Pick your poison.. or put it down.
Today just happens to be Best Friend Day and Pick Your Poison day, while seemingly very different and unrelated days, they go hand in hand in my world. Picking your poison generally is used in libation settings... because no matter what you drink, if you drink enough of it...youāll end up throwing up on your best friends shoes. (So Iāve heard.)
I joke and say I only pick my poison with my best friends, but its actually more serious than that.Ā
Our āfriendsā may very well be the poison in our life.
I donāt mean the ones that you have a disagreement with, or sometimes just donāt get along,Ā Ā I mean real, dirt dragging, more stress than needed, poisons.Ā
According to a Real Simple article (http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/relationships/toxic-friendship-signs), having a strong support system of friends gives you a 22% chance of living longer (and happier).. while that number may seem small, in the grand scheme of things, thats a HUGE impact.
It can be hard sometimes to realize when a friend is now a poison. Iāll be the first to admit that Iāve had a fair (read: way too many) toxic friendships that I struggled to maintain and in turn lost part of me.Ā
āNo. Not me. I donāt have toxic friends. I donāt care about ANYONE. Screw the haters. Who lets people get to themā Ok. Ok. I hear you. I donāt believe you, but I hear you.Ā
I spent the majority of my early 20s bouncing from friendship to friendship, trying to listen to everyone and please everyone, afraid to be my completely odd self(even though in my mind I wasnāt) that it became so exhausting that I ended up just not talking to anyone, especially after getting burned by people that I trusted. Good friends, bad friends, and family alike. Didnāt talk to anyone. Not the least bit healthy. It didnāt help that I was living abroad, but I just blamed my super anti-social behavior on the fact that there were language barriers, or I had my kids or I wasĀ ābusyā, but in reality, I had extreme anxiety to forge new relationships or maintain past relationships because of how I had been burned. I always had excuses why I couldnāt/wouldnāt do something. I tracked what times were busy at stores so that I didnāt run into a crowd. I even went as far as walking an entire city block to avoid seeing someone that I knew but just didnāt feel like talking to and going through theĀ āOMG Itās been so long.. we should hang out (both knowing, we would never hang out, but i would be rude to say that right?)
I thought it was just me not caring, feeling like being bothered, but in reality, it was the poison I had chosen years before that was just sitting in my soul.
Fast forward a few years, I had moved back in the states and back in to an area where I had avoided for so long. Thats when I heard the pick your poison speech.Ā āYou canāt avoid those relationships anymore, or youāll just be a loner, pick your poison.ā A loner. All alone. It hit me then, I like me. Whatās wrong with being alone.Ā Iād rather be happy all alone, than drink any of that poison again and from that point on, I applied that concept to every part of my life. If it is not life-threatening, or family altering; it doesnāt make me feel good, I no longer PICK my poison. I donāt pick it up at all. I leave it be and move on. To be honest, I donāt even notice the poison, they arenāt in my peripheral.Ā
In the process, people get hurt (Iām sorry), my perception can come off as cold (donāt care), there are times where Iām alone (more wine for me), but I feel GOOD. Great actually. Itās possibly the happiest Iāve ever been. Pushing off those toxic relationships allowed me to work on myself and relationships that were far more important. They allowed me to meet and accept some AMAZING new people, and Iāve found out who my TRUE best friends are.Ā
All in all...Maybe you havenāt gone as far as I have, and maybe you still have toxic friends, maybe you are the toxic friend, maybe you want to tell me STFU no one cares.Ā Ā As long as YOU are happy, Iām happy for you.Ā
Whatās that saying..āWhat you eat doesnāt make me...ā well. you can fill in the blank.Ā
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