~ℳ𝒶𝒾𝒶~

(͜͡I͜͡ d͜͡o͜͡n͜͡t͜͡ k͜͡n͜͡o͜͡w͜͡ I͜͡ j͜͡u͜͡s͜͡t͜͡ l͜͡i͜͡k͜͡e͜͡ y͜͡o͜͡u͜͡

[localyan]

About me and DNI!

Age ~ 23

gender identity ~ genderfluid but I will only use this account wen feeling more fem

dere type ~ yan & dan

fun facts!! c: I am a cluster b personality, I love making art, and music constantly flows around me.

DNI: MAPS, anti-yan accounts (will b calld out publicly and then blocked we don't play games round here) anyone who knows me irl. (this isn't for u I promise), also anyone below 16.

Note ~ I made this to be an outlet and a safe space please feel free to share any thoughts and feelings you need to get off your chest. Dere's gotta stick together! <3

Trigger warnings will not be posted with each one since I am using this as my personal spac simply inviting others to view.

The possible triggers you will see are as follows; blood, soft gore, derealization, obsessive content, sa mentioned in art form, self harm (real and in art.) and of course yandere content. In the likes tab there will also be ed related content that has zero to do with recovery. The yandere content on my page will range in intensity so if it bothers you a bit you may not like it here. *shrug*

If any of those things bother you please exit. I do not wish to cause people discomfort only wish to be open about myself for once.

[yanderebunbun-deactivated202410]

[devoteebloodbag]

i want to wear your name. like a badge of honor. i want to bare your mark. your branding in anyway i can have it. in every way i can have it

[localyan]

I'maGhost

I think it's just easier to disappear than to deal with the embarrassment I feel.

[localyan]

I know that I am annoying. I know that I become too much. I know that I attach and detach just as quickly. I'm never the same tomorrow as I was yesterday and no one can fix me not even myself. It's truly unfair that I am forced to carry on when there is no cure. Society will shun me for who I am yet refuse me to leave this earth? Make it make sense man.

Being fun is no fun.

[localyan]

I will make you wonder what is real what's fake.

[localyan]

Will we be okay?

You let her change everything. You allowed her to worm her way into your mind and now I feel as if I am nothing at all to you....like you have already begun to slip away brfore any of the changes truly take place. Do I really mean so little that you would do that? Am I paranoid? Do you love me? No one loves me...I am only ever used.

I know I help people heal and I know I help bring some type of joy or comfort but...I continue to be left....is he about to do the same? I can't allow it to happen. i would turn from sun to ash right quick. Without him nothing matters at all.

[localyan]

Not enough. Not enough.

I know that I am not anyone's first choice...I never have been. I thought getting thinner would change that so I starved myself. Than I realized it would never change and started cutting myself. Being the one no one fully cares for really hurts. Especially since I devote so much time and energy to help them heal.

[localyan]

Depression.

Just wanted to say I'm sorry for the lack of posts lately. I'm goin thro a pretty big mental dip and trying to focus on self-care. I'll likely post little things here and there while I'm dealing with this, but definitely not as much as usual. Regularaly scheduled programming on hold till further notice. :/

[localyan]

Monster. (a poem?)

I am the monster under my own bed.

I'm the monster inside of your head.

I'll manipulate myself into caring and I'll manipulate you into loving me. It'll all feel fine until the drugs kick in. We'll fall to rock bottom in the most graceful way that one can. Here it is safe. No expectations and no hatred except for the on we hold of life itself. You and I could run the world that way you know...only feeling for each other nothing and no one else really taking precedence.

Doesn't that sound lovely?

Perhaps it isn't for you...yet. Perhaps you still have some "ties" to this empty life we lead. Don't you want to leave too? Isn't the monotony drilling into your skull?

My fingers itch to explore, to hurt, to burn. Don't you see how beautifully destructive we could be?!

I am you and you are me. There's no escape...I'll win one day or we will die fighting.

Together.

[localyan]

My Own Bad Habit.

Her lips against mine made me higher than any drug I'd ever tried. Her voice made me float on cloud nine, and her touch felt like sakura petals...I miss her more and more lately...why is it that I can't drop this? It has been so long since her and I last spoke...I know our relationship wasn't always healthy.

I am the first to admit mistakes were made but...even after all this time...I still feel the things that I promised her. I keep falling...she may be someone totally different yet here I am the same fool for her. I talk about her at least once a week, and think about her even more than that.

I hope she thinks of me too. Most of all though...I hope she's happy.

[localyan]

I'll be here forever.

If you end up leaving you could be gone for years and I'd still respond to any message you sent. I would still be willing to sacrifice myself for you. You could kick me, hit me, humiliate me, and I'd STILL be here for you.

I may be obsessive but shit dude you'll never find another that is more willing to sacrifice for your comfort. It does not even have to be a need. I simply want to be the reason for the smile on your face...please know...please understand...I just want you happy.

[savemerina]

tag/credit when reposting, especially on instagram! @savemerina on all socials <3

please actually tag me in the post on instagram so that i can see it :3

[honeypleasejustkillme]

imagine the worst you’ve ever felt - the most hopeless, depressed, lonely, unlovable day you’ve ever had - now multiply that by 100 .. that’s the intensity in which people w bpd experience any negative emotion, every. single. time. and it’s why suicidal thinking is so common for us

[cattleya-in-hell-deactivated202]

It's hard when you realize your beloved will never love you the same way you love them. I try not to think about it too much, but some small things they do really speak out to me.

For an example, I love learning about my beloved. Asking questions and reading their vents. But they never ask me questions, they skip pages in my vent book, only reading the ones where I mention them, they don't remember small things about me as I do for them.

I realize, they might love me, but not how I love them.

[localyan]

all of this. I felt that so hard.

[localyan]

Undeserving.

Just to let you know this is a vent post. <3

I miss when I was feeling manic...when my obsessions felt like flowers I was watering, and the affection I sought out was safe and fun. Today I feel like I don't deserve a thing. I walked in the rain tonight thinking of them...I'd never had multiple obsessions before this. It was always very pointed. I feel like a horrid person for this split.

It's hard for me to manage myself with one person let alone three...having these feelings today has made me realize I'm not a good person at all which I plan to bring up in therapy.

Honestly might show her this. I am really trying hard to be the best for my darlings. They really do deserve it after all.

[localyan]

Your posts are so romantic and you seem so cool! I read about that break up and I am sorry about that, I had to go through similiar thing and I am still not completely okay eventhough it's been years. Anyway just wanted to say you are very sweet!<3

I appreciate ur kind words so so much! I'm so sorry about your break up and thx for saying the same about mine. I believe 1 day we will b able to heal...just a long process. My heart goes out to u <3

I'm glad u enjoy my content and hope u can use my page as a safe space any time u need it <3