schisma

[lnnocentgrey]

Virgil turned 7 today!

[lnnocentgrey]

Where are you?

My lover who will fill my empty heart...

I will find you one day,

My eternal lover.

[lnnocentgrey]

Do you only draw self portraits?

Does that mean you can't love others?

If you have no love for others,

Will your passionate painting ever move people's hearts?

So you can love others, then?

[lnnocentgrey]

I keep having the same dream:

A butterfly in a deep darkness,

Your silhouette disappearing as if you have given up.

Far away,

Almost grinning with an evil intent,

The needle of the moon

And I can’t remember anymore the magic word to slip out of this dream.

[lnnocentgrey]

The flowers that I’ve been growing

in my body for the end look beautiful.

Opening the door to your closed heart,

my piercing wounds magnificently

become yet graver.

[lnnocentgrey]

Caged birds…

Do they dream of their past,

When they soared freely through the skies?

Or do they dream of a future when they’re set free?

I can no longer…

Dream of the past.

[lnnocentgrey]

I can no longer hear anything.

No longer feel anything.

My existence is running through a NOT gate.

And what awaits at the other side is eternal isolation.

The world is disappearing. Falling.

I cry out in confusion.

But I know.

That my voice…

WON’T REACH ANYONE

[lnnocentgrey]

I feel like I’m forever following someone’s footsteps.

I feel like I’m forever awaiting someone’s arrival.

But the one I’m looking for is always…

Somewhere else.

[lnnocentgrey]

There’s a flower that no one has ever seen before.

A beautiful red flower, that shines in the night of the full moon.

The flower contains a special toxin.

Only three men know of its existence.

[lnnocentgrey]

It's my 6 year anniversary on Tumblr.

[lnnocentgrey]

I wonder what thought in your last moments.

What is it that you felt.

I want to feel it.

You’ll never be alone,

Because, I too,

Feel for you.

[lnnocentgrey]

I thought it was meaningless to think about dreams, and such frivolous things.

But, when I’m with you..

Everything looks new.

The happiness you get from a full stomach eventually ends, but…

The happiness you feel in your heart…

Continues day after day.

[lnnocentgrey]

There’s a flower by the wayside,

That no one notices as they pass by.

Yesterday, a cat avoided stepping on that flower as it walked by,

And you watched over it today.

You probably didn’t even notice it;

But, you made me so happy.

Those cigarettes don’t suit you.

—-Does their smoke fill the gaps in your heart?

[lnnocentgrey]

What a feeling..

The desire to cry is passing, passing by now.

I wonder if you mean it when you say you’ll come.

The lies in your words are too vague, sadly.

So I just continued on to the end, looking on by myself, at photos, umbrellas…

I remember a rainy day, I’ll write it down at once

Despite smiling so kindly,

Truths and lies can’t peacefully co-exist exist, I guess..

Pretending to be happy is a point of pride,

Like a manipulated puppet.

Alas, it felt like such a meager thing.

Alas, I actually like pretending to be lonely.

What a feeling..

Even though I yearn,

The feeling is passing, passing by now.

[lnnocentgrey]

March 5th

Good day,

With difficulty, I write this letter.

I don’t feel anything but pain.

For example, a bird in the sky feels nothing but the weight of flying.

Even though happiness surely exists.

I’d hate it if you were to find me, and simply laugh in that fluttering way of yours,

Like diseased grass.

But if by some chance you’ve grown to like me,

I’d be able to spread my hands and fly.

Because sadness and loneliness will disappear,

I don’t need a place for them or anything anymore.

I don’t need a place for them or anything anymore,

Because sadness and loneliness will disappear.

I wonder if my letter will reach its destination?

I wonder if my letter will reach you

Hey—- I wonder if my letter will reach its destination?

[lnnocentgrey]

And I wondered whether I would be able to make you happy…

Nothing can ever be guaranteed.

And I am sure that you will suffer,

Cry out of sadness,

Maybe even resent me.

No, you will most certainly resent me at one time or another.

But the moment I first felt the life of yours,

I felt…

How should I explain this?

Yes, it felt as though this tremendous warm light feeling filled the entire world.

Within it, everything was possible, and complete.

And I,

Felt and overwhelmingly boundless ammount of love and affection.

[lnnocentgrey]

I’m scared.

But everything has an end.

Even pain,

Even hatred.

I am scared to live,

And I am scared to die.