tick tock

[lostboyturnedpirate]

I miss a fear of anger

of poison burning through my veins

It used to be stronger

I was once more free even to rage

now all I feel is a ghost of the true thing

where I once found warmth in flames

frozen blood keeps me static

sculptured by inercia, still destructive

but without release 

[lostboyturnedpirate]

your picture should be still- on my wall- on my wall but in it's place there's only the tarnished silver frame of a mirror a past without reflection  a longing without a name I dreamed I was one day I'm not sure now

[lostboyturnedpirate]

3

his oversized foot is on her neck this tear stained image is stuck in the wall of my memory gallery I want to help her, I want to push his food aside or at least tear the image with my own nails but his also oversized hand holds my arm and won’t let me go

12

she dragged me from the bathroom shower I knew that day would come but I was too distracted and stayed yet again too late in my book built sanctuary she threw me at the wardrobe door, my wet body staining the wood, making puddles on the wall I don’t remember her exact words, something about me being arrogant As she beat me I just wondered if it would leave marks It did, but not only on my body

3

his hand was holding me again this time she was locked up inside our neighbour held the keys this this day I don’t understand why she was crying and missing her eyeglasses but she was alive on the time his foot pressed on her throat I spent the  whole day wondering if she died

11

I don’t remember what he said but kids were calling me crazy that year so maybe that was it I took my umbrella and hit him once, twice, trice before realising what I was doing he called me crazy again he was right 4

they told me to stop talking about it that it didn’t happened children don’t lie: yes it did well, it won’t happen again, mommy and daddy are friends now yes it did

5

he told me to bit it harder I tried, but the salty taste of his skin disgusted me he told me: you have to draw blood but I didn’t want to see him bleed, I didn’t want to taste in my tongue finally, he let me go it was the only time I was glad to see deception in my father’s eyes