Its been awhile...
Haven’t posted anything in awhile...mostly due to lack of motivation...depression...numbness...etc. As time goes on I feel less and less of myself. Everything I touch seems to crumble before me. Im told all the time I make the wrong choices. Im told cruel and vial things. I could go on and on but as Im writing this I just feel more and more numb. Im in no way saying Im perfect or dont have wrongs of my own...but I just want a family. To be a father that is respected and loved by both his wife and child. ( I know my son loves me but I long for the relationship and companionship of a husband and wife ) Ive accepted the love I thought I deserved for a loooooooooooong time from someone that I saw great things in/loved/cared for yet could NEVER see it in themselves. It felt like everything and anything was coming between us. I wrestled with it and fought it until it ultimately made me feel dead inside. Now I’m left hollow and broken...trying to pick up the pieces...as is she. Im sorry for my end of things...you’ll never believe that and I don’t blame you...however, what you have said and done...I know I will forgive you someday soon...but for now its the only thing keeping me away...which we both need in order to heal.
