Ghost @loathsome-ana - Tumblr Blog

Hey turns out we're a system. I'm hijacking Ghost's account real quick cause I was reminiscing about when they were active here:

'Back in my day we didn't have girl dinner. We didn't have dinner.'

Anyway Ghost disappeared so that's also. Something. Given it was prob the host. But hey it was still logged in on an alt browser so we know stuff about it now. Sweet.

vexheart

Why is getting sick from being with my toxic ex more effective than my ED from 2021-2022 in terms of weight loss by like, miles, the fuck man

#tw ED talk

hate that it was satisfying that my partner (well, now ex) got scared when I lost weight fast due to health issues like bitch Ana get the fuck out of here I will beat you with a fucking broomstick until you’re nothing but pulp that I will eat to instantly gain 10kg of fucking muscle

mom help the voices in my head are screaming at me about that I'm pretentious for trying to express my emotions and screaming whether I want to suffer when I add stupid videos to my watch later what do they want

I just realised I could write this in the google document diary I made for myself to keep myself away from content that makes me spiral, but now that I’ve written it here I’ll just post it, maybe someone will understand.

Trigger warning for self harm, detailed description of it as well as its motivations, and some romanticisation. This isn’t to say it’s good in any way. This is just a personal vent about how I feel about it. How my mind tries to wrap itself around the concept. If you don’t want it, don’t read it.

my mum’s avoidant habits are actually killing me

those who also feel like they’re binging when they eat a normal meal because their parents stopped feeding them due to their ED even after recovery, say aye :’|

my parents rly said ‘oh you can do weed’ and then when I turned 18 and got myself some at the shop they got mad,,,, and now I smoke it more than I would’ve bc yuh I cannot deal w the way they treat me without weed

great going, parents....

‘let’s smoke weed together, kiddo’

‘actually fuck weed how dare you want to smoke it’

bruh

My mum rly makes it hard for me not to relapse ugh if you want me to want to eat consider cooking sm I eat instead of reminding me of the way it feels when I’m starving

I don’t want to live like this

I’m genuinely still pissed that the person I thought might not see me as just another fleshlight ran off after me being emotionally vulnerable ONCE

like okay sorry I'm scared of becoming homeless due to being mentally ill, if that scares you off from even being friends with me I guess all you wanted was consistent missionary sex congrats I hope you never get it

like he just sees me cry one time and then ghosts me and then told me yesterday he can’t talk to me bc I'm mentally ill and trans? huh. bruh.

I'd like for the arguing in my brain to stop I feel high as fuck and it’s like there’s roommates in my brain that judge my coping skills

why isn’t ‘going crazy and foaming at the mouth’ an appropriate answer when someone says something hot </3

my goddamn bumble date left me after he saw me cry about my parents not feeding me, which given I recovered is a goddamn problem cause im trying not to relapse

yes I do see the irony of me coming back here because of that

at least I was choosing to starve back then smh

im glad I have a healthy relationship w eating when I have food but still if I don't have it it makes me close to relapsing

omg I finally logged in yessss hi I'm back didn't relapse but I doooo hate living rn

bpd-trichster

me: *chillin*

my brain: SELF HARM BINGE EAT TAKE ALL YOUR PILLS PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH A WALL DRINK AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA PULL OUT ALL YOUR HAIR SCREAM FOR NO REASON JUMP IN FRONT OF A CAR CUT OFF ALL YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS ROB A BANK

me: *no longer chillin*

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