that night without guilt. This is what I consider a healthy balance. I am trying to be as fit as possible without making it my whole life. Life is too precious to waste counting every calorie or obsessing over the scale. I am leaving tomorrow for a 6 day business trip by myself. It will be my first time flying alone, being in a hotel alone, and trying to do everything for myself. I am a little nervous my eating disorder voice will take over once I am alone in a city where no one would think twice about me ordering french fries or drinking a soda. No one would have to know. I don't want to go back to where I was a couple of years ago, powerless over food. I am finding a balance at home. Can I do it hundreds of miles from home?

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ONEderland is wonderful! My #wcw is me.

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18 month checkup with VSG surgeon

The good news: I have lost over 80% of my excess body weight and have far surpassed their expectations. The bad news: He doesn't want me to see a plastic surgeon about skin removal for at least 6 more months, because my weight has not stabilized yet. I know he is probably right, but it is going to be a rough summer looking like a deflated balloon. I am still going for a consult in 2 weeks just to get a price quote and find out about recovery time.

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Hospital Gowns: Then & Now 1. I don’t need a special plus size gown! 2. The hospital gown actually ties! 3. I don’t have to unsnap the sleeves!