'allo 'allo! @lizofalltrades - Tumblr Blog

personsonable-deactivated201908

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

miaislying

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

personsonable-deactivated201908

decay exists as an extant form of life

miaislying

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

the-terror-bracket

Round 3!

who sends more insane drunk texts?

George Hodgson

Francis Crozier

Remaining time: 2 days 7 hours

lizofalltrades

THEIR AVERAGE FRIDAY EVENING:

F Crozier [FC]: so remind me whats in your meatball recipe

FC: James insists that if were cooking while drinking its not as morally reprehensible

FC: the drinking. the cooking is apparently pardonable

G Hodgson [GH]: 1 lbs beef mince, 1 lbs pork mince, 1/2 c breadcrumvbs, 1/4 c milk, 2 egg yolks, 1/2 c grated parmesean, garlic & salt & pepper to taste

GH: mix bread nd milk first. them add the rest

FC: can we use one whole egg

GH: a whole egg doesn't fix anything. It won't make you whole. It will just make problems

FC: why not?

GH: this is your problem francis you just push and push and pusg. you don't stop and think 'maybe that line sjouldn't be crossed' you just skip over it and the next thing you know youre tasting the body of Christ for the first time and realizing there is power unimaginable beyond the limitsof your world

FC: is this your way of inviting yourself over for cook drinking

FC: bring wine. and whatever you've already opened

FC: help James with this monstrosity so I can drink in peace

FC: oh and bring an egg. we only have the one

#propoganda #make of this what you will

romulusthewolf

god smut is so hard to write.

first you gotta do the build up and then the actual fucking and the fucking is pretty easy but you never know how long the fucking should last, and eventually you're like "okay I'm tired of this" so the characters cum, but you're not done yet because you can't just end it at "he fucking nutted everywhere" you gotta keep going, and the characters have to chat a little or cry or think about how horrible they are or something and then you kinda don't know when to end that either so now you're 2k words in and you might have put too much self hatred and not enough sucking dick. so you wrap it up, and think well it's done now.

or sometimes you have it all perfect in your mind and you knock the whole thing out in 2 to 3 hours.

petrichor102

This is the most beautiful take on it I've ever seen 🤣

#Or sometimes you write 5k of setup #then 5k of marathon omegaverse sex #and then are compelled to write another 58k to explore the ramifications of that first chapter #then PSYCH!!!#WRITE A WHOLE 100K+ COMPANION FIC BC WHY NOT #the woes of someone who just wants to write omegaverse porn

seren-starlight

Unoriginal sin. Derivative sin

animentality

arrowandaxe

bee-in-your-binnet

Coyotes trying their damndest to get domesticated

tredlocity

thepromiscuousfinger

I love very specific cakes

easily-evi

I had to redraw this cake 🍰

sweaterkittensahoy

A companion:

nohoperadio

just saw a pigeon doing the puffed up courtship dance thing to another pigeon, and as he was strutting around he suddenly stopped for a split second to do a very brief preen-peck at his own side, then returned to the strutting around. and i surprised myself by instantly losing respect for the male pigeon in that moment, like come on man i appreciate you had an itch or whatever but how is she supposed to feel special when you're getting distracted by bullshit like that? which on reflection i don't endorse, i mean those are pretty harsh dating norms i'm imposing on these pigeons, from a total outsider perspective, for no reason. probably not all girl pigeons are as uptight about that sort of thing as i would apparently be if i was a girl pigeon, maybe she even found it endearing who knows, i don't know her. it's none of my business really. sorry pigeons.

hotvampireadjacent

marithlizard

It's been a while since I said "this person wins the internet", but today it is merited.

(via bsky)

(The classic XKCD comic)

lovelysmell

how it feels to be anything at all

scrapironflotilla

an anonymous cartoon i found in an officer's scrap book during my research. probably done by an officer given the specific FSR reference.

zombie-luna

timidsketch

I don't know whether or not this is true, but I'm reblogging this because we live in a world where the third search result when I tried researching the validity of this information was a link to an article about a weight loss product.

The second search result had included the slur "ob*se" in the title of the article.

There are seriously people who tell me fat people aren't oppressed. Meanwhile, trying to find information about how to keep a fat person from drying in a car crash is met with links to products that make dirty money off of how society views my body.

I immediately gave up trying to research this.

squirreltastic

The tiktok is correct. Basically it's about arranging your belt so it there is an accident the pressure is in your strongest bones.

timidsketch

"Seatbelt should be across your hips rather than your stomach for everyone, but i think it's more common for fat people to wear seatbelts over the stomach

Pelvic bones are strong and sturdy, and you're going to be MUCH less likely to injure internal organs and such when you suddenly slam into a nylon belt"

Text and photos by @thejacespace

I wanted to put both of these reblogs in one reblog chain since this is helpful information. Thank you both for giving more information than fatphobic Google did.

mybigfatgaylife

Thanks to everyone who worked on verifying this information.

invisible-goats

The Kids just aren't being taught how to write a cv or cover letter huh

I've seen ones today including photos, dates of birth, place of birth even!

And also several formatted like they were writing a message to a friend! Full of exclamation marks! This is a formal document!

invisible-goats

this one is formatted like a powerpoint presentation. to be clear I'm not in charge of any descision making I'm just going through redacting identifying/potentially biasing info but like...some of these formatting decisions are also potentially biasing

becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys

Yeah, I remember getting some wild ones when I was hiring manager

So many women feel the need to mention their young children in their cover letters and CVs. Some young people slip in that they can't drive, a sort of pre-emptive "but it's okay I have a bus pass". So many people go and shove their mental health issues with anxiety and depression in there.

I remember one girl had clearly been told that she needed to explain any gaps in employment in the cover letter (terrible blanket advice), and so had described how she had developed depression after a traumatic miscarriage and spent a year in a terrible spiral getting worse and worse before getting on a new medication that, and I quote, "seemed to be finally starting to work." There are ways she could have written that information if she was desperately wanting to include it (I cannot stress enough that she should not have included a word of it), but the way it was written was almost literally a description of how she would be a horrendously unreliable employee who could dip out at a moment's notice and would never be seen again, while also demonstrating that she cannot determine appropriate professional communication.

(And for the record, the latter is the actual issue. I have no problems at all hiring employees with mental health issues, and did several times hire people in recovery to help them get back on their feet. Only once did that not work out; all others were amazing, and two became some of our best employees - one is now a manager there, in fact. But if an employee can't be trusted not to over share personal information with customers or colleagues, particularly triggering topics... That's a different issue. She did herself no favours at all there, and nor did whoever told her employers will always need employment gaps explaining in a cover letter).

Another guy once wrote in his cover letter "I want this job because after years of messing about I now have a little girl, so I need to sort my life out for her, and if I can't do it even for her then more fool me." Which, like, I admire the drive and passion. But again. Why are you telling an employer that you're a flight risk. Why are you telling us this.

One 18 year old volunteered, unforced, that he was gay. Just right in the cover letter. That he sent to a future employer.

And then, of course, the thousands that send in CVs and cover letters that are horrendously mis-spelled. Again, as an employer, I care dick-all if you're dyslexic or what have you; but I do care that you didn't think it was important to get someone to proofread a professional document for you before submission. That tells me quite a big thing about the level of professionalism I can expect from you in the role. It wasn't massively relevant for the job I was hiring for (escape room game master), but if we'd had slightly different job duties (e.g. writing official soc med posts), that would be the difference between getting an interview or not.

Honestly, half of my role as a hiring manager was just... having to explain to the other hiring manager that she was being biased based on information neither of us should have had in the first place. And she wasn't a bad person, but bias gets you even if you don't want it to. Give yourself the best chance. Don't fuck it by sending in a dumbass cover letter.