TALL, DARK, & MISCHIEVOUS (ON SEMI- PERMANENT HIATUS)
@lokatattur
//On Haitus Due to Full-Time Job; Expect slow replies//
LOKA TATTUR: THE TALE OF LOKI.
These are the words of a former prince. Son of no one. Once nourished, then betrayed, cast out like nothing.
Loki's Aesthetics Blog: LokisLikings (side blog, cannot follow back)
Mun blog: tattur (side blog, cannot follow back)
Prior to interacting, please review information on my muse via the content of my previous Pinned Post. Must be 21+ to interact. People ages 20 or less, do not interact. I'm in my mid 30s so it just feels weird.
This blog is on hiatus until otherwise stated for the following reasons:
I work a full-time job (40 hours a week) 😭
I'm in the middle of a year-long art room organization project (delayed often due to my work schedule limiting time to work on said room to weekends) 😒
I still make time to see friends face-to-face every other week, if not more 🥰
I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (typically ranging from September to January) 😑
Sometimes, I'm just dog-tired and don't have the creative juices to write 🫠
Additional upcoming events that will further exasperate my hiatus:
A much needed surgery will have me down and out for 6 weeks (mid-November to end of December) 😍
I will be going back to college for a second bachelor's degree starting January 2024 🥳
I will continue to post regular OOC updates so people know I'm alive. I'm still interested in RPing, but be aware that my replies are probably slower than watching paint dry. 😅
Feel free to DM me any time, though it's not necessary to check up on me. You don't need to be worried about me. ❤️
If you want to keep up with me on Tumblr, I have multiple blogs. If I'm not posting here at @lokatattur (and assuming I'm actually logged in on Tumblr), I may be posting to: @tattur @lokislikings @creativehubble @tatturmemes @myrkrtattur @starkthejeanius Please note: You are not required to follow all or any of my blogs to interact with me or my characters.
Please feel free to continue sending Asks and Ask Memes or tag me in things or new threads. I may be super slow at responding to them, but please don't interpret my snail pace as disinterest in interacting with you. It's not you, it's me. I sincerely apologize.
Please also feel free to send my art drawing requests. I love drawing and ideas are always something I kinda struggle with lol. You can see my past work at #My Art on my mun blog, @tattur.
//ooc: Last couple of weeks, I've been focused on starting up a side hustle to get some extra cash, hopefully. I've been making bracelets like crazy for two months so I'm going to try selling them since its way more than I'll ever wear.
//ooc: I think at this point, one thing you can count on is that I'll disappear for several months then post an update and I'm so sorry for that.
I definitely want to do better.
I'm hoping the creative spark will someday return to me but for now, it's just not there for me.
In fact, I kind of look back at the things I wrote, how in character I was for Liely (that's what I call Ryker), all the shenanigans I came up with or reactions to things thrown at my character, and I feel like that was someone else who did all that. I didn't write all that? I don't have that kind of mental capacity? I dont feel like the brain I possess now is the same as the kind of brain I had that could churn out so many words like that on a weekly if not daily basis.
Do you ever feel like that?
For those of you who don't know, I was diagnosed with depression a long time ago, though I'm pretty sure I had it many more years before that undiagnosed. Since it's everything to do with a chemical imbalance and not to do with how life's going, I can confidently say that while I'm not exactly where I want to be in some aspects of my life, I'm still in a good place.
I feel like I'm not me right now. I don't think its like Imposter Syndrome. It's like an acknowledgement that I just can't do what I used to, like an athlete who was top of the game and now they're on the other end of that peak, just steadily getting further away from what was their best work.
I've been talking about my mental state (though, not about how I feel about my writing skills) with my spouse and now I'm getting my doctor involved, but basically, I have been struggling with a severe bout of depression these last couple of months.
No, don't look at my last OOC and think I was masking things or making it up to sound okay when I wasn't. Whatever I wrote before now was just as genuinely felt as this that I'm writing now. This kind of just happened in January, rolled into February, and March, and now I'm trying to fix it.
My depression is just my brain being stupid and it decided to flip on the depression on high. Little stuff makes me tear up that normally doesn't matter to me. My cat deciding he doesn't want to snuggle with me feels especially crushing than it normally does. Soon as I clock out of work, I've been going to bed within an hour because I'm so drained (from an office job that's actually quite sedentary). I've been declining to see friends because I don't want to leave my house or socialize. In fact, my social battery has been acting like it just can't recharge no matter what I do. Nothing wrong can be going on, and suddenly I'm just hit with sadness. My sadness feels like gravity has gotten heavier, so eventually it starts making me physically hurt like I'm straining against this increased gravitational force. I've been so exhausted even though I have spent more time sitting, reclining, or laying down than I normally do. Thankfully, my thoughts don't go into too many dark places. I already know what I'm not happy about and am actively working on fixing it. It just doesn't stop the depression.
Sorry for the depressing post. It's been a struggle for me. I'm mostly annoyed like I'm just a hostage through all of this watching my depression taking the driver seat on my actions. Hence why I point out this is absolutely a chemical imbalance. I call it my brain being stupid. I'll even say to my spouse, "Sorry, my brain is stupid." Not that I'm calling myself stupid, but like my brain decides to be dumb with it's chemical distribution choices. Like damn, man. It's bad enough I have to constantly deal with higher ups in my workplace make increasingly stupid choices that affect my workload. My brain is doing the same shit, just making poor choices (with the mood stabilizing chemicals) that affect my ability to function. I'm like an outsider looking in and face-palming this whole time. Olympic gold medalist for eyerolling.
Like I mentioned before, I have gotten my doctor involved. I'm trying a new medication. I've also got a referral to a psychiatrist that specializes in mental health disorders like depression. So, I'm starting to move into the right direction again, but it'll take a few weeks, maybe even months. I hate that it'll take some time to get myself moving fully in the right direction again, but I'm a survivor. I'll survive this, too.
Give your loved ones extra hugs and tell them you love them! Don't take their presence for granted.
I had to learn the hard way many years ago that tomorrow is never guaranteed.
It might sound cliche or corny, but I really mean it when I say to cherish every moment you have with the people that matter in your life. They might not always be there in it.
//ooc: July was a really bad month for me and I've just been getting by since but now I'm amping up for a 2 week vacation in September. So things are looking up.
//ooc: For the 5th billionth time, I apologize for my absence. I got a new job in March and tbh I have been mostly focused on that. There's other stuff going on that I don't want to get too far into but for the most part, I'm okay.
//ooc: Whelp, things weren't all great before, but then it got worse. I got into a car accident that totaled my car on Thursday. I'm okay, no serious injuries, but my car is effed and my phone got broken in the crash.
I'm now financially strained. I can't afford a replacement vehicle. I'm just barely lucky to have gotten a replacement phone. But, I can't see being able to get another car for a while.
//ooc: For the 5th billionth time, I apologize for my absence. I got a new job in March and tbh I have been mostly focused on that. There's other stuff going on that I don't want to get too far into but for the most part, I'm okay.
//ooc: Fair warning guys. Tumblr is being dumb about notifying me when I get messages so if you message me and I take two weeks to respond, that's Tumblrs fault. I'm not trying to ignore anyone.
//ooc: I got a new job at a different company! It's customer service over the phone but I'm hoping it'll get my foot in the door and be a kind of stepping stone towards something less customer facing. Fingers crossed! I start mid-March.
//ooc: I got a new job at a different company! It's customer service over the phone but I'm hoping it'll get my foot in the door and be a kind of stepping stone towards something less customer facing. Fingers crossed! I start mid-March.
//Ooc: Yall, it snowed here where I live. I got 8.5 inches of snow. I live in Florida. We don't get 8.5 inches of snow here. It's already rare to get 2 inches of snow.
//ooc: Felt like doing an update. No new changes work-wise, unfortunately. I'm still at the same employer and still applying for jobs to get out of customer service. No bites yet, but I've submitted easily over 200 applications, so hopefully, I'll start hearing back from some employers soon.
Sad news: I'm broke-broke to where I even got a couple of credit cards maxed out. I'm currently trying to work out a side hustle plan to make a little more income to tackle my debt. Obviously, I've also cut back spending, lol.
Good news: I got married last week! It wasn't a big to-do ceremony, but we had a nice day and got to play some board games with friends afterwards.
//ooc: yep, I've submitted 30 apps this morning. Granted, they were quick apply type apps so I don't expect much from that. But I'm going with quantity over quality for now (there's some quality, obviously. I'm not just applying to everything.)
But my current employer has declined 11 internal apps this year, and I'm done with being told I'm just not a good enough candidate for a job away from customer interaction from start to finish. I'm too burnt out from this job to keep trying.
