LieXwrittesfreely

Writting :3 I likey

[liexwrittesfreely]

WAAAAAAA.

My name is Lie :)

this blog was created on the first day on 2024!!! isn't that kinda cool?

-> I will be using this place to post my free writting!! its kinda a bit weird (perhaps even a bit CRINGE)

What's free writing?! well, its basically just throwing up on paper whatever is on my mind xD

(other blogs: @lieximhuman -> everything blog @liexartstuff -> visual arts compilation)

[legallybrunettedotcom]

[inbabylontheywept]

Until death, all defeat is psychological.

[liexwrittesfreely]

40 minutes crying session.

I cry so hard,

The tears are warm.

Like if your hands were cradling my face,

The individual lines feel like heavy fingers.

You are like my mother,

You are like a lover,

Just a figment of my imagination for comfort.

Sleeping besides me,

My own reflection that hugs me,

I sleep alone and warm.

[liexwrittesfreely]

We all want love,

(long post)

Just in different ways.

Take what’s not yours.

Leave me never to be the same.

Take away some innocence

that isn’t new knowledge.

Leave me to never be the same,

No one will ever be the same as you.

Leave me scared

And wanting more.

Why won’t they be my perfect trauma?

I love you so bad it hurts to hurt you,

I hate to hate you

Cuz you understood me and misunderstood me

Like no one else,

And through that you hurt me in ways no one else could.

Thus I miss you so bad,

But I never wanna see your face again.

Yet I see you on my screen,

I see you in my dreams.

I hear your voice,

I turn my head,

But no one’s there.

I settle for a mirage of you.

I’m in love with the idea of you loving me

Obsessively.

But you didn’t love me either

You loved the idea of what we could be,

And I just wouldn’t compromise.

I’ll settle for the love of you,

Yet your hugs feel like needles

And I need to break free

From your prison.

But I won’t break you free

With me.

[liexwrittesfreely]

Give up and leech.

(Long post)

I wanna give up

But not in life

This time I wanna live.

I’m terrible.

I’m not smart,

I’m just dumb

And maybe think too much.

What should I do?

I can’t do anything correctly

If someone is better and I know it.

Nothing in the world

Is there for me to compete in.

I understand,

I don’t have to be number one

But what should I do

If I’m the worst of all?

I wish I could make someone love me

So I could be their dog,

Kept alive,

Bored..

Useless.

Loved unconditionally.

But throw me the ball

And I may either catch it

Or stay alone

Forever rotting.

Ignoring my bowl of food,

Not asking for water.

Wondering if you even care.

Do you care?

But maybe the issue is I think too little,

I try to escape

Because I can’t cope.

I don’t want hope,

I want to leech off someone’s life forces

Use their hard work to keep me alive.

Mother, have I really left your womb?

I can’t feel us being connected,

Yet it is you who feeds me.

You who I want to be held by.

I am greedy for your love.

I can’t understand love

When for me it’s all give and take care.

I can show I care,

But I can’t feel your warmth.

I’m alone,

I’m alone and can’t survive on my own.

Give me use,

Give me no power.

I’m tired,

Believe me I really am.

I can’t wash the dishes in my sink,

I’ll let them get sick

With the buildup bacteria

We can’t see.

But I’ll know it was me.

How come I’ve left her behind?

The blood in her veins betrayed her,

Yet I didn’t know before it killed her.

How come I was better?

How far will I live?

She was nicer than me,

Wasn’t she,

God?

How come the world is so godless

When I haven’t even learned how to pray?

If I did,

Would my life look different?

Less alone,

Less guilty.

Would my face look less strange?

Would my body feel strong and mine?

My pillow is soaked with salty tears I shed instead of sleeping.

Do I remember grief?

Yes.

Self-hatred?

Yea.

And I mix them both,

Even when they existed separately.

Or maybe they never did,

And worth was always entangled with a sense of deserving.

Like how the poor,

By the apparent law of morality we’ve constructed,

Deserve to suffer with never having enough.

And how the rich suffer with never feeling fulfilled.

Or so they say.

Yet I don’t believe..

So,

How come do I exist when others don’t?

It didn’t even start with death,

It started with life.

And I felt I didn’t deserve it.

I was born believing I wasn’t meant for it.

And I remember

Being small and noticing

I didn’t care about counting eggs

But by how I didn’t have to exist,

yet I did.

[liexwrittesfreely]

Water

I scared of opening the tap

And the water being red,

Cuz I’m bleeding.

Yes,

In the morning

Or at night

In the bathtub.

I learned you didn’t need to drown

If the water was just red.

What are childhood fairy tales

With a ninth grade reading comprehension

At ten?

What should I do

When I learnt so young

I was a chance in the universe

And didn’t have to be alive?

And suffer with us all.?

[liexwrittesfreely]

A fiction

A fiction I want to write

Is a story with characters like me;

But what I really would’ve liked

Is one where everyone isn’t.

They just are.,

Like everybody else

But in a trope I like.

(Something cool.)

And through them

I would experience humanity.

I can’t write poetry:

Only thoughts with

Some abstract

Fo

R

M

Of rit

Hi

M.

Quite absurd.

I don’t even enjoy poetry much.

I find it too confusing,

Too hard to proclaim;

How do I claim meaning from it?

It is just human experience

But there’s some form of brilliance.

I want it for me.

[liexwrittesfreely]

Alguns dias eu acordo e eu não quero sair da cama,

começo a acordar e tudo doi

o corpo pesa.

eu sei que esta na minha cabeça,

estou mais sensível, quero chorar, mas não consigo.

Lembro do dia anterior,

me mexia na cama

não queria dormir

e não consegui concentrar nas coisas

pois balançava pra fentre

pra trás.

[liexwrittesfreely]

The day I tried to live

It was 2018,

my dog Memei had just died,

I was 11 or 12.

I had two more dogs;

as of 2026 my current dogs.

It was 2018 and my best-friend was dying.

No one understood me as much as her,

she’d chew my favorite toys

but never bite me-

she was only tender, never hurtful.

[lieximhuman]

i think im normal. i am just as morally corrupt as any other human being. im made of meat and bones. dont cry dont cry dont cry.

[liexwrittesfreely]

Impeccably same weighted

I drink coffe because my head hurts

in the afternoon,

It’s not beacuse I’m an addict,

but because

My brain was built wrong.

And I need something to stimulate it

for me to move on.

[liexwrittesfreely]

What is it that I want

(Long post)

What is it that I want?

Some sort of recognition,

everlasting love,

find myself,

and be understood.

But even if I had it all

I never asked for eyes to see.

No matter how much I say,

I never feel you feel the same.

And it's not about some love we can hug out,

I’m talking about being the same,

I want my reflection to read my poems

and tell me I’m so human.

I want to risk my life

to save myself.

I want to be praised for saying what we all think,

but who is ‘we’ in this world of ignorance?

I think ‘we’ are all human,

just born unequal on some footing

I can’t quite put into steps.

I’ve heard I’m hard to understand

but have such a brilliant mind.

How can you tell?

If the words I write don’t make sense,

and your speech I don’t catch,

how do you know what I’m thinking,

why do you repeat “what you mean”

in all the wrong ways?

If I have a unique way of being,

why can’t I be categorized?

I’m not here, but I’m not there,

and I feel alone in a room full of people

I’m supposed to get.

What do you say I am,

when my experience,

isn’t some relatable video?

Am I willingly dense?

Can I just think myself out

of these behaviours that disturb

others in my mind?

If I’m so good at reading faces

why does no one show me kindness?

I can read it all, but I can’t understand.

I know, but I can’t predict.

Is everyone this sensitive?

If I’m so good at being human,

why is everyone else so ignorant of community?

Aren’t we animals that help?

that care?

Why does the one that kills

also deeply love?

Was I the killer first, then the lover?

I see my failures more than my qualities,

but I think my personality was always internalized,

and I’m the bad guy in my mind

the doctor accidentally saved,

killing my good self.

I wonder:

if God is just a guy,

who made me in his image,

I’m just as bad as him.

I’ve wished for things that worked out;

but they were all cruel,

the good never survived.

I’m undeserving of peace

because I see beauty in hurt.

[liexwrittesfreely]

Hungry :(

I’m hungry I’m hungry

I am

Hungry.

World is so cruel

Because no food for me.

Heartbreak.

[liexwrittesfreely]

[liexwrittesfreely]

You are who I (don't) want to be 

Blond straight hair, 

a smile I don’t get.

Jokes that aren’t funny,

speeches I’m not supposed to laugh at.

Tell me, how much money do I need?

They say you either have family on your mind

or a job you want success in.

But both are too much responsibility for me.

I feel lost and unwanted.

They want me in a way I’m not myself

but that they still see as me.

Me as happy and starving. 

I must feed the kids, but I’m a starving dog

that might just bite or die. 

Tell me, when I make eye contact, 

do I need to mimic your face?

How do I become close to someone I don’t understand?

Someone who doesn’t ask;

Who doesn’t do anything I deem worthy.

But I know it's somehow worthy:

others can relate,

others can adore you.

[liexwrittesfreely]

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I WRITING YESTERDAY AT MIDNIGHT???

Femcell (this really isn’t abt a real person. Just an idea of gender)

-> the fucking title. like ok. thanks for explaining.

NOTHING IN HERE RIMES- OR EVEN LOOKS GOOD- WDYM?????

what in the hell was i thinking. it is kinda really funny tho. like oh yea- this is how i view the avarage teenage lesbian. thats a woman. or girl. or something. OK

[thisisalovestry]

this made me cry so now i need everyone to see it