unstabledefense:
“Hey, jackass.”
He stands in front of the headstone; its breezy outside, but sunny at the same time. Just the type of weather when they got into that really bad fight and ended up kicking the shit out of each other. He couldn’t help but remember how bruised they were— and the apology they’d both wanted to give but never said, rather just began playfully messing with each other the next day.
Eren kicks at the grass and shifts his weight, shoving his hands deeper into his jean pockets, scowling hard down at the name written across the stone; “JEAN KIRSCHTIEN”. It’s absolutely pathetic; after all, even though Jean was an asshole and an emotional wreck, he was physically quite skilled. Definitely more skilled than Eren in fighting and standing up for himself and others.. It disgusted him. How could someone with so much talent just let themselves die like that? He shook his head in pity, looking high above the headstone as the sun shone through the tree above him; a light breeze picking up as it did so.
He feels betrayed; he feels alone, scared, and helpless.
He feels unaccomplished,
he’s pissed.
His fists clench up really tight inside of his pockets, grasping at the soft, innocent cotton fabric with all of his might. If he had it his way, he’d use that fist to punch that asshole square in the face right now. How could he just leave all of them like that? How could he give up after all he’d fought for? It.. it just wasn’t fair. He needed him there, he needed his big brother…
Warm streaks of emotion soaked his green, sleepless eyes, seaming down from their ends to the middle of his cheeks and falling off daintily to hit the top of his jacket. What an asshole.. what a jackass.. what.. what could ever possess him to just abandon him like that? He needed him more than anything, and he just left without even a single goodbye.
"How could… how could you just abandon us like that?"
” … How could you abandon me like that?!”
His tone is fiery and filled to the brim with anger, scorching eyes tightly closing shut as his fists clench harder.. and harder. Every bit of pain he feels— it’s like a prick of a needle making him bleed all throughout. His heart is aching, his mind is seething, he wants to hurt him.
But then..
he falls.
His knees shake and weaken, giving out to the soft, greenery around him. Fists still clenching, eyes still crying; he beings to sob. He cries out, voice shaking, mind pounding, choking on his anger, sadness, and pain.
"Why weren’t you there.. when I needed you?”
He’d be lying if he said that he understood what was going on. The last time he checked, he was dead. It was an accident, really. It wasn’t supposed to happen—heck, he wasn’t even supposed to be there to begin with. But Jeannie was never good at obeying orders, especially when he had different beliefs. Levi has always said it would be the death of him, but at the time, he had no idea how true that was. It was supposed to be a saying, not a prediction.
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