@livingcremation-blog - Tumblr Blog

i try to justify existence through love

but i have no fucking idea what love is

i try to recreate the emotions,

acts,

feelings

that i learned from stories, movies and books

but all i am left with is emptiness.

not too sure if i’m the only victim of my own loneliness or other people too.

maybe i’m just a confused shitcunt

#me

be safe these holidays

my past year was ruled by you,

seeping into every interaction i had and decision i made

but now i’m aware of how your viscosity is so low

and how i am a porous rock

trying to fill my gaps

#me

punlich

One time I used my retail voice on a coworker and she was like, “Don’t use your customer voice on me, I know you’re dead inside like the rest of us, it’s just frightening and weird”

1980sbusinesswoman

The other day I asked for a table for two in my customer voice and the waitress squinted at me and I cleared my throat and said “Sorry, still in service mode” and she dropped hers and we swapped stories about our day and my boyfriend was like “You two just became two entirely different people in like .5 seconds…”

gritsinmisery

I can be bitching up a blue streak about a customer-from-hell while the store is empty, and when the phone rings swap over to my retail voice practically in mid-sentence. I even have managers and salespeople from other stores in the chain fooled into thinking I’m infinitely friendly and helpful, and my manager’s husband thinks I’m one of the most professional people in the store. One assistant manager’s daughter dubbed me Perky-Pants because she mostly dealt with me over the phone, and was shocked to the core when I dropped an F-bomb at her graduation picnic.

thesmilingfish

The acting required in the service industry is beyond the pale. My cousin freaked out when she came to see me at work because I was all smiling and nice while helping someone who was asking inane questions and who basically forced me to walk them to the product and put it in their fucking hand but I was nice as pie until I turned around to walk away and my demeanor changed back to normal and I muttered “what a fucking moron” under my breath as I got back to my cousin. She just looked at me shocked and said “no wonder you’re so exhausted when you get home.”

eat-my-dragon-deactivated201611

this is actually referred to as emotional labor in criminology, and is considered one of the hardest forms of labor