the kiss on the forehead, the statement of ‘ i’m mostly only into you,’ cruz isn’t sure he’ll ever fully get used to it. he’s so used to being told that he’s nothing, that he’s worthless, that sometimes it’s hard to believe that this is his life. that someone wants him, might even need him. sometimes he worries that he may be placing too much of his happiness on lucian, wonders if that’s fair of him. but all worries subside when their fingers intertwine, fitting together so perfectly. he’s determined not too let his own self-doubt ruin this. is determined to cling to it, bask in it, lose himself fully in the feeling they can’t yet seem to say the name of.
before he knows it they’re inside, and he takes in his surroundings. the sound of the music, of laughter and cheer. the sight of loose inhabitants, of people wholly confident in who they are. it’s refreshing. not what he’s used to. see, cruz tends to stick to the same crowds, the same people he’s known since he was a teen. it’s simply due to his anxieties, one’s that threaten to pull at him now but he lets the slip away at the feel of lucian’s breath by his ear. the way he leans back, finds comfort leaning against the others frame, is instinctual. like his body knows where home is, and it’s not a place but a person. his person. “ yeah. whatever you’re having. i actually don’t drink that much, ” he admits with a chuckle, voice raised in order to be heard. he wasn’t always the best at handling alcohol, always tended to get into dumb situations. hopes that won’t be the case tonight. cruz leans his head back, a soft yet mischievous smile forming as he rests the back of his head on lucian’s shoulder, slowly glances up at him. “ better not get me too drunk, i might start saying shit i shouldn’t. ”
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