"You Deserve The Love You Keep Trying To Give The World"
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Hi everyone! Call me Van, i'm just a humble girl trying to find my voice in writing again <3 This is my lil masterlist of things I put out so far. I hope you enjoy!
I write just for Logan Howlett (Wolverine) right now, but I may always branch out in the future!
If you're looking for other writers, here's a compiled lists of other writers for our pookie Wolverine! Post
Banner made and gifted by the absolutely lovely @damimami1994 <3
(18+ works below the cut!)
Series:
He's A Demon, He's a Devil (He's a Mutant)(Moodboard):
Patch! Logan X F!Reader OC (Ongoing) (Eventual smut, 18+)
logging onto tumblr like heyyy i'm thinking about the same character i've spent the past few weeks thinking about. no change here. just wanted to let yall know
A/N: Omg. I cant believe it. I finished a fic??? I've been working on this for months and didn't mean for it to become as long as it did.
Warnings: A strong mixture of smut and angst, with some fluff dabbled in, former lovers reunite again, reader is a doctor, mutant (powers not mentioned), and former x-men, unprotected piv, premature ejacualation, f! recieving oral, creampie (accidental lol), logan almost cries during sex, he's also nervous, lots of awkward moments, doesn't follow canon Logan (2017) but that's probs obvious, i might be missing some things here, also i reread this so many times that i probably missed some grammar too
Waiting rooms are hell.
It made Logan annoyed, antsy. It was clearly busy at this clinic he has regrettably made an appointment at. Almost all the chairs in the room was taken. He had to take a seat between a mother and her daughter, who sniffles and doesn't cover her mouth when she coughs, and an old man who loudly and obnoxiously flips through the pages of a Time magazine- about mutants. He could hear the clock on the wall ticking, filling the strangely quiet room despite the crowd that filled it with a consistent tick.
Every tick made his nerves feel like they were going to snap. His eyes glanced around the room, observing everyone. Normal, every day people. One young woman caught his eye, she looked to be in her twenties. She was scrolling through her phone, and had brushed some hair behind her ear and that got his attention. It was fish-like, webbed, with a bluish tint.
She looked up from her phone and notice him staring. A brief panic appeared in her eyes as she brushes her hair back over her ear. He gives her a small nod, and looks away. Mutant.
"Logan Howlett?"
His name being called caused a sense of relief. He was close to leaving- Not even sure why he came in the first place. He cleared his throat and stood up, walking to the door where the nurse waits and smiles at him.
"Follow me."
The nurse led Logan down a hall to an exam room. The hallway had art posted along the walls, opposite of the doors. One caught his eye, one of Van Gogh's with a vase of sunflowers. He once knew someone who loved that particular painting. It does add a bit of cheeriness to the sterile atmosphere of the office.
"Right here Mr.Howlett."
"Thanks."
"I'm going to take your vitals real quick…"
She checked his pulse, and took his blood pressure, asked a few questions about his history that he left extremely vague. Asked for his chief complaint- which he also left vague, because how the hell is he supposed to tell her what's wrong with him? He didn't really know how to bring up the mutant thing any way.
"Okay, Mr. Howlett, the doctor will be with you in a few minutes." She smiles as she grabs the clipboard. "Do you need anything?"
"That's alright." He mutters with a polite nod. He'll probably sneak out in a few minutes anyway. More and more he's wondering why he even came. What is a doctor going to do for him?
It's only because of Charles, that he keeps going. There's a voice in the back of his head, that makes him promise to keep going- to find the things a man should have in his life, happiness.
He sat on the exam table. There was another clock, hanging on the wall next to him. Annoying him with it's incessant ticking in the room. He was starting to consider breaking it and hiding the evidence in the garbage can when he picked up on something.
A scent. It was familiar, yet strange to him. Enough to make his heart start to race. It'd been a long time since…He looked at the door, just as it opened. In you walked in, staring down at a clipboard with your brows creased. You looked up to meet his eyes, and your mouth falls open.
Time felt like it froze.
"Logan." Your voice was barely a whisper as you say his name. You didn't look like you believe what you were seeing, and to be honest he didn't believe it either. You both stood there staring at each other in shock. You closed your mouth, stepping in the room and closing the door behind you. He stood up just as you did so. "You're…Here…"
"Yeah." He steps closer to you. You hold the clipboard between you both, keeping space.
"I…I didn't know you were…" Your mouth hung open, unable to say it. "After what happened."
"I survived it." He says.
There was tension buzzing between you both. Questions you both wanted to ask but neither had the courage to say. He moved to lean against the exam table, crossing his arms. He didn't take his eyes off you while you crossed the room, looking everywhere but him. It was a reunion, but extremely awkward.
Not quite how he imagined seeing you again.
"How you been?" Logan finally asks.
The tension you were holding seems to loosen. "I've be okay." You say with a small shrug. "I'm glad to see you- That you're okay…"
"For the most part."
"You…You look older."
"Not sure if I should take that as a compliment, doc." He grumbles. You frowned.
"How'd you- Why…" You began to stammer, but stopped, regaining your composure as you set your papers down on the desk, and sat down on a stool. Your leg was bouncing like crazy, but your attention was fully on Logan. "What…Brings you here?"
"I…." He trailed off. "I don't know why I'm here."
"Okay…" You felt a bit a disappointment. Reaching for the clipboard again and looked down at the papers. Logan didn't fill out half the form, so you couldn't really go off on that. Typical. The form your nurse filled out left extremely vague answers that you couldn't pick up anything from.
He's never been good at communicating.
You looked up at him. He was staring at you, his expression stern but his eyes were soft. When you met them, he looked away. Fingers rapping along his arms, he instead stared at the window refusing to meet your look again.
You took the moment to really observe him, his graying hair, the lines etched into his face. He looked like Logan just…aged, and so quickly. It's been quite a few years since you last saw him- but not long enough for a change this drastic. Could be the stress, after everything that happened….
You noticed a scar on his cheek.
Logan doesn't get scars.
You stood up, walking over to his side. "How about you start with this?" You asked, a hand reaching up to his cheek, thumb brushing over the faint pink line. It looks fresh. He flinched from your touch so you dropped your hand. "You're scarring."
"Yeah," He clears his throat and straightening his posture. "I don't heal like I used too."
"No?"
"Haven't been for a bit. It happens, but it's slow."
"Do you know exactly when it started?"
He shrugged. "Didn't really pay attention. Only noticed it a few months ago. Got stabbed by a mugger while working. My gut took a bit longer to heal up than it used to."
"Oh…" You let out a soft gasp, worry etched into your expression.
"I'm fine." He says quickly. "I guess…I got this cough, won't go away. Think you can give me something for that? Whiskey used to help, doesn't anymore."
"Let me examine you first- Then we'll go from there." You say as you take the stethoscope around you neck and put it on. "Can you take off your jacket?"
He nods, letting the jacket slide off his shoulders. "Want me to take this off too?" He motions to the dress shirt. You shook your head, but he unbuttoned a few buttons anyway. He seemed serious, genuinely asking but you knew Logan and couldn't help if this was some subtle way of flirting by offering to take off his shirt.
You pressed the scope to his chest, listening to his heart. "Your heart is strong." You say quietly, before moving to his back. You lifted his shirt to press the scope to his bare back, making him jump.
"Cold." He mutters.
"Sorry." You smile apologetically. "Breathe in, and breathe out…."
He obliges. When he takes another breath, he wheezes and begins to cough. You quickly removed the scope. A hand rubbing his back soothingly as he goes into a coughing fit. The sounds his lungs made worried you.
He stood up from the table, like he was trying to get away from your touch. Re-buttoning his shirt and grabbing his jacket.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine."
He turns back, walking to stand in front of you. "Listen you don't need to waste this time. Can you just give me something?"
"Uh, no- Logan. This- Whatever is going on with you…I want to help. I need to run tests, some blood work, all of that."
"No." He waves you off turning to leave. "I don't need any of that crap."
"Logan!"
You stood there as he storms out. Again. A creeping feeling of devastation and helplessness crawled up your throat as your heart ached. You always wondered what it'd be like to see him again. Didn't expect it to go like that.
It brought on an old memory. One that only filled your heart with more ache. A late night, filled with exhaustion but comfort. Wrapped safely in his arms, his touch sending warmth through you. You could recall soft whispered promises to never leave, lips brushing over your hair as you were pulled closer. You believed him then.
"Doctor?" One of your nurses appeared in the room. "Are you okay? I saw that man storming out."
"Yeah," You shook yourself out of the funk. "I'm fine, thank you. Um…Right…" You ran a hand through your hair, mussing it and making you look even more frazzled. "Who's next?"
Meanwhile, Logan had stormed out to his car. He got into the drivers seat, immediately starting the car about to pull out of the parking lot before stopping. He stared at the building where you were still inside, likely going back to work. You didn't follow him out. Not that he expected you too.
He's sure you would've been happy never seeing him again.
Yet he didn't leave. He sat there. Even as the sun slowly began to set in the desert sky. Thinking about you. You still looked gorgeous as always. Still bounced your leg like crazy when nervous. Still had that ability to make his mind go blank like a fool and his heart race.
He didn't know why, but he stayed. Sat in the damn car for hours. Thinking about everything- especially you. Why did he come here? What was the point?
He wanted to die.
So why seek out help? Treatment? To lessen the pain? To feel less alone?
Caliban was who told him about the clinic. It runs as a standard run-of-the-mill medical clinic. Yet it 's also an underground one to help mutants. Logan scoffed initially at the thought, since everyone knew mutants were disappearing but Caliban said there were more than anyone thinks out there- just hiding. He would know, apparently.
He said the doctor who ran the clinic was a mutant- He should have known.
Coincidence?
His hand came up to scratch his beard, before running down his face in frustration. Even now he can feel the inexplicable draw to the clinic, where you resided in. That same feeling he felt since the moment he met you.
Then he fucked it all up.
He stayed, watching the sky go dark and people going in and out of the building. Once it hit about 7 pm, that's when he watched a small group of staff walk out- but you weren't amongst them. The clinic looked closed now, but he never saw you leave. He didn't know why he continued to sit there and watch. You could have left through a different door and he was being a damn idiot.
Then, 9 pm hit, that's when you finally walked out. Locking the door behind you, you grabbed your bag and walked across the parking lot, a few feet down the sidewalk where an empty bus stop rests. There you sat.
He started the car, pulling up directly behind the bus stop and got out. You hadn't reacted to the sound of the engine behind you, didn't even look up when his footsteps approached. You seem lost in thought, staring at your hands that rests in your lap.
"Hey."
He didn't know what else to say. You looked up, surprise comes across your face.
"Logan…" You straightened up. "I thought you left."
"You don't have a car?"
You forced a smile, "It's at the mechanics. I don't mind taking the bus. I'm only a few blocks from here, I don't walk just cause it's dark out and it can be dangerous, y'know?"
He nodded, sticking a hand in his pocket. "I could drive you home."
Your expression faltered, something he couldn't read. "I…"
"Have you eaten? We could get some dinner." He offers.
You sat in silence, staring at each other. He could see you working in your head his offer. He didn't really even know why he asked. Maybe he was hoping to have some sort of closure with you. Or he was hoping for something more, but he won't admit it to himself.
You finally let out a huff, grabbing your bag at your side and standing up. "Sure."
The diner was some off-road place that he spotted and suggested to you. You just agreed without a word. A bored waitress sat behind the counter, and he could hear clinks of dishes in the kitchen. You and him were the only customers there.
Choosing a booth in the far corner, you both sat in silence. You ordered a simple sandwich and fries, while Logan just asked for some coffee.
"You're not going to eat?" You asked. He didn't respond. You sighed. "He'll have the same." You say, grabbing the menus and handing it to the waitress who only gives a curt nod before walking away.
"Why did you do that?" Logan asks with annoyance.
"You need to eat."
He opened his mouth to retort, but closed it once you scowled at him. "Whatever going on with you, you need to take better care of yourself."
"Who says I'm not?"
"Yeah, the empty packs of cigars and bottles of whiskey in the front seat scream self-care."
He rolled his eyes, sucking in his cheek in annoyance as he looks out the window. The tension between you both was growing worse and becoming harder to ignore. You sat back in the booth, crossing your arms and staring at him.
Despite how pissed off he gets you, you still felt the urge to take care of him. Even now.
Neither of you knew what to talk about, how to even start a conversation. Logan snuck glances at you as you stared down at the table, finger tracing random shapes into the speckled wood pattern.
"So uh….You seeing anyone?"
You froze, eyes looking up at him and scoffed. "That is what you ask me. Of all things."
"Just curious…" He mutters.
Pinching the bridge of your nose and squeezing your eyes shut, you fought back the rising anger inside you. "No." You finally say. "I'm not. Haven't for a bit."
"But you have?"
"Yes?" You raised a brow. He nods,
"Were they nice?"
"Here you go," The waitress comes with Logan's coffee and your water. You thanked her quietly, sipping the water as a distraction for this painfully awkward conversation. Logan took the coffee, setting it on the table. "Do you want any milk or sugar?"
"No thanks."
She walked away, leaving you both alone again. Logan piddled, hand tapping against the table before he grabbed the mug to sip the coffee. Once he set it down he looked up at you again.
"So?"
"So?" You shook your head.
"What were they like?"
You smacked your hand to your face, dragging it down, heat blooming in your face. "He was fine, we just didn't work out."
"He treat you right?"
"Logan." You looked at him with disbelief. He shut his mouth, a small grumble escaping him. He looked at the window, watching a car pass by.
"You happy?" He finally asks.
Your expression softened, holding the glass of water with both hands, you let your shoulders relax. "Well…I got a good job, some nice friends. Nice little house on a quiet street. I guess so." You shrugged. He nodded. You tilted your head. "What have you been up to all these years?" You asked quietly.
"Just…Surviving." He says. He takes another sip of his coffee. He doesn't plan to tell you. "So, what was the guys name?"
This time you couldn't help but laugh. That's one thing that didn't change. Stubbornness. "You want his address too?"
"If you got it."
You giggled, shaking your head, before you turned quiet and leaned in, your voice barely a whisper. "Really, Logan…What happened? When…"
"I ran." He says quietly. "With Charles."
You face fell. "Charles….Professor is alive?"
"No."
Your mouth opened and shut and you looked down at the table. "Do you…want to talk about it?"
"Not now." He mutters, sipping his coffee. You looked back up at him, he was focused on you. "I missed you." He says after he sets the coffee down on the table, and it took you aback.
Logan was never straight forward. You always had to read between the lines with him to figure out what he was thinking or feeling. You didn't know what to say. "You don't have to say anything back." he adds, fingers tapping along his coffee mug.
Truth is, you missed him too. You never forgot him, it's hard to do so- not with how he had made you feel, and the way he broke your heart. At nights you curled up in bed and your mind would wander back to him- wondering what he was doing that moment, if he thought about you as well.
The times you and Charles talked, or. Ororo, or Jean- or anyone on the team really, they'd tried to give you updates on Logan but you'd cut them off. You felt like you were picking at a scab if you continued to think or talk about him. One time Ororo managed to get some details out- Implying Logan was missing you as well, but you didn't believe her.
You've been hard on yourself for letting yourself get so worked up over him. Now apart of you wonder if that was some deeper instinct to go back to him- or to just go back to the X-men. Maybe things would be different.
Instead of saying anything, you reached out and held his hand. It seemed to make him relax.
"So…What have you been doing since you left?" He asks. "Were you always at that office or…?"
"Uh no..I actually joined Shield for a bit." You say quietly. He blinked in surprise.
"Shield?"
"Yeah, but then that went to hell pretty fast after I joined, if you remember that whole Captain America thing……so I joined Doctors Without Borders. Due to my history they would send me to work on aftermaths of so called 'Superhero Disasters' especially in other countries… Then eventually I settled down here- when they started cracking down on mutants. Had a friend who was also a mutant help me set up the clinic under the table, so it's still a regular family practice, but if you knew they right people and had needs you couldn't go to a regular non-mutant doctor for…"
He nodded, "I was working with Shield too…Wonder how we didn't run into each other…." He clears his throat, "Sounds like you've done a lot of good stuff."
"Probably just different locations." You say with a small shrug, wondering what he was doing for Shield. "Besides it's not like you need medical care…Till now."
His thumb brushes the back of your hand. "I'm fine, sweetheart."
You looked down at your coffee. "There's been a lot of weird stuff with mutants happening. I have patients who's been getting sick, losing their abilities for no obvious reason. I'm sure you heard that the population of mutants have been decreasing."
He nodded. "I've heard about it."
"I'd like to see what's going on with you Logan. I could run some tests, do a better exam. If you let me."
The expression on his face told you he wasn't a fan of that idea. The waitress came and dropped off the food. You thanked her, and you both took the food as distraction from the awkward conversation.
Despite Logan saying he wasn't hungry, he ate quickly. You picked at your own plate- his sudden appearance has left you little appetite with the way your mind wondered about everything that has happened in the last few years since you last saw him.
You looked out the window, looking at the limo he was driving. He looked up and caught you staring. You met his eyes and nodded your head towards it.
"Sweet ride." You say with a hint of humor. "You uh…Chauffering now?"
"It's money."
"I never thought you being a driver."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asks with a scoff.
You raised a brow, "That I never thought of you being a driver. Logan."
He pressed his lips together and looked away, unsure why he had to become snappy- and figures it'd be best if he just kept his mouth closed.
The rest of the meal went by in silence. You could feel Logan staring at you whenever you weren't looking, and when you were, he looks away. When you're done and the waitress drops the check off, you try to pay but Logan takes it before you could.
"I got it." He says as he pulls out his wallet.
"I can pay-"
"I got it." He says more firmly, not looking at you as he counts the cash in his wallet. He leaves it on the table for the waitress and stands up, adjusting his jacket before looking at you. You sigh, standing up with him and leaving the dinner, back to his car.
He opens the door passenger door for you, "Need to stop anywhere else?"
"No. Home is good. I don't live far." You say as you climb into the passenger seat. Logan closes the door, walking around and gets into the drivers seat. He starts it and you direct him in where to go. It was silent for a few minutes.
The radio was on, at a low volume but you listened to the song. It brought back an old memory.
"Remember that one time…" You started up, turning to look at him. Your eyes fall on his hands that grip the steering wheel. You notice the scars the line with his knuckles. "We got sent on a road trip….I remember this song came on all the time, like every station you flipped to would play it."
A hint of a smile played on his lips. "Yeah."
"You hated this song."
"Yeah, and you would turn it up to sing along to it loud as you could."
You laughed.
"Didn't hate it so much after that." He continues, looking ahead. "Specially seeing you so happy singing it."
Your smile faltered, and you looked away. The memory was happiness in your heart, but an ache too. One that hurt too much. "It was a nice time." You say, concluding the small-talk.
He reached your house and parks in the front. It was a small house- You didn't need anything big seeing you were by yourself with only occasional visitors. The front of the house had a small covered porch with a bench swing that you read books on in the evening, along with a small garden you work on whenever you have time- lately you haven't, so the garden could use some weeding but not bad enough that you couldn't still enjoy the flowers.
"It's cute." He says looking at it past you. "…Can I walk you to the door?"
You nod, and both get out of the car and walking up the small pathway to your porch. You started rifling through your bag to pull out your house keys. Once you found them, pushed them in a lock before stopping.
"Do you have a place to stay?" You ask.
He raised a brow. "Sometimes I just sleep in the limo. Usually get a motel room."
Your brows furrowed and you sighed. "You're staying here tonight." You turned the key and unlocked your front door, and walking inside.
"You're the boss."
You shot him a look, but didn't say another word. Kicked off your shoes at the door, and he did the same. You dropped your keys in a little decorative bowl which Logan took notice of.
"Is that…?"
You stopped, looked at him, then the bowl. You nodded. One of your students made it for you as a gift.He looked at the bowl a little longer before tearing his eyes away to look at your home. "It's cozy,"
"Thanks."
You walked further into the house with him following you, not really sure what to do- or say.
"Kitchen here," You showed him. "Bathroom is here, and I have a guest room you can sleep in."
He nods, "Thank you."
"Yeah…" You looked at him. "Well, make yourself comfortable. I'm going to shower."
"Alright."
He watched you go down the hall until you went into the bathroom, where he lets out a sigh and runs his hand through his hair. This wasn't how he expected his day to go, but he couldn't complain.
At least he gets to see you again.
He moved to sit on the couch in your living room. Taking in your place. He could see you everywhere in it. The furniture, the decorations, the aesthetics. He turned to look at a table, where a lamp and plenty of pictures take up space.
Some he recognized as people in your family, others are people he didn't know. Then one, with familiar faces. A large group photo. He picked it up to examine it.
There was Jean and Scott, arms wrapped around each other. Then Hank, and you. Next to you was him, Logan- barely cracking a smile, but he had his hand on your back. The others, Ororo, Rogue- Faces that feel like it's been years since he's since them. Charles was in the center- it filled him with grief to look at Charles.
He set the picture down, opting to now grab the remote and turn the tv on. Flipped through channels but didn't find anything he cared to watch, so he turned it back off.
He could hear your shower running, so he sat there and listened to the water. You seemed to be taking forever- probably on purpose. To avoid having more awkward conversations. Or just dealing with him.
Eventually the shower turned off, and he heard you in the hall until another door closed. You came back out after a few minutes. Your hair still damp, with the smell of shampoo and the same body wash you used back when you still at the mansion- he knows because he buys them for himself sometimes just to remember you. You were dressed in a simple t-shirt and pajamas. He had been staring off into space when he heard you, turning his head where you gave him a small smile.
You walked over to sit next to him on the couch, closer than he expected but still leaving some space between you.
"Are you okay?" You asked softly.
"Yeah."
"Um, I can look around, see if I got some spare clothes that might fit you." You wave your hand.
He raised a brow.
"Might be more comfortable than that suit you're wearing. As good as it looks."
He lets out a chuckle. "I'm fine. Don't waste your time."
"It's not…" You shook your head. Then sighed in frustration. The room became filled with a tense silence and Logan started feeling guilty again.
Desperate for you to not continue being mad at him, he changed the subject. "I uh…Saw your family pictures." He nods to the table. "Your uncle finally get married?"
"Uh, yeah." You let out a quiet laugh, standing up to walk over to the table, examining your collage of photos. "He eloped to some girl he met in Vegas. They got a baby on the way now. She's nice."
"Last time I saw him he was pretty arrogant."
"Yeah. She settled him down though."
Logan nodded, leaving another silence.
"Grandma still sticking around too." You smile. "She loved you."
He smirks. "She was a sweet woman."
"She was all over you at the parties remember? Lil old woman in a wheel chair, she wanted in your pants."
Logan laughed. "She did like to flirt. In front of your granddad too…."
It caused you both to laugh. You shook your head. "Yeah she…She was crushed when she found out we broke up. Told me to give her your number and she'll give you a try."
Logan sighed, looking at you with an expression of hopefulness. He looks back at the pictures. "You've been doing great."
"It's been…Something." You walk over to the pictures. Picking up the photo that Logan had looked at, with the X-men. You stare at the photo for a long time in silence, your expression showing a range of emotions. "I haven't seen any of them in a long time." You say. "These pictures are all I have left….Well, and these."
You set the frame down, and moved to open the drawer of the table filled with photos. There you pulled out a plastic bag, unzipping it and handing him a small bundle of photos.
He flipped through each one, finding they were photos of your old friends of the x-men, but a lot of them were you and him- and a lot of just him. One on his motorcycle, smirking at the camera. Another was in the kitchen of the mansion, sipping on a root beer and looking deep in thought. One more, was him in bed with morning sunlight shining over his half-awake figure.
"You kept them." He says, his voice carrying more surprise than he meant to let on.
"Felt wrong not to." You say softly. "We may of had a rough…ending, but we still had a nice time when it lasted."
"Was it an ending?" He looks away from a picture of you and him, a younger version of him with you, arms wrapped around each other. He was looking at you like a lovesick puppy, while your head was thrown back in laughter.
Your expression dropped, you turned away from him, standing up from the couch to cross your arms. "You made it pretty clear back then that it was."
The tone of your voice makes him cringe. He set the photos down. Let silence fill the room between you. Before he could speak, finally finding the words he wanted to tell you; You spoke up before him.
"I don't hold it against you, really. I know I probably seem like it." You say. "And maybe…You did really hurt me back then. It's the past though and everyone is gone now." Your voice began to shake. "So whatever happened between us… It sucked but…At least… At least we got to see each other again. Even if this has been incredibly awkward."
He stood up and crossed the room at the sound of your voice breaking. He waits for you to finish talking before lifting his hand, hovering over your arm like he was afraid to touch you. He finally rests it there, feeling your muscle tense at his touch. "I thought I was protecting you."
You turned to look at him with some confusion. "Protecting me?"
"I was….Spiraling. Going down a bad road. Remember?"
You nodded slowly. "Having trouble understanding who you were. All you memories of the years you lived….But I knew who you were, Logan."
"I didn't." His hand squeezed your arm gently. "I was scared of hurting you. I was scared I'd….One day lose control. Charles saw it, Jeannie, and I know you saw it too."
You shook your head, opening your mouth to argue but he doesn't let you continue. His hand moved from your arm to your cheek.
"I thought if I chased you away it'd keep you safe from me. That I wouldn't be able to hurt you- That I wouldn't…" He didn't finish his sentence, as you looked up with him with sorrow.
"You did hurt me."
"I know." Both hands cup your face. "I was stupid. I didn't…I didn't think you'd leave. The school, the X-men…."
"I almost didn't…. Then Shield called me and…I just took it as a sign," You shrugged.
"Give me a chance, to make something right. To do something right for once." He says, his thumb brushing over your lip. "To make it up to you. To make you happy."
Your mind raced with thoughts, and one slipped out before you could stop yourself. "For how long?" You asked, doubt in your head, and your heart shielded. Your hand reached up to rest over one of his.
You always took it as a sign of self-preservation, to leave before it gets hard, before it hurts.
"As long as you'll have me." He says softly.
You didn't respond, unsure to give in. What else did you have to lose? You lost him once, you might lose him again. What was the point in holding out on him?
He cautiously took your silence as acceptance. He leaned down to meet your lips, hovering over them just for a moment- giving you every chance to turn him down, to pull away from him. You didn't, you let him get close. Your heart beating out of your chest- just like it was your first kiss with him all over again.
He finally sealed the space between you. Capturing your lips in a deep kiss, his calloused hands pulling you in closer. His lips felt rougher than you remember, his beard tickled your face- although that you do remember. He finally parted from you, but still left little space between the both of you. His nose gently bumped into yours, thumb brushing over your cheek.
"I really missed that." He murmurs.
"You could of had it all these years." You say softly. You didn't mean it bitterly, or to throw it in his face. "We…Could have…." You softly muttered. You ran from him too- trying to get away from the hurt, you thought you were protecting yourself. Funny how he thought he was protecting you too. Who's protected him all this time?
A small chuckle escaped him. He rests his forehead on yours. "I know, believe me. Been kicking myself over it for awhile now."
Now it was your turn to laugh. Before you could make a remark, he kissed you again. With more eagerness this time. You brought your hands up to the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer as you felt your body slowly build up with need. You hate how easily he can work you up, even now.
But not really.
His hands climbed into your hair as he licked between your lips. He was desperate, needy, he kissed you like he'll never have the chance again. You had to forcibly break yourself from him to get air. He only lets you get a few breaths in before he kisses you again. His hands left your hair, running down your back before he leaned down to grab the back of your thighs and lift you onto his hips.
Your wrapped your arms around his shoulders, and your legs around his waist.
"Bedroom?" He asks between kisses,
"Down the hall, last door on the left." You breathed, before returning to his lips. He walked down the hall, bumping into things being too focused on you and your kisses to really pay attention.
He stubs his toe on the doorframe of your bedroom door, hunching over in pain. His arms keep a steady hold on you however, so you're not dropped to the floor.
"Fuck!" He loudly curses into the kiss, resulting in a fit of giggles from you.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine," He grumbles, his pride slightly wounded, "Didn't ruin the moment did I?"
"No," You shook your head, your amusement obvious, your hands cupped his face gently, "But why don't you set us down?"
He grumbles but agrees, reaching your bed and gently placing you on your back, climbing between your legs until you were both comfortable. He took a moment to take you in, his eyes soften as he brushes a strand of hair behind your ear.
Your fingers play with the buttons of his shirt, looking up at him. "Hi." You greet.
"Hey."
"Crazy how we are here again, isn't it?"
"Maybe." He leaned forward to press a kiss to your lips, then your chin, and under into your neck.
"A lot has changed." You tipped your head back, exposing your neck to him.
"Yeah."
"You got the whole silver fox thing going on now."
He chuckled into the crook of your neck. "Not exactly what I thought of myself but…"
"No, I like it." You hummed, your hands quickly sliding up his chest, into his hair as you arched into him. He nipped at your collarbone. One of his hands slid down to grab your thigh, bringing it up to his waist as he grinds into your core. He softly groaned when you tugged his hair, encouraging him to look up at you.
Your expression had turned serious, but eyes full of hope. "Do you really want to stay Logan?" You asked.
"I do." He says, before leaning into capture you in a deep kiss. You moan into his mouth, hands keeping him close.
Logan understood your doubt. He did you wrong, broke your heart- albeit he wouldn't let himself believe that for a long time. He truly thought you'd be better off without him. Tried to pretend he didn't mess up a good thing- the best thing he had in years. Even if he never got over you, with the way you haunted his dreams, and seemed to think about you every day for years. No matter how he tried distracting himself.
A few times it would hit him hard. Take his breath away how badly he messed up letting you go. He'd ask Charles to tell him where you went, what you were doing but he would never tell Logan- have a suspicion you told Charles to keep it quiet. Logan wouldn't ask the others that did still talk to you, though he's sure they wouldn't have told him either.
He doesn't know how long he's got. He figured, even with his ability to ruin everything he ever touches- He couldn't mess up worse than he already has. You'll try to help him with whatever is wrong with his body but he doesn't need or want it anymore- He just wants to be with you. Live out the rest of his days wrapped in your arms.
Hopefully you won't hate him too much for that.
Your hands moved back down to his chest, quickly unbuttoning his shirt. He sat up to tug it off, while you un-tucked his white tank top underneath from his pants, which he pulled off as well. Your hands went to his belt to undo that next. Once his shirts were discarded, he grabbed your arms and pulled you up roughly to him to kiss you.
His tongue licked into your mouth, your teeth nipping at his bottom lip. His arms wrapped around you and you both dropped back to the bed. Your hands ran up his back- feeling the array of scars.
"Logan…" You broke from his kiss. Your hand come across a particular nasty scar.
"I'm fine." He quickly says, before trying to kiss you again. You push yourself up, with him following along. His chest displayed silver gray hair that ran down his belly until it disappears beneath his pants. There was another array of scars, both big and small and of various shapes littering his skin. Your fingers trace them down his chest. He lets you, watching your face as you examine every scar. "It's not a big deal."
You looked up at him. Then back down to his chest and belly. You leaned forward, carefully pressing your lips over each scar. You wonder about the story they must hold- Logan has a lot of stories, and you know you're one of them.
Your eyes opened as you brushed over another large scar, skin thick with healing tissue. They flitted up to meet his. His jaw tense as he watched you kiss up his belly, reaching his chest and kissing the scar right over his heart. Finally your hands reached up to cup the back of his neck and pull him back down atop of you as you lay back on the bed for another kiss, where Logan kept stealing another, and another- until he felt your lips finally smile.
"No more fighting." You mumble.
"Tell that to the rest of the world." He replies, his hand sliding down your thigh and up your shirt.
"I'm serious. I'll lock you up in here if I have too."
"Hm, that doesn't sound too bad." He grins. "Maybe you should tie me down too…. For good measure."
"Don't know if you remember but I tried that once," Your hands climbed into his hair. "Didn't work out very well, did it?"
He chuckles. "Hard to forget that…"
"That rope was such a waste of money."
"Still a good time."
You tipped your head back and laughed, and he took the chance to start kissing your exposed neck.
"Your turn to get this off." He tugs at your shirt. "And this." His hand moves to your pajama bottoms. "Comfy as they look."
You hum, sitting up enough to allow him to pull your shirt off over your head, and gently lying back down onto the bed. He sits back, letting you close your legs so he could pulled your pajamas off, following with your panties- Which he then had to take a brief sniff.
"Logan-" You laughed, reaching out to smack his arm. "You never changed have you?"
"For you? Hell no." He smirks, tossing your panties to the side. You bit your lip repressing a cheeky smile, but slowly spread your legs for him again. His mouth falls open with a soft whimper at the sight of your pussy, already wet and glistening for him.
He grabs your leg, leaning down to hook it over his shoulder while he kisses your ankle, continuing to press kisses up your calf, the back of your knee, and down your thigh until he was on his belly, fully settled between your thighs.
"Missed this pretty little thing." He murmurs. It makes you laugh again while he presses a few teasing kisses against the lips of your pussy. He doesn't waste another second, delving into your cunt and wrapping his lips around your clit.
You let out a sigh, tipping your head back as your hand curled into Logans hair. He sucked your clit, before releasing and flicking it with his tongue. He licks a long stripe through your folds, and lowers towards your weeping hole, his nose pressing into your clit.
"Fuck," He moaned as his tongue dipped into your hole. He missed your taste. His arms wrapped tight around your thighs to hold you in place as he laps your pussy.
You tipped your head back, your hand combing through his hair before grabbing a fistful of it. "Oh- Lo-" You moaned, biting your tongue as he licked another stripe through your folds. It shamed you to say- but no one could ever make you feel good the way Logan did, and it seems Logan hadn't forgotten what made you feel good either.
"Still taste so damn sweet," He mumbles into your skin, pressing kisses into your inner thigh while he tries to prolong this moment as much as he can. His calloused hands soothe over your thighs before tugging you closer and burying his face into your core again.
He takes your harden bud between his lips, sucking and licking in every way he remembers you enjoying. It's been awhile for him- he feels old, and rusty when it comes to something like this. The sweet sounds you're making though spur him on, giving him the confidence to make you feel good.
He lets go of your clit with a pop, tilting his head to the side to bring his hand up to your cunt. Fingers teased your entrance, gathering your wetness on the pads before rubbing small, slow circles into your cunt. You let out a shaky breath, thighs spreading apart.
"I want more, Lo." You breathed. "Please…."
"I know baby," He coos with a low voice, rumbling in his chest as he presses another kiss to the space where your core and inner thigh meet. "I want to enjoy every second, I'll make you feel good- promise."
Your grip on his hair tightened, as you lifted your hips to get closer. He grins, loving to see you so eager for him, you always were- are.
He - obliging to your wishes, returned to you clit. His tongue playfully flicking the bud while he circles one finger around your hole, and gently pushing inside. You moaned, tugging his hair tighter. He crooks the finger inside you, dragging along your sensitive spot and moans at the way you immediately careen against him. Soon he adds another, pumping his hand and stretching you open while his fingers continued to play with the spot that makes you cry his name. His tongue plays with your clit, swirling around, causing your hips to jump from the mattress, desperate for more.
His movements becoming faster as he listens to you cry for him until finally your body freezes. Your pussy becomes tight around his fingers, walls pulsing and he's awarded with a gush of your cum that he happily drinks up like a starved man- which he was. He kept going, not stopping even after your moans die off into whimpers- he wanted more, to drink every inch of you up. He wanted your scent all over him.
"Logan- Please," You whimpered, finally pushing him away as you go into overstimulation. Your legs shook as he pulled his fingers out gently. He climbed over you, kissing every inch of your body until he reaches your lips.
"That alright darling?" He leans his forehead against yours. Your hands grazed over his chest, down to his hips where you tugged him close and nodded.
"It was amazing.." You reassure him breathlessly. "I missed you, Lo."
He lets out a breath as he meets your eyes- his own full of relief.
"I…" He looks embarrassed. "Haven't done that in awhile."
You blinked in surprise. "No?"
"No."
He couldn't bring himself to admit that he hadn't been with anyone since you.
There had been plenty of chances- he was almost always in a bar after you left and had plenty of folks left and right offering a fun night for him- but he couldn't do it. Even though you were broken up, he felt like he would've been betraying you every single time. Eventually it just got annoying, and he moved his drinking habits back to the mansion, usually in his room- or up in the attic.
Charles didn't appreciate it but Logan kept it away from the kids, so he didn't hear to much complaining.
Now realizing how long it really has been for him, he's more nervous then ever.
He leans in, running his lips along your jawline and nipping at the spot below your ear. You let him, until your hands removed from his hips press up into his chest. He lets you,slowly following your movements where you push him off to your side.
He sits up on his elbows, a bit of confusion- even a little worry until you in turn straddle him. His cheeks up to his ears change color to a rosy pink as he lays back down, eyes grazing over your body.
His hands that found a resting spot on your thighs give them a gentle squeeze, before sliding up to your hips.
"I'm a lucky man." He murmurs under his breath, his eyes gazing into yours, before slowly lowering and admiring the rest of your body as you sit back and give him a moment to enjoy.
Slowly you began to roll your hips. His cock was nestled against your core, slipping between your wet folds. His grip on your hips grew tighter, leaving divots in your skin. You watched him swallow hard, his expression changing into concentration. He lets out a shaky breath.
"Not so fast sweetheart." He mutters, eyes glancing down where the tip of his cock peeks out between the lips of your cunt. "Told ya I haven't done this in awhile…"
You grinned, rolling your hips faster. His jaw clenches, his eyes flutter, he lets out a soft moan. You leaned forward, your hands brace against the headboard above him as you glide your pussy slowly over his entire length, until your felt his tip hit your entrance. You lifted your hips, a hand reaching between you to lead his cock inside and lower yourself back over him.
"Oooh" Logan moans, head tipping back against the pillow. He continues to grunt as you lower yourself over him, "Darling-" He manages out before he lets out another guttural moan, his hips lift off the bed, and you can feel his cock inside filling you up with his cum.
You quickly leaned forward, pressing your forehead against his. "That's it, baby…" You whisper, grinding your hips against his, making his climax even stronger.
He finally relaxes, panting for breath and sinking into the mattress. You stay seated over him, kissing his forehead, down to his nose.
"Shit, I'm sorry- I'm sorry-" He starts, his hands beginning to push you off him but you stay seated.
"For what?" You asked in confusion, at his sudden change in mood.
"Everything. Fuck." He sighs, his hands slides down his face in frustration. The embarrassment of cumming early hit him hard, bringing back a surge of other negative emotions- and making him feel more unworthy of you. "I didn't mean to do that so fast- I didn't mean to hurt you back then."
"Lo, Lo" You stop him before he could continue, stopping him from pushing you away- He's way too good at it. "Hey, baby, calm down. Look at me." You cup his cheek.
He finally does, meeting your eyes with his own, watery and red. You shake your head, hand softly caressing his hair, down to his cheek. "It's okay. It's all in the past. We're here now."
"I…" He trailed off, showing an internal fight inside him. "I never stopped loving you." He finally gets out. "I tried to pretend I was fine all these years. I didn't go a goddamn day without thinking about you. Terrified you would get hurt, pissed thinking about another man touching you- I can't tell you how many nights I got on the bike and just drove aimlessly hoping it'd lead me back to you."
The confession took your breath away. You took a moment to gather yourself. Logan was already turning into a mess, and you didn't need to be one either.
"Me neither." You finally say.
"What?"
"I never stopped loving you either." You hovered over his lips, closing your eyes. "I couldn't move on from you Lo, as much as I tried and told myself I could, that I did…."
"I shouldn't have fucked it up-"
"Stop." You say firmly, before kissing him. He kisses you back, his hands tangle themselves into your hair. "Just love me, okay? Right now. I just want you to love me."
You're quickly rolled onto your back with him still inside you. His arms hook under your thighs and pushes them forward so he stayed close, his nose bumping into yours clumsily. His knees brace against the bed, and he slowly pulls out of you- You're both slick with his cum still. He's half hard, pushing his cock through your slit, bumping against your clit and rubbing his cum along your folds.
"Okay." He murmurs. "Alright…Whatever you want, princess."
You give him a reassuring kiss, meeting his eyes and nodding.
He continues rolling his hips, and your hand reaches down to stroke his cock to help him get hard again. "Getting old sucks." He mutters as he looks down at himself, he lets out a soft moan while you stroke his tip. You laugh,
"I don't think you're doing bad, old man." You taunt playfully, giving his cock another jerk. He lets out a low growl in response and you could feel him throbbing against your palm. You smile, leaning up towards him. "What, didn't like that, old man?" You tease again. His forehead presses against yours and he bears his teeth.
"Watch it, darling." He grits out.
"You started it." You giggled. Logan was fun to rile up- and you could see some youthfulness return in his eyes from your tease. "You going to show me what you got?"
His hands grabbed yours, pinning them above your head. "Damn straight I am." He pushes his cock back inside you until you were completely full of him, causing you to let out a joyful moan. "We got some lost time to catch up on."
You both spent the night doing just that, until eventually falling asleep in exhaustion. You were wrapped in the warmth of his arms when you drifted off, feeling hopeful for yours and Logans future together for the first time in a long time.
The morning sun rudely awakened you. Its light beaming through your half-pulled curtains and hitting your eyes. It pulled you out of a strange dream, back into the real world. For a moment sleep had made you forget everything only to remember that Logan was here- and it sent a thrill of excitement to know he was by your side again.
You reached your arm out, searching for his warmth only to find empty space. Your stomach sinks before you even opened your eyes. Your hand continued searching, hoping that maybe you're mistaken but you're not. When you open your eyes, it confirms what you dreaded.
Logan is gone.
The blankets and the pillow he slept on were disturbed- confirming that he was in fact there. You didn't dream the entire night, the conversations, the intimacy- Your body was sore too. You rolled onto your back staring up at the ceiling, holding back the ache of disappointment and hurt rising in your chest.
You thought he was serious.
Knowing him, he'd probably began to think the worst again. Realizing he couldn't handle being with you again, maybe he never did plan to stay.
You're not sure how long you laid there in bed. Your mind racing with every thought, explanation, that Logan could possibly have. You thought of excuses- maybe everything was just too much for him. Maybe he thought he was sparing you the trouble like he was in the past. Every bone inside you wanted to wallow, but you forced yourself to sit up in bed.
That's when the smell of bacon hit you. Barely there at first but grows stronger. You climbed out of bed, grabbing a robe to cover yourself. You left your bedroom, slow as you walked down the hallway with anticipation.
You reached your kitchen, where you stopped in the doorway. Logan stood in front of the oven in his briefs with light from the kitchen silhouetting his figure, looking up when you came into view. He held a fork in one hand, with two pans sat on the stove. You walked into the room staring at him, then down at the stove. Bacon sizzled in one, french toast in the other.
"You still like french toast, right?" He asks.
"I thought you left." You say softly. His face falls.
"Sorry darling, I just wanted to make you some breakfast."
You didn't say anything, just took another step and wrapped your arms around his waist and holding him tight, pressing your cheek into his chest. He responded wrapping his arms around you as well, lips pressed to the top of your head.
"Told you, I'll stay as long as you have me." You hear him murmur. "I know I haven't been good at keeping promises especially aft-"
"It's okay." You stop him, "That stuff is in the past." You stepped back, grabbing his hands in yours. "I'm glad you're here."
A/N: Omg. I cant believe it. I finished a fic??? I've been working on this for months and didn't mean for it to become as long as it did.
Warnings: A strong mixture of smut and angst, with some fluff dabbled in, former lovers reunite again, reader is a doctor, mutant (powers not mentioned), and former x-men, unprotected piv, premature ejacualation, f! recieving oral, creampie (accidental lol), logan almost cries during sex, he's also nervous, lots of awkward moments, doesn't follow canon Logan (2017) but that's probs obvious, i might be missing some things here, also i reread this so many times that i probably missed some grammar too
Waiting rooms are hell.
It made Logan annoyed, antsy. It was clearly busy at this clinic he has regrettably made an appointment at. Almost all the chairs in the room was taken. He had to take a seat between a mother and her daughter, who sniffles and doesn't cover her mouth when she coughs, and an old man who loudly and obnoxiously flips through the pages of a Time magazine- about mutants. He could hear the clock on the wall ticking, filling the strangely quiet room despite the crowd that filled it with a consistent tick.
Every tick made his nerves feel like they were going to snap. His eyes glanced around the room, observing everyone. Normal, every day people. One young woman caught his eye, she looked to be in her twenties. She was scrolling through her phone, and had brushed some hair behind her ear and that got his attention. It was fish-like, webbed, with a bluish tint.
She looked up from her phone and notice him staring. A brief panic appeared in her eyes as she brushes her hair back over her ear. He gives her a small nod, and looks away. Mutant.
"Logan Howlett?"
His name being called caused a sense of relief. He was close to leaving- Not even sure why he came in the first place. He cleared his throat and stood up, walking to the door where the nurse waits and smiles at him.
"Follow me."
The nurse led Logan down a hall to an exam room. The hallway had art posted along the walls, opposite of the doors. One caught his eye, one of Van Gogh's with a vase of sunflowers. He once knew someone who loved that particular painting. It does add a bit of cheeriness to the sterile atmosphere of the office.
"Right here Mr.Howlett."
"Thanks."
"I'm going to take your vitals real quick…"
She checked his pulse, and took his blood pressure, asked a few questions about his history that he left extremely vague. Asked for his chief complaint- which he also left vague, because how the hell is he supposed to tell her what's wrong with him? He didn't really know how to bring up the mutant thing any way.
"Okay, Mr. Howlett, the doctor will be with you in a few minutes." She smiles as she grabs the clipboard. "Do you need anything?"
"That's alright." He mutters with a polite nod. He'll probably sneak out in a few minutes anyway. More and more he's wondering why he even came. What is a doctor going to do for him?
It's only because of Charles, that he keeps going. There's a voice in the back of his head, that makes him promise to keep going- to find the things a man should have in his life, happiness.
He sat on the exam table. There was another clock, hanging on the wall next to him. Annoying him with it's incessant ticking in the room. He was starting to consider breaking it and hiding the evidence in the garbage can when he picked up on something.
A scent. It was familiar, yet strange to him. Enough to make his heart start to race. It'd been a long time since…He looked at the door, just as it opened. In you walked in, staring down at a clipboard with your brows creased. You looked up to meet his eyes, and your mouth falls open.
Time felt like it froze.
"Logan." Your voice was barely a whisper as you say his name. You didn't look like you believe what you were seeing, and to be honest he didn't believe it either. You both stood there staring at each other in shock. You closed your mouth, stepping in the room and closing the door behind you. He stood up just as you did so. "You're…Here…"
"Yeah." He steps closer to you. You hold the clipboard between you both, keeping space.
"I…I didn't know you were…" Your mouth hung open, unable to say it. "After what happened."
"I survived it." He says.
There was tension buzzing between you both. Questions you both wanted to ask but neither had the courage to say. He moved to lean against the exam table, crossing his arms. He didn't take his eyes off you while you crossed the room, looking everywhere but him. It was a reunion, but extremely awkward.
Not quite how he imagined seeing you again.
"How you been?" Logan finally asks.
The tension you were holding seems to loosen. "I've be okay." You say with a small shrug. "I'm glad to see you- That you're okay…"
"For the most part."
"You…You look older."
"Not sure if I should take that as a compliment, doc." He grumbles. You frowned.
"How'd you- Why…" You began to stammer, but stopped, regaining your composure as you set your papers down on the desk, and sat down on a stool. Your leg was bouncing like crazy, but your attention was fully on Logan. "What…Brings you here?"
"I…." He trailed off. "I don't know why I'm here."
"Okay…" You felt a bit a disappointment. Reaching for the clipboard again and looked down at the papers. Logan didn't fill out half the form, so you couldn't really go off on that. Typical. The form your nurse filled out left extremely vague answers that you couldn't pick up anything from.
He's never been good at communicating.
You looked up at him. He was staring at you, his expression stern but his eyes were soft. When you met them, he looked away. Fingers rapping along his arms, he instead stared at the window refusing to meet your look again.
You took the moment to really observe him, his graying hair, the lines etched into his face. He looked like Logan just…aged, and so quickly. It's been quite a few years since you last saw him- but not long enough for a change this drastic. Could be the stress, after everything that happened….
You noticed a scar on his cheek.
Logan doesn't get scars.
You stood up, walking over to his side. "How about you start with this?" You asked, a hand reaching up to his cheek, thumb brushing over the faint pink line. It looks fresh. He flinched from your touch so you dropped your hand. "You're scarring."
"Yeah," He clears his throat and straightening his posture. "I don't heal like I used too."
"No?"
"Haven't been for a bit. It happens, but it's slow."
"Do you know exactly when it started?"
He shrugged. "Didn't really pay attention. Only noticed it a few months ago. Got stabbed by a mugger while working. My gut took a bit longer to heal up than it used to."
"Oh…" You let out a soft gasp, worry etched into your expression.
"I'm fine." He says quickly. "I guess…I got this cough, won't go away. Think you can give me something for that? Whiskey used to help, doesn't anymore."
"Let me examine you first- Then we'll go from there." You say as you take the stethoscope around you neck and put it on. "Can you take off your jacket?"
He nods, letting the jacket slide off his shoulders. "Want me to take this off too?" He motions to the dress shirt. You shook your head, but he unbuttoned a few buttons anyway. He seemed serious, genuinely asking but you knew Logan and couldn't help if this was some subtle way of flirting by offering to take off his shirt.
You pressed the scope to his chest, listening to his heart. "Your heart is strong." You say quietly, before moving to his back. You lifted his shirt to press the scope to his bare back, making him jump.
"Cold." He mutters.
"Sorry." You smile apologetically. "Breathe in, and breathe out…."
He obliges. When he takes another breath, he wheezes and begins to cough. You quickly removed the scope. A hand rubbing his back soothingly as he goes into a coughing fit. The sounds his lungs made worried you.
He stood up from the table, like he was trying to get away from your touch. Re-buttoning his shirt and grabbing his jacket.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine."
He turns back, walking to stand in front of you. "Listen you don't need to waste this time. Can you just give me something?"
"Uh, no- Logan. This- Whatever is going on with you…I want to help. I need to run tests, some blood work, all of that."
"No." He waves you off turning to leave. "I don't need any of that crap."
"Logan!"
You stood there as he storms out. Again. A creeping feeling of devastation and helplessness crawled up your throat as your heart ached. You always wondered what it'd be like to see him again. Didn't expect it to go like that.
It brought on an old memory. One that only filled your heart with more ache. A late night, filled with exhaustion but comfort. Wrapped safely in his arms, his touch sending warmth through you. You could recall soft whispered promises to never leave, lips brushing over your hair as you were pulled closer. You believed him then.
"Doctor?" One of your nurses appeared in the room. "Are you okay? I saw that man storming out."
"Yeah," You shook yourself out of the funk. "I'm fine, thank you. Um…Right…" You ran a hand through your hair, mussing it and making you look even more frazzled. "Who's next?"
Meanwhile, Logan had stormed out to his car. He got into the drivers seat, immediately starting the car about to pull out of the parking lot before stopping. He stared at the building where you were still inside, likely going back to work. You didn't follow him out. Not that he expected you too.
He's sure you would've been happy never seeing him again.
Yet he didn't leave. He sat there. Even as the sun slowly began to set in the desert sky. Thinking about you. You still looked gorgeous as always. Still bounced your leg like crazy when nervous. Still had that ability to make his mind go blank like a fool and his heart race.
He didn't know why, but he stayed. Sat in the damn car for hours. Thinking about everything- especially you. Why did he come here? What was the point?
He wanted to die.
So why seek out help? Treatment? To lessen the pain? To feel less alone?
Caliban was who told him about the clinic. It runs as a standard run-of-the-mill medical clinic. Yet it 's also an underground one to help mutants. Logan scoffed initially at the thought, since everyone knew mutants were disappearing but Caliban said there were more than anyone thinks out there- just hiding. He would know, apparently.
He said the doctor who ran the clinic was a mutant- He should have known.
Coincidence?
His hand came up to scratch his beard, before running down his face in frustration. Even now he can feel the inexplicable draw to the clinic, where you resided in. That same feeling he felt since the moment he met you.
Then he fucked it all up.
He stayed, watching the sky go dark and people going in and out of the building. Once it hit about 7 pm, that's when he watched a small group of staff walk out- but you weren't amongst them. The clinic looked closed now, but he never saw you leave. He didn't know why he continued to sit there and watch. You could have left through a different door and he was being a damn idiot.
Then, 9 pm hit, that's when you finally walked out. Locking the door behind you, you grabbed your bag and walked across the parking lot, a few feet down the sidewalk where an empty bus stop rests. There you sat.
He started the car, pulling up directly behind the bus stop and got out. You hadn't reacted to the sound of the engine behind you, didn't even look up when his footsteps approached. You seem lost in thought, staring at your hands that rests in your lap.
"Hey."
He didn't know what else to say. You looked up, surprise comes across your face.
"Logan…" You straightened up. "I thought you left."
"You don't have a car?"
You forced a smile, "It's at the mechanics. I don't mind taking the bus. I'm only a few blocks from here, I don't walk just cause it's dark out and it can be dangerous, y'know?"
He nodded, sticking a hand in his pocket. "I could drive you home."
Your expression faltered, something he couldn't read. "I…"
"Have you eaten? We could get some dinner." He offers.
You sat in silence, staring at each other. He could see you working in your head his offer. He didn't really even know why he asked. Maybe he was hoping to have some sort of closure with you. Or he was hoping for something more, but he won't admit it to himself.
You finally let out a huff, grabbing your bag at your side and standing up. "Sure."
The diner was some off-road place that he spotted and suggested to you. You just agreed without a word. A bored waitress sat behind the counter, and he could hear clinks of dishes in the kitchen. You and him were the only customers there.
Choosing a booth in the far corner, you both sat in silence. You ordered a simple sandwich and fries, while Logan just asked for some coffee.
"You're not going to eat?" You asked. He didn't respond. You sighed. "He'll have the same." You say, grabbing the menus and handing it to the waitress who only gives a curt nod before walking away.
"Why did you do that?" Logan asks with annoyance.
"You need to eat."
He opened his mouth to retort, but closed it once you scowled at him. "Whatever going on with you, you need to take better care of yourself."
"Who says I'm not?"
"Yeah, the empty packs of cigars and bottles of whiskey in the front seat scream self-care."
He rolled his eyes, sucking in his cheek in annoyance as he looks out the window. The tension between you both was growing worse and becoming harder to ignore. You sat back in the booth, crossing your arms and staring at him.
Despite how pissed off he gets you, you still felt the urge to take care of him. Even now.
Neither of you knew what to talk about, how to even start a conversation. Logan snuck glances at you as you stared down at the table, finger tracing random shapes into the speckled wood pattern.
"So uh….You seeing anyone?"
You froze, eyes looking up at him and scoffed. "That is what you ask me. Of all things."
"Just curious…" He mutters.
Pinching the bridge of your nose and squeezing your eyes shut, you fought back the rising anger inside you. "No." You finally say. "I'm not. Haven't for a bit."
"But you have?"
"Yes?" You raised a brow. He nods,
"Were they nice?"
"Here you go," The waitress comes with Logan's coffee and your water. You thanked her quietly, sipping the water as a distraction for this painfully awkward conversation. Logan took the coffee, setting it on the table. "Do you want any milk or sugar?"
"No thanks."
She walked away, leaving you both alone again. Logan piddled, hand tapping against the table before he grabbed the mug to sip the coffee. Once he set it down he looked up at you again.
"So?"
"So?" You shook your head.
"What were they like?"
You smacked your hand to your face, dragging it down, heat blooming in your face. "He was fine, we just didn't work out."
"He treat you right?"
"Logan." You looked at him with disbelief. He shut his mouth, a small grumble escaping him. He looked at the window, watching a car pass by.
"You happy?" He finally asks.
Your expression softened, holding the glass of water with both hands, you let your shoulders relax. "Well…I got a good job, some nice friends. Nice little house on a quiet street. I guess so." You shrugged. He nodded. You tilted your head. "What have you been up to all these years?" You asked quietly.
"Just…Surviving." He says. He takes another sip of his coffee. He doesn't plan to tell you. "So, what was the guys name?"
This time you couldn't help but laugh. That's one thing that didn't change. Stubbornness. "You want his address too?"
"If you got it."
You giggled, shaking your head, before you turned quiet and leaned in, your voice barely a whisper. "Really, Logan…What happened? When…"
"I ran." He says quietly. "With Charles."
You face fell. "Charles….Professor is alive?"
"No."
Your mouth opened and shut and you looked down at the table. "Do you…want to talk about it?"
"Not now." He mutters, sipping his coffee. You looked back up at him, he was focused on you. "I missed you." He says after he sets the coffee down on the table, and it took you aback.
Logan was never straight forward. You always had to read between the lines with him to figure out what he was thinking or feeling. You didn't know what to say. "You don't have to say anything back." he adds, fingers tapping along his coffee mug.
Truth is, you missed him too. You never forgot him, it's hard to do so- not with how he had made you feel, and the way he broke your heart. At nights you curled up in bed and your mind would wander back to him- wondering what he was doing that moment, if he thought about you as well.
The times you and Charles talked, or. Ororo, or Jean- or anyone on the team really, they'd tried to give you updates on Logan but you'd cut them off. You felt like you were picking at a scab if you continued to think or talk about him. One time Ororo managed to get some details out- Implying Logan was missing you as well, but you didn't believe her.
You've been hard on yourself for letting yourself get so worked up over him. Now apart of you wonder if that was some deeper instinct to go back to him- or to just go back to the X-men. Maybe things would be different.
Instead of saying anything, you reached out and held his hand. It seemed to make him relax.
"So…What have you been doing since you left?" He asks. "Were you always at that office or…?"
"Uh no..I actually joined Shield for a bit." You say quietly. He blinked in surprise.
"Shield?"
"Yeah, but then that went to hell pretty fast after I joined, if you remember that whole Captain America thing……so I joined Doctors Without Borders. Due to my history they would send me to work on aftermaths of so called 'Superhero Disasters' especially in other countries… Then eventually I settled down here- when they started cracking down on mutants. Had a friend who was also a mutant help me set up the clinic under the table, so it's still a regular family practice, but if you knew they right people and had needs you couldn't go to a regular non-mutant doctor for…"
He nodded, "I was working with Shield too…Wonder how we didn't run into each other…." He clears his throat, "Sounds like you've done a lot of good stuff."
"Probably just different locations." You say with a small shrug, wondering what he was doing for Shield. "Besides it's not like you need medical care…Till now."
His thumb brushes the back of your hand. "I'm fine, sweetheart."
You looked down at your coffee. "There's been a lot of weird stuff with mutants happening. I have patients who's been getting sick, losing their abilities for no obvious reason. I'm sure you heard that the population of mutants have been decreasing."
He nodded. "I've heard about it."
"I'd like to see what's going on with you Logan. I could run some tests, do a better exam. If you let me."
The expression on his face told you he wasn't a fan of that idea. The waitress came and dropped off the food. You thanked her, and you both took the food as distraction from the awkward conversation.
Despite Logan saying he wasn't hungry, he ate quickly. You picked at your own plate- his sudden appearance has left you little appetite with the way your mind wondered about everything that has happened in the last few years since you last saw him.
You looked out the window, looking at the limo he was driving. He looked up and caught you staring. You met his eyes and nodded your head towards it.
"Sweet ride." You say with a hint of humor. "You uh…Chauffering now?"
"It's money."
"I never thought you being a driver."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asks with a scoff.
You raised a brow, "That I never thought of you being a driver. Logan."
He pressed his lips together and looked away, unsure why he had to become snappy- and figures it'd be best if he just kept his mouth closed.
The rest of the meal went by in silence. You could feel Logan staring at you whenever you weren't looking, and when you were, he looks away. When you're done and the waitress drops the check off, you try to pay but Logan takes it before you could.
"I got it." He says as he pulls out his wallet.
"I can pay-"
"I got it." He says more firmly, not looking at you as he counts the cash in his wallet. He leaves it on the table for the waitress and stands up, adjusting his jacket before looking at you. You sigh, standing up with him and leaving the dinner, back to his car.
He opens the door passenger door for you, "Need to stop anywhere else?"
"No. Home is good. I don't live far." You say as you climb into the passenger seat. Logan closes the door, walking around and gets into the drivers seat. He starts it and you direct him in where to go. It was silent for a few minutes.
The radio was on, at a low volume but you listened to the song. It brought back an old memory.
"Remember that one time…" You started up, turning to look at him. Your eyes fall on his hands that grip the steering wheel. You notice the scars the line with his knuckles. "We got sent on a road trip….I remember this song came on all the time, like every station you flipped to would play it."
A hint of a smile played on his lips. "Yeah."
"You hated this song."
"Yeah, and you would turn it up to sing along to it loud as you could."
You laughed.
"Didn't hate it so much after that." He continues, looking ahead. "Specially seeing you so happy singing it."
Your smile faltered, and you looked away. The memory was happiness in your heart, but an ache too. One that hurt too much. "It was a nice time." You say, concluding the small-talk.
He reached your house and parks in the front. It was a small house- You didn't need anything big seeing you were by yourself with only occasional visitors. The front of the house had a small covered porch with a bench swing that you read books on in the evening, along with a small garden you work on whenever you have time- lately you haven't, so the garden could use some weeding but not bad enough that you couldn't still enjoy the flowers.
"It's cute." He says looking at it past you. "…Can I walk you to the door?"
You nod, and both get out of the car and walking up the small pathway to your porch. You started rifling through your bag to pull out your house keys. Once you found them, pushed them in a lock before stopping.
"Do you have a place to stay?" You ask.
He raised a brow. "Sometimes I just sleep in the limo. Usually get a motel room."
Your brows furrowed and you sighed. "You're staying here tonight." You turned the key and unlocked your front door, and walking inside.
"You're the boss."
You shot him a look, but didn't say another word. Kicked off your shoes at the door, and he did the same. You dropped your keys in a little decorative bowl which Logan took notice of.
"Is that…?"
You stopped, looked at him, then the bowl. You nodded. One of your students made it for you as a gift.He looked at the bowl a little longer before tearing his eyes away to look at your home. "It's cozy,"
"Thanks."
You walked further into the house with him following you, not really sure what to do- or say.
"Kitchen here," You showed him. "Bathroom is here, and I have a guest room you can sleep in."
He nods, "Thank you."
"Yeah…" You looked at him. "Well, make yourself comfortable. I'm going to shower."
"Alright."
He watched you go down the hall until you went into the bathroom, where he lets out a sigh and runs his hand through his hair. This wasn't how he expected his day to go, but he couldn't complain.
At least he gets to see you again.
He moved to sit on the couch in your living room. Taking in your place. He could see you everywhere in it. The furniture, the decorations, the aesthetics. He turned to look at a table, where a lamp and plenty of pictures take up space.
Some he recognized as people in your family, others are people he didn't know. Then one, with familiar faces. A large group photo. He picked it up to examine it.
There was Jean and Scott, arms wrapped around each other. Then Hank, and you. Next to you was him, Logan- barely cracking a smile, but he had his hand on your back. The others, Ororo, Rogue- Faces that feel like it's been years since he's since them. Charles was in the center- it filled him with grief to look at Charles.
He set the picture down, opting to now grab the remote and turn the tv on. Flipped through channels but didn't find anything he cared to watch, so he turned it back off.
He could hear your shower running, so he sat there and listened to the water. You seemed to be taking forever- probably on purpose. To avoid having more awkward conversations. Or just dealing with him.
Eventually the shower turned off, and he heard you in the hall until another door closed. You came back out after a few minutes. Your hair still damp, with the smell of shampoo and the same body wash you used back when you still at the mansion- he knows because he buys them for himself sometimes just to remember you. You were dressed in a simple t-shirt and pajamas. He had been staring off into space when he heard you, turning his head where you gave him a small smile.
You walked over to sit next to him on the couch, closer than he expected but still leaving some space between you.
"Are you okay?" You asked softly.
"Yeah."
"Um, I can look around, see if I got some spare clothes that might fit you." You wave your hand.
He raised a brow.
"Might be more comfortable than that suit you're wearing. As good as it looks."
He lets out a chuckle. "I'm fine. Don't waste your time."
"It's not…" You shook your head. Then sighed in frustration. The room became filled with a tense silence and Logan started feeling guilty again.
Desperate for you to not continue being mad at him, he changed the subject. "I uh…Saw your family pictures." He nods to the table. "Your uncle finally get married?"
"Uh, yeah." You let out a quiet laugh, standing up to walk over to the table, examining your collage of photos. "He eloped to some girl he met in Vegas. They got a baby on the way now. She's nice."
"Last time I saw him he was pretty arrogant."
"Yeah. She settled him down though."
Logan nodded, leaving another silence.
"Grandma still sticking around too." You smile. "She loved you."
He smirks. "She was a sweet woman."
"She was all over you at the parties remember? Lil old woman in a wheel chair, she wanted in your pants."
Logan laughed. "She did like to flirt. In front of your granddad too…."
It caused you both to laugh. You shook your head. "Yeah she…She was crushed when she found out we broke up. Told me to give her your number and she'll give you a try."
Logan sighed, looking at you with an expression of hopefulness. He looks back at the pictures. "You've been doing great."
"It's been…Something." You walk over to the pictures. Picking up the photo that Logan had looked at, with the X-men. You stare at the photo for a long time in silence, your expression showing a range of emotions. "I haven't seen any of them in a long time." You say. "These pictures are all I have left….Well, and these."
You set the frame down, and moved to open the drawer of the table filled with photos. There you pulled out a plastic bag, unzipping it and handing him a small bundle of photos.
He flipped through each one, finding they were photos of your old friends of the x-men, but a lot of them were you and him- and a lot of just him. One on his motorcycle, smirking at the camera. Another was in the kitchen of the mansion, sipping on a root beer and looking deep in thought. One more, was him in bed with morning sunlight shining over his half-awake figure.
"You kept them." He says, his voice carrying more surprise than he meant to let on.
"Felt wrong not to." You say softly. "We may of had a rough…ending, but we still had a nice time when it lasted."
"Was it an ending?" He looks away from a picture of you and him, a younger version of him with you, arms wrapped around each other. He was looking at you like a lovesick puppy, while your head was thrown back in laughter.
Your expression dropped, you turned away from him, standing up from the couch to cross your arms. "You made it pretty clear back then that it was."
The tone of your voice makes him cringe. He set the photos down. Let silence fill the room between you. Before he could speak, finally finding the words he wanted to tell you; You spoke up before him.
"I don't hold it against you, really. I know I probably seem like it." You say. "And maybe…You did really hurt me back then. It's the past though and everyone is gone now." Your voice began to shake. "So whatever happened between us… It sucked but…At least… At least we got to see each other again. Even if this has been incredibly awkward."
He stood up and crossed the room at the sound of your voice breaking. He waits for you to finish talking before lifting his hand, hovering over your arm like he was afraid to touch you. He finally rests it there, feeling your muscle tense at his touch. "I thought I was protecting you."
You turned to look at him with some confusion. "Protecting me?"
"I was….Spiraling. Going down a bad road. Remember?"
You nodded slowly. "Having trouble understanding who you were. All you memories of the years you lived….But I knew who you were, Logan."
"I didn't." His hand squeezed your arm gently. "I was scared of hurting you. I was scared I'd….One day lose control. Charles saw it, Jeannie, and I know you saw it too."
You shook your head, opening your mouth to argue but he doesn't let you continue. His hand moved from your arm to your cheek.
"I thought if I chased you away it'd keep you safe from me. That I wouldn't be able to hurt you- That I wouldn't…" He didn't finish his sentence, as you looked up with him with sorrow.
"You did hurt me."
"I know." Both hands cup your face. "I was stupid. I didn't…I didn't think you'd leave. The school, the X-men…."
"I almost didn't…. Then Shield called me and…I just took it as a sign," You shrugged.
"Give me a chance, to make something right. To do something right for once." He says, his thumb brushing over your lip. "To make it up to you. To make you happy."
Your mind raced with thoughts, and one slipped out before you could stop yourself. "For how long?" You asked, doubt in your head, and your heart shielded. Your hand reached up to rest over one of his.
You always took it as a sign of self-preservation, to leave before it gets hard, before it hurts.
"As long as you'll have me." He says softly.
You didn't respond, unsure to give in. What else did you have to lose? You lost him once, you might lose him again. What was the point in holding out on him?
He cautiously took your silence as acceptance. He leaned down to meet your lips, hovering over them just for a moment- giving you every chance to turn him down, to pull away from him. You didn't, you let him get close. Your heart beating out of your chest- just like it was your first kiss with him all over again.
He finally sealed the space between you. Capturing your lips in a deep kiss, his calloused hands pulling you in closer. His lips felt rougher than you remember, his beard tickled your face- although that you do remember. He finally parted from you, but still left little space between the both of you. His nose gently bumped into yours, thumb brushing over your cheek.
"I really missed that." He murmurs.
"You could of had it all these years." You say softly. You didn't mean it bitterly, or to throw it in his face. "We…Could have…." You softly muttered. You ran from him too- trying to get away from the hurt, you thought you were protecting yourself. Funny how he thought he was protecting you too. Who's protected him all this time?
A small chuckle escaped him. He rests his forehead on yours. "I know, believe me. Been kicking myself over it for awhile now."
Now it was your turn to laugh. Before you could make a remark, he kissed you again. With more eagerness this time. You brought your hands up to the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer as you felt your body slowly build up with need. You hate how easily he can work you up, even now.
But not really.
His hands climbed into your hair as he licked between your lips. He was desperate, needy, he kissed you like he'll never have the chance again. You had to forcibly break yourself from him to get air. He only lets you get a few breaths in before he kisses you again. His hands left your hair, running down your back before he leaned down to grab the back of your thighs and lift you onto his hips.
Your wrapped your arms around his shoulders, and your legs around his waist.
"Bedroom?" He asks between kisses,
"Down the hall, last door on the left." You breathed, before returning to his lips. He walked down the hall, bumping into things being too focused on you and your kisses to really pay attention.
He stubs his toe on the doorframe of your bedroom door, hunching over in pain. His arms keep a steady hold on you however, so you're not dropped to the floor.
"Fuck!" He loudly curses into the kiss, resulting in a fit of giggles from you.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine," He grumbles, his pride slightly wounded, "Didn't ruin the moment did I?"
"No," You shook your head, your amusement obvious, your hands cupped his face gently, "But why don't you set us down?"
He grumbles but agrees, reaching your bed and gently placing you on your back, climbing between your legs until you were both comfortable. He took a moment to take you in, his eyes soften as he brushes a strand of hair behind your ear.
Your fingers play with the buttons of his shirt, looking up at him. "Hi." You greet.
"Hey."
"Crazy how we are here again, isn't it?"
"Maybe." He leaned forward to press a kiss to your lips, then your chin, and under into your neck.
"A lot has changed." You tipped your head back, exposing your neck to him.
"Yeah."
"You got the whole silver fox thing going on now."
He chuckled into the crook of your neck. "Not exactly what I thought of myself but…"
"No, I like it." You hummed, your hands quickly sliding up his chest, into his hair as you arched into him. He nipped at your collarbone. One of his hands slid down to grab your thigh, bringing it up to his waist as he grinds into your core. He softly groaned when you tugged his hair, encouraging him to look up at you.
Your expression had turned serious, but eyes full of hope. "Do you really want to stay Logan?" You asked.
"I do." He says, before leaning into capture you in a deep kiss. You moan into his mouth, hands keeping him close.
Logan understood your doubt. He did you wrong, broke your heart- albeit he wouldn't let himself believe that for a long time. He truly thought you'd be better off without him. Tried to pretend he didn't mess up a good thing- the best thing he had in years. Even if he never got over you, with the way you haunted his dreams, and seemed to think about you every day for years. No matter how he tried distracting himself.
A few times it would hit him hard. Take his breath away how badly he messed up letting you go. He'd ask Charles to tell him where you went, what you were doing but he would never tell Logan- have a suspicion you told Charles to keep it quiet. Logan wouldn't ask the others that did still talk to you, though he's sure they wouldn't have told him either.
He doesn't know how long he's got. He figured, even with his ability to ruin everything he ever touches- He couldn't mess up worse than he already has. You'll try to help him with whatever is wrong with his body but he doesn't need or want it anymore- He just wants to be with you. Live out the rest of his days wrapped in your arms.
Hopefully you won't hate him too much for that.
Your hands moved back down to his chest, quickly unbuttoning his shirt. He sat up to tug it off, while you un-tucked his white tank top underneath from his pants, which he pulled off as well. Your hands went to his belt to undo that next. Once his shirts were discarded, he grabbed your arms and pulled you up roughly to him to kiss you.
His tongue licked into your mouth, your teeth nipping at his bottom lip. His arms wrapped around you and you both dropped back to the bed. Your hands ran up his back- feeling the array of scars.
"Logan…" You broke from his kiss. Your hand come across a particular nasty scar.
"I'm fine." He quickly says, before trying to kiss you again. You push yourself up, with him following along. His chest displayed silver gray hair that ran down his belly until it disappears beneath his pants. There was another array of scars, both big and small and of various shapes littering his skin. Your fingers trace them down his chest. He lets you, watching your face as you examine every scar. "It's not a big deal."
You looked up at him. Then back down to his chest and belly. You leaned forward, carefully pressing your lips over each scar. You wonder about the story they must hold- Logan has a lot of stories, and you know you're one of them.
Your eyes opened as you brushed over another large scar, skin thick with healing tissue. They flitted up to meet his. His jaw tense as he watched you kiss up his belly, reaching his chest and kissing the scar right over his heart. Finally your hands reached up to cup the back of his neck and pull him back down atop of you as you lay back on the bed for another kiss, where Logan kept stealing another, and another- until he felt your lips finally smile.
"No more fighting." You mumble.
"Tell that to the rest of the world." He replies, his hand sliding down your thigh and up your shirt.
"I'm serious. I'll lock you up in here if I have too."
"Hm, that doesn't sound too bad." He grins. "Maybe you should tie me down too…. For good measure."
"Don't know if you remember but I tried that once," Your hands climbed into his hair. "Didn't work out very well, did it?"
He chuckles. "Hard to forget that…"
"That rope was such a waste of money."
"Still a good time."
You tipped your head back and laughed, and he took the chance to start kissing your exposed neck.
"Your turn to get this off." He tugs at your shirt. "And this." His hand moves to your pajama bottoms. "Comfy as they look."
You hum, sitting up enough to allow him to pull your shirt off over your head, and gently lying back down onto the bed. He sits back, letting you close your legs so he could pulled your pajamas off, following with your panties- Which he then had to take a brief sniff.
"Logan-" You laughed, reaching out to smack his arm. "You never changed have you?"
"For you? Hell no." He smirks, tossing your panties to the side. You bit your lip repressing a cheeky smile, but slowly spread your legs for him again. His mouth falls open with a soft whimper at the sight of your pussy, already wet and glistening for him.
He grabs your leg, leaning down to hook it over his shoulder while he kisses your ankle, continuing to press kisses up your calf, the back of your knee, and down your thigh until he was on his belly, fully settled between your thighs.
"Missed this pretty little thing." He murmurs. It makes you laugh again while he presses a few teasing kisses against the lips of your pussy. He doesn't waste another second, delving into your cunt and wrapping his lips around your clit.
You let out a sigh, tipping your head back as your hand curled into Logans hair. He sucked your clit, before releasing and flicking it with his tongue. He licks a long stripe through your folds, and lowers towards your weeping hole, his nose pressing into your clit.
"Fuck," He moaned as his tongue dipped into your hole. He missed your taste. His arms wrapped tight around your thighs to hold you in place as he laps your pussy.
You tipped your head back, your hand combing through his hair before grabbing a fistful of it. "Oh- Lo-" You moaned, biting your tongue as he licked another stripe through your folds. It shamed you to say- but no one could ever make you feel good the way Logan did, and it seems Logan hadn't forgotten what made you feel good either.
"Still taste so damn sweet," He mumbles into your skin, pressing kisses into your inner thigh while he tries to prolong this moment as much as he can. His calloused hands soothe over your thighs before tugging you closer and burying his face into your core again.
He takes your harden bud between his lips, sucking and licking in every way he remembers you enjoying. It's been awhile for him- he feels old, and rusty when it comes to something like this. The sweet sounds you're making though spur him on, giving him the confidence to make you feel good.
He lets go of your clit with a pop, tilting his head to the side to bring his hand up to your cunt. Fingers teased your entrance, gathering your wetness on the pads before rubbing small, slow circles into your cunt. You let out a shaky breath, thighs spreading apart.
"I want more, Lo." You breathed. "Please…."
"I know baby," He coos with a low voice, rumbling in his chest as he presses another kiss to the space where your core and inner thigh meet. "I want to enjoy every second, I'll make you feel good- promise."
Your grip on his hair tightened, as you lifted your hips to get closer. He grins, loving to see you so eager for him, you always were- are.
He - obliging to your wishes, returned to you clit. His tongue playfully flicking the bud while he circles one finger around your hole, and gently pushing inside. You moaned, tugging his hair tighter. He crooks the finger inside you, dragging along your sensitive spot and moans at the way you immediately careen against him. Soon he adds another, pumping his hand and stretching you open while his fingers continued to play with the spot that makes you cry his name. His tongue plays with your clit, swirling around, causing your hips to jump from the mattress, desperate for more.
His movements becoming faster as he listens to you cry for him until finally your body freezes. Your pussy becomes tight around his fingers, walls pulsing and he's awarded with a gush of your cum that he happily drinks up like a starved man- which he was. He kept going, not stopping even after your moans die off into whimpers- he wanted more, to drink every inch of you up. He wanted your scent all over him.
"Logan- Please," You whimpered, finally pushing him away as you go into overstimulation. Your legs shook as he pulled his fingers out gently. He climbed over you, kissing every inch of your body until he reaches your lips.
"That alright darling?" He leans his forehead against yours. Your hands grazed over his chest, down to his hips where you tugged him close and nodded.
"It was amazing.." You reassure him breathlessly. "I missed you, Lo."
He lets out a breath as he meets your eyes- his own full of relief.
"I…" He looks embarrassed. "Haven't done that in awhile."
You blinked in surprise. "No?"
"No."
He couldn't bring himself to admit that he hadn't been with anyone since you.
There had been plenty of chances- he was almost always in a bar after you left and had plenty of folks left and right offering a fun night for him- but he couldn't do it. Even though you were broken up, he felt like he would've been betraying you every single time. Eventually it just got annoying, and he moved his drinking habits back to the mansion, usually in his room- or up in the attic.
Charles didn't appreciate it but Logan kept it away from the kids, so he didn't hear to much complaining.
Now realizing how long it really has been for him, he's more nervous then ever.
He leans in, running his lips along your jawline and nipping at the spot below your ear. You let him, until your hands removed from his hips press up into his chest. He lets you,slowly following your movements where you push him off to your side.
He sits up on his elbows, a bit of confusion- even a little worry until you in turn straddle him. His cheeks up to his ears change color to a rosy pink as he lays back down, eyes grazing over your body.
His hands that found a resting spot on your thighs give them a gentle squeeze, before sliding up to your hips.
"I'm a lucky man." He murmurs under his breath, his eyes gazing into yours, before slowly lowering and admiring the rest of your body as you sit back and give him a moment to enjoy.
Slowly you began to roll your hips. His cock was nestled against your core, slipping between your wet folds. His grip on your hips grew tighter, leaving divots in your skin. You watched him swallow hard, his expression changing into concentration. He lets out a shaky breath.
"Not so fast sweetheart." He mutters, eyes glancing down where the tip of his cock peeks out between the lips of your cunt. "Told ya I haven't done this in awhile…"
You grinned, rolling your hips faster. His jaw clenches, his eyes flutter, he lets out a soft moan. You leaned forward, your hands brace against the headboard above him as you glide your pussy slowly over his entire length, until your felt his tip hit your entrance. You lifted your hips, a hand reaching between you to lead his cock inside and lower yourself back over him.
"Oooh" Logan moans, head tipping back against the pillow. He continues to grunt as you lower yourself over him, "Darling-" He manages out before he lets out another guttural moan, his hips lift off the bed, and you can feel his cock inside filling you up with his cum.
You quickly leaned forward, pressing your forehead against his. "That's it, baby…" You whisper, grinding your hips against his, making his climax even stronger.
He finally relaxes, panting for breath and sinking into the mattress. You stay seated over him, kissing his forehead, down to his nose.
"Shit, I'm sorry- I'm sorry-" He starts, his hands beginning to push you off him but you stay seated.
"For what?" You asked in confusion, at his sudden change in mood.
"Everything. Fuck." He sighs, his hands slides down his face in frustration. The embarrassment of cumming early hit him hard, bringing back a surge of other negative emotions- and making him feel more unworthy of you. "I didn't mean to do that so fast- I didn't mean to hurt you back then."
"Lo, Lo" You stop him before he could continue, stopping him from pushing you away- He's way too good at it. "Hey, baby, calm down. Look at me." You cup his cheek.
He finally does, meeting your eyes with his own, watery and red. You shake your head, hand softly caressing his hair, down to his cheek. "It's okay. It's all in the past. We're here now."
"I…" He trailed off, showing an internal fight inside him. "I never stopped loving you." He finally gets out. "I tried to pretend I was fine all these years. I didn't go a goddamn day without thinking about you. Terrified you would get hurt, pissed thinking about another man touching you- I can't tell you how many nights I got on the bike and just drove aimlessly hoping it'd lead me back to you."
The confession took your breath away. You took a moment to gather yourself. Logan was already turning into a mess, and you didn't need to be one either.
"Me neither." You finally say.
"What?"
"I never stopped loving you either." You hovered over his lips, closing your eyes. "I couldn't move on from you Lo, as much as I tried and told myself I could, that I did…."
"I shouldn't have fucked it up-"
"Stop." You say firmly, before kissing him. He kisses you back, his hands tangle themselves into your hair. "Just love me, okay? Right now. I just want you to love me."
You're quickly rolled onto your back with him still inside you. His arms hook under your thighs and pushes them forward so he stayed close, his nose bumping into yours clumsily. His knees brace against the bed, and he slowly pulls out of you- You're both slick with his cum still. He's half hard, pushing his cock through your slit, bumping against your clit and rubbing his cum along your folds.
"Okay." He murmurs. "Alright…Whatever you want, princess."
You give him a reassuring kiss, meeting his eyes and nodding.
He continues rolling his hips, and your hand reaches down to stroke his cock to help him get hard again. "Getting old sucks." He mutters as he looks down at himself, he lets out a soft moan while you stroke his tip. You laugh,
"I don't think you're doing bad, old man." You taunt playfully, giving his cock another jerk. He lets out a low growl in response and you could feel him throbbing against your palm. You smile, leaning up towards him. "What, didn't like that, old man?" You tease again. His forehead presses against yours and he bears his teeth.
"Watch it, darling." He grits out.
"You started it." You giggled. Logan was fun to rile up- and you could see some youthfulness return in his eyes from your tease. "You going to show me what you got?"
His hands grabbed yours, pinning them above your head. "Damn straight I am." He pushes his cock back inside you until you were completely full of him, causing you to let out a joyful moan. "We got some lost time to catch up on."
You both spent the night doing just that, until eventually falling asleep in exhaustion. You were wrapped in the warmth of his arms when you drifted off, feeling hopeful for yours and Logans future together for the first time in a long time.
The morning sun rudely awakened you. Its light beaming through your half-pulled curtains and hitting your eyes. It pulled you out of a strange dream, back into the real world. For a moment sleep had made you forget everything only to remember that Logan was here- and it sent a thrill of excitement to know he was by your side again.
You reached your arm out, searching for his warmth only to find empty space. Your stomach sinks before you even opened your eyes. Your hand continued searching, hoping that maybe you're mistaken but you're not. When you open your eyes, it confirms what you dreaded.
Logan is gone.
The blankets and the pillow he slept on were disturbed- confirming that he was in fact there. You didn't dream the entire night, the conversations, the intimacy- Your body was sore too. You rolled onto your back staring up at the ceiling, holding back the ache of disappointment and hurt rising in your chest.
You thought he was serious.
Knowing him, he'd probably began to think the worst again. Realizing he couldn't handle being with you again, maybe he never did plan to stay.
You're not sure how long you laid there in bed. Your mind racing with every thought, explanation, that Logan could possibly have. You thought of excuses- maybe everything was just too much for him. Maybe he thought he was sparing you the trouble like he was in the past. Every bone inside you wanted to wallow, but you forced yourself to sit up in bed.
That's when the smell of bacon hit you. Barely there at first but grows stronger. You climbed out of bed, grabbing a robe to cover yourself. You left your bedroom, slow as you walked down the hallway with anticipation.
You reached your kitchen, where you stopped in the doorway. Logan stood in front of the oven in his briefs with light from the kitchen silhouetting his figure, looking up when you came into view. He held a fork in one hand, with two pans sat on the stove. You walked into the room staring at him, then down at the stove. Bacon sizzled in one, french toast in the other.
"You still like french toast, right?" He asks.
"I thought you left." You say softly. His face falls.
"Sorry darling, I just wanted to make you some breakfast."
You didn't say anything, just took another step and wrapped your arms around his waist and holding him tight, pressing your cheek into his chest. He responded wrapping his arms around you as well, lips pressed to the top of your head.
"Told you, I'll stay as long as you have me." You hear him murmur. "I know I haven't been good at keeping promises especially aft-"
"It's okay." You stop him, "That stuff is in the past." You stepped back, grabbing his hands in yours. "I'm glad you're here."
feeling guilty over not working on your fic is so silly if you think about like why are you stressing over the hobby you do in your free time for fun lol wip not whip
everymorning: i think im about to die. i think im going to die. im actually going to die. this is it. im going to die. im going to die immediately.
every single night: lock in. OK. Lock In. Change your Life. I love you. Lock in. This is going to be big. I’m going to change the world. Ready? I love you. Lock in. I have an idea. Lock in.
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