Nessa knows best

I'm Nessa | 25 | go with the flow

[lmnessa]

Madness

You are madness

Causing me madness

Forcing me into madness

A poison

A toxin

[lmnessa]

Ready to be seen

Not left on seen

Can't wait to look down on you

Gfys

[lmnessa]

I think I can really fall this time

[lmnessa]

Stain filled cheeks

Just say no I can't attend? Why lead me on full of hope?

[lmnessa]

So it's 2023, yaaaay. This is gonna be THE YEAR! I'm going to make all my dreams come true. One can dream, right?

[lmnessa]

Super sad because of a break up last night woth Preston.

So far, a girl (at lucky Luke's came up to me saying I look sad and if I need anything she will leave me her number) and my waiter offered me a drink on hid tab because I looked sad. Thank you to all the nice people out in the world! You really make a difference <3

[lmnessa]

Super sad because of a break up last night woth Preston.

So far, a girl (at lucky Luke's came up to me saying I look sad and if I need anything she will leave me her number) and my waiter offered me a drink on hid tab because I looked sad. Thank you to all the nice people out in the world! You really make a difference <3

[lmnessa]

I know that all love is different. I know there isn't a perfect person anyone is meant to be with. I know we have to choose to stick around to make relationships work. I know that people make mistakes and you shouldn't punish them for it. However, I also know that those who love you shouldn't intentionally try to hurt you. They shouldn't say and do things just to hurt you. Those who love you shouldn't put you down, make you feel low because they feel low, insult you, turn people against you, etc. In general those that love you only want what's best for you and they lift you up with love, kindness, understanding, and advice.

In a relationship I think love should be gentle and sweet. Even through the hard times. You and your partner should communicate and come to solutions together. Always find a middle ground of understanding and respect for eachother. No relationship is perfect, there are fights, disagreements, mistakes, but when your in a relationship that's right for you those things are easy. They are easy because that person's love is similar to your own. You didn't have to mold them into the person they are or try to fit them into the wrong shape of a puzzle, they came that way. They came already ready for you and now you can grow together. Help one another grow and blossom. I think when you find a love like that, that's when you start believing in true love and you realize that everyone before them had a purpose. They lead you to the love you've always been yearning for.

[lmnessa]

This is why it can never work. The constant lies with no reason behind them. The joy of lying just because you can. You say how it's scary that your brother is so good at lying that he doesn't even know what the truth is but how can you not see that you're doing the same thing. Lies with no purpose. Lies for the sake of lies. Someone who preaches honesty over all can be the biggest hypocrites. You never wanted honesty. You wanted manipulation in your favor while playing the victim of betrayl and judgment. Honesty was never your intention, you just wanted to see how far I could bend before I break. I am breaking. Crumbling beneath the surface I tried so hard to mold into this unbreakable shell. I knew not to fully trust or believe because in the end all men lie but I was nice to pretend that even for a second someone could relate to and understand me. I guess I really only ever had myself and thats fine. I just hope that someday someone will actually show me mutual kindness and respect. Enough for honesty and trust. Enough to never feel the need to lie to me about silly things. One day can't come soon enough but I will practice patience until then. Perfecting my shell and softening my heart so it can love again and trust once more.

[lmnessa]

Hmhmmhmhmhm *laughs in irony* I thought I was over this. However, I find enjoyment and slight purpose in drama. Drama as in the people I decide to date and or spend time with. I find it funny, ironic and sad that I am so conditioned to thinking this is "normal" or in the slightest okay to find comfort in this. However due to the lack of drama in my life this is...fun? At least its entertaining

[lmnessa]

S2E3 The L word thought journal

FUCK shane is so hott

like so hot

poor...fuck i forgot her name...the one whos pregnant ___TINA

why do i hate but feel bad for bette and jenny at the same time

oh god dont read the emails!!

who are these people dancing with Alice? ohhh TamTam and___

I miss social events like im not getting any younger

Fuck SHANE IS SO HOT

i want to be like shane..fuck i havent changed from my effy years

poor shane

oh fuck what tina do

well bette deserved it

she must have a heated pool, and a pool guy.

[end of episode]

[lmnessa]

Why im happy to be single

i am happy to be single because i don’t have to make excuses for the other persons shitty behavior

I am happy to be single because i can now be who i truly am and explore a side of me i have neglected for so long

because i can now focus on myself and prioritize my needs

because i don't have to fake being happy

i can be gay

i dont have to suck another dick

i dont have to satisfy a partner

i can do whatever i want with who or whatever i want

i am free

no more arguments

no more fighting

i dont have to tolerate behaviors i dont like

i dont  have to like or see your friends

i get to spent time with my cats, pets, and mom

i can take my time to truly fall in love

i no longer have to hide who i truly am

i can be friends with whoever i want and dont want

[lmnessa]

I just wanna fuck girl with a strap on, to chon. Is that so much to ask?

[lmnessa]

What is a distant memory~

Counter top talks

Late night meals

Drives in the night

Talking til daylight

Walking the streets til midnight

Collecting memories

Drunkin confession

MidNight depression

Late night misery

Crying to you and me

Romantic sorrow

No hope for tomorrow

[lmnessa]

Dream journal

11/23/20

I went to a Convenience store trying to buy some soup but before I could get into the store of man was harassing me he kept trying to poke me and touch me from inside his car. He tried offering me candy and he would try taking my keys. I waited for the man to leave before I left my car Unattended and went into the store. I couldn't decide on what soup I wanted Late so I looked outside to see if my car was OK.

[lmnessa]

I figured it out

I am gay, I want to be daddy. I want to be the daddy for all the events. Like sexual, money. Satisfaction, everything

[lmnessa]

Dream 11-20-20

This couple was about to get it on in their hotel or apartment when the man needed to get something from outside. He went down the hall where he witnessed a man kill someone with a knife on the balcony. He been to run back to he room in fear he was being followed. He got to the room and locked the door explaining that they have to get out of there because there is a murderer after him. They looked around the room and found a raft that can expand 3x its size. Quickly they went to the balcony and inflated it. Throwing it over they had to jump but the raft had tumbled over but they were holding onto it so they landed safely. Once on the ground the raft also had a propeller attached to they could ride it too. Once they realized that they began to move but got to a ditch where the wife got out. She was checking the ground in case there were any sharp objects. There was a metal poll sticking out of the ground so she guided the raft over it then once it passed she had to run and jump back onto the raft.

As they were going along they could see another couple on a raft too escaping from something as well. They made it to this building and got off the rafts to use the elevator. The husband said it was his work building (i think) and they will be safe there. When the other couple entered the elevator they noticed a strange thing laying on the floor. It looked like long narrow piece of metal with a prosthetic women's head on it. Once the elevator began to shut the thing woke up and its body moved fluid like a snake and it wrapped itself around the wife's neck trying to strangle her. The other couple ran in and helped her get the machine off. Then the husband threw it to the other elevator where their was a dived in the back like a fish take where you could see the other side. The creature woke up and was about to jump back when the elevator opened and they ran out.

The room they all entered looked like a big office floor with no structure or carpet. It was just concrete and random people maybe about 15 standing in the room. Approaching the people they asked what was going on. They said they have been waiting for them to arrive and to come. Walking over they noticed these people had masks on. The couple (the second one) asked what was going on and then the lights cut out. When the couple could see again the husband was strapped to the floor from his ankles to his waist. The wife was also strapped down. The instructor explained that they had a choice, either cut off there own legs or cut off the others legs. The couple began pleading, then bartering, then bantering to each other until they finally made a decision. The wife decided to cut off her own legs. She did it quick and easily. The husband volunteered for his wife to cut off his legs. Nervous at first she went slow and the husband cried in pain but then he said how it wasn't so bad until she got to the bone. A person handed her a tool to hit the knife though the bone. Her husband fainted through the last part of getting his leg cut off. When he had come too his wife didn't want to do the second leg to with haist he grabbed the knife and began cutting off his leg, breaking the bone, and finishing the job.

Once that was over the lights went off again and when they turned back on the couple had eachothers legs attached to their bodies. Trying to not freak out the wife made a joke about how their kid always liked swapping their toys legs with other toys. They were free to leave now.

The next event was for the (first) husband. The lights went off and on again. Confused that he was next he begins telling the people how they can't do this to him and that he's the founder. He was strapped to a chair looking at himself. He said he refuses to do this and that he can't, a voice tells him that they know he can't do it.

Then my dream ends with him having flashbacks and visions, memories, etc. Like when you fast forward a tape and then it shows him staring at himself with the spotlight on him. Then I wake up.