Could you tell me where'd you get the nerve?

"Why don't you just say goodbye now? It was just a matter of time."

[lookathowthestarsshine]

I miss my baby.

I miss who my mom was.

But please, don’t take my dad from from me, too. 😭

[finnslay]

things you DO NOT need to be a man

a dick

he/him pronouns

XY chromosomes

things you DO need to be a man

the swiftness of a coursing river

the force of a great typhoon

the strength of a raging fire

the mysteriousness of the dark side of the moon

^this post was brought to you by LGBT^

Let's

Get down to

Business

To defeat the huns

[lookathowthestarsshine]

When we reconnected, it was wonderful. We had parted ways so harshly, I didn't quite know what to do or think and I think a sense of shame always followed me with that because I was not the best reflection of myself at that time and I regretted that a lot. We reconnected and honestly, it was lovely to see how much you've changed and have grown up. Maybe that's a funny thing to say about someone who's in their thirties, but you and I always agreed that you weren't the best version of yourself in the past. (With no judgement) Along the way to finding better versions of ourselves, though, things got in the way and I started to realize that though you have put in so much work on yourself.. you have a lot of work to go and yeah, I do too. I have a long road ahead of myself too, I won't lie. I guess along that path you realized that either we weren't the best for each other or you just realized that my participation in your journey ended at some point and I wasn't really a good part of your life anymore, so you left. I can understand that, hell I can respect that.. but after what, eleven years of friendship, you decide the best way to have this sad conversation is by ghosting me? At first, I was hurt and so very angry. It's been a few days now and I've calmed down and I'm kind of starting to realize.. maybe that was the best way to go about it, at least for you and I. We're many things, but emotions always get the best of both of us and sometimes, that's not really a good trait. Regardless... I still wish I had a goodbye or could have gotten to s ay one. Wish I could have told you that no matter what, I'm happy we knew each other, but that this would be the final time you'd enter my life because as well meaning as you meant to be, I can't just let people breeze through my life anymore. You don't hurt me anymore, you hurt my children who look to you as a part of their family. So goodbye, old friend. I won't be seeing you again but it was a fun, wild ride while we had it. Thanks for helping me heal the parts of me that I didn't know needed to be healed. I wish you all the luck on your journey.

[lookathowthestarsshine]

It feels weird.

It feels weird to: Not talk to you during the day Not see your picture or name pop up on my phone To not post funny stuff/talk in our group chat To see something and not be able to send it to you. I feel sad, I keep thinking I imagined everything. Keep checking different things and then realize.. you blocked me. You aren't going to message at all. I even wrote to one of your old Tumblrs and told you to please not. So I'll lay it out here in case you ever see it: There are a billion different things I could say to you right now, a million and one different things I could list off on how wrong this whole situation was but the most important things I want you to know are just... You hurt me again and this time, it's not just ME you hurt. It's my kids. So if you want to contact me, please do it when you figure out what it is you want from me that I can actually work towards and do, because I'm tired of doing and saying the wrong things.

[lookathowthestarsshine]

"I was protecting my mom from the truth, but now I'll say it."

It feels like you died when you got sick. I almost wish you had, because then I'd have a reason for missing you so much. No, I don't want you to die, but it *feels* as if you already have and there's someone else in your place. She looks like you, sounds like you, walks like you.. but she isn't you. My mom wouldn't have put herself over me. My mom wouldn't have gone back on all the promises she made me. My mom wouldn't have chosen him over me. My mom wouldn't have disrespected the man I've been with for TEN years and have two boys with. My mom wouldn't make backhanded compliments all the time and put me down for not breastfeeding, cleaning my house better or working. When I tell you nothing I can do is right and you will always find some reason to put me down, you say I'm being mean to you and nothing YOU do is good enough for ME when it's really the opposite. I mean, come on mom.. it's been five years, but four since you got really bad and started insulting me. I've put up with it. I've held my tongue for the most part and I don't challenge anything you say. I bite my tongue so hard I taste blood, because I remember YOU. How much you gave me and how much you taught me and how much you raised me... But MY mom wouldn't have made me feel like shit for asking for money. I just feel like shit every time I talk to you and I'm realizing that I don't love this version of you. I don't like this version of you. I miss my mom. Not the one who yells at me for saying the lords name in vain. Not the mom who got upset because a four year old didn't like a gift of plastic drinking straws. Not the mom who made me feel worse about rehoming my dog because "she told me so" and I should have listened to her. You aren't my mom anymore and I just don't know what to do about it.

[lookathowthestarsshine]

Grief

I woke up feeling like something is missing, you know? And I know something is. It's you. You aren't sleeping next to my head, I'm not hearing your purr that always was so loud, like a train engine in my ear. You aren't curled up on the bed, you aren't doing that soft meow you always did when it was time for food or for love. You aren't throwing your weight against me, brushing up against me and rubbing your head against my limbs or face. You don't come running when I bring out your tinker balls or the catnip. You aren't there waiting for your food when it's breakfast or dinner. The cats at first, were only a little different. But little by little, I think it's set in that you're not coming back and the biggest one having a problem is Grouch. He's taken up sleeping so close to me, he could suffocate me in my sleep. He's taken up your role of being there whenever I cry, whenever I'm sick. He misses you so much, Izzy. I've lost hope you'll come home and I've decided to think instead that you're in someones house, happy. Warm. Fed. Safe. I hope to God you are. I miss you, Izzy. Thanks for the past eight years. Thank you for being there whenever I needed you, for never letting me down. For being, well, you. I love you, we all love you and we all miss you.. So fucking much.

[lookathowthestarsshine]

It's my 14 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳 (July 3rd) Tell me you're old without telling me you're old... ):

[writing-prompt-s]

You’re secretly a werewolf, with so much control over your were-form you’re basically just yourself. You’ve grown so close to your roommate that you decide it’s safe to transform in front of them. You expect shock, horror. Instead, they whip out a fursuit.

[lookathowthestarsshine]

I fucking miss you.

you were a huge, important part of my life. You left once before and it tore out a part of me that hurt so badly, I never recovered. I could have understand that, when you decided you could talk to me again, maybe we had grown apart or maybe I wasn’t smart enough to be your friend.. But you could have told me.

instead you ghosted me *again*. Then I kept trying to reach out because you said you always appreciated that, but then you blocked me on Facebook. Probably on WhatsApp too.

I just don’t understand, even two years later. I thought at the very least, you’d be better. Maybe I’d at least get a goodbye.

Please tell me why my heart still breaks thinking of you. 💔

[stability]

[maruti-bitamin]

konpeitō

[metamorphesque]

― Mieko Kawakami, Heaven

[putangina-mami]

Serena is a cutie

[newvision]

— Bob Dylan from When the Deal Goes Down on Modern Times (2006)

[toastbutteregg]

[fkaori]

過去のリクエストイラスト/ セーラージュピター

[steptoe]

my favourite thing is when someone says “i think about you a lot” or “i had a dream about you” or “i was just about to text you” or something because the fact that i occur to someone when I’m not talking to them or anything is the best thing i just