Let's Dim The Lights

An Idol Ranking Project

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132. Nikki McKibbin Season 1, 3rd Place

Even though Season 1 looked nothing like a modern season of American Idol, it still managed to pioneer many of the tropes and themes that have become integral to the show’s DNA. Nikki McKibbin is responsible for two of the more annoying, but no less essential, ones: the shock boot, and the contestant who just won’t go home.

Like most contestants who would inexplicably hang on past their expiration dates, Nikki didn’t start off as a maligned contestant. While she may not have been particularly popular, she certainly wasn’t the worst talent in Season 1, which was filled with plenty of contestants who had no business being anywhere near a microphone. She was also pretty unique by Season 1 standards as the only contestant who wasn’t singing R&B-tinged pop songs. Instead—wait for it—she sang rock-tinged pop songs. Because, yeah, “Piece Of My Heart” managed to at least count as a different, if not exciting, song choice all those years ago.

But once the finals started, it pretty quickly became clear that Nikki McKibbin just was not going to cut it. After Nikki gave a thoroughly uninspiring performance of Michael Jackson’s “Ben” on Motown night in the first week of the finals, Simon Cowell panned it and emphasized that Nikki was cast as the “rebel” of the group. (I mean, obviously! Can’t you see her pink hair?) And Nikki found herself in the bottom three—a place she would soon grow very familiar with. And well, Nikki then tried to fit her role; she covered Janis Joplin and Pat Benatar in the next two weeks and for her efforts she was sent to the bottom three again and told by Simon that she would not win the show.

And that basically sums up her time in the finals. She was in the bottom three every week except one. (She held the record for bottom three appearances until Syesha, with the benefit of a few extra weeks of finals, dethroned her in Season 7.) And Simon’s critiques would not get any nicer. But, still, she hung on week-after-week as singers who had fewer bottom three appearances and better judges’ comments were eliminated one-by-one. In retrospect, Nikki’s continued presence on the show is not as surprising as it was back in Season 1. She had a voting niche that she cornered all to herself. As she constantly perceived to be in danger of going home, her fans, who clearly existed, never got complacent about voting. And, she had an adorable kid who gave her a rose after one of her performances. (That kid then auditioned in Season 13. But let’s all forget that nightmare.)

While better singers were going home before her, those singers were still only the likes of RJ Helton and Christina Christian; hardly anything to cry injustice over. That is, until top four results show. On performance night, Nikki had been at her best, which, mind you, was not great. Still, her performances were well-received and it seemed as if she would get a graceful exit. Justin Guarini was a mortal lock for the finals; he had quickly grown to be America’s heartthrob. Kelly Clarkson and Tamyra Gray were the only two left to have stayed out of the bottom three and had collective bodies of work that far exceeded everyone else’s. So Nikki McKibbin would be going home.

Of course, she didn’t. And when the lights had been dimmed and the votes had been tallied, it was Tamyra Gray who was sent packing. It’s hard to convey just how shocking that first shock boot was. The judges were visibly shocked: Paula was just barely holding back tears and Randy immediately offered to help Tamyra’s career. But, I don’t think anything sums it up better than the hysterical screams and, later, boos that came from the audience immediately following the announcement. It was truly the first shock boot, and after fifteen seasons of American Idol, it remains the most shocking.

And, unfortunately for Nikki, that boot turned her into Idol’s pariah. The American Idol message board lit up with all sorts of nastiness towards Nikki. Fans started lamenting power voters, people who were unfairly slamming phone lines using this new-fangled broadband Internet connection thing. It was a reaction that would become commonplace. Heck, it might’ve been the birth of both the fan war and the conspiracy theory.

In any event, Nikki McKibbin left one of the most lasting imprints on the fabric of Idol. And, well, she also may have cursed a whole slew of pink- and red-haired girls. More on that another time.

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133. Devin Velez Season 12, 8th Place

And we’re back, yet again, to the Season 12 guys. A group purposefully manufactured to be as unappealing and uninspiring to the voters as possible (like an opposite day One Direction). And man, did the producers pick a good one with Devin Velez. At 18, Devin was too young to have any real world experience to actually make his performances mature, but too old to get adoration and accolades for being “only 16!” He was a passable singer with a passable voice, whose place in the top 10 wouldn’t outrage or inspire voters. He had no sense of identity to lean on to court any particular fanbase: not a country singer or a Southerner, not a rocker or a soul singer, not a belter or an acoustic troubadour. He filled no niches (except, perhaps, as the Latin American contestant, but MySpace’s Karen Rodriguez already had shown us that bilingual singing did not lead to competition longevity. And even there, he faced competition from the more newsworthy Lazaro).

He also sang fatally boring songs and gave fatally boring performances. In his five attempts to capture America’s spirit, he picked five ballads. And not even good ballads, really. After limping through a performance of Carrie Underwood’s treacly, overwrought “Temporary Home,” he acknowledged that he’d failed to do anything remotely fun or uptempo and promised to show another side. So, of course, the next week, with the entire Beatles catalogue to peruse, he sang the meandering, and, frankly, downright terrible “The Long And Winding Road.” That’s right. Devin chose to show his fun side by singing “The Long And Winding Road.” And this is why Devin finished in 8th place.

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134. Lindsey Cardinale Season 4, 12th Place

Lindsey Cardinale had a really incredible, smokey tone to her voice that still, quite frankly, seems impossible to me. Like, she has what I imagine some people smoke for a lifetime to try to get (or what Phoebe could only get with the flu). She just had no idea how to use it. And, also, wasn’t too good at the whole staying on pitch thing. And as such, she was one of the many girls who Carrie Underwood trampled over on her victory march to the Idol crown. Look on the bright side, Lindsey, at least you lost to a real winner, and not, like, Lee.

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135. Amanda OvermyerSeason 7, 11th Place

Oh, Amanda Overmyer. The Harley-riding rock ‘n roll nurse. With her attitude and gruff voice and bride of Frankenstein hair. Idol, and the Idol audience, was so unused to singers like Amanda that even her safety-scissors-edge whipped critics into a frenzy: she “brought classic rock back” to Idol,  or something. (Though, shout out to Jim Cantiello for accurately giving Amanda “The Sundance Head “Early Fan Favorite Most Likely To Deliver a Red-Faced and Sweaty Moody Blues Disaster During the Semi-Finals” Commemorative Bobblehead” award. Aces prediction, Jim.)

She treated every song with the same affection and care that a jackhammer shows to concrete. And she enunciated with all the clarity of Ariana Grande with a mouthful of peanut butter. But, damn it, she was different! And, to be fair, seemed like a genuinely cool, self-aware, adult person. (Not that Season 7 was particularly lacking in adult people. Oh, those were truly different times.) So while no one was predicting an Amanda Overmyer win, people were on her side. At least, until “Carry On Wayward Son” happened.

I don’t think I can do justice to Amanda’s “Carry On Wayward Son” performance with words. So, just watch it, please.

I don’t know if it’s the crazy Rogue-from-X-Men hair or the ridiculous fringed pants that make the performance truly transcendental. Or her inability to even trip face-first into a correct note once in her ninety second waterboarding of Kansas’s song. Or her hilarious Gumby-esque flails and headbangs in the song’s brief musical interludes. But, man, was it a special experience.

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American Idol, Let’s Dim the Lights

I remember where I was (my kitchen) and what I was doing (snacking on roasted almonds) when Tamyra Gray was shockingly booted in 4th place while Nikki McKibbin lived for another week.

I remember browsing through the official American Idol message board (idolonfox.com, man have times changed) before the big Ruben-Clay finale to try to figure out who was going to win.

I remember the crushing discomfort of seeing Ryan Seacrest tell George Huff he had picked the wrong top 3 group - and the subsequent jawdrops.

I remember skimming through the hordes of articles that sprung up after Constantine Maroulis was eliminated, blaming this new, disruptive website called Vote For The Worst for Scott Savol’s survival on the show. 

I remember every word of Katharine McPhee’s coronation song, “My Destiny.”

I remember scouring blogs and comments for anybody who shared my righteous indignation over Stephanie Edwards’s 11th place elimination.

I remember reading mini-essay after mini-essay on Television Without Pity’s Grassy Knoll about how the producers had switched their chosen one from David Archuleta to David Cook midway through the season.

I remember watching and rewatching Leneshe Young’s audition, a performance of her own original song, “Nati.” 

I remember eagerly checking out Richard Lawson’s recaps over at Gawker after every show to see what new adventures Phil Dweezy and Aunt Karen were embarking upon.

I remember enthusiastically chair-dancing to Jacob Lusk’s thoroughly energizing performance of “Never Too Much” during the summer tour. 

I remember tweeting after Deandre Brackensick was eliminated that I’d be perfectly happy with a win from any of the remaining contestants, except Phillip Phillips. 

I remember being engrossed in Candice Glover’s transcendental “Lovesong” when the cry of a demon crashed through the sound mix.

I remember searching Youtube for “Sam Woolf” after his audition just to hear his voice on something, anything.

I remember quietly and not-so-quietly seething for weeks on end after Sarina-Joi Crowe was eliminated in twelfth place and failed to be granted the judge’s save.

I was 13 when confetti fell down on Kelly Clarkson as she sang “A Moment Like This” while choking back tears. I’ve spent more of my life as an American Idol fan than not. I have seen at least part of every episode ever. So, it probably comes as a surprise to no one but me that I had an emotional response while watching the last performance show of American Idol ever. And yet, when it hit me that either Trent Harmon or La’Porsha Renae was going to be the last winner of American Idol, I was taken aback by just how much that meant to me. 

Ultimately, it’s probably fair to say that American Idol was a life-changing show. Not in an extreme sense, the way it was for say Fantasia Barrino or Jordin Sparks, but still, nevertheless, it changed the way I interact with pop culture and it connected me to some of my best friends. And I don’t think I’m alone there. As American Idol went from being a surprise phenomenon, to a national mainstream entertainment staple, to a punchline, to too irrelevant to support a punchline, it remained an entertaining television show with devoted fans and an internet community. 

There’s lots of analysis focused on how American Idol changed the nature of television or became appointment viewing or launched pop superstars (all things that it did, in one way or another) and how at some point its inability to continue to do those things constituted its failure. And while that’s an interesting conversation and undoubtedly the more culturally relevant conversation, I find most of it misses why I love this show so much. Because I don’t really care whether it’s producing superstars or whether it’s relevant or whether it’s cool, I mostly just loved American Idol for producing an undeniably cheesy, irony-free hour or two of television every week that I could get overinvested in. 

American Idol has always been decidedly uncool, in fact. Part of the viewing experience is having to check all cynicism at the door and just really enjoying the group songs and Ford music videos and pre-performance packages for what they were. Idol lacks the slickness of The Voice, but it’s Idol’s outwardly cheesy, brutish sentimentality that has always let the performances and performers pop by contrast. It’s the roughness around the edges that convinced me that I could grow attached to actual contestants, and not what producers or coaches wanted the contestants to be. And so, I could get invested in contestants in the context of the show. 

And so could lots of other people. And that’s the important part. Being invested in a show is fine, but Idol was the first show I watched where I really engaged with other equally invested viewers. Some of that engagement was simply reading what other people had to say; I’ve read thousands of different articles, blogs, message board posts, and comment sections over the last fourteen years. That many of those people continued to write recaps or comments year-to-year cemented the foundation of the Idol blogosphere. So those people—MJ, Michael Slezak, Dave Holmes, the WNTS staff, Ken Barnes, Richard Rushfield, Lyndsey Parker, Brian Mansfield, TWoP’s Jacob, Richard Lawson, Jim Cantiello, and so many more—helped create a community where overinvested fans could unironically love this ridiculous show without a hint of shame. And those were voices I could count on hearing week-after-week, to get outraged at when they just didn’t get it, or to applaud when they put into words exactly what I was thinking.

But even more than simply reacting to other people’s opinions, with Idol, I talked with other people. And in that Idol community, I found like-minded people who would listen. I can’t say I know what it is about Idol or Idol contestants that leads to the fan fervor that surrounds many of them. But, there’s nothing more satisfying than shouting at someone else who agrees with you that Katelyn Epperly was excellent or that Jason Castro was horribly overrated. And with enough shouting (I mean, wasn’t that performance of “How Sweet It Is” incredible and woefully underrated??), lots of those people became friends. And now, those people, the only ones still reading this (thanks guys), are the people I yell at about law school or the Oxford comma or Thai food. So, thanks Idol.

But back to Trent and La’Porsha now. My reaction to Trent and La’Porsha being in the top two was surprising to me precisely because I was not invested in any particular contestant this season. It’s not that I was rooting for Trent or rooting for La’Porsha; I was rooting for American Idol. I love American Idol, the show, above any contestant. This whole season, I have so desperately wanted the best for this show because I wanted it to be remembered fondly, and if not that, I wanted it to at least have a gracious end. This is a show that has been regularly entertaining for fourteen years, a show that has, as the finale showed, housed dozens of performers with incredible talent, a show that has despite its flaws managed to serve up truly excellent performances; it’s a show that has been fun. 

It’s a show that deserves a winner who deserved to win. And once the field narrowed down to Trent and La’Porsha, Idol was sure to get such a winner. It’s incredible that American Idol managed to find Kelly Clarkson in Season 1; overstating Kelly’s talent and charisma is impossible. With Kelly, Idol managed to find a winner who was talented, hard-working, and personable. And for Kelly, Idol upheld its Season 1 promise as the search for a superstar. With Trent and La’Porsha, Idol again managed to find two people who are talented, hard-working, and personable. And while, for Trent and La’Porsha, Idol no longer promises super-stardom, it has at least upheld its promise to give them a chance to make music as a career. 

Now that Trent has been crowned Season 15′s winner, the bookend to Kelly Clarkson, I can rest happy that Idol has found a winner it deserves. And I hope this stupid, relentlessly dopey, incredibly entertaining, warm, and satisfying show is remembered fondly. Because I know I will. 

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136. Jeremy Rosado Season 11, 13th Place

Jeremy seemed… nice?

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137. Jasmine Murray Season 8, 12th Place

Jasmine Murray is maybe the best example of a failed producer favorite in Idol’s fifteen seasons. The Idol producers craft the show with all the subtlety of a battering ram, and so it’s not hard to figure out who they, just maybe, would like you to vote for.  So when sixteen-year old (only 16, dawg!) Jasmine Murray got a pimp package dedicated to how she was a role model for her four older siblings, possibly the world’s least compelling backstory, it was clear how the audition would go. And sure enough, you could see the money signs flash in Simon Cowell’s eyes as he praised her with the coveted “C” word: commercial.

And it was much more of the same from there. She was shown performing on every night of Hollywood week, an honor reserved only for the truly ordained. She even came out of group night smelling like roses—a feat for the average contestant, a downright miracle when put in a group with granola barefoot Rose Flack and Jersey Shore reject Katrina, aka “Bikini Girl.”

That said, the promotion was not entirely undeserved. She seemed like a charming, poised, and capable contestant whose performances at least felt current, if not particularly unique. So it was clear that she would sail through the semifinals and into the finals and, probably, would be a threat to win. Of course, that’s not how her story went. Because, as fifteen years of American Idol has shown, producer and judge manipulation can really only do so much. Idol might not be a meritocracy, but it’s also certainly no dictatorship.

So Jasmine was put in group 2 for the semis, as one of the three (along with Adam Lambert and Matt Giraud) the producers likely expected to get voted into the finals, singing against left-field long shot Megan Joy and total nobodies like Allison Iraheta and Kris Allen. And, well. She sang “Love Song.” Really, really poorly. And the voters decided they liked the nobodies more. Then, the producers did what they do: they ushered her into the wildcard round. And this time she sang Disney princess power ballad “Reflection,” less poorly, but more Reflection. And the judges did what they do: they ushered her into the finals.

Thus, without having to garner a single vote, Jasmine managed to snag a spot in the top 13. Of course, getting to the top 13 without having to garner a single vote also makes one a ripe target for early elimination. And so it went. Chalk it up as a win for the American Idol voting base and a loss for the producers.

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138. Paul Jolley Season 12, 9th Place

Though the Season 12 guys were uniformly bland and uninteresting, I recall being briefly worried that Paul Jolley might somehow garner enough of a fanbase to upset the preordained female winner. I mean, he had a sort of hot-by-default quality to his face, he was from the South (or maybe South adjacent?), and I think at one point he sang a country song. (Though, I don’t ever recall a guitar, so with the benefit of hindsight, I can see that my fear was misplaced.)

Of course, he didn’t win, nor did he even come close to it. So now all I remember about Paul Jolley is the intricate way the judges and Jimmy Iovine (he was a person who was associated with the show once upon a time!) danced around basically telling Paul to tone down the gay. His facial expressions needed toning down! He was overly dramatic! He sang with too much theatricality. He was warned not to be like “those singers on Broadway.” At one point, Nicki Minaj looked him in the face and asked “Paul, are you… jolly?” I kid you not! (Of course, Nicki Minaj also said he stimulated her sexual appetite, so maybe we just disregard all things Minaj?)

Anyway, who cares! He didn’t win that season. So, just a general victory for humanity here.

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139. Karen Rodriguez Season 10, 12th Place

MySpace’s Karen Rodriguez had the distinction of being MySpace’s Karen Rodriguez because MySpace’s Karen Rodriguez won some competition on MySpace. I assume. Honestly, I don’t really remember the details but there was some online competition on MySpace in 2011 to audition. Probably to show the world that American Idol was totally hip and keeping up with current trends like the social media on the world wide web. MySpace’s Karen Rodriguez also sang in Spanish a couple times, but like “Hero” in Spanish is not any more interesting than “Hero” in English, unfortunately. (Mariah Carey’s Hero, I should clarify. Maybe Enrique Iglesias’s Hero is more interesting in Spanish.)

Anyway MySpace’s Karen Rodr- oh, who am I kidding? I have nothing to say about MySpace’s Karen Rodriguez and this has all been an excuse to type “MySpace’s Karen Rodriguez” as many times as possible because seriously that was a thing that happened on this show.

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140. Jorge Núñez Season 8, 13th Place

You probably don’t remember a whole lot about Jorge Nunez. But he, at some point, actually did manage to get some votes and make it out of Season 8’s semifinals format, which was really quite a feat. Even more so when you consider that he sang “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me.” Also, he auditioned in Puerto Rico, which was a place Idol actually held auditions in once. So y’know, he did some things that may have been memory-worthy.

But as Season 8 holds a particularly special place in my heart, I remember Jorge Nunez for one other thing. After a season full of huge ups and huge downs, Season 8 managed to pull out a stellar final 2 and an incredibly entertaining finale. So, fittingly, the final image of the season was of confetti falling over Kris Allen as he sang his coronation song with his arm around Adam Lambert, his finale partner who had consistently delivered electrifying performances. Oh, wait, no. Sorry. That’s right, his arm was around Allison Iraheta, the terrifyingly talented teen who he had described as a little sister? Still no? Matt Giraud, then, recipient of the first Judge’s Save and Kris’s Hollywood week group member and roommate? Even Danny Gokey, then, who at least placed third? Was it-

Oh, hi Jorge.

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141. Michael Sarver Season 8, 10th Place

Michael Sarver was kind of milquetoast. But, like, while he was on the show I appreciated that he was trying to do his own version of blue-eyed soul or R&B and didn’t just default to country to grab some votes that were otherwise up for grabs in Season 8. And while I don’t think he managed to give a good performance, he could mostly sing in key. So, y’know, without any other factors, he’d probably be sitting at like a solid 117th place or so.

But, alas, Sarver had to go and love Danny Gokey in the right, no wait, Godly way. (He apologized. He’s probably a fine person. But c’mon dude, it’s 2016! Or. Well, it was 2009! Geeze, time flies.)

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142. Kristen O’Connor Season 13, 13th Place

Kristen O’Connor: Proof that having a pretty face does not outweigh poor song selection and an inability to sing and perform.*

*Y chromosomes not included.

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143. Scott MacIntyre Season 8, 8th Place

Ryan Seacrest is an immaculate professional. He will be the sole thread that links Kelly Clarkson to Season 15’s winner. And, over the years, he’s proven time and time again that he’s the only person in the world who could hold the whole Idol franchise together.

But, this is not about any of those times. No, this is about something much more special, much more magical.

Enter Scott MacIntyre. Scott MacIntyre was a not totally meritless vocalist with a not totally meritless personality. He was the type of musician who auditions with Billy Joel and probably would’ve played the piano during it if that were a thing that Idol allowed back then. He forgot how to hit notes once the finals started and overstayed his welcome by about five weeks. Oh, right, and he was blind. That’s an important piece of this story.

So, Scott MacIntyre walked into the audition room in Phoenix and sang a serviceable “And So It Goes.” The judges said nice things. Scott grabbed his golden ticket and went off to celebrate with his friends and family. And he did! He hugged and his family cheered and maybe someone cried. And of course Ryan Seacrest, fulfilling his hostly duties, went to congratulate the new Hollywood bound hopeful. Except, well… this happened.

Smooth recovery, Seacrest.

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144. Lacey Brown Season 9, 12th Place

The early seasons of American Idol favored a particular type of female singer: traditional pop belters. If you could hold a glory note at the end of a Whitney Houston song, you were probably on your way to the top 12. Mariah Carey’s name was frequently invoked as the gold standard for all contestants. But alas, nothing gold can stay.

And so, much to my chagrin, starting around Season 7, a new type of female vocalist started to pop up on Idol: the quirky-voiced alternative chick. And really, no contestant typified this archetype better than Lacey Brown (even if no one really remembers that Lacey Brown existed). After losing a sing-off to her archetype predecessor Megan Joy, she came back in Season 9 and, man, was she ever determined to be that girl. She had all the right qualities: an absurdly affected tone that more closely resembled a dog’s chew toy than a human voice, the uncanny ability to incorporate hiccups into the melody of any song, and, oh yeah, the inability to string more than three correct notes together.

Luckily, neither Lacey Brown nor the whole quirky voiced performer ever flourished on Idol.

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145. MK Nobilette Season 13, 10th Place

American Idol has always been a decidedly conservative television show. And almost nowhere is that more clear than in its treatment of, or rather complete silence about, sexuality. Or, y’know, gayness. So even though this is a show where Adam Lambert managed to make it all the way to the Nokia in May, and also housed Clay Aiken, Jim Verraros, Todrick Hall, Danny Noriega/Adore Delano, and many, many more, MK Nobilette, in season 13, was the first gay contestant to be able to openly address her sexuality on the show. (Even stranger, Will Young, the winner of the first season of Pop Idol, American Idol’s progenitor, was out before American Idol had even started.)

Certainly many of those contestants have since confirmed that they were out and open during their time on the show, but what viewers got were snapshots of how “unique” these contestants were and never any indication that they had any romantic relationships at all. So while straight contestants frequently had their spouses and significant others identified in the audience and highlighted in pre-performance packages, acknowledging queerness was still taboo.

And more generally, Idol has had a fraught relationship with LGBTQ issues. Not in a “we hate gay people” way (though you may have forgotten and/or blocked it from your memory, Ellen DeGeneres was a judge for a hot second), but more of a “I’m uncomfortable what lolgay” way. From Simon and Ryan’s ever-tiring string of weird, uncomfortable gay jokes throughout Simon’s nine seasons with the show to judges and mentors trying their best to find a way to load “theatricality” with meaning in the least subtle ways possible, no minor offense would go undone.  

So when MK was allowed to say “I’m very obviously gay,” while waiting to hear about her post-Hollywood week fate, American Idol had its first “openly” gay contestant. And so, in 2014, American Idol finally found itself in the 21st century.

(And so just as the press and focus of her time on Idol became unfairly about her sexuality and not her singing ability, so too has this post. But shifting the focus here was done in her best interest. I promise. Unfortunately, while she was the first openly gay contestant on Idol, MK was also a dreadfully boring performer.)

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146. Matthew Rogers Season 3, 11th Place

Apparently Matthew Rogers has managed to make himself a healthy career hosting shows I’ve never heard of and appearing in hair loss commercials, which is good to hear considering just how easy it is to forget that he ever existed.

Matt was introduced to us as a big, former football player - except with a twist! He was different! He had a gentle, sensitive soul and liked to sing. Such a revelation! Big dudes can be nice and sing. It’s a shame the previous season’s winner didn’t adequately show us that.

So, for the most part, Matt had very little going for him. So how, you may ask, did he even make it into the finals? Surely someone so germane would never have been able to make it through a round of voting - especially not with the unforgiving nature of the early season semifinals.

Well, Matthew Rogers was placed in Season 3’s Group 2 - a group that would end up collectively giving one of the worst, if not the worst, episodes in Idol history. That group contained Matt Rogers, the Roman brothers, Camile Velasco, and a handful of other completely talentless semifinalists. So when Matt Rogers went up first and gave a forgettable, inoffensive performance of who knows what, few would’ve been placing their bets on him. But then vocal wizards like Kara Masters and Briana Ramirez-Rial got up and sang so poorly that you had to wonder if maybe they both had undergone invasive throat surgery. And brothers Noel and Jesus Roman then fought to give the worst boyband audition of all time, neither ever hitting a single note that wouldn’t make alley cats run in terror. (Seriously, listening to a single one of those performances all the way through is a feat of strength.) It was a group so bad that Camile Velasco was voted through it, and honestly, it was a group so bad that Camile Velasco probably deserved to be voted through.

And so nice guy Matthew Rogers looked great in comparison. And apparently got enough exposure to host some things after he was quickly ejected from the competition. So something good did come out of Group 2, I guess.

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147. Shannon Magrane Season 11, 11th Place

Which one of these interchangeable blonde girls, all of whom were Season 11 semifinalists, is Shannon Magrane? (Here’s a hint: She’s the one also pictured above)

Hint: She’s 6’ tall.

Another hint: Her dad was a professional baseball player.

Still stumped? How about one more: She’s the underaged girl that Steven Tyler repeatedly hit on.

It really doesn’t get easier, does it. She also massacred “I Have Nothing” in ludicrous fashion.

Well, thanks for playing. We can’t all be winners.