sure why not :]

so instead of screamin angrily at someone or at the world like some crazy person, i come here. it is safe here. random people can read my crap, judge as they please, and i not care about it cuz i don't know about it :P 3 things i like: turtles, puppies, cupcakes 3 things i love: fam fam, boypren, nom noms 3 things i hate: being dragonlady, stupid people, people who lack common sense and that's me ... for the most part :P

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"Rivers do not drink their own water; trees do not eat their own fruit; the sun does not shine on itself and flowers do not spread their fragrance for themselves. Living for others is a rule of nature. We are all born to help each other. No matter how difficult it is ... Life is good when you are happy; but much better when others are happy because of you. " - Pope Francis

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Day 2 of this work trip ... and I just wanna go home. Small talk is mentally draining, and while relationships are important, I'm not good with small talk. Maybe I should have a drink, but I don't want to get messed up while having to do all the walking and talking to reps. I know my tolerance of alcohol is not what it used to be, and I don't want to have the reputation of the girl who can't hold her liquor. I can't even unwind and play games I want to play. I miss bugging hoosbang, Mochi kisses waking me up, babe asking me what I want to do for girls day, boy bugging me asking me what I'm doing, raging on cod or league. I should be out and about because while this is a work trip, this is my first time here. I should be exploring but my 6am alarm is telling me to relax. I miss home.

Also, I'm afraid all I'm picking out is the alabaster stuff. I know that the whole purchasing portion does not fall completely on my shoulders. I also know next time I should bring business cards. We all messed up with that one. Maybe I'm just not fit for the traveling part.

I also learned some stuff about my workmate which is pretty cool. It also explains why he is very much into a specific line. It also is a great gift idea for bill when Xmas comes. I bet he would really appreciate it. Even hoosbang thinks so. I guess I just gotta be positive, and just make little comments. Ask some questions, like what do people do for work related crap. Like inventory for example. What their processes are, how they go about being educated on products. How they go about their training, etc. That is my game plan these next 2 days. Wish me luck!

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You can't keep doing this ... something has to change

I don't know why those thoughts fill your mind. I wish I could erase them. If you never learned what it is, the thought of it would never exist. Would never come to mind. But that can't be the solution. No one can keep a child in a safe little bubble forever. But now I understand why mothers try so hard to do it, for as long as they possibly can.

I want to know what causes it. More importantly who triggers it. Is there something that you're hiding? There has to be. Would talking about it help? Would you talk about it to me, with me? Could you if I tried? Will you try if I try? What can I do to reach you? Not just once, but over and over again. Make you realize how important you are, just not to me.

Have I done my best to show you that I care? Have I hugged you tight enough to feel me when I'm not there? Hard enough to leave a mark, something to remind you of me.

I don't know what to do. I don't know the right words to say. I just want you to be better. To realize your worth. Realize the value of life. Realize that you shouldn't take it for granted. Realize that you ... and you alone are capable or doing anything you want to fucking do. Why waste that? So many people have that opportunity taken away from them. But you're choosing to take it away from yourself, and it hurts.

It hurts, that you repeatedly have this mindset. It hurts, that as a child you should be getting hurt from silly, playful, accidents while having fun. Not harming yourself.

You should be having the time of your life with your friends. Creating memories, trying new things, learning who you are. Finding new hobbies, discovering new talents, new things to enjoy. Traveling, getting scared and screaming your ass off in a Rollercoaster or scary movie.

Kissing your crush. Learning about love. Falling for some stupid. Learning you deserve better than the stupid person you fell for. Being a whore... life is short, enjoy it. If you aren't, you aren't living. So live. You're young, you're almost 18. You can go where you want. Be with whoever you want. Be whoever you want. The possibilities are endless.

And know that you can always run to me. I'll always take you in. I'll always love you, even when you don't love yourself. I'll love you that much harder. Any minute, any hour, any day, I'll drop whatever to be there for you. Just reach out. Just let me know. Just say something, anything. Let us help you find ways to take care of this. Find ways that will be productive. Find ways to heal your mind.

Make you realize your worth. Make you realize all the wonderful possibilities out there. All the things you could do. All the things you could be. All the things you'll learn, discover that make you smile. Make you realize your purpose in this world. Make you realize the change you can create. The impact you can make, and maybe be able to help someone else that was in your situation.

I'm asking you to fight. Give a damn about yourself. Your life. The impact you'll make. How the ones you love will react, cope, deal, suffer, blame themselves thinking they could've done more. We should've done more. And we still can, so don't you fucking give up now. Don't you dare take the easy way out.

If you wanna fight. Fight me. If you wanna cry, run to me. If you need a shoulder, or someone to sit with you in silence, I'll do that too. If you need a reminder that you are loved, I'll hug you til you push me off of you. And even when you break away, I'll just go back to hugging you like a fucking koala holding onto a tree for dear life. Because your life matters. Even tho for some reason, you don't think it's worth. I believe it is. I know it is. And somehow, some way, I hope I'm able to help you realize it is. And each day I will try. And keep trying whether you let me or not. Because I love you, and you don't give up on the ones you love.

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day 28 wins

- did my daily walk

- made my step goal

- was under my allowed calorie diet, did i forget to log something

- found my motivational quote LMAO i'm going to make it fancy on canva

- i'm running out of people to add ... BUT i still added people

- i worked out today, just under 30 minutes. but i did it!

- my sleep alarm is about to go off

- i did a door dash delivery, it was ok. i like that it's flexible, and on my time. i think that may be best as a part time income for now.

-set up an interview for a part time gig ... crossing my fingers that they have something

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day 27

- went to my open house, had a total of 4 groups come in.

- 2 seem interested, one investor, one family

- walked

- posted my open house on social media

- talked to my clients, set up 2 showing for tuesday

- got to go fishing with bop and boy

- didn't have to chug my water right before bed

- made enchiladas

- did laundry

- made my step goal pretty much right after my open house

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day 26 wins

- went to training IN OFFICE

- got to go grocery shopping

- talk to my new clients

- talked to ron

- did my walk

- added the 50 people marlon wanted

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day 25 wins

- showed a rental property to an agent's client. but she also asked for my help in her search, I will send it tomorrow

- I went to the gym with babe

- got in contact with MY new clients :)

- talked to RON, he gave me some items for my open house

- did my first touch base with marlon

- i only need to be friends with ... 5 other people then I have reached my 50 goal/day

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day 24 wins

- went in for my floor time, I picked up a shift and Steve gave me a referral!!! YAY!

- partnered with Amanda to make flyers for my open house on Sunday

- Amanda and I tweaked my logo, it's legit. I am now legit

- went for my walk

- added the vendors from the meeting into my kvcore

- I NEED to donate to rpac, for real

- got apple cider donuts, getting rained on while we waited was worth it! - had a dinner date with an old friend :) and we had some delicious food

- I tried my whey protein in water this morning. I bet if I had a whole bottle I wouldn't have gotten as hungry earlier. plus it tasted pretty good

- Jess won the contest!!! how awesome, she deserves it

- I too won, Marlon is going to continue with the coaching!!! I'm very honored and want to take advantage of it

- I didn't make it to the gym today. I must go tomorrow, no excuses. Today was a busy day but I should've made time for it

- Tomorrow I get to touch base with the key mortgage guy who is working for my NEW CLIENTS. :) EEEEEEE

- Jaime texted me about a purchasing opportunity he is interested in. He wants to work with me :)

- posted my open house on the social mediasssss

- almost done with my newsletter! I just need to finish what I want to write for area wide and WE DONE!!!

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day 23 wins

- our beautiful new door got put in

- went to my TRAR training, learned about fair housing and how it directly affected one of the members. it's sad that these things are still happening at this day and age

- got to play around with our new ring doorbell lol

- did my morning walk

- got another open house for sunday at jake's listing

- got to spend time with the hoosbang since he took the day off

- did the last check in for the contest, you've done all you can

- started working on my logo

- continued to work on my newsletter

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day 22 wins

- almost went to bed before doing this, BUT I REMEMBERED DAMN IT

- there's 2 other people that are still in this contest ... not sure how he will determine who wins but everyone else has been stepping it up as well. one chick lost 18 pounds with this challenge. that's a big deal.

- started working on my logos ... I think it's ok. I don't think it's where I want it to be yet, but I'm getting feedback from others which is nice

- I did go for my walk this morning, but with my headache I was not able to go to the gym

- tomorrow is the last day of the challenge. I told marlon I would continue to post on the page whether he liked it or not lol

- I will go to the gym tomorrow :)

- I started my newsletter for next month. I almost feel like I have too much I want to add on there like ... military on the move, ice cream event, local market events, featured local business, some type of quick snippet of real estate list.

- marlon has agreed to be added. I could probably blog about my experience with the 21 day challenge. that would be nice.

- want to do some type of door hanger/knocker item ... steve has mentioned the whole put an american flag next to the mailbox, but it HAS to be the entire neighborhood. you can't just choose certain ones like you do with snail mail. but that's going to take some moneys. and IDK if I just wanna print out some kind of flyer and attach it on there. do I even place it on the ground?

- I'm thinking maybe I just do a blog article with some quick facts/bullet points/list for the home buying/selling portion

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day 21 wins

- did my walk

- went to the gym with babe

- went to training AT the office NOT zoom

- talked to aunt dee and invited fam over on saturday

- already at 14k steps before bed

- learned that 10 minutes of jumping rope is equivalent to 1 hour walk. HOLY FUCK, well it definitely feels like it that's for sure

- meg told me where she is interested in looking

- grace is willing to check out how much her home is worth

- area wide staffing finally responded and I can add them to my july newsletter

- marlon gave me feedback, and said the article is too long. need to shorten it.

- i MADE MY FUNDRAISING GOAL!!! mama b finished it up, now to shoot for more! I need ideas for fundraising lol.

- I've raised the most money SO FAR in our entire team

- yenni asked about advice for buying a house

- things are slowly coming together and my health and wellness continues to improve.

- tita arlene said she would be willing to work out with me tomorrow

- missy said I could be her buddy at LA fitness

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day 20 wins

- did my walk

- spent father's day with the in laws :)

- ate delicious foods ... grilled by the hubbs

- went for a walk with mom

- gave her some advice on the home

- got to play and utilize my new toyyyyyy for work

- got to play with majorrrrrrrrrrr

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day 19 wins

- 2 mile walk in the AM

- free car wash and posted on IG

- logged in my food for the most part

- went wading and fishing in the dupage ... I was excited for it, until I got there and turned into a high maintenance bitch. and i apologize

- did my workout, had salad, before going to bed

- finished my father's day email to send out

- arear wide did not respond ... I will give them until Monday to respond. and if anything it's just a tiny little feature on there

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day 18 wins

- i jumped roped? i jumproped? i jumped over the rope for like maybe 5 minutes and was tired as hell, out of breath, sweaty. but at least I did it

- i did one of them youtube work out videos. hurt my back about half way through, then put on some good music to go along with it. didn't care about my back so much anymore. i think it was more of the movement, and my body is not used to that.

- tomorrow, or technically today I will plan on stretching before AND after my walk and workouts.

- I met up with aaron from neighborhoodloans. It was a pretty good informative meeting. He seems like he genuinely cares about taking care of customers, and will tell you how it is.

- I did my walk

- I made my step goal AGAIN :)

- I did 2 miles on my walk :)

- I drank my water :)

- I went to my zoom training about linked in, I need to update my stuffs

- I took hoosband's pentakill, he was a *bit* upset LMAO

- I made it back in time to say bye to heather and herman.

- I played the typer shark demo game and got 81 wpm :) suck on that!

- I worked on my newsletter some more ...

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day 17 wins

- went to the casino and went home POSITIVE BAYBEEEEE

- I walked over 2 miles this morning BAYBEEEEEE

- I worked on my newsletter, not done yet, but I have so many ideas yet again. I want to get this done by Sunday! I want it to be a happy father's day newsletter. I still need to figure out what I want to write for my relay 4 life, and area wide needs to get me a pic and the info I need.

- made my step goal BAYBEEEE

- giselle is starting her interviewing process with GUCCI BAYBEEEE

- caught a fish, no skunk today :)

- found a JUMP ROPE for 97 cents at gualmar

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day 16 wins

- did 14k steps today

- went to my YPN mred training and won a starbucks gift card just for being there!

- I did a 2 mile walk

- I meemoo showed me how to use my new laser tape measure along with the app on my phone. It was pretty cool

- not my win, but giselle got an interview with GUCCI

- giselle also passed on my number to her workmate? that is looking for a house, fingers crossed!!

- the pups are actually relaxed right now. i'm almost afraid to leave the computer room

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day 15 wins

- nailed my step goal WAYYY early in the day. I didn't even realize how much walking I did!!!

- I talked to mom TWICE today. Yes she was asking for advice about the house. But because of it, I got to do another CMA. I was able to pull up different reports that helped with that process.

- I sent out a marketing report to her, to give her an idea of the market. She was super excited after that, and I think she settled on a price.

- I learned A LOT from the numerous training, and our office meeting today. I need to set up my newsletter

- I set a dinner date with Nghia :)

- I got to talk to Giselle on the phone

- I was invited to the group snap chat with the old crew, and we're going to set up a time to hang out as well :)

- found out I was the only one that had a visitor during the open house on Sunday lol, YAY MEEEEEEE

- I think the winner of the 21 days challenge is between me and another person. HOW EFFING EXCITING. Get rewarded for just taking care of yourself. UHHH THANK YOU! lol

lots to do lots to do!