pt. 2 of ‘Let Alone the One you Love’ but can be read separately!
‧₊˚♪ 𝄞𝄢₊ Now playing: “A Couple Minutes” – Olivia Dean
Ni-ki was a quiet lover.
He was never good with his words nor expressing them. His love seeped through the simplest moments that would often go unnoticed to the blind eye. He’d like to say that he was a man of true chivalry. Whether it be buying you coffee for your morning classes or wrapping his jacket around your shoulders on a cold night, he knew you like the back of his hand. Why shout to the whole world he’s in love with you, when his whole world was already in front of him?
‘I really fucked up big time’ Ni-ki ran his palms across his face as he plopped himself on the sofa, groaning into the pillow. Jaeyun shook his head in return, pushing Ni-ki’s leg off as he sat himself right next to him.
“Yeah. You really did.” Hearing his roommate’s lack of pity, Ni-ki only groaned louder as he threw a pillow right at Jaeyun’s face. Since the break up, Ni-ki really thought he had moved on. Everyone thought he had moved on. He hung out with the boys, went to every party and even landed himself a talking stage. Yet, even after all that, something was missing. Someone was missing.
As the silence and minutes of contemplation prolonged, Jaeyun could only sigh at his friend’s state. He’d never say it to his face but he had always noticed that, since the breakup, Ni-ki was always on edge. Of course, that never stopped him from being the party animal he was. But, he was no longer the guy who’d tuck himself away in the corner playing beer pong or lounging with his friends. Instead, Ni-ki became louder and cockier. As if turning up the volume would fill in the silence you had left.
Everyone mistook it as Ni-ki being the life of the party. But Jaeyun knew it was merely a guise. Ni-ki was casketed under a veil of lies and whiskey, drowning himself in intoxication rather than letting himself fall victim to his broken heart’s tidal waves. It was his way of distracting himself.
“If you’re so miserable, why don’t you just get back with her?” Ni-ki sat up at the suggestion, giving it a genuine thought before shaking his head
“She wouldn’t want me back,” He grew quieter at his own words, realising the weight to them. He’s familiar with the kind of person you are. The distance you committed wasn’t a matter of pride nor disdain, but rather love; Love for yourself and love for him. He knew you well enough to know that if you hadn’t detached yourself first, you’d only continue to bring each other down.
A love that has become a wilted flower never means that it has never bloomed. It was once beautiful too. But in that same vein, Ni-ki just wanted his sweet girl back.
Even if there was only a tiny fragment of your heart that still loved him, he didn’t care. He’d take it and run a mile with it.
At first, Ni-ki started off small.
A simple smile by the hallways, a like on your story or borrowing a pen in your shared morning classes. It was his way of slowly easing himself back into your life. You never really questioned it since it had already been months after the breakup. Distance gave the two of you time to reflect and grow. Day by day, Ni-ki was gradually making his presence known. However, when his simple actions were able to escalate into short conversations and small catch ups, Ni-ki got a bit bolder.
You were sitting at your usual spot in your morning lecture as you mindlessly took down notes, mentally preparing yourself for the next one hour. If it hadn’t been last night’s all-nighter, then you were sure that the endless nonsense your professor was spewing about was the reason you could barely keep your eyes open.
However, your endless daydreaming was cut short at the sound of the chair next to you being pulled back. Glancing to your side, you were met by Ni-ki’s exhausted gaze. You hadn’t even noticed his absence until now. As soon as he was seated, the boy couldn’t help but slouch himself over on the desk as he rested his head on his crossed arms. Only a chuckle left your mouth as you noticed his tousled black hair, wrinkled shirt and the way his chest kept rising and falling every time he tried to catch his breath.
“What happened to you?” You quietly asked as he peaked his head up from his arms, brushing off your question with a quick ‘it’s nothing’.
Oh…so much for small talk.
Assuming he was having an equally sleepy morning as you, you chose to end the conversation there. You went back to tuning out the continuous string of boredom your professor was saying whilst simultaneously ignoring whatever Ni-ki was doing next to you. It’s not like it was awkward between the two of you. But the last time you two were ever in this close of proximity was back when you had been dating.
Ni-ki continued shuffling beside you as he set himself up. He took out his macbook, pens, notes and from the corner of your eye, you see him slide over a coffee cup to your side of the table. You looked at him with a puzzled stare before he cleared his throat and looked straight ahead to the professor.
“It was buy one, get one free..” Your mouth only formed an ‘o’ shape before whispering to him a quick thanks. Looking at the drink, you couldn’t bite back the smile that had crept on your face when you realised it was your usual order. And Ni-ki, too, couldn’t help but grin at seeing your mood be immediately enlightened.
From the way his ears turned red and his eyes averted from your own, you knew Ni-ki was lying. But, being too giddy at the small gesture to call him out on it, you let it slide.
Of course he’d remember.
The weather today was truly as unpredictable as Ni-ki’s feelings.
Your morning was basked in the warmth of the sun’s beams accompanied by the gentle breeze of summer’s air. But now, with the heavy droplets of rain pelting on the ground to cover the streets in pools of puddles, the shitty downpour had no sign of stopping anytime soon. You, who had not bothered to check the forecast on their phone, were now left waiting inside your campus until the sky eventually clears.
Usually on days like this, your prince charming would come on his white horse, aka Ni-ki’s BMW, to save his poor damsel in distress. But now, only a mere sigh left your lips once you had remembered that you no longer were blessed with that privilege. You stared at the ground in contemplation as you try figuring out whether you should just: fuck it and bolt in the rain or pray on a miracle it stops. Before you can even make up your mind, a pair of black Jordans came into your view; one that looked all too familiar. Your gaze immediately travelled up.
“You’ve been here for a while” Ni-ki’s soft, boyish grin stared back at you. “Need a ride?”
In your helpless state, you knew you couldn’t take up on this opportunity. When you had shamefully given him a small nod, his grin only widened as you trailed behind him. Your conversation on the way to his car was mostly light and playful. Whilst you complained about your bad luck, Ni-ki teased you on how you never change.
He opened the door for you and you climbed in the car as if you were back in routine. In his usual monochrome aesthetic, the interior was still the same mix of dark and dull hues of black. Your eyes, however, immediately spotted the slight tinge of pink from the keychain you gave him hanging on his rearview mirror. It was a gift you had given him on your first date.
“You can just drop me off at the library, I have some assignments to catch up on,” You say, buckling your seatbelt in as Ni-ki started up the engine
“Sounds good to me, I was actually heading there too”
Whilst the rain continued to pour outside, you and Ni-ki shared genuine conversations with each other. You were catching up on each other’s lives, filling in all the chapters you had missed and were no longer part of. You asked him questions like did he end up moving house? or whether Bisco was doing okay (since he always liked you better). It felt comfortable. Familiar even.
But the flow of your chattering was abruptly interrupted by his phone’s ringtone. It was an incoming call from Jaeyun. Ni-ki asked if it was alright if he could take it, to which you simply nodded before he answered. You tried to ignore his conversation with his friend but Jaeyun’s distressed voice reverberated in the car.
“Bro, where are you?! I told you we had a reservation at 5pm!” Your eyes immediately darted to Ni-ki and you didn’t miss the dust of red that crept on his face. You chuckled before asking.
“I thought you were heading to the library?”
Caught him.
Whilst music blasted from the party inside, you were sat down on the roadside pavement trying to get some fresh air. It was finally the end of your exam season and you and your friends had decided to let loose. What better way to congratulate yourself on months of studying than getting completely wasted at a random frat party?
The bustling night had slightly died down as your mind tuned out the blaring house music in the background. Your whole body was completely slouched over itself as you felt the queasy feeling of acid travel up your stomach. But, before you can throw up your guts on the sidewalk, you feel a figure approach you from behind, his subtle touch grazing your bare shoulders.
“What are you doing outside by yourself, pretty?” His mellow voice sounded through your ears as your dazed state was unable to put a name to his face. Judging from the way he sat so close to you, legs almost touching, you assumed he was the guy that was hitting on you earlier. His hand lingered on your bare skin whilst his face inches closer to you, lustful eyes undressing every part of your body. Unable to process the situation, he was a breath away from stealing a kiss before he was shoved backwards.
“Get off her. She’s with me.” He knew he had no right. He was no longer your boyfriend. But at the same time, Ni-ki knew better than to just watch you be taken advantage by some drunk frat boy. His jaw tightened at the mere thought of some asshole kissing you in this state. The guy only mumbled apologies before he stood up and walked away, Ni-ki’s eyes never leaving his figure until he was fully gone.
He turned to you on the floor, your short bodycon dress slightly riding up your thighs, heels abandoned and a pout plastered on your face. A sigh left his lips before helping you get up and wrapping his jacket around your figure “Let’s get you home.” You could only hunch over and gag in response. Ni-ki acted quick, knowing you and your low alcohol tolerance. He soothingly rubbed your back whilst zipping up his jacket on you, making sure your vomit wouldn’t stain your clothes.
“It’s alright..just let it all out” He says to you, holding your hair back with his hand whilst you puked all over the the house’s front yard. Ni-ki makes a mental note to apologise to Jay for that tomorrow.
After you had spewed out all the remaining alcohol in your system, you now found yourself seated on the passenger side of Ni-ki’s car. Again. You rested your head on the window as you felt your eyes getting heavier, succumbing your body to sleep. Ni-ki leaned over the center console to buckle your seatbelt before quietly shifting the direction of the air conditioning to your side of the car.
The ride to your place was quiet, filled with the soft hum of Ni-ki’s playlist on carplay accompanied by your even breathing whilst you napped. Stopping at a red light, he glanced at your resting figure from the corner of his eye. He didn’t miss the way a soft smile played on your lips, the way you snuggled deeper into his jacket and the way you simply looked like you belonged in his world. You stirred a bit in your sleep, mumbling incoherent words which Ni-ki could only chuckle at. However, once the car had started moving again, you gradually woke up. Albeit, you were still incredibly drunk.
“Sstop doin’ thiss, ‘ki” You slurred out as Ni-ki only hummed in response, curious as to what you meant. He also couldn’t stop the smirk tugging at the corner of his lips at the sound of his nickname come out your mouth
“y-you can’t jus’ act like you suddenly care!” Ni-ki’s face suddenly turned serious at your words, catching the way your emotions took over the tone in which you delivered them. Don’t get me wrong, you still sounded like any drunkard. But your pain was definitely evident in the way your voice shook and the way slight sniffles were heard between every word.
“Although it's over, of course I still care, about you, yn.”
“You don’t just get to decide when you want to care and when you don’t!” Your eyesight slightly blurred as you stared aimlessly at the passing houses outside the window, refusing to look at him. You scolded yourself for letting another tear be wasted over Ni-ki. “It’s not fair to me..” You whisper as the whole car now fell in a deafening silence; where now, only your ragged breathing and the hum of the engine could be heard.
“Let’s talk about this when you're sober in the morning, okay?”
In the morning, you woke up to a 100+ notifications from your hgs and the worst hangover known to man. At least you were in your pajamas and your makeup was off…wait what? Staring at your bare face and matching silk set in the mirror, you only know one person that knows your post-party routine off by heart. You snatched your phone off your bed side table and immediately scrolled to a familiar contact info, “Ni-ki”. At the opening of his inbox, you almost wanted to neck yourself once you read the most recent message.
I’m coming over.
Shit. You tried recalling what had happened last night for him to have to visit you the morning after. You must have fucked up real bad. Yet, no matter how hard you try, your memories have just become a wash away blur of drinking, dancing and laughing. You threw your phone across your bed and groaned into your pillows. If only you just kept that big mouth of yours shut.
But at the ring of the doorbell, your brief reverie was immediately interrupted and you swore you were experiencing war flashbacks.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Quickly running to the bathroom, you brush your teeth and comb through your tangled hair, trying to look at least presentable.
You took a deep breath at the face of your door before opening it wide and offering a polite smile. As expected, there he was. Riki Nishimura, clad in his all black hoodie and sweats, carrying take out in his hands. He had a small smile etched on his lips which only grew at the sight of you.
“Thought some soup could help with the hangover,” If your head wasn’t throbbing as hard as it was, you would have rejected him like any normal ex would. But right now, all you wanted was to get this conversation over with and rest.
He slipped off his shoes and made his way to your living room to set up the food on your coffee table. You followed right after, watching the way he moved around your house so naturally. As he grabbed the bowls from the top shelf of your cabinet, you couldn’t help but stare at the flex in his broad shoulders that was defined even under his hoodie. Or the way he had pulled up his sleeves to reveal the veins running on his forearms. You hated how conventionally hot he was.
Seated on the same sofa you both had broken up on, you started to question him before you could even take a bite of the food. “Why did you come here, Ni-ki?”
“I want to get back together with you.”
His words knocked the wind out of you. The last thing you expected was Ni-ki trying to rekindle your relationship on a random Sunday. Especially on one where you quite literally looked like a hot mess.
He can’t be serious right now...
“I regret the way I was towards you back then but..” He took a pause to assess your facial expression, trying to find some hint of anger or resentment towards him. But you were simply listening. And so, he continued “I’ve changed. I’m trying to be a better man for you.”
At the sound of his desperate voice, your heart ached a bit. But what broke you even more was the way his eyes were filled with sincerity when it had locked with yours.
“If you just let me, I’ll give you the world.”
You bit your lip and chuckled dryly. If he had asked you this when you had first broken up, your answer would have been clear as day. You would have crawled right back to him and would have fallen back into the same old habits. But now, looking at his glossy eyes and the way he nervously played with his silver rings, your answer was not so certain anymore. You swore this is what you wanted. Then…why didn’t it feel like it?
“I never wanted the world Ni-ki…I just wanted you” A quivering exhale left his lips. From the sound of your words alone, he could already see where this conversation was going. “Why did it have to cost you the loss of me for you to realise you cared?”
There it was. Ni-ki had expected it from the moment he wanted you back. His gaze suddenly faltered from your eyes to the wooden floors, the guilt and shame weighing down upon his shoulders. The familiarity of it all was suffocating. The way you two were back on your sofa, the way only apologies left his lips and the way he felt you slowly drifting further away.
“I don’t know, yn” He softly let out, truly at a loss for what to say. Ni-ki never knows why, but, when he’s facing you like this – vulnerable and hurting – he could never find the right words to say.
A part of you wanted him to understand how unfair this was for you. How humiliating it is to play with your feelings just because his kept fluctuating. This was the man you thought you were going to marry. But at the sound of his own uncertainty, you realised he was merely a boy with feelings too big for him to even understand.
“Who’s to say you won’t change your mind again? Change how you feel?”
At the end of the conversation, it wasn’t awkward.
No tears were shed by either Ni-ki or you, returning back to eating instead. The two of you would share a couple of laughs and were even able to talk casually without falling into a deafening silence. There were no lingering feelings of resentment, grief nor pain. Just acceptance. Acceptance of the fact that you and Ni-ki no longer hold the same love you once had before. But even so, he still reserved a special place in your heart to foster a new feeling. Something more simple. Something more mature.
Loving Ni-ki made you realise that even when it's over, love should never be stigmatised for what it has become. Whether it has ended in wedding vows or a teary goodbye, love’s never wasted when it's shared. There’s a beauty in the fleeting moments those temporary to us leave, and it takes a brave heart to accept the inevitability of letting this go.
Ni-ki was a quiet lover. If it guaranteed your happiness for him to finally step back, he was fine with going back to real life
cw- crack, jealousy (caleb and xavier), swearing, also yes i'm aware that 'too' should be 'two' in sy's messages😔, AND 'I already do' is supposed to be grey in caleb's messages (i literally can't post an smau without there being some kind of mistake in the texts ARGHHH)
elle's notes: so i had an unoriginal thought. i hope y'all liked it. literally considering asking my guy friend if they know someone to set me up with my yearning is that bad rn.
You and Jay have been secretly dating for years, but his group doesn’t know you live with him. When you finally meet, they’re cold and suspicious—Jay stays clueless, happy to see you together. You keep the peace, but after one tense dinner, you disappear, leaving Jay stunned and alone.
word count: 9.6k
content warning: ANGST!! (with fluff ending), shift of perspectives, arguments, basically all of enhypen being cold and rude at some point, and jay getting mad and depressed.
authors note: ahh i loved writing this one <3
The sound of keys jingling in the lock was your cue to put the kettle on.
Jay always came through the door like the world outside was a costume he could finally peel off. Here, in the apartment nobody knew he shared with you, he didn’t have to be Park Jongseong, idol, performer, Enhypen’s beloved ace. Here, he was just Jay —your Jay. The one who danced with you while brushing his teeth, who left shoes scattered in the hallway, and who whispered stupidly sweet things into your shoulder when he couldn’t sleep.
No one knew.
Not really.
No one knew. The members knew he had a second apartment. A “quiet place.” They didn’t know about your toothbrush beside his, or the cardigan hanging off his desk chair, or how your presence had quietly settled into every corner of the space. Two years of careful balance. Secret. Contained.
Until tonight.
“Wifey,” Jay called from the front door, voice already smiling, “you didn’t burn the place down while I was getting the groceries, right?”
You laughed, meeting him halfway to steal a quick kiss and grab a bag from his arms. “Not yet. But there’s still time.”
He grinned. That same soft, boyish grin that made your chest ache.
The members were coming over for dinner —for the first time. The idea had started as some hopeful wishing, then turned into Jay sitting on the edge of the bed one night saying he was tired of splitting his life in half. He wanted the people he loved in the same room.
You’d hesitated. You understood what secrets cost in this industry.
“They’ll like you,” he’d said, stubborn and hopeful. “They just don’t know it yet.”
You weren’t convinced.
----------------------------------
When the doorbell rang, you forced yourself to breathe before opening it.
Jungwon. Heeseung. Jake. Sunghoon. Sunoo. Ni-ki.
Polite greetings. Polite smiles.
Their eyes moved slowly over the apartment. Your shoes by the door. The framed photo turned slightly toward the wall. The lived-in warmth that didn’t match the story they’d been told.
Jay, oblivious, clapped his hands once. “See? Not a cave.”
You offered drinks. Jake thanked you with an easy smile. Sunoo complimented the smell of the stew. Heeseung nodded warmly.
Sunghoon’s gaze lingered.
He stepped closer to the shelf, fingers brushing the edge of the photo frame before straightening it —just enough to reveal it fully.
A candid of you and Jay on the couch, his head tipped toward yours.
Sunghoon’s expression didn’t change. “Didn’t know this place was… decorated.”
His tone was cold. Too cold.
Jay laughed from the kitchen. “What? I live here.”
Sunghoon hummed softly. “Right.”
The word wasn’t agreement. It was assessment.
Jay returned with side dishes and slid an arm around your shoulder. “This is who I’ve been talking about,” he said proudly. “My wife—okay, not legally, but basically in my heart.”
You laughed, but you felt it—that slight tightening in the room.
Ni-ki muttered something under his breath. Heeseung shot him a look.
Sunghoon leaned back in his chair. “That’s a bold title.”
Jay grinned. “I’m a bold guy.”
Sunghoon’s eyes flicked to you. “I guess so.”
Jay didn’t hear it. Or pretended not to.
A few minutes later, Jay stood abruptly. “I forgot the sides. You guys talk. I’ll be right back.”
The second he disappeared into the kitchen, the air shifted.
You folded your hands in your lap. “So… schedules have been intense lately?”
Jake nodded politely. Sunoo smiled faintly. No one elaborated.
Sunghoon tilted his head slightly. “How long has this been going on?”
His voice was calm. Casual.
“Two years,” you answered, because lying would be worse.
His eyebrows lifted —just a fraction. “Two.”
There was something sharp in the way he repeated it.
“That’s… impressive,” he continued. “Keeping something like this hidden.”
You couldn’t tell if it was admiration or accusation.
“We were careful,” you said quietly.
Sunghoon’s gaze held yours. “You’d have to be.”
Jungwon stood then, muttering something about getting water. You excused yourself soon after, heart beating too loud in your ears.
The hallway felt narrower.
You’d barely taken two steps before Jungwon’s voice stopped you.
“You know this could ruin his career, right?”
His words were steady, controlled. Protective.
Your stomach dropped, but you kept your voice even. “Jay wanted you to meet me.”
“And if someone finds out?” Jungwon pressed. “You think the company’s going to protect this?”
The words hit like a slap.
You blinked. Swallowed. Your heart thundered behind your ribs, but you kept your voice calm, light, like you didn’t feel like throwing up.
“Jay’s been really excited for this dinner,” you said simply.
And then you slipped past him without another word.
You didn’t cry. Not when Jay returned to the table and tucked a stray hair behind your ear. Not when he laughed with his members, completely unaware of the tension you were wading through. Not even when he kissed your temple and whispered, “See? I told you they’d love you.”
You smiled and nodded and laughed at the right times.
You even helped clean up when they left.
And when Jay, blissfully unaware, fell asleep beside you that night, arm slung across your waist and smile still ghosting his lips
you got up. Quietly.
Finally letting the tears fall.
By the time the sun rose, your side of the bed was cold. Your toothbrush was gone. Your keys were missing from the hook.
And the apartment —the secret home you’d built together— suddenly felt a little too big for one person.
----------------------------------
The morning light slipped gently through the blinds, drawing soft golden lines across the bedspread. Jay stirred, groaning as he rolled over, expecting to bury his face in your shoulder, to feel your warmth curled into him like always.
But you weren’t there.
His arm stretched across the sheets, landing in the dip where your body should’ve been —but there was only the faint warmth left.
Still half-asleep, Jay blinked his eyes open, the smile already forming.
“Babe?” he mumbled into the pillow.
No answer.
He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. The covers were still in place, the pillow you always used still nestled beside his —creased, slightly indented. Like you had only just left. It still smelled like your shampoo.
For a second, he closed his eyes again and inhaled the scent of you. He smiled faintly, thinking maybe you were in the kitchen. Maybe you were making toast, humming something off-key.
But something felt… off.
Jay stood, letting the blanket fall away as he padded out into the apartment.
No music. No tea kettle. No faint tapping of your feet on the floor.
He moved through each room, slower now. A creeping heaviness pulling at his limbs.
The mug you always used —gone. Not just in the sink. Gone.
He turned to the coat rack. Your favorite jacket? Missing. The hoodie you always said he stretched out too much when he wore it? No longer slung over the back of the couch.
He blinked rapidly, heart thudding harder.
He rushed back to the bedroom, flinging open drawers.
Empty.
Not completely —but enough.
Enough to know this wasn’t some morning errand. This wasn’t a walk to clear your head.
This was intentional.
The bathroom counter didn’t look like you brushed your teeth there this morning. The book on the nightstand you’d been halfway through? Gone.
Jay’s throat tightened as he looked around the space that was no longer a shared home —but just a place where you used to be.
His phone buzzed, dragging him out of the haze.
A group chat notification.
Jungwon [8:03 AM]:
Thanks again for last night. Good food. Hope you got some rest.
Jay barely read it.
He opened your contact instead.
Jay [8:03 AM]:
Princess, where are you?
Jay [8:04 AM]:
Are you okay?
Jay [8:07 AM]:
Please just tell me you’re safe.
He stared at the screen.
Nothing.
He sank back onto the bed, gripping the edge of the mattress, his knuckles white.
----------------------------------
Inside the dorm, he didn’t even take off his shoes. Just stormed in like a man possessed.
The air was off immediately.
They were all there. Relaxed. Normal.
He wasn’t.
“Where is she?” he demanded, eyes sweeping the room.
Confused glances. Uneasy shifts. A tension that wasn’t new—but now he could feel it like static in his chest.
Jake looked up from his phone. “What?”
“Y/N. She’s gone.” Jay’s voice cracked, but he kept going. “She left last night. Took her things. No note. No text. Nothing.”
His phone buzzed in his palm again.
He didn’t even try to hide it this time.
He looked.
Missed call: Mom
Not you.
His stomach twisted.
“She wouldn’t just leave.” His voice was softer now. “She wouldn’t do that unless something happened.”
He scanned their faces. Heeseung looked down. Jake bit his lip. Jungwon wouldn’t meet his eyes.
Jay’s heart sank.
“You knew something was wrong last night,” he said, realization hitting like a brick to the ribs. “You all knew, and you didn’t tell me.”
No one answered.
He looked around at them, at the silence that followed. Their guilty eyes. The way Jungwon didn’t even try to look surprised.
And that’s when it clicked.
He felt it like a slap.
“You knew,” he said, voice low. “You knew something was wrong last night.”
Jungwon finally stood. “Jay, you lied to us for years.”
“I protected her,” Jay snapped. “Because this world is brutal, and you know it. I wanted her to be safe. I never thought I had to protect her from you.”
His phone buzzed again. He fumbled for it this time, breath hitching
Random Email Notification
He shut his eyes, pressing the phone to his forehead like it could stop the ache crawling through his chest.
“I let you guys meet her because I thought you’d love her,” he said, voice tight. “Because I love her.”
Sunghoon stepped forward cautiously. “We were hurt. It felt like you shut us out.”
“You think this is about you?”
Jay turned on them, rage and grief mixing in his throat.
“She sat at that table smiling through every cold stare. She went to that dinner knowing it might not go well —but did it anyway. For me. And when you guys left, she pretended it didn’t bother her. She kissed me goodnight like everything was fine.”
His voice cracked.
“And I believed her.”
He looked down at his phone again. No messages. No missed calls. No signs of you.
“Every time my phone buzzes,” he said quietly, “I pray it’s her.”
The screen lit up again.
Another random email.
He shoved it into his pocket.
“I don’t care what any of you think,” Jay said, backing toward the door. “I’m going to find her. Even if I have to check every café, park bench, and corner of this city.”
And before any of them could speak, he was gone.
----------------------------------
The soft hum of Chae’s hair dryer in the bathroom was the only noise in the apartment.
You sat on her couch, knees tucked under your chin, one of her oversized hoodies drowning your frame. Your duffel bag sat by the door —half unpacked, but still zipped just enough to suggest this was temporary.
Because part of you kept waiting for yourself to go back.
To him.
Your phone buzzed.
Again.
You didn’t have to check it. You already knew who it was.
Jay [11:03 AM]
I don’t know where you are, but I need you to know I’m sorry. If something happened last night that hurt you… please just tell me. Please.
You stared at the screen.
You had read every single one.
You just couldn’t bring yourself to answer.
Chae emerged from the bathroom, towel-wrapping her damp hair, eyeing you from across the room. “You’re gonna make a hole in the floor if you keep staring like that.”
You managed a weak smile. “Sorry.”
She plopped down next to you, pulling her legs up. “You don’t have to apologize to me. But maybe you should to yourself. For holding it all in that long.”
Your lips pressed into a thin line.
“I really thought they’d like me,” you said quietly.
Chae’s gaze softened. “I’m sure some of them do. But let’s be real, Jay dropped a bomb on them and expected them to throw a party.”
You stayed quiet.
She glanced down at your phone, which was now lighting up again.
Jay [11:10 AM]
I swear I didn’t know they treated you like that. I thought last night was perfect. I was so happy. I was so happy…
You locked the screen again.
“I don’t want to ruin his life, Chae,” you said, voice barely a whisper.
“You didn’t,” she said gently. “You were his life.”
You looked down at your hands. “Then why did it feel like I was the one being punished for it?”
Chae leaned her head on your shoulder. “Because people don’t like being left out of things that matter. And you mattered. A lot.”
You felt your throat tighten.
“I didn’t want to leave,” you whispered.
“I know.”
You turned your phone over so the screen faced down.
“I just don’t want to be the reason his dream fails...he works so hard.”
And finally, for the first time since you left, the tears came. Quiet and slow. The kind that didn’t demand attention but dragged every ounce of hurt to the surface.
Chae didn’t say anything more.
She just stayed with you —still and safe.
Outside, the city moved on. The world didn’t know anything had fallen apart.
But in Chae’s tiny living room, curled up in borrowed clothes and borrowed time, you felt like you were still holding on by a thread.
Your phone buzzed again.
But this time, you didn’t look.
Not yet.
----------------------------------
One Month Later
The dorm felt smaller somehow.
Louder. Heavier. Even when no one was speaking.
Jay sat at the edge of his bed, elbows resting on his knees, head bowed, fingers absently curling into the hem of an old t-shirt that didn’t belong to him.
It was yours.
Soft and worn, the faded fabric still held your scent —barely, but enough that he kept it close. He hadn’t washed it. Couldn’t. Like it would erase the last piece of you that clung to him.
Your pillow was behind him, propped against the dorm mattress like it didn’t belong there —because it didn’t. It looked wrong surrounded by his things. Out of place, like you were now.
He hadn’t gone back to the apartment.
Not since that morning.
He moved back in with the members after you left. Said it was just temporary. Said he needed “a change of scenery.”
But they all knew the truth.
He couldn’t bear waking up in that place without you.
Still, he hadn’t canceled the lease. The rent quietly left his account every month, untouched. The fridge was still stocked. Your slippers were still by the door.
He didn’t even know where to start looking.
You had friends, of course. A few he remembered from stories you’d told him in passing. But no one close enough that he knew their address.
He’d texted. Called. DM’d. Nothing.
He even emailed.
Nothing.
And every time his phone buzzed, he dove for it like a mad man.
One new notification
He looked.
A label reminder for a livestream.
Not you.
He tossed the phone down.
Then picked it right back up.
Opened your chat thread again.
Jay [9:17 AM]
I’m sorry. I know I said that a hundred times already but I need you to know I mean it. I’d say it a thousand more. Just tell me where you are. Please.
No reply.
The members had noticed.
Heeseung said nothing at first, but started showing up at his door with coffee.
Jake checked on him constantly, always trying to get him out of the dorm —even just to walk.
Sunoo tried to make him laugh, but even he started giving up when Jay’s smiles never reached his eyes.
And Jungwon…
Jungwon watched him like someone waiting for a string to snap.
“You should go back to the apartment,” Jungwon had told him once.
Jay shook his head. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
Jay’s voice had been quiet. “It still feels like hers.”
----------------------------------
“Okay, no offense, but you’re starting to blend into the couch.”
You didn’t even look up from your spot, curled into Chae’s throw blanket like a blanket burrito, half-scrolling, half-sulking. “It’s a nice couch.”
Chae dropped beside you with a thud, tossing a pillow at your legs. “It’s a couch that’s seen you in the same hoodie for five days straight.”
You grumbled into the cushion. “I don’t have anywhere to be.”
“Exactly the problem.” She sighed. “Y/N, I love you, but this isn’t healthy. You barely go outside, you haven’t touched your makeup bag, and you’re on your fourth rewatch of weightlifting fairy kim bok joo.”
You tried not to smile, but your lips betrayed you just a little.
“Fine,” you muttered. “I’ll get out. But I’m only going for snacks. Your snacks, by the way. I’ve been stress-eating all your chips.”
Chae rolled her eyes, “As long as sunlight or moonlight hits your skin at least once today, I’ll allow it.”
You threw on a baseball cap, hoodie, and sunglasses —just in case. Not because you expected to see anyone you knew.
Especially not them.
The walk to the convenience store was quiet, the way you liked things now.
No questions. No stares. No reminders of the life you’d walked away from.
You wandered through the aisles aimlessly, grabbing a drink, a few bags of chips, and the candy you love. The place was mostly empty —just you and a guy grabbing ramen cups near the back wall.
It was peaceful.
You turned the corner toward the refrigerated drinks and froze.
There he was.
Jungwon.
Baseball cap pulled low, black hoodie, earbuds tucked in. He hadn’t seen you yet.
You ducked, heart slamming in your chest. Of all people —why him?
You turned fast, heading for the register.
“Y/N?”
Your name cracked the air like a whip.
You didn’t turn around.
Just dropped your items on the counter, trying not to shake as the cashier scanned them.
“Hey—wait! Y/N, it’s me!”
His voice was louder now. You could hear his footsteps behind you, closing in.
You tossed a crumpled bill onto the counter and grabbed your bag, mumbling a thank-you before turning sharply toward the door.
“Y/N, please—can we just talk for a second?”
You didn’t answer.
Just shoved the door open and walked faster.
Maybe if you could get around the corner. Maybe if you just made it to the end of the block—
“Y/N!”
You glanced back for half a second.
He had dropped the basket he was holding. Left it right there in the middle of the store. He was coming after you.
You turned back around and started walking faster.
But it was too late.
Jungwon was already jogging to catch up, calling your name like he has any right to.
“Y/N—wait, please.”
You kept walking, arms crossed tight over your chest, shoulders hunched like you could fold yourself into invisibility.
But Jungwon caught up anyway.
He slowed beside you, breathing lightly, trying to keep pace without crowding you. “I just want to talk—just for a second.”
You said nothing.
“I didn’t know you were staying around here,” he said, cautiously. “Jay’s been trying to find you.”
You flinched at the name.
He saw it.
“Y/N,” Jungwon said, softer now, “he’s not okay.”
“Stop.”
Your voice came out barely above a whisper.
He blinked. “What?”
You turned to face him for the first time, your chin trembling even as you held your ground.
“Don’t,” you said. “You don't get to talk to me about him.”
He froze. You weren’t yelling. You were hurting.
Tears had begun to form at the corners of your eyes, glistening beneath your lashes, but you refused to let them fall.
Jungwon stepped back like he’d been slapped. “Okay. I won’t.”
Silence settled over both of you, thick and heavy. Cars passed on the street behind you. The city moved on, uncaring.
You took a breath.
Then another.
Then, without saying a word, you turned and started walking again —back toward Chae’s apartment.
But behind you, after a few seconds, you heard his footsteps again.
Still there.
Still following.
You kept your pace steady, trying not to let the tears fall as you walked back toward Chae’s apartment. Jungwon matched your steps without a word.
The streetlights flickered on as dusk crept in, casting long shadows over the cracked sidewalks. The city buzzed faintly around you, but all you could hear was the steady sound of your own breathing —and the soft footsteps behind you.
As you reached the building, your heart hammered harder. You slowed, then stopped just before the entrance, the familiar doorframe suddenly feeling too heavy.
You turned quickly, catching Jungwon’s gaze.
His eyes were steady, calm —no judgment, no expectation. Just watching.
No words passed between you.
Jungwon nodded, then stepped away into the darkening street, his figure blending into the shadows as you pushed open the door and disappeared inside.
You didn’t look back.
But you knew he was still watching.
----------------------------------
The next day, the apartment door clicked open and Chae stepped inside, dropping her bag by the door with a tired sigh.
“You won’t believe this,” she said, toeing off her shoes as she crossed the room. “Some weird guy’s been hanging around the building all afternoon.”
You glanced up from the couch. “Weird how?”
She tossed her keys onto the counter, brow furrowing. “Black hoodie. Mask. Just pacing near the entrance like he’s waiting for someone.”
Your chest tightened before your brain caught up.
Jungwon.
You swallowed, the memory of his voice from the night before settling heavy in your stomach. Without thinking, you leaned forward and reached for your shoes. “I’m just going to check something.”
Chae blinked. “Check what?”
“I’ll be back,” you said, already standing.
Outside, the air was cooler than you expected, the sky just beginning to darken. You took the stairs instead of the elevator, your pulse loud in your ears. And then you saw him —leaning against a lamppost near the entrance, hood pulled low, posture tense but patient.
He looked up when you approached, surprise flickering briefly across his face before smoothing out.
“Y/N,” Jungwon said quietly.
“What are you doing here?” You kept your voice even.
He hesitated, then straightened. “Can we talk? It’s not about Jay. I promise.”
You studied him for a moment, weighing exhaustion against curiosity. Finally, you nodded. “Okay.”
You walked together, not back inside, but away from the building —toward a small park a few blocks down, half-forgotten and mostly empty. The city noise dulled there, replaced by the rustle of leaves and the low hum of traffic in the distance. A few streetlights cast soft circles over empty benches.
You sat beneath a large oak tree, the space between you careful, deliberate.
“I want to know who you are,” Jungwon said after a moment. His voice was low, cautious. “Not just… who you are to him.”
You let out a tired breath. “Yeah. I guess to you I’m just ‘Jay’s girlfriend.’”
He shook his head slightly. “That’s not fair. To you. Or to him.”
You stared at your hands, twisting the hem of your sleeve. “I just try to keep him grounded. That’s all. It’s harder when the people he trusts don’t even know I exist.”
Jungwon didn’t interrupt. His expression softened, not pity, but something closer to understanding.
You found yourself talking anyway. Small things at first. Your favorite coffee shop tucked between two bookstores. Your love for old movies with terrible endings. How you once tried to learn guitar and gave up because your fingers hurt too much.
For a few minutes, it didn’t feel like a confession. Just conversation.
Then you smiled faintly and added, “Jay tried to teach me once. I got the pick stuck between the strings and panicked like the guitar was attacking me.”
Your laugh came out uneven.
“He looked so offended,” you continued, voice wavering. “I laughed until I cried.”
The memory settled heavy in your chest. Your eyes burned, and you turned your face away before the tears could spill.
“I’m sorry,” you murmured.
Jungwon reached out, resting his hand lightly against your arm. He didn’t grip it. Didn’t push. Just there.
“You don’t need to apologize,” he said quietly.
You stood abruptly, brushing at your face. “I should go.”
He rose too, hesitating. “Can I walk you back?”
After a beat, you nodded.
The walk back was quiet —not awkward, just careful. When you reached the building, he stopped a few steps short of the entrance.
“Thank you,” he said. “For trusting me.”
You nodded once and went inside.
Over the next seven days, it became routine.
Each evening after practice, Jungwon would wait near Chae’s building. No messages. Just a shared understanding. You’d walk together to the same small park, sit on the same bench beneath the oak tree, talk about nothing and everything until the city lights felt softer.
Day 1
You talked about your childhood —the small town, the slow afternoons, the music that first made you believe there was more out there. Jungwon listened with genuine focus, asking questions, smiling at the right moments, laughing softly when you shared stories you hadn’t told in years.
Day 2
He opened up in return. About the weight of leadership, about how being relied on so heavily sometimes left him feeling unsteady and unsure. You didn’t interrupt, just nodded, letting him speak. It felt like trust was being built, piece by piece.
Day 3
The conversation lightened. Movies, shows, half-serious debates over characters and endings. Jungwon admitted he was terrible at binge-watching but promised —hand to heart— that he’d try your favorites anyway. You teased him for it, and he laughed, unguarded.
Day 4
That night was quieter. He spoke about missing normalcy —walking without being watched, existing without expectation. You didn’t offer solutions or reassurance. You just stayed, shoulder close to his, letting silence do what words couldn’t.
Day 5
He told you stories from the group’s early days, the embarrassing ones he clearly didn’t share often. You laughed until your sides hurt. By the end of it, the other members felt less like distant figures and more like people you almost knew.
Day 6
You brought snacks as a peace offering. He showed up with coffee from a nearby street cart, slightly too sweet, still warm. The exchange was small, almost trivial, but it felt like a bridge —something solid between two very different worlds.
Day 7
By the end of the week, words came easier. You talked about Jay —not the idol, not the image, but the person he was when no one was watching. Jungwon didn’t comment, didn’t judge. He just listened. When your voice wavered and you wiped at your eyes, he passed you a napkin without a word.
That quiet understanding stayed with you long after the night ended.
----------------------------------
The dorm felt quieter than he remembered.
Not because it actually was —someone had music playing down the hall, laughter drifted in and out from a late-night game— but because everything reached him like it was underwater. Muted. Distant. As if the world had lost saturation.
Jay sat on the edge of his bunk, the familiar creak of the mattress barely registering. In his lap was the hoodie you used to steal, fabric worn soft from being claimed as yours. Beside him lay a pillow he’d taken from the apartment, still holding the faintest trace of you.
He’d tried washing one of your shirts once.
The scent disappeared too fast.
He never made that mistake again.
It had been over a month.
He still paid the rent on the apartment. Still transferred the money on time, every time. But he hadn’t gone back —not once. The thought of stepping inside felt unbearable. Every room existed in his mind as it was the last time he saw it: untouched, suspended, full of echoes he couldn’t face.
The guys didn’t mention you.
Not directly.
They spoke carefully, like your name was something fragile, something that might break him if handled wrong. And maybe it would have. But Jay wasn’t angry. He couldn’t be. Anger required direction.
What he felt was hollow.
He knew he’d missed something. More than one thing. He’d been so wrapped up in finally letting himself be happy that he hadn’t noticed the cracks forming around him. The way your voice tightened around his members. The way your smile stayed polite instead of warm. How your laugh that night never quite reached your eyes.
He should have known.
Every day, he checked his phone too often. Every vibration made his heart jolt before reason caught up. But it was never you. No texts. No calls. Nothing to explain the silence.
At night, he played guitar quietly, careful not to wake anyone. He’d started writing again —lyrics that weren’t meant for stages or albums. Just fragments. Lines about the way you used to curl into his side. About the empty space you left behind.
Sometimes he dreamed of you coming back, standing in the doorway with that familiar smile, teasing him for losing his keys again.
Other nights, he stayed awake until dawn, staring at the ceiling, replaying the moment he realized you were gone.
He didn’t know where you were. He didn’t know how to fix what he’d broken.
But every day, without fail, Jay still waited.
Just in case you came back.
----------------------------------
Jay came back from practice exhausted, sweat clinging to his skin, limbs heavy, head still pounding from a full day of pretending he was fine.
The dorm was unusually quiet. Most of the guys were still out or or haven’t left their rooms yet. He barely registered it as he pushed open the door to his shared room —until he stopped short.
Something was wrong.
His bed was… neat. Not the way he left it.
The blanket was tucked in, smooth in a way it never was. The sheets were freshly changed. His pillow —your pillow— sat fluffed at the head of the bed, perfectly arranged.
His stomach dropped.
“No,” he muttered, crossing the room in two quick steps. “No, no—”
He grabbed the pillow and pressed it to his face without thinking, breathing in desperately.
Nothing.
The warmth was gone. The faint scent that had lingered for weeks —yours— had been stripped away, replaced with clean cotton and lavender detergent. Sterile. Wrong.
His chest tightened. His breath came shallow, uneven.
“Jay?” Jake’s voice came from the doorway.
Jay turned sharply, eyes wild. “Did you do this?”
Jake froze. “Yeah—I mean, yeah. I thought it needed to be washed. It hadn’t been touched in weeks, and you’ve been looking wrecked, so I just… I thought I was helping.”
“You washed it?” Jay said, his voice cracking before he could stop it. “You washed her pillow?”
Jake took a cautious step forward. “Jay, I didn’t know—”
“That was the last thing I had that still really smelled like her,” Jay said quietly. Too quietly. “It was all I had left.”
The words hung there, heavy and unmoving.
Jake’s expression shifted, guilt settling in fast. “Shit. Jay… I’m sorry. I really didn’t know.”
Jay didn’t respond. He sat down hard on the edge of the bed, staring at the pillow in his hands like it had betrayed him.
“I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” he murmured.
Silence filled the room. Jake stayed near the door, unsure whether to leave or stay, the weight of it pressing in on both of them.
Jay hunched forward, the pillow still in his lap, his thumb tracing the seam absently, like muscle memory might bring something back.
Then, barely above a whisper, he said, “I bought her a ring.”
Jake looked up sharply. “You—wait. You were going to propose?”
Jay let out a hollow breath, shaking his head. “Not like that. Not… officially.” He swallowed. “We knew marriage wasn’t possible. Not publicly. Not like normal people.”
Jake didn’t interrupt.
“I just wanted her to have something real,” Jay continued, voice strained. “Something that meant I was serious. Even if no one else ever saw it.” His jaw tightened. “We joked about being married all the time—‘wifey,’ ‘hubby’—but I didn’t want it to just be a joke to her.”
He ran a hand through his hair, fingers trembling. “I was waiting. I thought after she met you guys—after everything went well—I’d give it to her.”
A bitter laugh slipped out. “I didn’t even notice how uncomfortable she was that night. I didn’t see it. I just kept smiling like an idiot, thinking it was the best night of my life.”
His voice dropped. “Meanwhile, she was already halfway gone.”
Jay shrugged weakly, eyes glassy. “Because if it got out… if the company found out… I couldn’t let her become a secret someone else exposed. I couldn’t do that to her.”
He reached for the drawer beside the bed and pulled out a small velvet box. His hands hesitated before opening it.
Inside lay a simple gold band, a single diamond catching the light. Elegant. Unworn.
Jake stared. “She doesn’t know?”
Jay shook his head once. “She never even saw it.”
His voice broke on the last word.
Loud voices cut through the room before either of them could speak again.
A door slammed. Sneakers scraped hard against tile. Something hit the wall with a dull thud. The sound shattered the fragile quiet Jay and Jake had been sitting in, the room suddenly too small, too thick with unspoken pain.
Jay blinked and snapped the ring box shut on instinct. He didn’t put it away. The weight of it stayed pressed into his palm.
Jake stood first, already turning toward the door. “What the hell was that?”
Jay followed without answering.
They moved down the hallway, the voices growing sharper with every step. When they turned the corner into the main room, Heeseung stood near the front door, arms crossed, jaw tight.
Jungwon had just come in. His shoes were half off, hair damp from the humid night air, shoulders slumped with exhaustion. He didn’t look defensive.
He looked guilty.
“Are you serious right now?” Heeseung snapped. “It’s past midnight. You left without telling anyone. Do you know how dangerous that is?”
“I’m not a kid,” Jungwon muttered, eyes fixed on the floor.
“That’s not the point,” Heeseung shot back. “You disappear constantly lately. No texts. No location. Nothing.”
Jay stepped forward, his voice low. “What’s going on?”
Jungwon looked up, startled to see him. His gaze flicked between Jay and Jake, lingering a beat too long on Jay before dropping again.
Jake glanced between them. “You okay?”
Jungwon didn’t answer.
Jay’s chest tightened. Something felt wrong —more wrong than it already had. “Where were you?”
“I just needed air,” Jungwon said quietly.
The answer was too careful.
Jay narrowed his eyes. “That’s all?”
Silence.
Jungwon’s gaze lifted again, sharper this time —and then dropped.
To Jay’s hand.
The ring box.
Jay hadn’t even realized he was still holding it, thumb pressed into the velvet lid like it might disappear if he let go.
Jungwon’s breath caught.
Jake noticed too and stepped forward quickly. “Okay—let’s not do this right now. Everyone’s exhausted. We can—”
“What is that?” Jungwon asked, already knowing.
Jay lifted his eyes slowly. “It’s a ring.”
The room went dead quiet.
Heeseung looked between them, confused. Jake winced.
“For her?” Jungwon asked.
Jay nodded once.
“Jay,” Jake tried again, gentler. “You don’t have to—”
“Yes,” Jay cut in. “I do.”
He looked at all of them now —eyes tired, hollow, stripped bare. “I bought it before dinner. Before everything fell apart. She never knew. None of you did.” His voice faltered just slightly. “Because I didn’t trust anyone else to keep it safe.”
Jungwon dropped his gaze, guilt curling tight in his chest.
“I thought if she met you guys, it would finally feel right,” Jay continued. “Like the two best parts of my life could exist in the same room.”
He exhaled sharply. “I was wrong.”
No one spoke.
Jay turned toward the hallway, the ring box clenched hard in his hand. He needed air. Silence. Something that didn’t hurt this much.
He barely made it two steps.
“I know where she is.”
Jay froze.
The words were quiet, almost gentle —but they split the air cleanly in two.
Slowly, Jay turned back.
Jake tensed. Heeseung went still.
“What?” Jay asked. His voice was flat. Dangerous.
Jungwon met his gaze. “I know where Y/N’s been staying.”
Jay’s grip tightened. “How long?”
“A little over a week,” Jungwon admitted. “I ran into her. By accident.”
Jake dragged a hand down his face. “Jesus.”
“And you didn’t tell me,” Jay said.
“I didn’t know if I should,” Jungwon replied. “She didn’t want to see you. She didn’t even want to talk about you.”
Jay took a step forward. “You lied to me.”
“I didn’t,” Jungwon said steadily. “I kept it quiet. She was hurting, hyung. And I was part of why. I didn’t want to make it worse.”
Jay’s breath came fast. “You’ve been seeing her.”
“I wanted to make sure she was okay.”
“And is she?”
Jungwon didn’t answer.
Jay’s voice broke. “You don’t get it. I lost the only person that mattered. And you knew.”
“I know,” Jungwon said softly. “That’s why I’m telling you now. She’s not okay. But neither are you.”
Jay laughed once —short, hollow. “So what? You sneak out every night to see my girlfriend?”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it?” Jay snapped. “You know where she is. You talk to her. You’re the one she trusts now—not me.”
Jungwon didn’t raise his voice. “She didn’t choose me over you. She needed space.”
“Then why keep going back?”
“Because she’s hurting,” Jungwon said quietly. “And because after I understood her… I realized you needed to understand too.”
Jay shook his head. “I don’t need—”
“Tomorrow,” Jungwon interrupted. “Go tomorrow. I was supposed to meet her. You should go instead.”
Jay stared at him. Raw. Unsteady. “She won’t want to see me.”
“She will.”
Jay looked down at the ring box, knuckles white around it.
“She still loves you,” Jungwon added, gentler now. “She just thinks she’s the problem.”
Jay didn’t respond.
He stood there, the weight of everything pressing in —grief, anger, longing —all of it tangled around a small velvet box in his hand.
And for the first time in weeks, hope hurts worse than the silence.
----------------------------------
You go to the park the same way you always do.
Same path. Same bench beneath the crooked tree with the peeling bark. Same time of night, when the air is still cold and the city is sleeping.
You sit, hands folded in your lap, eyes drifting across the walking trail.
The park is almost empty at night, but that doesn’t make you feel safer.
Streetlights cast uneven pools of yellow across the paths, and every passing car makes your shoulders tense. You sit on the familiar bench anyway, hands tucked into your sleeves, eyes flicking toward the entrance every few seconds.
Jungwon is late.
He’s never late.
Your stomach twists. You tell yourself not to read into it, not to spiral—but the quiet feels heavier tonight, like something is about to break.
Then you sense him.
Not footsteps. Not movement. Just that pull you’ve never been able to explain.
You look up.
Jay stands half-hidden beneath a tree near the edge of the park, hood pulled low, mask on, hands shoved deep into his pockets. He hasn’t stepped into the light. He’s watching you like he’s afraid you might disappear again if he blinks.
Your breath catches.
“No,” you whisper.
You stand immediately, heart racing —not because he’s here, but because someone else could be. Because this is exactly how things go wrong.
You cross the distance quickly, keeping your voice low and tight. “What are you doing here? You can’t —Jay, this is insane.”
“I know,” he says quietly. “I wouldn’t have come if I wasn’t sure.”
“That doesn’t matter,” you hiss. “One person. One phone. That’s all it takes.”
He steps closer, careful. “I missed you.”
Your chest aches at how small his voice sounds.
“That’s not a good enough reason,” you say, even as your hands curl into fists to keep from reaching for him. “You have too much to lose.”
“I already lost you.”
“That’s different,” you say immediately. “I chose to leave. Your career didn’t.”
Jay exhales, slow and shaky. “Do you really think loving you was ever a risk I regretted?”
You shake your head, blinking hard. “I love you too much to let you ruin your life for me.”
The words hurt both of you. You can see it on his face.
You take a step back, forcing space between you. “We shouldn’t be standing this close.”
He doesn’t move. “I didn’t come to pull you back into something you’re not ready for.”
You look at him again, surprised.
“I came to ask for a redo,” he continues. “That night. Meeting everyone. I failed you. I was so focused on how happy I was that I didn’t see how scared you were.”
Your throat tightens.
“I want another chance,” he says. “But this time, I promise I won’t let you disappear beside me. I’ll see you. I’ll protect you.”
You shake your head instinctively. “Jay… that’s dangerous.”
“I know.”
“You can’t promise things like that.”
“I can promise to try,” he says. “And if I can’t do it right, I won’t do it at all.”
Silence stretches between you, filled with the hum of the city and the distant sound of traffic.
“I shouldn’t,” you whisper finally.
His shoulders drop, just slightly. “Okay.”
The disappointment in that single word hurts more than anything else.
You step forward before you can stop yourself, fingers brushing his sleeve. “I didn’t say no.”
He looks up, eyes wide in the dim light.
“One redo,” you say softly. “That’s it.”
Jay lets out a breath, almost a laugh, almost a sob. “I swear I won’t waste it.”
You glance around the park again, anxiety spiking. “You need to go. Now.”
“I will,” he says quickly. “I just—”
You step closer, heart pounding, and press a brief kiss to his cheek. It’s soft, familiar, and far too intimate for how dangerous this moment is.
“For your walk home,” you whisper.
You pull away immediately and walk back toward the path, not daring to look back.
Behind you, Jay stays where he is, fingers lifting to his cheek like he needs to remind himself it was real.
You don’t breathe properly until you’re back inside Chae’s apartment.
The door clicks shut behind you, locks sliding into place, and only then do your shoulders finally sag. Your heart is still racing, hands trembling slightly as you slip off your shoes and pad down the hallway. Chae’s bedroom door is closed, the apartment dark and still.
Safe.
You sit on the edge of the guest coach, phone resting in your palm like it weighs too much.
You stare at the screen for a long moment.
Then, before you can overthink it, you type.
I made it back.
You hesitate, then add:
Please be careful getting home.
You hit send and immediately regret how fast your heart jumps afterward.
Jay is still awake. He’s lying on his bunk, phone face-down on his chest, staring at the ceiling like sleep might eventually take pity on him. His mind is still in the park —your voice, the kiss, the way you walked away without looking back.
The vibration against his chest makes him freeze.
He grabs his phone so fast it almost slips from his hand.
Your name.
For a second, he just stares at the screen to make sure he’s not imagining it.
Then he sits up abruptly.
I’m home.
He types, deletes, types again.
Thank you for texting me.
Too much? He exhales and keeps going.
I couldn’t stop worrying.
There’s a pause. Thirty seconds that feel like thirty minutes.
Then his phone buzzes again.
I know. I was worried too.
Jay smiles without realizing it.
Really smiles.
His fingers move before his nerves can catch up.
We’re off this Thursday.
He hesitates, heart pounding, then sends the next message anyway.
If you want… you could come by the dorm.
Another pause.
Jay presses his thumb against the screen, trying not to spiral. He’s already bracing himself for a polite excuse, a careful boundary.
Then—
I’ll think about it.
It’s not a yes.
But it’s not a no.
Jay exhales, leaning back against the wall, phone clutched tight in his hand.
That’s enough for me.
He adds, softer:
I’m really glad you’re safe.
On the other side of the city, you lie back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, phone resting on your chest.
You close your eyes.
For the first time in weeks, the quiet doesn’t feel so lonely.
----------------------------------
Thursday comes faster than you expect.
You stand outside the dorm longer than necessary, hands tucked into your sleeves like you might still turn around if you wait long enough.
You’re just about to knock when voices leak through the door.
Loud. Chaotic.
“I swear to God, if anyone touches the food before she gets here, I will actually kill you.”
Jay.
You freeze, then smile before you can stop yourself.
“There is no way you’re threatening murder over some food,” someone laughs —Jake, you think.
“I’m serious,” Jay snaps. “It has to be perfect. The plates, the drinks—why is that cup there? Who put that there?”
“It’s a cup, hyung,” Sunoo says, amused. “Relax.”
“I cannot relax,” Jay says loudly. “This is important.”
“Bro’s pacing like it's life or death,” Ni-ki adds, followed by more laughter.
You let out a quiet breath, something warm loosening in your chest.
These are the people Jungwon talked about. The ones who bicker and tease and show up loudly for each other. Not the tense, guarded strangers you met that night. Not the silence.
You lift your hand and knock —soft, almost hesitant.
The noise inside stumbles to a stop.
Footsteps approach. The door opens, and Jungwon’s face appears, eyes widening slightly when he sees you.
“Oh—hey,” he says, voice gentle. “You made it.”
You nod, suddenly shy. “Yeah.”
Before he can say anything else, there’s a rush of movement behind him.
“Move.”
Jungwon barely has time to step aside before Jay pushes past him, hands already on the door, eyes locking onto you like the rest of the world just shut off.
“You’re here,” he says, breathless.
You smile, small but real. “Hi.”
For a second, he just stares at you, like he’s confirming you’re real. Then he steps back abruptly, glancing over his shoulder.
“Shoes off—no, wait—actually, yeah, shoes off. I mean—come in. Please. You’re—yeah.”
Someone snorts behind him.
“Hyung, breathe,” Jake mutters.
Jay shoots him a look without taking his eyes off you. “Don’t start.”
You step inside, the door closing softly behind you.
Jay hovers, clearly unsure what to do with his hands.
“I, uh,” he starts, then stops. “Are you okay? Did you—was it hard getting here?”
“I’m fine,” you say quickly. “Really.”
He nods, still searching your face. “Okay. Okay.”
Jungwon watches the two of you for a moment, then quietly clears his throat. “I’ll—uh—give you guys a second.”
Jay barely registers it.
You glance around the room again, hearing laughter from down the hall, the clatter of dishes, someone arguing about music volume. It feels… normal. Alive.
You look back at Jay. “This is the side of you he told me about.”
Jay blinks. “What?”
You smile a little wider. “The loud one. The one who cares too much and pretends he doesn’t.”
His ears turn red instantly.
“Oh,” he mutters. Then, softer, “I’m really glad you came.”
You nod. “Me too."
The tension you carried in with you slowly fades as the night settles.
It starts small. Sunoo handing you a drink and immediately asking if you like mint chocolate ice cream. Jake insisting you sit because “Jay’s been pacing for hours and someone needs to ground him.” Heeseung hovering just enough to make sure everything’s okay, but not pushing.
Jay stays close without smothering. Always half a step behind you, like he’s ready to step in but doesn’t want to crowd you. You notice it. You don’t comment.
Dinner turns loud fast.
Ni-ki complains about the portions. Jay snaps back that he cooked and therefore decides who starves. Someone puts music on too loud. Someone else argues about it. You find yourself laughing before you realize you are.
It feels… easy.
At some point, Ni-ki eyes you over the table, grin sharp and mischievous. “So,” he says, dragging the word out, “you’re the reason Jay turns into a domestic menace.”
Jay straightens immediately. “Hey—”
You beat him to it.
“Oh, absolutely,” you say, unfazed. “I trained him. He didn’t even know how to properly wash rice before me.”
Ni-ki bursts out laughing. “No way.”
Jay sputters. “I knew how.”
“And you flooded the kitchen,” you add calmly.
The table erupts.
Jay opens his mouth, ready to defend himself —or you, it’s unclear—but stops when he sees you smiling, eyes bright, completely unbothered.
Ni-ki points at him. “She’s scary.”
You lean back in your chair. “You’re welcome to challenge me, but I don’t recommend it.”
“Hyung,” Ni-ki says, still laughing, “how do you survive?”
Jay just watches you, something soft settling in his chest. “I don’t,” he says quietly. “I just accept my fate.”
You glance at him, amused. “Drama queen.”
He smiles to himself, small and private, like he’s storing the moment away.
Later, when the plates are cleared and someone suggests games, Jungwon sits near you, noticeably more relaxed than before. He listens as you talk, nods along, fills in details when needed. The awkward edge from before is gone.
At one point, Jay goes to grab more drinks, and Sunoo leans toward you conspiratorially. “He’s been like this all week, you know.”
“Like what?”
“Cleaning. Stressing. Threatening violence over anything.”
You laugh. “That tracks.”
Jay returns just in time to hear Sunoo say, “We like you.”
Jay freezes. “You do?”
Sunooi shrugs. “Yeah. You make him less annoying.”
“Rude,” Jay mutters.
You smile, warmth spreading through you. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
As the night winds down, Jay finds himself standing a little apart, watching you laugh with his members, watching how naturally you fit into the noise.
Not forcing. Not fading.
Just there.
And for the first time in a long while, the tight knot in his chest loosens.
By the time the board games come out, the night has fully settled into something comfortable.
You’re cross-legged on the floor between Sunoo and Jake, surrounded by scattered cards and pieces, laughter coming easier now. Someone keeps changing the rules mid-game. Someone else keeps cheating badly enough that it’s obvious.
Ni-ki, obviously.
“That’s not how you play,” you tell him flatly, taking the card out of his hand.
“It worked though,” he argues.
“That doesn’t make it legal.”
Jay laughs from across the room, leaning back on his hands. “See? She’s on my side.”
Sunghoon snorts. “You say that like it’s rare.”
Heeseung watches the chaos for a moment, then stands. “Okay,” he says, stretching. “We’re switching gears.”
He disappears briefly and comes back with a couple bottles and cups. Nothing wild. Just enough.
“To relax,” he says simply, setting everything down.
The energy shifts —still light, but slower. Softer.
Jay’s laughter fades just a little.
You don’t notice at first when he stands. He does it quietly, slipping toward the hallway like he doesn’t want to draw attention.
Jungwon notices.
Jay murmurs something under his breath —an excuse about grabbing something— and disappears into his room.
You’re distracted anyway.
Jake pours drinks, handing you one carefully. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
You smile. “I’m good. Thank you.”
Ni-ki squints at you. “You’re surprisingly normal.”
You raise an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Jay made you sound intimidating.”
Jay’s room door clicks softly down the hall.
You laugh. “He’s dramatic.”
Sunoo grins. “We know.”
Conversation drifts easily after that. Stories from trainee days. Dumb arguments. Inside jokes they pause to explain for your sake. You listen, ask questions, fill in where you can.
Sunghoon sits nearby, quieter than the others but relaxed, watching the way you fit without effort.
“You’re good for him,” Jake says suddenly, not even looking at you.
You blink. “What?”
He shrugs. “He’s happier when you’re around.”
The words land heavier than you expect.
Before you can respond, footsteps sound down the hallway.
Jay reappears.
He looks… different.
Not obvious enough that anyone else would notice, but you do. His shoulders are a little tense. His jaw set like he’s bracing himself for something. One hand disappears briefly into his pocket before he sits back down beside you.
“Everything okay?” you ask quietly.
He nods. “Yeah.” But his knee bounces.
You don’t push. You just stay close, your arm brushing his, grounding him in the noise and warmth of the room. He glances at you once, eyes soft.
The night continues around you, laughter rising and falling, the game resuming like nothing shifted.
But something has.
And Jay knows it.
----------------------------------
Jay tries to talk to you. He really does.
Every time he leans toward you, someone appears.
“Hey, have you tried this card combo?” Jake asks, shoving cards between you.
Jay opens his mouth—
“Hyung, you’re sitting on my phone,” Ni-ki says, crawling halfway across the floor.
Jay exhales, nods, waits.
You meet his eyes again—
Sunoo plops down beside you. “Okay but settle this. Pineapple on pizza.”
Jay closes his eyes.
He shifts closer again—
Heeseung asks him something about tomorrow’s schedule.
By the fourth interruption, Jay’s jaw is tight, leg bouncing, hand flexing like he’s holding himself back.
You notice.
“Jay?” you murmur.
He huffs out a breath, stands abruptly. “I need a drink.”
It’s not angry, exactly —but it’s close.
He heads for the kitchen, shoulders stiff. You hesitate only a second before standing and following him.
The dorm kitchen is dimmer, quieter. Just the low hum of the fridge and the faint noise of laughter drifting from the living room.
Jay grabs a bottle, twists the cap off with more force than necessary.
“Sorry,” he mutters without looking at you. “I’m not mad at you. I just—”
“I know,” you say softly.
That makes him stop.
He turns, really turns, and for a second the words look like they’re choking him.
“This might be the only time tonight I get you alone,” he says quietly. “So I’m just gonna say it. Okay?”
Your heart starts racing. “Jay—”
“I love you,” he says immediately. No hesitation. No buffer. “I’ve loved you since before I knew how dangerous it was. And I don’t care.”
You shake your head, panic blooming. “You can’t say things like that—”
“I would risk everything,” he continues, voice shaking now. “My career. My image. My life as I know it —if it meant I got to be with you honestly.”
Your chest tightens. “Jay, stop, you’re scaring me—”
He steps closer. “I’m not asking you to ruin anything. I know we can’t have the real thing. Not yet. Maybe not ever the way people expect.”
He reaches into his pocket.
Your breath catches. “Jay—”
“I know,” he says quickly when he sees your eyes widen, your body tense. “I know. Just—listen. Please.”
He pulls out a small velvet box.
“I don’t want a big moment. I don’t want pressure. I just want you to have something that proves this wasn’t a secret to me. That you weren’t something temporary.”
Your hands shake. “Jay…”
“I need a better reason to call you wifey,’” he says softly, almost smiling through the nerves. “Something real. Something that says I chose you. That I’m choosing you.”
Then, slowly, deliberately, he lowers himself to one knee on the kitchen tile.
Your breath leaves you in a soundless rush.
“This isn’t a proposal,” he says. “It’s a promise. That I see you. That I won’t miss you again. That no matter how hard this gets —I’m yours.”
He opens the box.
The ring catches the low light, simple and perfect.
“Will you let me give you this?” he asks. “Will you be my wifey… for real?”
You’re crying before you can stop yourself.
“Yes,” you breathe, then louder, breaking, “Yes.”
Jay laughs —a shaky, relieved sound— and stands just long enough to slide the ring onto your finger before you surge forward, grabbing his face and kissing him hard.
It’s desperate. Joyful. Real.
Somewhere behind you—
“OH MY GOD.”
You break apart just as the kitchen fills.
Jake, Sunoo, Ni-ki, Heeseung, Sunghoon, and Jungwon—all crowded in the doorway, clearly having been watching for longer than they should’ve.
Jungwon grins. “We said don’t interrupt him again.”
Jay groans, burying his face in your shoulder. “You all are dead.”
You laugh through your tears, holding him tight, ring warm against your skin.
You and Jay have been secretly dating for years, but his group doesn’t know you live with him. When you finally meet, they’re cold and suspicious —Jay stays clueless, happy to see you together. You keep the peace, but after one tense dinner, you disappear, leaving Jay stunned and alone.
coming soon 2/6/26
teaser word count: 923 (est. 8k)
content warning: ANGST!! (with fluff ending), shift of perspective, arguments, all of enhypen being cold and rude at some point, jay getting mad and depressed (sorry)
authors note: i am sorry.
The sound of keys jingling in the lock was your cue to put the kettle on.
Jay always came through the door like the world outside was a costume he could finally peel off. Here, in the apartment nobody knew he shared with you, he didn’t have to be Park Jongseong, idol, performer, Enhypen’s beloved ace. Here, he was just Jay —your Jay. The one who danced with you while brushing his teeth, who left shoes scattered in the hallway, and who whispered stupidly sweet things into your shoulder when he couldn’t sleep.
No one knew.
Not really.
No one knew. The members knew he had a second apartment. A “quiet place.” They didn’t know about your toothbrush beside his, or the cardigan hanging off his desk chair, or how your presence had quietly settled into every corner of the space. Two years of careful balance. Secret. Contained.
Until tonight.
“Wifey,” Jay called from the front door, voice already smiling, “you didn’t burn the place down while I was getting the groceries, right?”
You laughed, meeting him halfway to steal a quick kiss and grab a bag from his arms. “Not yet. But there’s still time.”
He grinned. That same soft, boyish grin that made your chest ache.
The members were coming over for dinner —for the first time. The idea had started as some hopeful wishing, then turned into Jay sitting on the edge of the bed one night saying he was tired of splitting his life in half. He wanted the people he loved in the same room.
You’d hesitated. You understood what secrets cost in this industry.
“They’ll like you,” he’d said, stubborn and hopeful. “They just don’t know it yet.”
You weren’t convinced.
----------------------------------
When the doorbell rang, you forced yourself to breathe before opening it.
Jungwon. Heeseung. Jake. Sunghoon. Sunoo. Ni-ki.
Polite greetings. Polite smiles.
Their eyes moved slowly over the apartment. Your shoes by the door. The framed photo turned slightly toward the wall. The lived-in warmth that didn’t match the story they’d been told.
Jay, oblivious, clapped his hands once. “See? Not a cave.”
You offered drinks. Jake thanked you with an easy smile. Sunoo complimented the smell of the stew. Heeseung nodded warmly.
Sunghoon’s gaze lingered.
He stepped closer to the shelf, fingers brushing the edge of the photo frame before straightening it —just enough to reveal it fully.
A candid of you and Jay on the couch, his head tipped toward yours.
Sunghoon’s expression didn’t change. “Didn’t know this place was… decorated.”
His tone was cold. Too cold.
Jay laughed from the kitchen. “What? I live here.”
Sunghoon hummed softly. “Right.”
The word wasn’t agreement. It was assessment.
Jay returned with side dishes and slid an arm around your shoulder. “This is who I’ve been talking about,” he said proudly. “My wife—okay, not legally, but basically in my heart.”
You laughed, but you felt it—that slight tightening in the room.
Ni-ki muttered something under his breath. Heeseung shot him a look.
Sunghoon leaned back in his chair. “That’s a bold title.”
Jay grinned. “I’m a bold guy.”
Sunghoon’s eyes flicked to you. “I guess so.”
Jay didn’t hear it. Or pretended not to.
A few minutes later, Jay stood abruptly. “I forgot the sides. You guys talk. I’ll be right back.”
The second he disappeared into the kitchen, the air shifted.
You folded your hands in your lap. “So… schedules have been intense lately?”
Jake nodded politely. Sunoo smiled faintly. No one elaborated.
Sunghoon tilted his head slightly. “How long has this been going on?”
His voice was calm. Casual.
“Two years,” you answered, because lying would be worse.
His eyebrows lifted —just a fraction. “Two.”
There was something sharp in the way he repeated it.
“That’s… impressive,” he continued. “Keeping something like this hidden.”
You couldn’t tell if it was admiration or accusation.
“We were careful,” you said quietly.
Sunghoon’s gaze held yours. “You’d have to be.”
Jungwon stood then, muttering something about getting water. You excused yourself soon after, heart beating too loud in your ears.
The hallway felt narrower.
You’d barely taken two steps before Jungwon’s voice stopped you.
“You know this could ruin his career, right?”
His words were steady, controlled. Protective.
Your stomach dropped, but you kept your voice even. “Jay wanted you to meet me.”
“And if someone finds out?” Jungwon pressed. “You think the company’s going to protect this?”
The words hit like a slap.
You blinked. Swallowed. Your heart thundered behind your ribs, but you kept your voice calm, light, like you didn’t feel like throwing up.
“Jay’s been really excited for this dinner,” you said simply.
And then you slipped past him without another word.
You didn’t cry. Not when Jay returned to the table and tucked a stray hair behind your ear. Not when he laughed with his members, completely unaware of the tension you were wading through. Not even when he kissed your temple and whispered, “See? I told you they’d love you.”
You smiled and nodded and laughed at the right times.
You even helped clean up when they left.
And when Jay, blissfully unaware, fell asleep beside you that night, arm slung across your waist and smile still ghosting his lips
you got up. Quietly.
Finally letting the tears fall.
By the time the sun rose, your side of the bed was cold. Your toothbrush was gone. Your keys were missing from the hook.
And the apartment —the secret home you’d built together— suddenly felt a little too big for one person.
the truth is that I love lads x non!mc reader and lads x mc!reader equally but I think some writers should question their slight internalized misogyny 😬😬
