LEARN TO SWIM.

32-year-old natural born pessimist. She/her. Bi.

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

Everything is okay but I am not.

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

I'm on betamethasone because of an acute laryngitis (most likely caused by an upper respiratory tract viral infection that could have healed by itself, but I completely lost my voice and as it turns out, when you're a junior resident in psychiatry you need your voice quite a lot, so I needed to speed things up a bit), and it's the first time I can remember in my adult life that I'm on steroids, even if it's just for a few days. It's 1:30 am and sleep is nowhere to be found, and it's been this way for the last few days. I've got to work tomorrow, but I'm not tired. At all. Actually I feel pretty awesome right now. In the last year and a half, every fucking time I went to bed past midnight, I would feel a total wreck the day after. I'm prone to insomnia, and I have to be extra careful with sleep hygiene and stuff like that, also because my mood gets destabilised by just a few days of a disrupted sleeping pattern, and viceversa. Well, mood seems to be just fine right now, I'm feeling energetic and my mind is overly active. Good job, side effects.

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

I've been 'fine' for a long time, so I thought it was over. I thought I was OK. Turns out that I'm not a special snowflake and that these things are recurrent. And I knew that. I just thought they wouldn't happen to me because of reasons.

I can't sleep again. My mood is dangerously low and I don't want to do things or to interact with people, I just don't have enough energy to do that. I've had bad thoughts about how worthless I am and about how I should be dead almost constantly in the last couple of weeks. My anxiety levels are extremely high most of the time. Oh and yes I've been on holiday for ten days and I'm going back to work tomorrow. I'm going back to work at the psych ward whilst my brain is on this fabulous loop. How fun is it? I'm a fraud and nothing good will ever come from me. I'm just a terrible copy of a human being.

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

Happy New Year

Cards against humanity, this is not funny.

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

It's Christmas, I don't want to chat or generally interact with other people, I just want to get drunk and stay alone listening to the sound of the rain.

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

Progress.

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

Walking around the city that is adopting me right now.

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

Guess who's not dead.

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

My face looks like shit but I'm on holiday until the 28th and my new t shirt is the best thing on earth.

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

Also, it’s July and I’m so pale I’m almost greenish. But I’m listening to The Birthday Massacre’s latest album and everything is perfect.

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

So I'll be in London on my own for 5 days. It's the first trip I take entirely by myself and I'm really excited about it. I'm going because there is a course about Computational Psychiatry organised by the UCL on the 24th and 25th of July, and I've found a nice hostel near Russell Square. I'll also have a couple of days to just chill and walk around, and I was thinking about visiting the National Gallery, because I've already been to London twice and didn't have the time to go there. Any suggestions about where to go as a 26 year-old gal travelling alone?

[justthedesign]

[aliensfromhell]

“It’s not about what you see, it’s what you feel”

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

Terrible hair, terrific new lipstick.

[approvers]

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

[lilithintheskywithdiamonds]

I love studying when it's like 36°C outside. My hair speaks for itself. Yes I sleep properly, even though it doesn't look like I do.