Interview with my Fiance about our relationship-
1. What is the hardest thing about being with someone that has BPD?
- “You really never know what mood they’re going to be in.”
2. What is a good thing about being in a relationship with someone with BPD?
- “They’re passionate.. and they understand emotions like no other. They truly get what its like for someone to be going through a hard time.”
3. What is some advice for someone that has BPD and is getting into a relationship with someone that may not understand their mental illness?
- “Be straight forward, and honest with someone. Tell them what you’re going through. If they aren’t willing to understand, then they probably aren't the right one.”
- “Make sure you are putting yourself out there with someone that is patient. Don’t waste your time with someone that is short minded.”
- “Make sure to not give yourself away, you are worth more than that. Not everyone deserves a piece of you.”
4. What is some advice for someone that is going into a relationship with someone that has BPD?
- “Understand that their emotions are more sensitive than others. If you are not able to be empathetic, than you should not pursue this relationship.”
-” Patience is an important virtue. If you are someone that is easily flustered then I would not recommend being with this person.”
-”They will get angry, and they will say harsh things. You need to know, first off that this is most likely not your fault. There are times that you will not cause anything to happen, and then their emotions spiral. Its okay.”
5. Can you give us some things that work when your partner is going through an episode.”
- “Sometimes they see things in themselves that aren’t real, but they perceive it to be real. What i do in that moment is to keep my voice calm, and start talking positively to them. Listing strong traits, and speaking life into them.”
-” Learn what makes them laugh, and learn what makes them become set off. Its not that you are walking on egg shells, but certain words– certain things can really trigger their episode.Using what makes them laugh can help them fall out of an episode because this can distract their mind”
-” Just be patient, sometimes you cant always help. Sometimes being an ear is all they need. They need someone that understands..”
-” When they are having a bad day, i write a letter to her.. So that she is able to keep this with her. Or i will just do something that makes her feel appreciated. Like purchase her favorite drink (etc) to let her know i am thinking about her.”
6. Can you give me a short list of things that seem to ‘Trigger’ them into an episode?
- “Saying something like ‘Calm Down’ or ‘Chill out.”
- “When she is trying to be serious and i make everything into a joke. She doesn't feel that her feeling/ she is being taken seriously.”
- “When i tell her how she should feel about something. Like when i tell her she shouldn't let certain things get to her. I know that some emotions are out of her control.”
7. What is something you wish you knew before entering this relationship about BPD?
- “I had no idea what it actually was until she told me. At first i thought it was some kind of multiple personality disorder. I now know that people really do need to be educated on this. Not many people know about BPD.”
- “Not to sound rude, but a rule book. I really wanted us to work out, but at first i felt like i was walking on egg shells with her. I didn’t know what to say- or do. I guess as i went along i made my own rule book.”
8. What are some things that scare you about BPD?
- “Their anger and rage does not stop. It takes a lot to calm them back down.”
- “The possibility that they might harm them self during an episode, and they are so set on conflicting pain on themselves in this time.”
- “When they don’t like someone, even if it’s something minor.. they easily cut that person from their lives. ..I am often afraid that will happen to me….”
9. Do you see a change in yourself after the start of your relationship with your partner that has BPD?
- “Yes.. I don’t know if its her borderline, but she is very-very honest with me. She can give me the hard truth and help me snap out of certain things. She has a very low ‘Bull shit’ tolerance. This has helped me see things in myself i never have before. Both good and bad.”
- “Due to her borderline episodes.. i have seen a side of me that i never knew was there. I am able to love her, and give her the gentleness she needs in that moment. This has also really helped me with my patience.”
10. Why have you stayed with her through all of her episodes, and hard times. I am sure that this hasn't been easy for you.”
- “When it comes down to it.. at the end of the day; the real her, is the sweetest most loving person i know. She is truly the most genuine person i have ever met.”
- “She is either black or white with things, but never in the grey. Some people say this is a bad thing, i disagree. When she is passionate about something, she gives it her all. She is in full force with this emotion.”
- “She’s worth everything to me. She’s my best friend and soul mate. The episodes are temporary, but the woman I fell in love with is on the other side of them. The walks downtown, the cuddling while watching movies and the times together dancing to the old records; all of it and more.”
tangentwithtanner
stormborns
