It has been exactly one month since he broke up with me.
The pain........... it was undeniably unbearable. Up until now, I still dreamed of you. I don’t know what my dreams are trying to tell me, but I know I miss you. I miss all the times we had together..
When I broke the news to other people, they thought I was joking. Seriously, me...joking? How can I be joking? I’m like one of the most up-tight person ever. And when do I even know how to lie? That’s so not me. I couldn’t believe it myself too. It didn’t occurred to me that you would actually, breaking up with me.
I thought all these while we’re happy together. You’re my bestfriend. Now that you’re gone... I just feel empty, lonely.. I had to make new friends, hang out with people I’ve never hung out with. Make new bestfriends.... It’s just soooo different.
What about all the promises that you’ve made? Our future plans to be together? Have you ever thought about how it would break me apart? I didn’t know that you were unhappy being with me. It felt like you’ve just heard the biggest lie on Earth. If you could just.... be honest with me. Tell me in the beginning. Why tell me all these now? If you’re so afraid to tell me, because you’re scared of what I would react, how is that now you’re not afraid to break up with me... to leave me all by myself ? I don’t know how this is sooooo okay with you.
You stole one thing that no one ever successfully did. Stole my heart. And now that it’s broken.... I feel so numb.
I cried for days when you broke up with me. You broke me into a million pieces. I couldn’t think straight. I was so heartbroken. I needed help.
I love you so much..Too much.. More than any human being in this world. I was there for you, I was there when you fell, I was there when you needed help. I cared so much for you. Yes, I might be over reacted, over thinking. Causing a fight, or what not.. that’s because I just care too much. I’m so afraid of losing you that it actually becomes the reason why that I lose you. So ironic.
If you could just try to let me in....... if you could just try to make me understand you. After all these while, don’t tell me that I don’t meant anything to you ?
And all your responses are “I don’t know.”
How is that so hard to make me happy? All I wanted was attention. That’s all. I thought you knew me. All these while you did. And suddenly.... you just don’t anymore.
You’ve changed. You got bored of me. You got rid of me. You’ve got everything that you’ve wanted. I gave everything I had to you. I had nothing left.
Everyone could see that I was no longer the ‘happy’ girl that I used to be, or they used to know. I ate less and less each day. I had one meal per day if there was anyone cared enough to accompany me to eat, or else I won’t eat.
I was depressed and stressed. Until at one point I was ill for no apparent reason. I stopped eating. I ate very little until I got a terrible gastric. And then, I couldn’t eat because everything I tried to digest in my stomach just comes back out from my mouth. I became very weak and got admitted to the hospital. It was my first time getting dripped and it was really uncomfortable. I was sick for a week or so.
I had enough questioning myself, blaming myself for what had happened. I’m not going to get any valid answers. Maybe you had your reasons, maybe you’re sick and tired of me. But you know what.... it’s fine. I don’t deserved to be deserted like this. You....mean.... ungrateful person. I hope one day you will realise that there are no one else like me. No one has loved you with all their heart and all their might like I do. Even sometimes I had to put up with your nonsense behaviour, no one is as patient as I do. No one is as loyal as I do. I don’t talk to guys, I listened to you, I don’t sit with guys unless it’s the only seat there, I followed all your nonsense rules and yet you still left.
I’m just grateful that other people took pity of me and tried to make me feel better. They tried to cheer me up, forced me to smile even when I can’t, gave me a pat on the back and also gave me a piece of advice. I surrounded myself with positive people, asked tips and asked for their opinions on break ups. I was so new with this. You were my first love, and when it happened to me, I didn’t know what to do. At least you had practices. And knowing guys, they’ll be okay in a jiffy.
I’m glad that I still have friends who guided me towards God. Made me think and be more open about what had happened. Have faith in God. Now, I feel like maybe God just love me. God wants to test my faith. Everything happens for a reason, they say.
I’m getting stronger each day, without realising. I stopped blaming myself, because it wasn’t entirely my fault. I’ve learned things the hard way. I’ve become more thankful and grateful to people who were care enough for me, checks on me from time to time, made sure that I was okay..
If God wants to change people’s heart, He can do it. Nothing can stop Him. Work my relationship with God, and He will make sure that I will be happy. If it’s not here on Earth, at least I could still be happy in the hereafter. I pray to God everyday to be stronger, to forgive all my sins and let me have the courage to go through all of His tests. As long as I have God to watch over me, I’ll be okay.
stormborns
jacobvanloon
blakekathryn
germansingergirl
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gummygunk
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izzy806
