Lipstick & Lunges

Just a girl on her journey to the fit life...

[lipsticklunges-blog]

Are you trying to kill me?

So I decided to e-mail a friend of mine who is now a personal trainer and body builder, to see if he might be able to help me. He has responded, and SO positively. I am super excited for what he has in store for me. I thought he would dedicate a merely generic meal and fitness plan for me, but instead he has put a lot of time and effort into asking me all kinds of questions and setting me up for success. One of the first things he tells me - NO SUGAR OR FRUIT WHAT!?

I thought I would share a few of the primary questions he has asked, before we start this journey, because I feel like they are very important before going forward.

Starting Measurements: 181.3 lbs & 33.5% body fat

Goals: between 130-140lbs, 20-25% body fat to start. I have really never been under 156 lbs and 27% body fat since I can remember, so I am not really sure what “130” would look like on me... But I just know that when I was at 156/27% I was still not satisfied and knew I had work to do. Don’t want to be ripped, but also don’t want to be super skinny.

Ideal body: Well I do like the look the of being fit. I don’t want to be skinny by any means, I don’t think my body is really designed for that anyways. I like my proportions and think I have good potential to keep them, just without all the body fat. I like the look of fitness models, although obviously I know that it isn’t completely realistic to obtain and maintain to that extent, and to get there will take a lot of work. Most important I want nice legs, cause I like the look of having a nice butt… but always have been self conscious of my legs. Lean everywhere else. I like definition in arms, but not super built up or bulky. Nicole Wilkins type arms = no. Ab definition is not important either, I don’t like that look. Maybe along the lines of Jessica Arevalo, she is quite petite but I just like the amount of definition she has, and the shape of her legs/arms. Or Jennifer Lopez.

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Clothes that don’t fit: 3 main things I can think of – a grey dress I bought when I was in better shape, it is really tight and not very stretchy material, really tight on my chest and butt now, but still fits in the waist; a shirt I also bought at the same time, I can hardly zip it up and barely breathe in it right now… and basically every pair of shorts I own, which is not many cause shorts never really fit me properly. Even my work pants are super tight right now, which is not comfortable at all.

Why I want to do this: Well it is a bit of a mix of reasons. First of all I am sick of having absolutely no energy to do anything and looking at pictures of myself, and constantly wondering if that is really what I look like. Sometimes I honestly look like an absolute whale, and it shocks me because it does not line up with what I think I look like or what other pictures show. So I want to feel comfortable in knowing that I look a certain way and am not self conscious about it. My weight has always been one of my insecurities, that really plays into my confidence levels and esteem issues. I am always “on a diet”, and it’s literally become a joke. I just need to finally follow through. I remember what it was like to be in a fit lifestyle, how I felt and how I looked, and I loved that. I went through a terrible past 2 years, and just had a lot of things bringing down my confidence and I need to get it back. I also feel like it is the only part of my life I can have full control over, and since I am not really ideally where I want to be in any aspect of my life (ie. Job, financial, relationship, friends etc), that maybe I can have this to give me some balance and stability.

What I am willing to do: I really need a kick in the butt. I am so lazy, full of excuses and distractions. I really am willing to dedicate my time and energy. I need to practice a lot of discipline and open myself up to trying new things (like eating sooo many veggies). I definitely think this is what I needed, to find some sort of direction and accountability. Without it I would definitely wander off course. Now that school is over, I really feel I can dedicate myself to not socializing as much over food, being on the go all the time and eating out, and spending more time preparing good foods and getting proper sleep so I have energy for the gym.

-T

[lipsticklunges-blog]

Where I Want To Be.

It’s pretty ambitious to sit here and think about wanting to totally transform myself. Not only my body, but my mind and my soul. That might sound kind of lame, but it’s true. Like I have mentioned before, I am starting this journey not only because I feel like I am unhealthy in how much I weigh, and what I eat, but my thought process and life situation just feels toxic. Something needs to change.

I would say that my ultimate goal from this journey would be to compete in at least one bikini fitness competition. Since about 2011 I have been following IFBB pros through my introduction of FitnessRX and Oxygen magazine, Facebook and now Instagram. I attended the Arnold Sports Festival in 2012, and it was an amazing experience. I know that it takes an incredible amount of dedication and I just want that glam, to show off my hard work for one night. Who knows where it could take me.

However, before I even think about that, I have a long way to go. Not only do I have to lose a lot of weight, I also have to change my mentality.

The main things I am looking to work on in the next few months:

1. Lose 30-40 lbs. Since I am approximately 180 lbs right now (will do proper measurements soon), I know that I have a long way to go. I have never weighed less than 156, so to weight 150 would be a good start, but I think I will ultimately want to end up weighing 130-140 lbs.

2. Regain my energy. This is one of the main things holding me back right now. I just feel sluggish. I don’t know why I can’t wake up in the morning, and I have absolutely no motivation for anything. It makes it very difficult to accomplish anything.

3. Improve my stamina. I am not completely out of shape, however my endurance and stamina could use some work. I used to go so hard during my workouts, and now I kind of slack. I get through my workouts, but I am afraid to push myself. I know that before I can even think about the 12 week prep for a show, I need to not only lose weight, but build up my strength so I can get through tougher workouts.

4. Eating habits. I know that this is my complete downfall. I need to find something that works for me, track it and keep myself accountable. I used to pre-plan all of my meals, make homemade protein bars and eat plain broccoli with no problems. Lately, I just opt for the easy option - eating out. And it just makes me feel completely gross.

5. Supplements. Another area in which I lack motivation. I know that to help improve my energy, so I can get to the gym and further find the motivation to work out, my nutrition has to be on point. I know that I need to be more consistent in my supplements as well. I have a multi-vitamin, CLA, probiotic, & fish oil that I ultimately want to be able to take every day, it is just a case of keeping myself on top of things, and not forgetting as usual.

6. Water. Another thing that I used to be perfect with, was water consumption. Sometimes I would drink 4-5 litres per day. I want to start back with about 3. I know that I need to stop drinking so much tea and coke zero, and limit the sweeteners that I put in my drinks and food, and replace it with more natural choices, such as water.

With all of this, I hope that I can also improve my outlook mentally. It is time to stop preaching about eating healthy and working out, and then have people joke about the so called “diet” I am on, and basically make me feel defeated, when I know this is what I want. I need to prove to them and myself that I am serious about this and that I can transform myself. I also want to believe that I am good enough, for someone... for a job... And I can’t wait to get that mentality back. It is weird being stuck in a strange cycle of having high standards, and thinking no one is good enough for you, but at the same time, thinking you’re not good enough for anyone else. I feel like once I get on the right path in my journey, I will attract the right people in my life. The right friends, and partners, the right jobs. It will be in line with my expectations and I will finally believe that I am good enough to fulfill that standard.

Anyways, I think next post I will talk more specifics, in terms of measurements and a little bit more on my goals. For now, I am glad I have outlined a few first steps I have to take, in getting myself back on track with my overall goals.

-T

[lipsticklunges-blog]

Just wanted to congratulate the Blue Jays on their big win today against the Yankees!! Good start to the season boys!!

One of my goals this summer is to attend more games, spending more time in the city and meeting new people. Can’t wait!

-T

[lipsticklunges-blog]

What am I doing?

Let me start by introducing myself.

I am a 26 year old girl, from Canada and for as long as I can remember, I have wanted or needed to lose weight and get in shape. I have tried a million different methods, from Jenny Craig to hiring a personal trainer, and I have found some success but ended up at a plateau and back at the start.

I have always have a curvy figure, and look and feel good most days. If I tell anyone that I actually need to lose 50 lbs, they tell me I look fine and why am I worrying. Well the truth is, I am not happy. For me, my self-esteem has always been attached to my body image and weight. I don’t think I look bad, but I know I could look and feel a lot better. It is not only about how I look, but also about my overall health.

At my lowest point, I was 185 lbs and 44% body fat. Since I was 19, this number has jumped around, with my best being 156 lbs and 27% body fat. I currently am hovering the high end, at 177-182 lbs and 33% body fat. So I definitely have a ways to go. I am sick of telling myself I will get in shape, and instead the journey must start now.

To be honest, my life has felt like a bit of a whirlwind over the past few years and I plan to share some of my insights and my struggles, because I feel like they pertain to my overall problems with my confidence and self-esteem issues. Battling them along with my weight is something I have to conquer at the same time.

In 2011, I hired a personal trainer and was at the healthiest I had been in my life. I felt great, I had so much energy and my confidence was soaring. I looked great and I was addicted to the gym. Unfortunately I hit a plateau, and along with a back injury and my trainer getting injured, I just lost motivation. In 2012, I planned a trip across Asia, and was excited to spend the summer having the best time of my life before I left.

At the time, I was very happy and I started seeing a guy. The first guy I have ever had something resembling a relationship with. It was perfect, but I went away and when I came back, things changed. He was a typical playboy, and he broke my heart. He claimed he didn’t want a girlfriend, but has since been dating the same girl he dumped me for. And that completely shattered my confidence and my self-esteem. It has taken me 2 years to realize that our relationship didn’t end because I wasn’t good enough, but that he wasn’t right for me. This is something I still battle with, and I feel is holding me back. I always tell myself “maybe if I get in really good shape, he will realize what he lost, and want me back”. I am sure many people think the same thing of their ex. But I know that I have to do it for myself, and not to impress anyone else. The thing is, this event in my life was extremely damaging for my image of myself, and that is why it is so important for me to get that person back, so I can move on to better things. It’s hard to constantly think you’re not good enough, while being hesitant to trust anyone new.

In the same year, I was laid off from the job I had worked for 5 years and my mother unfortunately suffered a brain injury and lost her short term memory. She has to live in a nursing home, and can’t take care of herself. I have been dealing with a lot, I can’t find a proper career path and am in a lot of debt. I feel like I lost myself, I started drinking more and partying a lot, hanging out with friends who didn’t really care much for me, all so I could hang on to all the things I didn’t want to lose from my past (such as the guy who broke me). It ended up being toxic, and I only ended up even more hurt and used than ever before. I decided to go back to school to see if I could turn things around, and it has been stressful and unfortunately not exactly what I was expecting in terms of helping advance my career.

I just feel like my life is chaos, and I need to gain back control of something. That is why I am starting in the gym. I have told myself too many times that I am going to do this, and nothing ever changes. So this time it has to.

In my next post, I will outline some of my goals and my weaknesses. I can’t wait for what my journey brings :)

-T