sometimes a warrior, most of the times-- a worrier

from the southeast | 29 | she/her

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

Caught up with college friends somewhere far from the city. It's good to be in touch with nature from time to time.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

I've seen it

Funny how, when it comes to love, we so often live with doubt.

Doubting whether we deserve the love we’re given. Whether we can still find love after losing it once. Whether love can still find us after we’ve avoided it for so long. Whether we’re capable of loving someone else. Whether we deserve to be loved at all.

And then you hear Olivia Dean sing about how she’s seen it everywhere — in the smallest, most mundane things, in moments we barely stop to notice.

Maybe that’s the thing about love.

It’s all around us, all the time.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

May 10, 2026

Today is Sunday.

It's Mother's Day, but I didn't come home. It's been almost 8months since I last talked to my mom and I don't plan on talking to her any time soon. I'm just here in my apartment alone with my two cats.

Today I watched a movie on Netflix entitled "Swapped". I loved it. There's a lot of lessons to learn from it. Here's mine:

Sometimes, our good intentions may lead us to harm. But even then, we must stay true to who we are.

Forgiveness is free. Some people might not fully understand the extent of hurt they inflicted upon us. But if they come to us, remorseful and asking for forgiveness, who are we to not forgive them?

May we strive so hard to be like Ollie than be consumed and bothered by Boogles in our lives. Strive to be a good person every day rather than be always on guard for Boogles.

A lot of people are so concerned with Boogles in their lives that I think they might forget that it's more important to be more concerned about having an Ollie or being more like an Ollie. If there are more Ollies in this world, the world will be a better place.

Let's not care too much about Boogles out there. Let's find our Olies. Better yet, let's be like Ollie.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

Is this laziness? ADHD? Depression?

I'm not sure anymore. I keep putting off tasks that I can accomplish if I wanted to. I keep putting off almost everything and then regret becaue I do things the last minute. I cram and cram and cram. And I don't like it. But I feel like I can't do anything about it. I want to do something, but I don't want to and my brain is telling me I can't do anything about it.

I am capable of doing general cleaning here in my room, not only that but the laundry, my upcoming lessons, and other tasks related to my job. But I always decide not to do it until the last minute. I'm not sure if it's because I'm lazy, depressed, or have undiagnosed ADHD.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

"--but their biggest punishment is they are who they are."

I've always understood that in this world, there will be people who have different values from me. I resonated so much with the popular quote on social media saying "Not everyone has the same heart as you" and I have just about proven to myself that it is true.

I like to believe that I am someone who sees the good in everyone I meet. I do not look at them with an angry and judgmental eye. I always give people the benefit of the doubt even if I hear things about them. In workplace instances, I do not like to subscribe to office gossip. When other people talk about other people and say bad things about them, it has become my habit not to believe everything they say until I have proven them myself. But just recently, I have proven that some people are really just rude and it's who they are-- no matter how nice you are or you have been to them.

This person benefited from me for about a year. What I thought was a way of helping him at first turned out to be something he used so that he had things easier and quicker. While others worked double the time, he asked and asked. He's like that. Bossy, arrogant, boastful, and not an ounce of humility in him. One single office drama showed his true colors. He had a misunderstanding with our department heads. He caused this himself, he just didn't have the humility to accept it. At first it was fine, until the day came he began fighting almost everyone in the office. Not fighting in a way that causes attraction, but silent treatments. He acted as if we did him wrong. But in reality, it was him who brought this to himself.

What just angered me was the fact that he benefited from me but it was so easy for him to make me an enemy. But you know what? I'm still glad he stopped talking to me. At least I don't have someone like him in my vicinity anymore. Although I still see him the office, I ask as if he does not exist. And you know what? A lot of people has already seen this part of him. A lot of people started silent treating him as if he's just a wallflower.

So maybe yes, I am not the problem. He is.

And his biggest punishment? He is who he is.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

At the receiving end of being cut off.

Being around the internet and social media for a long time now, I always come across posts of people about cutting off friends who have become acquaintances, family members who have become toxic, or just anyone who doesn't contribute to one's well-being. I didn't know there would come a time I'd be at the receiving end of being cut off by someone whom I used to call my best friend back when we were in high school.

I wouldn't deny that we have somehow drifted apart because we went to different universities in college. Though we used to live in the same town, we never really hung out a lot even after graduating. But we were still social media mutuals. I thought everything was okay. I thought that even though we don't hang out that often, she still views me the same-- her high school best friend. But I thought wrong.

When she got married, I thought I was invited. You know, for old time's sake. I was the one who witnessed her when she fell in love with her first love. I was also there when she broke her heart. We were also still talking when she met her then boyfriend and now husband. But no, there wasn't even a message saying she's finally getting married. I felt hurt and jealous because she invited our other best friend.

Then she gave birth. Then she hosted her child's baptism. I just found out about it on facebook again. I saw she invited her college circle. I felt okay. But then a few days after the event, I saw my other high school best friend post a photo. We were a group of 4 girls back in high school. In the photo were the 3 of them, her husband, and her kid.

That was the final straw for me. I whispered "So I was cut off" .

I did not get mad at her. I am not mad now. I don't take it against her because for sure she has her reasons. But I wouldn't deny that it didn't hurt me. I thought about it for several nights, replaying what could I have done wrong for her to cut me off like that?

It still pains me to think about it up to this day. But I couldn't really be mad and angry towards her. I know she has her reasons and those reasons are valid. So I'll just be here. I won't burn bridges, but I've muted her on all platforms so I don't see updates about her life.

She still views my stories sometimes. And I badly want to show that I'm okay. But I hope she realizes that what she did hurt me.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

It's been about 3 years since I last opened this blog.

My bio said "from the southeast | 24 | she/her" and I can't help but say, Wow. It's been a while.

I'm now 27, about to turn 28 a few months from now. My last post was entitled "On a loop" and I couldn't remember exactly what it was about. Probably it was during the phase of my life when I felt like I was not progressing in my career. But now I'm in a totally different situation. I am thriving. I work as a college instructor in a state college. I'm almost done with my master's and I feel like I have matured.

Though I still need to work on other things but I am proud that I am in a better place now.

So this is me, saying hello again after a few years.

It's me, a girl from the southeast.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

On a loop

Feeling stuck on an endless loop I can't seem to get out of. I'm having trouble recovering from this, seems like I don't know where to begin.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

Not a lot going on at the moment.

Literally for me. The year's about to end and I feel like it went by so fast and I'm stuck somewhere. I'm just here hanging around waiting for something.

In the process of being idle, I could not help but think of myself, my being, my individuality. I've had so many idle moments that I just could not help thinking about everything that has happened to me-- well, the parts that I remember.

And these days I couldn't stop thinking about how I was brought up, how my parents raised me. Looking back, I'm trying to understand my parents' parenting style but it seems to me that if I really think about it, it was traumatic. Looking back on my teenage years when I was growing up and learning how to navigate my own emotions, I've practiced to suppress whatever feeling I don't want to feel. Now that I am an adult, it feels like the things I've always wanted to suppress are coming out. All these pent up anger built up for years.

Wishing I could process all of these but to be honest, it's really hard. It's hard especially because I would be doing all these by myself without any support from anyone. It's like I'm circling back again to how I was brought up-- only myself as a shoulder to lean on.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

Something I realized about apologists is that, although majority of them are stupid, there will still be apologists whom you personally know and can attest that they are academically good. They can be someone you know from school or from an organization and you KNOW that they are not stupid. But what makes them apologists?

It's their lack of empathy and their questionable moral compass. You see, people can be intelligent but it's not an assurance that they have the moral ascendency. :)

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

Today I felt happy, somehow...

April 23, 2022

It's my friend, Allen's birthday today. I don't know how he celebrated his day. I did not ask. I have not been big on birthdays anymore. But today is Leni's birthday too! My friends from Cebu sent updates to our GC and shared pictures of their house to house campaign today. Said they prepared 3 kalderos of lugaw and within one hour, the kalderos were emptied by tinderas, habal-habal drivers, tricycle drivers, tindahan customers, and even just passers by/pedestrians. I felt happy looking at their picture. I wish I could participate in such activities too. But the situation here in our town is different.

In connection to Leni's birthday, Nica del Rosario, the singer and composer of the song "Rosas" used in Leni's campaign-- released a music video of the song. The music video showed powerful women who support VP Leni. It also showed pictures and clips from the previous rallies and sorties, pictures of VP Leni doing what she always does-- help the needy and be there in times of crisis. The video teared me up, and I'll be honest-- I think VP Leni is winning.

I asked to ride on Allen's birthday wish-- VP Leni winning.

I hope she wins. I wish she wins.

She has to win.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

I feel like I'm going to be pissed for the rest of my life.

There's not a day I don't hear some disappointing news that's happening in the country. Every day I get angry, I get mad, I get sad. Especially now during election campaign period. It's distressing.

Last week I got pissed and heartbroken hearing the news about the bikers who got killed in MOA . Here.

Apparently, from what I've read in the news, the driver of the white van was drunk driving. He is 18 years old and when authorities asked for his driver's license, he could not show it. The bikers who died where almost the same age as my former students in Senior High School before. They were young-- they had their whole life ahead of them. Only for their dreams to be put to a halt by a selfish drunk-driving license-less monster.

The other day I got pissed again after watching Marcos Jr.'s video answering a citizen who was asking about his program on Solo Parents. His response? He's thinking about "having more daycare centers" "feeding programs" and "scholarships". If you think about it, it does QUITE make sense. Only QUITE. The person was asking what SPECIFIC programs does Marcos Jr. have for Solo Parents and yet he could not answer it. Why could he not answer it? HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY BECAUSE HE HAS NOT BEEN DOING GROUND WORK.

This elitist candidate running for President does not know what he is doing. He only sprouts UNITY UNITY UNITY without any concrete plan on how to achieve unity. I AM PISSED. I am pissed at the Marcoses and I am pissed at the people who, even though are capable to fact-check and read resources on the atrocities committed by this horrible family, turns a blind-eye as they express their support to this stupid candidate.

AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

It's 4AM and I've been exhausted since 5PM today. I remember wanting to just lie down and sleep but I've been pinned on my bed since 10PM and I'm still awake now

I can't stop thinking about the fact that, for the past months of this year(2021), I could not remember a single person who genuinely asked me how I am. Most of my exchanges where from conversations that I initiated. Basically, which meant that the people who asked me how I am only asked me because I asked them first and that they just returned the question.

This sounds so pathetic and may sound as if I am begging for pity. I am not. It's okay, I totally understand. But understanding the situation doesn't automatically take my feelings away. I 'm still allowed to be upset about this, right? I have the right to be upset and so I will be.

Soon I'll be over this.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

Dear self, it's okay. It's okay if your friends don't check on you as much as you check on them. Maybe they're too preoccupied with whatever's going on in their lives.We're adults now, we're busy with our careers and other adulting stuff. But... wouldn't it be better if some friends can also check on me?

Sometimes I wish they also remember to check on me. Looking back, I feel like it was mostly me who made an effort to keep in touch with some of my friends. I know it's just the bare minimum and I know I should not expect them to do the same for me but it just made me sad thinking about it now. That... it seems like no one is bothering to know how I am doing. I know it sounds selfish or narcissistic somehow but, maybe I just want to feel remembered? I hope they check on me too.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

it's exhausting to move in a world that seems like it's designed to cater only to those who are privileged. i feel like society has made it so hard for poor people to move and navigate the world because we have to work twice or n times as hard to achieve even the bare minimum. while there are rags to riches stories meant to inspire and motivate us to keep reaching for our dreams, these kinds of stories are still outliers. dreams continue to just be dreams because some dreams don’t only need hard work but also money, influence, connections, and the likes. 

this world we are living in is just a big arena and we, the poor, are always in survival mode. and what does it mean to be always in survival mode? we settle with what’s practical. and what’s practical ties our hands even tighter while we continue to play in survival mode. 

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

When Friendships break..

Sometimes in life there are going to be painful realities that we can’t seem to bring ourselves to accept. We acknowledge them, though not fully, and most of the time, we don’t really mind them until it hits us hard in the face.

I have always been aware that some friendships don’t always last, but I have never really thought of the reason why this phenomenon happens. Maybe because I am not really the sentimental type and I have always known it within myself that people do come and go, but right now, I couldn’t really grasp it fully: how some friendships built on bonds, plans, and promises of future adventures, could all disappear when faced with certain circumstances.

Friendships are challenged when you get slapped with the reality that you have different interests, or that you realize that you’d rather enjoy other people’s company, or to say it bluntly, you don’t just really belong. So you start drifting apart, and this may not be that painful at first, but when you try to really reflect and look back in retrospect, it surprisingly is.

I remember something I’ve read before, “Friendship breakups are more painful than relationship breakups”. Now I know what that meant. Indeed, it really is; but I know that this is all just a part of life. Sometimes we need to grow apart in order to grow up. Maybe we weren’t meant to grow together. Maybe, we just met at a period in our lives to teach lessons to and learn lessons from each other.

I have always thought that maybe it’s just really how things are destined to unfold, that this is what the universe had written for us, but sometimes something in me whispers that we could have done something to save what we have– or should I say, had. That we could have done something to patch things up, to bring back what we all once had– the bond, the laughter, the inside jokes, the plans, the adventures, the list could go on, but then just like our friendship, it has to somehow come to an end (?)

I would not really say that this is the end of us all because it’s not. This is probably just the time when we make choices on what path to take, and the reality, though painful, is that we have somehow chosen to take different paths– putting the friendship we built aside, or worse, behind; as if tucked in the deepest corners of a bookshelf, meant not to be picked up again. Thus, the best term for this could be “An end of an era”– an era of experimental and exploratory friendships to which its end signals the beginning of another era where we explore the paths that we all decided to take and hope that we all made the right choices.

[lettersfromthesoutheast]

Pop Culture | Crime Stories and Make-Up

Curiosity is embedded in me like a vein. I always like it when I get to know a lot of things. I like the feeling of knowing a lot because I have this pabibo side in me– I like it when I get to share my tiny bit of knowledge to my friends or to other people whenever I get the chance (although I know not everyone will be interested, but it’s a different kind of satisfaction when I get to educate other people on things they obviously had no idea about)

Anyway, this post is not purely about that. I just wanted to say that generally I am a curious person, not the type of curious who would try out dangerous things; but the type of curious who’s always wondering about what has happened, what is happening, and what might happen. Stemming out from this curiosity is being slightly paranoid that something bad might happen to me– **TRIGGER WARNING**

like getting abducted, raped, tortured, and killed. (so scary!!)

So if you mix this curiosity and paranoia together, you get me. Last May, I stumbled upon Bailey Sarian’s facebook video where she talked about a true crime story while doing her make-up. I can’t remember what particular story it was but I remember being hooked and really interested. It was only a short while when I discovered that she has a YouTube channel where she uploads full length videos of her talking about true crime while doing make-up. She calls this Murder, Mystery, and Make-Up and she uploads a new episode every Monday. Upon discovering this, I went and proceeded to watch almost all her videos. Being in quarantine has made it possible for me to have a Murder , Mystery, and Make-Up marathon! I got kind of addicted and I love her. Now, I patiently wait for her episodes every Monday. If you are also a True Crime junkie, you can check her YouTube Page

On the other hand, I also wanted to share my discovery of a Filipino YouTuber who goes by the name of Martin Rules who also makes videos about Philippine True Crime Stories. S/He (I’m sorry I’m not sure about his/her preferred pronoun, so Imma stick with “him” for now) mentioned that Bailey Sarian inspired him to do this series in his channel. As of now, Martin has 27 videos and all of these videos are about true crimes that transpired in the country.

The picture below shows some of Martin’s videos. The fatal fate of Ruby Rose Barrameda, the Vizconde Massacre, the murder of Jennifer Laude, and etc were among the crime stories that Martin talked about in his videos. It’s really interesting to watch plus it opens our eyes to how the justice system works here in the Philippines. If you watch his videos, you can actually notice a pattern on how murder cases in the Philippines are dealt with.

If you’re also a mystery / crime story junkie like me, you can check these YouTube pages out and watch their videos whenever you are feeling bored or just simply want to procrastinate. Hehe.

Also, Kris Lumagui, a Filipino lifestyle / beauty vlogger also has almost the same series in her channel. She said she’s call the series “Sa Gabing ito” where she will also talk about Philippine Crime stories. Her first episode was this >>>>>>

and her second episode was about Isabella Guzman (that girl who suddenly got famous in TikTok the previous weeks)

When I saw Kris’s videos, I immediately thought that she was inspired by Bailey’s Murder, Mystery, and Make-up. However, she did not want to give full credit to Bailey because according to her, her peg or format will not be entirely the same as Bailey.

This was what she said after uploading her first episode.

Uhm, okay Kris. I respect that. You do you. *wink

Anyway, I think I still prefer Martin Rules’ series and I believe he’s not getting enough attention for his efforts in making these Philippine True Crime Stories videos. I just wish his channel will grow more. On his most recent video, I left a comment and made a suggestion for him to make a video on the Mendiola Massacre or the Hacienda Luisita picketline shooting last 2004? I guess. There was a documentary film about that entitled Sa Ngalan ng Tubo. Now I am hoping to see my suggestion in his Phil. True Crime series list.

Okay, that’s it for my first ever post about Pop Culture. I’m not even sure if this is considered as Pop Culture but I will try my best to continue making posts about what is currently trending especially here in the Philippines. I also want to venture on making posts related to Politics and express my stand on social issues. We’ll get there, eventually. Ha ha ha.

See you on my next post! Bye!