tw: themes containing familial taboos and s/a
The car ride home felt unbreathable. The streets were just about vacant as a result of the late hour. Victor didn’t bother turning on the radio, forcing the pair to sit in complete silence. This demanded Lilith’s tears to end, realizing it would be easier for her brother to hear her weeps coming from the backseat. Undoubtedly, it would cause his rage to escalate. Therefore, she silently pressed her body against the car door as if to find leverage against her own raw emotion. She could practically feel Victor’s hostile eyes scanning her every so often from the rear view mirror. So, it was with desperate regret that Lilith let a fortuitous whimper slip from her lips as her booster seat rattled from the slight jostle of the car.
“What’s the matter, Lily?” Victor asks with an unexpectedly tender tone. He meets her soft eyes within a glimpse in the rearview mirror, the girl frowning in response.
“I’m hungry.” She admits timidly, causing Victor to glance back to the road with a frustrated grind in his teeth.
“I thought I told you to eat at the party.” He sighs.
“I did.” Lilith defends. “I had chips and soda.”
Victor shakes his head bitterly. In truth, he understood that becoming incensed at the situation would be unwarranted. Victor discerned the typical food supplied at a teenage house party isn’t exactly the most nutritional nor fulfilling sustenance for a growing child. Not to mention, the pizza was already gone by the time they had arrived.
“Well, I don’t have time to stop anywhere.” Victor grumbles. “Everything is closed anyways.”
“But there’s no food at home.” Lilith pouts faintly.
“There is. You’re just too damn picky.”
“I just wanted pizza.“ She pauses. “Or chicken nuggets.”
Victor scoffs, his grip on the steering wheel tightening with a shake of his head.
“You’ve had enough junk food, kid. Now shut up, you’re giving me a headache.”
And she did. Naturally, Lilith fell asleep propped up against the cold window. Victor wasn’t certain how long his sister had been asleep when he first spotted her in the mirror. There was an undeniable pang of guilt inside him at the pure hatred he felt for Lilith. Although, as Victor always reminds himself, hatred is just as heartfelt as passion. With a reluctant bite of his tongue, Victor allowed her the much needed rest. He couldn’t seem to recall the last time Lilith had been out this late. He reaches to turn on the radio with a silent flick, the fuzzy static emitting faintly as Victor continues to drive home. His concentration quickly divided, his dark eyes occasionally wandering back towards the dusty mirror to permit himself another glimpse of the sweetly sleeping girl. Her unconscious body swayed so peacefully at any modest movement the car gave. Just the mere essence of her vulnerability sunk weight into Victor’s chest. Through the tears, the arguments, the tantrums and secrets, little Lily was still his sister. His responsibility. Victor couldn’t help but see the death of his parents as a blessing in disguise. It was him and the little girl against the world and he knew that was how things were meant to be. Was it going too far? Probably. Was it vile? Unmistakably. Of course, Lilith would eventually grow up to be her own person; but for now, she’s something Victor could call his own, and that’ll satisfy him enough. At least for the moment.
A drowsy whisper in Lilith’s sleep causes her to stir slightly in her booster seat, quickly indicating her discomfort in the beat down car. Victor winces, the gentle hum of her voice never fails to possess his mind. It was agitating. Even down right appalling. But there was no denial in Victor’s mind that it was above all things appetizing. His guilty conscience was tainted enough, not finding the patience to force himself through the rest of the car ride home without giving into her temptation. At the end of the day, he would never act upon his sister while she slept. Thus, he needed her awake.
“Lilith!” Victor announced abruptly. “Wake up!” With one tight steering hand on the wheel, he reaches behind him to jiggle his sister’s knee with the other. This too will earn an irritated whine from the disrupted child. Gazing back at him through lazy eyelids, Lilith immediately tugs away with immature protest.
“Quit it.” Lilith mumbles.
“You quit it.” Victor retorts foolishly. “I’m serious, wake up. We’re almost home and I don’t feel like carrying you in.”
“I don’t care.” His sister huffs. “You never do anything nice, anyways.”
Without warning, Victor slams harshly on the brake, causing the car to jerk violently into a screeching halt. Lilith gasps in shock at the abrupt stop, her heart racing and instantly awake as her frail body whips uncontrollably. In a split second, Victor has turned completely in his seat with intense malice in his tone.
“Listen to me, you insufferable brat.” He snarls. “I do not ever want to hear something like that come out of your ungrateful little mouth ever again, do you understand me?” Lilith understood completely these threats weren’t empty. With trembling fear, she nods wordlessly. Wrong move.
“I’m sorry?” Victor’s tone becomes spiteful. “Use your words like I raised you to. I said, ‘do you understand me?’”
“Yes.” Lilith’s voice is barely above a whisper.
With a finalized sharp turn back to the steering wheel, Victor continues driving. His animosity was dripping so thickly, Lilith could practically taste it already. She didn’t dare go back to sleep.
By the time they drove into the neighborhood, Lilith had already accepted her fate, completely oblivious of the way Victor’s stomach had twisted into anxious regret from his outburst. His heavy foot eased tremendously off the gas pedal, stalling out the drive through the neighborhood painfully. Inevitably, Victor remained unsure of how to apologize in a manner worthy of the child’s genuine forgiveness, remembering all too well how talented Lilith has become at holding grudges. He remained silent with a racing mind. Lilith, shockingly, resisted to shed any tears over his harsh treatment. Studying Lilith cautiously through the mirror, Victor couldn’t help an unnoticeable smirk at her low gaze and fiddling thumbs, her cheeks dusted shamefully with a flustered blush. This was important to note for Victor, the sight putting him at ease. A silent sister always meant a complaint sister. She spent the rest of the ride home chipping away at her glittery, baby-pink nail polish until the car eventually came to a stuttering stop in the driveway. The vehicle had barely parked for a second when Victor briskly unbuckled himself from the driver seat and swung through the car door. His silence felt heavily dangerous. Lilith became wary when slowly unbuckling her own safety belt, apprehensive about what her brother would do when he arrived to open up her door. Expecting cruelty the moment he would yank open the handle, she was both relieved and confused when Victor proceeded to calmly untangle her from her booster seat with benign hands. The second she’s freed, the suddenly merciful boy reaches to smoothly scoop his baby sister into his arms before shutting the car door with his foot. With tender caresses of her dark hair, Victor holds the timorous child close to his chest as he walks her to the entrance of their inherited home. Lilith slowly melted against him with a new sense of reassurance.
“I thought you didn’t want to carry me in.” Lilith whispers against his shoulder as he unlocks the door.
“I didn’t.” He scoffs, entering the threshold. “But that’s what good big brothers do.”
He could feel her strained heart beat faster as he peels her from his larger body and allowing her to stand upon her own two feet. Without even offering Victor a final glance, Lilith is already eagerly separating from him, hastily turning to wander off towards her individual bedroom. Nonetheless, Victor’s mature reflexes overruled the adolescent girl, effortlessly lunging forward to grab her by the shoulder and forcing her back to face him. Fearful she wasn’t entirely off the hook yet, Lilith glances up at her guardian anxiously. His expression was abnormally wounded.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you in the car.” Victor coaxes bluntly, fondly pushing loose strands of hair from her face as he continues. “I know that was really cruel of me and I should know better than to treat you like that.”
The child can’t help but pout vaguely, skeptical of his apologies. Victor could sense her distrust, causing him to lower onto a knee to bring himself face to face with his sister.
“I mean it, Lily.” He pleads with careful hands on each of her delicate shoulders. “I promise, I’ll do better. For you.”
Lilith fights hard to maintain tearful eye contact with her brother, grasping onto anything that would feel like she’s ‘holding him accountable’. The girl sniffles with uncertainty, growing pitifully sickened by Victor’s manifold promises he never seemed to keep. Since she could remember, his meaningless words constantly flew freely to excuse his savage behavior without any true improvement.
“I’m sorry I bit you, baby. Is your neck still bleeding?”
“I’ll be gentle next time. Just get dressed, alright?”
“Lily, I didn’t realize. Open your legs and show me where it hurts.”
She’s heard it all before. She’s felt it all before. Since the distant memory of gaining consciousness, Lilith accepted how particularly animalistic Victor was. Although, more so than others, there are times where the older boy won’t even need to lay a finger on, or in, Lilith in order to mutilate her. His heartless words and insults could slice her just as deep. But now, he’s carefully pulling her closer towards him to press a chaste kiss upon her forehead, embracing her with a squeeze.
“I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise.” He whispers, grooming his finger over her back. “I’ll take you out for breakfast and we can order as many chocolate chip pancakes as you want. Would you like that?”
No. Lilith despised the repetitive idea of Victor treating her forgiveness like a purchase to be made. As if her willingness to “forget” without an authentic “forgive” to accompany it was as easy as filling his car up with gas.
“Yes.” The young girl agrees hesitantly.
Victor, with a satisfied grin against her neck, shuddered lightly as he breathed deep, inhaling her scent. It was so familiar. It was family. Victor ghosts his lips upon her jaw, nipping an intimate kiss upon her supple skin. Lilith could feel her destiny radiating from his hot breath; his advances laced with carnal desire that he only reserved for when the two were alone. With one last heavy breath, Victor pulls back slightly to meet her with a darkened gaze.
“Why don’t you sleep in my room tonight, Lily?”
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