There are always choices @lifesensecoaching - Tumblr Blog

We all change.

Without a plan, intention or focus on what we want to change into, we will change randomly, most likely based on our past experiences and fears.

Even more certainly, we will change in a way that keeps incorporating old habitual behavioural patterns that we adopted very early in life. We effectively look and seem like we aren't really changing at all.

So to create a new life of possibilities and wonder in our lives we have to create that intention and have a plan. We then do the little habits that take you on a daily journey to create the life you want day by day, step by step, habit by habit. until one day your life is different, you do different things, the things you designed.

To quote Lily Tomlin - "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."

What's the message: Create the change you want, be the you you want to BE.

- Warren van Dijk. Life Sense Mindset Coaching 18 February 2021

"We chase that which moves away from us and move away from things that chase us"

As Safety-Focused BEings, humans have a driver to avoid threatening spaces. This often shows up in relationships when we are desperate for the attention of another, especially when we are subconsciously trying to solve an internal question with their presence. Human BEings have a tendency to favour neutral spaces created by a soft presence without the tension of fixated human neediness. This will seem counter-intuitive to those of us who want to enjoy the company of another. The energy created by the chase is perceptible in a universe run by energy.

The softer the need for another's presence the more likely they are to move toward you.

Mark Manson would use his Inverted Curve from his Backwards Law to explain this. Viktor Frankl would describe it has having a Paradoxical Intention, while Aldous Huxley would refer to the Law of Reversed Effort and say:

“The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed."

It's like playing golf... the harder you try the worse you get.

The UPSET is always ours, even when people do or say things to us.

If we use the UPSET as an opportunity to dig deep, we will reveal a story about ourselves that we aren't enough in some way.

The external world just has the tendency to remind us of old hurts or woundedness.

I had a minor moment of 'stuck' recently... it really seemed like someone was pissing me off with THEIR behaviour... @#$* #wearenotourbehaviour

However, I was able to pause, mind the gap and saved myself from a reaction;

...then with a little contemplation (asking myself what it was about), I was able to see that the other person's behaviour was just reminding me that I have hurt around not feeling important enough..

... and that, I'm afraid is very much on me... 🌟

Freedom is on the other side of self awareness.

#upsetismine

#mindthegap

#wearenotourbehaviour

As Human Beings we are convinced that the External World plays the major part in our lives and that most of our suffering comes from there.

This is primarily because of the primal need that our ancient ancestors had to relate closely with their hostile environment. The brain then is constantly trying to predict the future so we become conditioned to judge and seek threats. If they didn't pay attention to the outside world there was a strong possibility that they would die or suffer greatly.

In modernity, the environment does not hold the risks to safety that it once did, so in reality the greatest threat to our safety and longevity comes from our internal world; ie our own thinking mind or ego.

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We suffer more in Imagination than in Reality - Seneca

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It is well understood that the subconscious mind represents 95% of everything we do through pre programmed conditioned behaviours that are created from experiences and meanings each of us encountered in our human lives. The other 5% is our ability to consciously choose our responses to life as it happens around us - what we can cognitively focus on. Unfortunately we just don't have the conscious brain capacity to consciously control all our interactions with the world so most of our responses are done via old habitual conditioned programs at that subconscious level.

It's not really about whether this is right or wrong, it simply comes down to it 'working for us' as we navigate life with same filters, maps and coping mechanisms we designed as we became more and more conditioned to relate to our external world. The programming serves us.

The reality is that it's the inside world where the action is, this is the 95% of what's going on and coming up for us and we engage that massive subconscious engine in order to relate or respond to the external 5% world.

We often make the mistake of believing that it is the other way around, but like many things in life we have it backwards. The external world just gets our attention because of the massive amounts of information our senses send our way, we therefore mistakenly think that it's the external world that has it wrong and it is the external world that is responsible for our upset. What we don't factor in is that the sensory information coming into our brain runs through a meaning filter, so a normally 'meaning neutral' environment gets translated with our judgement filter and we end up with problems instead of information.

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When we get the Inside right the Outside will fall into place - Eckhart Tolle

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*** It feels like it's the external world that we have to find a way to deal with, it feels like this is where we need to spend 95% of our time coming to terms with and learn how to relate. The reality is that it's the internal world where the vast majority of stuff is coming up and it's here that we must do the work in order to have the external world fall into place. Engage the subconscious engine and find freedom to BE. ***

When we realise that our upset just shows us where our relating engine is coded poorly, we can get to work to 'fix the fuel' that the engine is using rather than fixing an imaginary external problem.

I was reminding of this concept of Moods becoming Temperaments and eventually Personality Traits in Joe Dispenza's Breaking the Habit of BEing You (great book by the way).... Sometimes we just have to break the cycle which often starts simply with some simple negative self talk.... BE Awesome today peeps. (at Point Frederick)

Sometimes we just feel like living small, crawling into our shell to hibernate to let life's dramas drift by. By hiding away we convince ourselves we aren't enough, or that we don't have what it takes. Slowly it Eats Away at our Self Esteem. The Comfort Zone is very.. well comfy but we slowly die there. Resilience and Empowerment is found in the debris after a Storm.

Your Reality - My Map Can you really know what other people are thinking? Recently at Life Sense we have been reminded of the different ways we all see the world after a couple of relationship events caught our focus. Despite how similar we like to think we are to another person, or how well you pride yourself on your capacity for emotional intelligence (seeing things from someone else’s shoes); no two people see the world and the events that occur within it the same. During the journey of life we build up different ways of seeing things, we all have different paradigms, different maps or different lens' to view events, conversations and experiences. Even if you share identical experiences with someone we will remember different aspects or not even remember the experiences at all whilst the other person ends up with a vivid memory of the entire event. No matter how transparent and simple the event was or how clear the facts were surrounding the experience, we will absorb and remember the event differently based on our values, attitudes, biases and pre-existing belief system that our brains have pretty much pre-programmed over time from what has shaped our own lives up until that point. We are exposed to so much information and sensory input, especially in this modern technological age, that it is impossible to absorb and retain everything we see, feel, hear, touch and smell. Our brains and nervous system has to have a way of making sense of the world without having to absorb and process everything that’s going on around us. In fact studies tell us that on average our 5 senses are bombarded with approximately 2 million bits of sensory information every second and that we can only process about 7 bits of that 2 million. That's a lot of information hitting the cutting room floor originally destined for our cognitive consumption. What are the chances that your 7 bits per/sec match the 7 bits of the person standing beside you (even if you were having a conversation with that person)? Most of the other bits are simply deleted whilst others will be distorted in accordance with your map of the world so it fits and doesn't need further processing energy. So while there is some chance that your respective 7 bits match, the rest of the experience will be processed using our unique lens or map of how things are. In fact, our own version and interpretation of the reality of the world is just that, a best guess. So 'Your Guess is as Good as Mine' becomes even more true than we thought. Some months ago two close friends suddenly stopped communicating with each other. In the absence of a clear and honest explanation of the reasons for the sudden lack of contact what happens? Because we are meaning making machines both of these people will start to create a story that aligns with the preceding events prior to the disconnect; they will also fill their story with their own explanation of what the other person is thinking or feeling (most likely something negative and something about themselves). The distance increases and the feelings of being misunderstood intensifies. With some luck and courage the 'reality' of the non-contact is explained by one and the other is afforded an opportunity to explain how their story evolved.... If the lack of contact continues it is a very likely that they will end up creating the actual separation and distance that they imagined was there in the first place. “We Create Everything Twice” Steven R Covey With open and honest communication our relationships can stay on the same page even though they maybe from different maps. Meanwhile a mother and a daughter drift apart because of some things said many years ago. One remembers the conversations or events acutely and the other remembers nothing. Concerns over these words are left unspoken about and unresolved to the point that the daughter feels confused and perhaps misunderstood. As the daughter gets older the meaning making machine gets into full swing and before long there are reasons not to communicate and perhaps made worse as our map takes over and every event is viewed through a lens of distrust. Sometimes the wake we leave behind us and the impact on others is just not that obvious to us. Our language can be so full of meaning to one, whilst the other is almost oblivious to the unintended or hidden message. Meanwhile the daughter carries the baggage of the conversation or event like an anvil in a row boat. A fierce conversation years later between the two with the intention to allow the baggage to be processed may equally hit rocky seas as one merely wants to clear the cobwebs of past feelings ends up with the other taking onboard blame and guilt over what sounds like recrimination because that’s the way their map filters and interprets the conversation. They end up listening for, and focusing on accusations of wrong doing because that fits their map and ‘makes sense’. Never mind that it wasn’t the intention of the daughter delivering their own message from their map just to clear the air. Remembering that comprehension is the domain of the listener, we cannot control how others consume our words and they will remember what was said based on how we felt during the conversation – that feeling will come from our map. “At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou So with all these different maps floating around in the 7.5 billion inhabitants of the planet how do we make sure our relationships remain on track and we don't continually run fowl of each other when we are knee deep in emotional conversations at the roadblocks of life? The next time you find yourself wondering why a relationship might have detoured..... simply ask yourself: What might I have filtered out of the preceding events and what map might others be using to interpret those events? You may then be in a position to avoid the minefield of misunderstanding that may lay waiting. If the solution doesn't include a real, open and honest conversation let us know.

5 Steps to Unfunk Your Mind

#1 Write it Down – What’s buzzing about in your thoughts?

#2 Observe your Negative Self Talk – What are you convincing yourself about?

#3 Activate Your Senses – Energize your Day

#4 Create Space and Connect – Don’t give in to Isolation

#5 Take Action – Progress leads to happiness

At any given moment, of any given day, of any given month - Pause - Breathe and Notice your Life Situation. Remembering that everything is temporary, it’s never too late to steer a different course and that everything is a choice..... Is there anything you would like to change?

Sometimes we feel that the things that are causing us most grief in life are holding onto us, when in reality we are holding onto them.

After promising to take Marge to the ballet after work, Homer ends up getting both hands stuck inside vending machines while trying to steal a can of soda and some candy. As the emergency workers prepare to free him from his dilemma the fireman informs Homer that they are going to have to cut his arms off. Homer replies: “They’ll grow back right?”

As the Fireman reassures him that they will another emergency worker looking inside the machines asks: “Homer are you just holding onto the can?”

Homer: “You’re point being?”

There really is no trick to letting go, it’s not a quick fix and maybe not a do it yourself thing either. You certainly can’t just let go of trauma by telling yourself or to be told to get over it or just let it go.

You can only let go of something when you have confronted the underlying impact the event or experience has had on you and come to the realisation that you have no control of the actual event anymore (even if you ever had that control). Your unconscious mind can’t be fooled into thinking you just don’t care. Tackle your fears with the help of someone who is adept at navigating your way free of the the helplessness.

#gettingonwithlife

lifecoachkarma

“If there is no wind, row.” #carpediem #motivation #inspiration #makeithappen #justdoit

lifesensecoaching

Collecting random meme to live by.

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There are always choices