alchemical notes for anyone.
I wrote this on a whim. So there is bad punctuation, bad spelling, yada.
the importance of narration of the inner mind.
there is specifics to every story we tell with our minds. esoteric meaning that was rooted by the tiniest seed. these seeds can stem from emotional disregulation, trauma, growing up in a certain environment or social rules. and like a sleeper cell; becomes activated when our surroundings inhibit a certain reaction. these seeds are nuanced, particular and are not at all one size fits all. a seed may only relate to a particular thing but not the whole category.
it is important to use both the conscious and the subconscious to identify these seeds and stories.
to be aware of our natural thinking without impeding onto the subconscious. because if we try to change the narration without understanding as to why we think these things; we sweep the meanings under the rug and put a febreeze air spray over the smell of decay.
and if we allow our subconscious to keep thinking freely, then the seeds become relooped. a diseased plant. the subconscious needs the conscious to be healthy; to be aware of it that way subconscious may strive. the subconscious is the garden, and the conscious is the gardener.
this, in my experience, can be a lucid or tricky thing. i find it more difficult to be aware of my looping thoughts; the thoughts my mind automatically stim on when i am laying down. it is easy to get caught up in the subconscious loop when resting. advice is to do it while you go through out your day.
but the same way you stim ur hands or fingers on the textures or sounds, or feelings of something physical-- the nuance of that physical thing "itches" a part of mind that is satisfying.
and just like that, we've become satisfied even when we are having unsatisfactory thoughts or imagines. the question arises when you become aware of the feelings of having these thoughts.
feelings are navigation of your inner world so use them correctly. feelings are not just there to be told "no. ur stupid. shut it." feelings are there like a black light to the germs of our surroundings. no you may think logically this feeling about this certain thought may not feel productive. but feelings dont have to be productive. thats not their purpose and never will be. feelings are not equivalent to thoughts either. feelings are the meta-conscious's tool to cleaning it's garden.
to a messy mind, these two concepts may be grouped up. feelings are a tool. thoughts are the laberynth of the dark. to the conscious mind, the roots of why we may have certain thoughts or narrations in our heads may feel interconnected like one giant root. but like i said earlier; this is not one plant. this is a garden of millions.
feelings are going to be the way of uprooting the correct diseased seeds from the subconscious mind.
first came subconscious then comes awareness. this has to be trained. and the most orderly way to train it is to want something that you don't have. law of attraction and assumption is the introductory guide books for this. thoughts control reality; the story you tell yourself of who you are being is the basis of all things. these are basic subjects that teach what to do but not how to get there.
just the way you would clean ur house thoroughly rather than sweeping things into the corner; is the same way you must treat the subconscious.
once you have become aware of the unsatisfactory imagination, the common notion is to observe it. but no one ever tells us why we observe these thoughts, and it really dulls down the advice. robs the thinker of actually getting anything done.
because no--you donot observe a thought to change , this is common knowledge, you observe it through the black light that is ur feelings. you become aware of the feeling about the thought; imagination; story; or creation you've organically produced. does it feel off?
if so there is a reason but this is not as apparent as it may seem. there is a seed hidden within the thought(using thought as an overarching term for any organic activity in the mind). and if you can identify the seed, the roots, you can identify its connect to you. therefore; it is useless plucking the entire thing out and trying a new. the plant, the thought and the stimming you do on this thought subconsciously will die on its own once the root has been identified.
navigating the labrynth is easy as asking why? what? who? how many times has this feeling reoccured and what had happen to me to make it pop in so much?
(cheat code: if something gives an emotional reaction often; then this is ur key)
when you go through ur memories, notice the specific patterns and then counter the patterns with other instances that didn't make you feel this way. cross reference ur memories. how come all these instances made you feel this exact same way but this instance… was okay? what was the nuance of that memory that sets it apart from the others?
maybe the person smiled at you after they said something, telling ur mind it was a joke. maybe they said sorry after running into you. while the other ones didn't seem so conscientious about their surroundings.
do you hate everyone whose ever inconvienced you? or do you only hate those who do not pay attention to their surroundings? maybe you hate a particular tone, a dirty specific look.
in this instance, we are using the feeling of hatred to navigate the root of the issue. because many ppl have inconvenienced us. but why are some given lee-way and others stain our mind like wine.
after you've gotten a feel of this particular instance, it is now time to dwell to the past. maybe you were an eldest daughter who was taught to always give consideration maybe this has left you resentful. maybe you've always take pride in your ability to have manners and look down on others who are not conscientious.
these examples are just that because that is how mutable reality is. our identification is almost always the key to the labrynth of the subconscious mind.
or maybe you hate when someone uses a specific tone with you. gives you a specific look. whatever the feeling is; it is there for a reason. and looking further on it; you will begin to realize one key element.. this identification begins to crumble the closer you get to its root. as you shine a particular light on it there is little there but flimsy roots to pull up.
you will then realize the narrations and stories you tell have always been choices we actively identified with. that have activiely shaped the filter at which we place on our eyes to look through and see the world. this is where every sense of projection stems from.
