welcome to sad city

i write fanfictions about characters i like ; mostly i post some of my poetry. christiane | 1993 | she/her

[lionthenovel]

[lionthenovel]

i‘ve started talking to myself through tiktoks when i‘m heartbroken and it really helps.

I get my heartbroken often bc i have a lot of hope, wonder and i let everyone in. i never learned to close the door and i just let everyone flood in and take as much as they need even if it‘s just „something to do“.

this time, i was actually respected and treated well. it still hurts when people i care about leave that space i made for them.

i‘m not gonna be ashamed for having hope and love for people who don‘t feel the same about me. i don‘t want to stop being this way bc one day someone will stay and someone will keep me.

and that someone will be worth keeping.

[lionthenovel]

[lionthenovel]

[lionthenovel]

[lionthenovel]

tw: suicide

i saw my death -

too many times to count.

my whole self exits me

and spits out how cowardly i’m being.

i don’t think people understand

how brave you have to be

to say “this ends now.” 

all i know is

i’m far too petrified

and comfortable in this fucking infected pit

to try to let the earth and rocks and leaves and mud pummel me down

and to never feel pain again. 

[lionthenovel]

this one hurt to write. i met someone who i thought was gonna stay, they didn‘t. to this day it still pains me to think about them, because how could i have misjudged a situation so badly? i thought we connected so deeply, but it was only on my end. and i wanted to be with them so badly. i need to let them go in my head, too. that’s why i wrote this.

it was inspired by molly-margaret. she wrote a poem about not slamming the door on someone and it got to me.

[lionthenovel]

[lionthenovel]

[lionthenovel]

[lionthenovel]

[lionthenovel]

[lionthenovel]

the lights brought me back

i didn‘t know how to thank them.

they said:

„don‘t dream, child.

because nightmares have learned to dress pretty

and lure you into

the sinkhole.

tear the muzzle off,

they will want the words you‘re too afraid to speak.“

since then,

when my brain screams

my mouth obeys.

[lionthenovel]

[lionthenovel]

[lionthenovel]

did you see it?

- what

my light, it just ate its last, soft ember. 

- no, i must’ve missed it. 

too bad. 

- why? 

because now nothing’s stopping me from ripping you apart. 

[lionthenovel]

honey

i‘ve killed you before.

you entered while i slept

uninvited;

i hated that you couldn’t even allow peace

in my dreams.

so i ended you,

as violently as i could.

a nightly ritual,

many ways

many tools

elegantly

or viciously,

it varied every time.

you invaded

and i picked my weapon.

i‘ve had practice,

you have no idea.

don‘t fuck with me.