Situational Conditioning: Is It Really Happening?
There are a few faded cartoon animal stickers on our bathroom floor from the tenants before us. One of them is a smiling dolphin. I frequently mistake for dog poop. I see the thick, curved shape, I feel a quick rush and a flash of annoyance, do a double-take, and exhale. Its shape and size resemble exactly the size of my dog’s poop.
Of course, I never saw thought it looked like poo before I got a dog. It was the conditioning and expectation of animal feces in random areas of the house that caused me to begin to quickly match shapes and sizes to this identification.
It’s a testament to the way that our experiences can condition our perception and expectation. We train our brains to identify patterns that may mean something important to us, even when those things aren’t there. For example, if someone has disappointed us before, that blueprint can leave us with a tinge of fear that it will happen again -- especially when we see signs that remind us of previous experience. Sometimes, the experience gives us wisdom that protects us from future dangers. Sometimes, it leaves us chasing invisible demons that don’t exist.
I think the trick is to find out when our perceptions are real and when our brains are tricking us. It’s a dangerous thing to believe that all that we perceive is the reality, especially within the realm of intention.
When we feel ourselves sense a pattern and tense up, instead of wholly succumbing to the emotions that begin to envelop us, it may be helpful to take a moment and ask, ‘how real is this?’. Of course, immediately sinking into the emotion is more pleasurable because it’s just like sliding down the momentum of a pre-existing waterfall. Our experiences carve out comfortable pathways for us to travel down-- we develop rationales that are comfortable and familiar; we make assumptions.
To stop and ask can feel like a salmon swimming upstream. Yet, departing from the pattern of direct blame gives us a chance to pause and discern whether we should jump immediately to the conclusions that we feel rather than understand. Slowing down the thought processes and taking a step outside of ourselves gives us an opportunity to not be thrown to and fro by the momentum that the emotional waterfall has carved out. We give ourselves the opportunity, the actual opportunity, to provide a situation the benefit of the doubt (or perhaps you realize that it is exactly what you thought).
Humans are remarkably smart in their ability to rationalize--meaning, I believe we can garner evidence for anything that we choose, even if we deceive ourselves in the process. I have done this with myself when I am looking for evidence to support my own claims without wanting to really know the truth of a situation.
What I mean is that, while it may feel good to agree with ourselves, it may actually be helpful to approach our own emotions critically. When we feel a trigger, we can acknowledge all that we might feel but stop short of letting it determine reality. It might feel really scary or upsetting because it feels like the situation is heading towards a particular trajectory, but it is really true? Is the dolphin really a pile of dog shit?
Humans inevitably process life through the lens of their own experience, but we also have a choice in how we want those experiences to affect us. It just requires a little work.
