if i look back, i am lost
Claire Keane
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@lizisarealist
Every person I’ve ever loved has some how become toxic to me. A living, breathing reminder of why I was always better off alone. I love too hard, too quickly and then sometimes I don’t love enough. I guess I’m just bad at love.
Kristie Betts (via wordsnquotes)
Yes!
A word and everything is saved. A word and all is lost.
André Breton (via wordsnquotes)
If you love deeply, you’re going to get hurt badly. But it’s still worth it.
C.S. Lewis (via wordsnquotes)
I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.
Warsan Shire (via wordsnquotes)
Nothing Left -
Alternate Universe
Do you ever wish you could see yourself in alternate universes of choices you didn’t make?
I do
Thought
The moment you think irrational thoughts rationally is silence before the eruption. Dare before the truth, death before birth.
This feeling is like standing in the desert naked, waiting for the sweat to fall from your skin, your feet to bleed from standing in hot sand.
Instead your freezing, frost bite on your hands and feet….shivering…. hoping someone would understand and give you a cover. Hug you to keep you warm, warm your hands on their face.
Instead they live their own lives in the spring, while you are stuck between hot and cold. This is chronic pain. This is nerve pain. This is no way out.
I am surprised by how much sex I have had in my life that I didn’t want to have. Not exactly what’s considered “real” rape, or “date” rape, although it is a kind of rape of the spirit - a dishonest portrayal or distortion of my own desire in order to appease another person. I said yes because I felt it was too much trouble to say no. I said yes because I didn’t want to have to defend my “no,” qualify it, justify it - deserve it. I said yes because I thought I was so ugly and fat that I should just take sex every time it was offered, because who knew when it would be offered again. I said yes to partners I never wanted in the first place, because to say no at any point after saying yes for so long would make our entire relationship a lie, so I had to keep saying yes in order to keep the “no” I felt a secret. That is such a messed-up way to live, such an awful way to love. So these days, I say yes only when I mean yes. It does require some vigilance on my part to make sure I don’t just go on sexual automatic pilot and let people do whatever. It forces me to be really honest with myself and others. It makes me remember that loving myself is also about protecting myself and defending my own borders. I say yes to me.
Margaret Cho, “Yes Means Yes” (via lalondes)
If I could go back in time I would change a lot of things. It’s funny, being a kid and thinking you’re an adult and thinking that sex is a legitimate way to make people like you.
(via lollerization)
Wow. My sentiments exactly.
(via lizisarealist)
I am so beautiful, sometimes people weep when they see me. And it has nothing to do with what I look like really, it is just that I gave myself the power to say that I am beautiful; and if I could do that, maybe there is hope for them too. And the great divide between the beautiful and the ugly will cease to be, because we are all what we choose.
Margaret Cho (via plochere)
I have been alone way too long to be ok with the feeling of loneliness. It comes crashing down when you least expect it. I learned to like myself, love myself, be my own company, and enjoy me time. Then there are moments like this; when all you want is someone’s hand to hold, someone to talk to and someone to laugh with.
Source: lizisarealist
The moment you drive down the longest road and it ends. You now can only go left or right. If I reverse I risk backing into something or someone I should have just drove past. I hate turning left because… well… its not quite “right”. If I just keep driving forward I will crash and possibly burn. I wish I can make a u-turn. Get a do over. I know this road well now, and I know it will be a smoother ride. If I can only drive backwards forward… I would really learn from my mistakes.
Long + Winding Road Of Colour By FlamingClaw
http://flamingclaw.deviantart.com/art/Long-Winding-Road-of-Colour-197103874
Naked eye blind, third eye closed, visually impaired to life’s truth; the truth. Seeing through a black hole that goes no where. It’s never-ending.
Can my senses sense the light. I feel the energy of the moon on my skin disguised as the sun. I lay across land across the earth and my eyes begin to open. I smile and then I weep.
I have been fooled by the stars. The constellations are never-ending ; I can’t connect the dots; I can’t put the jigsaw puzzle together. The brightest star hides behind the biggest star, and the star I follow keeps shooting away from me.
I am on another planet just existing in this life. Where did youth go? Why has beauty left? Can vulnerability an innocence come back for a visit?
The bitterness stings like freezer burn. I want my heart back. I miss the warm blood rushing through my system. I miss body heat. I miss love.
