Bucky Barnes Modern AU - Part 8 feat. Natasha Romanov
After a series of disappointing experiences with wannabe-doms, you give this last new one a chance and he not only makes you forget every other man you’ve been with but also your own name.
word count: 3.9k
warnings: smut (18+ please), mentions of dom/sub relationship, Bucky x reader x Nat, bisexual!reader, besides that this part is acutally quite tame haha
A/N: I know it’s been a while but I just found time, ideas, and motivation to continue this so here we areeee. Please give feedback/comments/reblogs, it’s my number one source of happiness haha
You would have growled in frustration had it not been for the fact that you were in public and still too close to your office to not be noticed by your co-workers. This day had been… a day. A bad one, to say the least. You didn’t want to talk about it. The memory would be enough to taunt you until you got your mind off of it. But Bucky didn’t pick up the phone.
It was your birthday, and Bucky had been dodging your calls all day. Ever since he’d gone on his trip for work two weeks ago, you had been strung up for several reasons: the most obvious once being horniness, which was always given with his absence, the other being you day that was going horribly, and then there was the fact that Bucky wouldn’t be home on your birthday, or at least, not until late in the night. The only upside was that it was Friday, so you could sleep in tomorrow and have a cozy day with your fiancé.
You went home to his place that had slowly but surely become yours as well. Except for a few kitchen items and some furniture, everything was there and you had plans to hand over the keys to your apartment to your roommate once she’d found a replacement for you. But nothing, when you let the door fall shut behind you, was like you had left it. One major thing was out of place and it was the giant bouquet of an arrangement of your favorite flowers that sat in a large vase on the kitchen island. You certainly didn’t remember that being there this morning, nor the boxes with bows that most definitely held presents for you. It was your birthday, and Bucky was in his element, that’s what he had said days ago.
Some people lose their way, but that's not their fault. They're scared. My god, of course they are. How could they not be? Everyone loses their way at some point, and it's not just because of their mistakes or the decisions they make. It's because they're horribly, wonderfully human. And the one thing I've learned about being human is that we can't do this alone. When we're lost, we need help to find our way again.
--Wallace Price, Under the Whispering Door by TJ Klune
donna tartt: literally writes an entire 600 page book about how it can be dangerous to do things just for the aesthetic
us, already making pinterest boards: oh to be a classics student in vermont in the 80s drinking whiskey from a teacup and occasionally murdering people
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.・。.・゜ ✫ ・.・✫・゜・。.
summary | loving husbands jake and ari had always believed they were all each other could ever want or need. but one unusual summer, when their world is turned upside-down by an uncanny girl from down the street, they find that having someone to love, nurture, and care for together is the missing piece that finally completes their perfect family and lives.
warnings | mentions/depictions of domestic and sexual violence, mental health themes: anxiety/panic disorders, trauma and post-traumatic-stress, eating disorders (restrictive subtype), therapeutic methods and tools: exposure, age regression.
.・。.・゜ ✫ ・.・✫・゜・。.
Though maybe to outsiders they would seem an odd pair, it didn't take long for Jake and Wren's friendship to grow. It was gradual at first; the girl liked to go for a bike ride most days during the week, and on a few occasions, when the timing was right, she’d catch Jake as he worked away in the garden. He was always happy to see her, enthusiastically inviting her to join him as he tended to the plants. She was so shy at first, meekly offering her help and advice, but as time passed she was able to grow more and more comfortable around the pleasant man. It wasn’t difficult. He was just so friendly, and it helped that she knew he was understanding of her condition.
At the end of their fifth morning together in the garden, Jake offered to exchange numbers. “This way, I can let you know when I’ll be around- and maybe I’ll reach out if I ever need some help troubleshooting,” he had explained with a slight laugh. He could tell Wren wasn’t used to being asked for her number by the way her eyes went wide with what almost seemed like wonder, and she was quick to agree. “Now I can text you!” she had beamed softly, seeming so elated at the thought. “Yeah, anything you want,” Jake had told her, finding her innocent joy in the idea so precious, “doesn’t even have to be gardening-related. Or you can call, too! It’ll be nice to have a way to reach each other.”
And so it became a sort of routine: a few days a week, Jake would shoot Wren a text in the evening letting her know he planned to garden the next morning. And the following day, she’d show up, bright-eyed and eager to be of whatever assistance she could. Sometimes she brought treats to share in the little basket on the back of her bike, baked goods and freshly-squeezed fruit juices that were perfectly refreshing in the balmy heat of the summer sun. She’d always bring a few extra too, sealed nicely in craft bags tied with frilly ribbons and bows. “For your husband, Mr. Ari.” she’d tell Jake each time. The older man was always delighted to receive the gifts, and wished he could meet the young girl to express his thanks, but he respected Jake’s wishes to let her meet him in her own time when she was ready. Jake had explained early on that she was a little flighty and nervous to meet new people; when he made the comparison to Claire, Ari was quick to understand that it would probably be a while before he got to meet the little garden fairy. And though he longed to, especially given how much his husband seemed to adore her, he was sympathetic to her hesitancy. Every once and a while, Jake would ask his friend if she'd like to come in and have some juice or tea. "Ari can't wait to meet you," he was sure tell her, but Wren was always quick to shrink back at the mention of his husband. Jake did his best to coax her, telling her in all the ways he could think of how nice and gentle Ari was. But deep down, he knew it was probably just something that would take working up to.
At times when he wasn’t too busy with his work, the doctor would sometimes lurk in the kitchen and look out at the two friends from the window, always so mesmerized by the girl he had never met. At first, when Jake had told him that she really was a fairy-like little creature, Ari thought he might be exaggerating. But the second he saw her for himself, he was proven mistaken. She was about as fairytale-esque as she could be, in those innocent summer dresses she so often wore, shimmering hair always done up in intricate twists and braids. “She looks like a princess,” was the first comment he had made to Jake. Without even trying, she had both of the men enthralled; they had never seen anything like her before.
One afternoon as the couple sat in the house’s rear sunroom, enjoying the gentle breeze from the open windows along with each other’s company, Ari couldn’t help but try at a conversation as he sipped from his sweating glass of iced tea. “So, what’s she like?”
Scooting a bit closer to his husband as they shared the beige wicker sofa, Jake’s voice was soft as he replied, “She’s wonderful. You’re really gonna love her.” Ari nodded in response, wrapping his arm back around Jake’s neck to pull him in for a snuggle. Leaning his head on the broad man’s shoulder, the blonde let out a contented sigh. “I wonder where she learned to garden like that. She told me she doesn’t have any space for one at home; maybe it was something she did growing up.”
“She lives over the hill, right?” Ari asked, vaguely remembering some brief details that had been mentioned in earlier conversations.
Nodding, Jake reached for Ari’s free hand as it sat resting on his thigh, intertwining their fingers with a gentle squeeze. “With her boyfriend. She never says much about him- I can’t even remember if she’s dropped a name.”
“He’s working while she does school?” the older man confirmed as he ran his thumb over the back of his partner’s hand, the gesture a mindless habit that Jake was quite used to and appreciative of.
“Yeah, I think he’s got a job in town.”
“Must pay pretty well, if he’s able to support the both of them. Good on her for getting her degree, d’you know what she’s studying? Oh- what was it…” Ari’s voice trailed off as he combed through his brain, “…some kind of art degree, right?”
“Yep,” Jake confirmed, his eyes drifting to one of the windows where a little brown bird had landed on the birdfeeder hanging off of the roof, “man, I wish I had some sort of artistic tendency. Sounds way more fun than running a government help desk.”
“You know you could leave at any time,” Ari reminded him as his head lowered to plant a gentle kiss against the blonde’s hair. “The second you stop liking what you do, I hope you’ll put in your notice. We’re all set, honey. No need for you to keep at a job that doesn’t interest you.” Nodding silently, Jake knew his husband was telling the truth. Due to how successful the doctor had been in his few practicing years, the couple was more than well off financially; if they wanted to, they could both retire on the spot and live out the rest of their lives comfortably in their home. Ari was always very clear with Jake that he would never go unprovided for, but in the end, something kept the younger man in his position. Though it could be brutal at times, he did ultimately enjoy the work. He enjoyed being in on the cardinal operations, and he liked to believe that the labor he did was somehow making the world a better place, a safer one.
“I know,” Jake hummed softly, turning and lifting his head slightly. “When I stop loving it, I’ll leave. Promise.”
“Good,” Ari breathed through a smile. There was a brief moment of silence, followed by a question that circled the conversation back to the topic of Jake’s new friend. “Has Wren mentioned what she wants to do after school?”
Jake’s expression tempered at the question. “Told me she wants to be a teacher. Little ones- kindergarten, I think she had said. They’ll just adore her.”
“Well, she’ll certainly look the part,” Ari noted with a chuckle. “Whenever I’m able to catch a glance of you two through the window, I’m always impressed by her wardrobe.” Jake nodded in agreement; it was true that the girl had quite an impressive sense of style. On the days she wasn’t in a dress, she usually wore long skirts that fell to her ankles and delicate lace tops with soft colors and patterns.
“She makes her own clothes,” Jake commented, earning a raised brow from his partner. “All those dresses- her skirts, I think, too. She’s knitting me a sweater for fall.”
“She’s really something, isn’t she?” Ari sighed. Lifting his head up to kiss the dark-haired man’s cheek, Jake nodded.
“Really somethin’,” he repeated back. “I wanna ask her soon if she’ll come in and meet you. I know you want to thank her for all the goodies she’s brought.” Lifting his hand from the blonde’s side, Ari brushed Jake’s hair back from his face as he nodded. “I don’t know how it’ll go over. The few times I’ve suggested it, she’s seemed pretty hesitant still.”
“Do you know much about her condition?” Ari softened his voice to ask. “Is she like Claire; did something happen?”
“I’m not sure. I haven’t asked,” Jake admitted, earning an understanding nod from his partner. “A lot of what helps Claire has been helpful with her; I do know that much. Patience, reassurance, the grounding exercises-” with a hint of sadness shining in his eyes, he told Ari, “it broke my heart a little, the first time we met. She told me she had never met someone who knew how to help her like that.”
“Poor thing,” Ari shook his head at Jake’s words. “She’s lucky to have a friend like you.”
“I think it helped when I told her about Claire; she seemed comforted by the fact that I understand her difficulty. I was hoping it might help to tell her that you specialize in this sort of thing, but I'm not sure how much it swayed her," Jake frowned. "If anything, it only seemed to make matters worse; I don't think she's very fond of doctors." At the blonde's estimate, Ari offered a compassionate nod.
Before Jake could say more, a faint buzz coming from his pocket caught the pair off guard. Reaching down to grab the device, he chuckled softly as he read the screen. “Speaking of which, that was her just now. She wants to know if she can bring over some muffins- last time I saw her, she was telling me about the new recipe she’s been wanting to try.”
"Today?" Ari asked, sitting up a bit against the worn couch cushions. Jake nodded. "Why don't you invite her in, then?" he proposed. "I could take the rest of the afternoon off."
Quirking his brow as he tapped out a response to the girl, Jake nodded again as he pressed send. "I'll ask when she gets here," he decided. "You need help wrapping up in the meantime?"
Smiling playfully at the blonde, Ari reached up to fuss his sweetheart's hair. "Sure do, mister. I got all those heavy boxes in the study- need a big, strong man to help me pack 'em up in the closet."
"Oh, you poor, helpless thing," Jake rolled his eyes with a grin, swatting at the older man's hand as it came to brush over his bicep (that both of them knew, despite its impressive build, failed to compare to the doctor's god-like physique.) "C'mon, Mr. Muscles," he teased as he dragged Ari up to his feet by his shirt collar. "I'm gonna sit real pretty on those boxes, and you can lift me."
.・。.・゜ ✫ ・.・✫・゜・。.
It was only a little while later that Jake found himself standing out in the front yard at the end of the drive, waving at Wren as she approached down the bumpy road on her bicycle. At the sight of her friend, the sweet girl smiled mildly, ringing the soft bell positioned next to her handlebar a few times as a greeting. Slowing down with her brakes as she came to the edge of the driveway, she hopped off the seat with ease. "Jakey," she beamed as she tucked her bike in its usual spot near the mailbox, hitting the kickstand down before running to wrap the man in a loving hug.
"Hey chicky," Jake greeted warmly, rubbing the girl's back a few times as they embraced before pulling back to meet her gaze. "You're lookin' awfully spiffy today- that the new dress you were working on?"
"Yep," Wren offered a shy nod, a hint of a blush beginning to bloom in the corners of her cheeks. "Y-you really like it? I wasn't sure about the fabric," she admitted, glancing down at the rosy corduroy. "It's not really my color..."
"I think it's just stunning, sweetcheeks. That pattern looks so pretty on you." With the kindness of his smile and the shimmering adoration in his eyes, there was no way for the girl to question her friend's sincerity. "Everything you make is gorgeous, honey. You know I think you're just incredible, such a talented girl. And I see you even added a place for Ducky; he looks so happy in his pocket." Jake couldn't help but chuckle softly at the little yellow duck as it sat in the front pouch of the pinafore, its tiny head peeking out adorably. Over his time getting to know Wren, the man had also gotten quite acquainted with the little stuffed animal; there wasn't a time he could remember when the girl had been without it. More than anything, Jake simply found it to be so sweet, just another nod to her endearing innocence.
As her expression swelled with gratitude, Wren pulled the doting boy in for another quick hug. "Thank you, Jakey. You're always so sweet to me," she gushed. It was true, and the further truth was: he simply couldn't help it; there was just something about the strange girl from down the street that turned the man straight to mush.
“I’m excited to try your recipe," Jake smiled at her as she retrieved her wicker basket from the back of her bike. Together, the pair made their way over to the bench they usually shared.
"Oh, they turned out so yummy, Jakey- I-I think you're really gonna love 'em," Wren enthused as she took a seat, placing the basket in her lap. "They're raspberry cream, with just the tiniest drizzle of lemon-... o-oh," she paused as she looked up to see her friend who was sitting beside her on the edge of the bench. Jake's face was now washed over with hesitancy; he wasn't exactly sure how to approach the subject at hand. "J-Jakey?" the girl's voice was now diminished to just a hair above a whisper.
"Hey cutie," the blonde began, trying his best not to drag out his words. "Say... Ari and I were talking earlier, and we were wondering if..." At the older man's name, Wren visibly shrunk back. "Sweetheart, we're wondering if you'd like to come in and say hello. We have fresh lemonade in the fridge, if you're interested. We could all sit and snack together- what do you think, buggy?"
Swallowing down the lump that had formed in her throat, Wren's big eyes peered warily up at Jake. At the sight of her bottom lip beginning to tremble helplessly, he couldn't bear not making an attempt at soothing the poor girl's distress. "Hey," he hummed lowly, his brow raised in sympathy, "remember what I told you, honey? Ari's such a sweet man, there's no need to be scared. And I'll be right there with you, sweetie. 'Member?" At the distrust not yielding in the slightest from her expression, Jake tried to reason, "He knows this is hard, bub; we both do. He's gonna be so patient and kind, I promise you."
Taking in a shaky breath, Wren struggled to find her words. "G-go in and... today? You mean... n-now?"
Offering her a reassuring smile, Jake nodded. "Yeah, as soon as you're ready. He's waiting just inside for us."
Stealing a glance over at the house, the girl gulped once more. She had never been inside before; in fact, she hadn't even seen the front door. Though it was the main entrance to the house, it sat tucked into the building's left side, framed by a nice little porch that she hadn't ever stepped foot on. With her gaze surveying the worn path that lead from the end of the drive and the garden to the front door, Wren's eyes drooped doubtfully.
"Hey sunshine," Jake murmured, gently trying to regain her attention. "What d'you say we just give it a try, hm? Just a try, and if it's too much and we can't do it today, that's okay." Reaching out a careful hand, he found the girl's knee, rubbing in slow, soothing circles. With a faint sniffle, it seemed all Wren could manage was a nod. Mild guilt settled into Jake's stomach as he noticed the thin layer of tears his friend was blinking back. He recognized the look on her face, the subtle shiftiness of her gaze as she looked from him to the house, to her bike, and back to him; she wanted to run. But thankfully, for whatever reason, she didn’t. Warmly, Jake smiled, "You're bein' so brave, honey. C'mon, I'll carry your basket. You wanna hold my hand?"
As the blonde rose to his feet again beside the reluctant girl, he held his hand out to her, his gentle gaze full of concern as she eyed his movements warily. With his other hand, Jake slowly took the basket off of Wren's lap. "C'mon sweetheart, you can meet the cat, too. How's that sound?" The small girl's eyes widened slightly at the offer; she had heard so much about Socks, the little black cat with snowy white paws. "You can give him a treat if you want. That's usually the quickest way to win him over," Jake laughed softly as he tried to lighten the mood.
After another shaky breath, Wren managed to take her friend's hand and join him in standing; she was quick to glue herself to his side. With a proud smile, Jake kept encouraging her, "There you go, bub. You're doin' so good. We can just take it one step at a time; there's no rush."
And just as the man's words had suggested, Wren really did end up taking it step by painful step as the pair struggled ahead, barely seeming to make it more than an inch at a time. Jake didn't mind in the slightest; he saw how hard the poor girl was fighting herself to just keep moving forward. With one little hand locked in tightly with his, she kept the other balled up in a fist over her chest, as if she were already bracing herself for the dangers that could lie ahead. With his brow raised in sympathy, Jake tried to keep his heart from breaking. What's scared her so bad, to make her act like this? What's happened to her? Who did she meet that was so unkind?
He wasn't certain it was someone, but he had his suspicions. There was just something about her condition, the way it presented itself; it felt different from Claire. While his sister tended to grow upset over situations and circumstances, Jake had noticed that more than anything, it was people that really made Wren scared. He hoped that some of the same methods of alleviating the anxiety might help, though. In its own way, this push to meet Ari was a little like the exposure therapy Claire had gone through as a kid. Thinking of it this way, he had no problem staying as calm and patient as he did. In this moment of such intense fear and uncertainty, Jake really did his friend like a small, scared child, in need of comfort and reassurance.
"You're okay, honey. I'm right here, I got you. Doin' so good, 'm so proud of you, chicky," he hummed softly as the two of them finally made it to the top of the drive, where the path up to the porch began. Lifting her head warily, Wren's wide eyes settled on the front door. From where they stood, she could see how the outer storm door sat just the tiniest bit ajar. Silently, she came to a halt. As Jake gazed down at her gently, she swallowed hard. "Oh sweetie," the man cooed sadly as he saw her biting back tears.
Taking a moment to set the basket off to the side, Jake crouched before his friend, the concern on his face growing as she lowered her head and drew back from him. Eyes now glued to the ground, Wren took a shakey breath in preparation to speak. But when she opened her mouth, she couldn't manage to make a sound, her bottom lip wobbling uncontrollably as she began to cry.
“Wren,” Jake crooned. With his free hand, he reached out to push the girl’s hair back from her face, but was quickly stopped by her jerking back at the gesture. Wincing her eyes shut, the poor thing whimpered weakly. “Hey…” Jake’s face contorted further with concern at her reaction. “Bubba, you’re okay. Look at me, honey.”
“Please,” was all she could manage, her voice so small Jake had to lean further in to hear it. “P-please Jakey, can… please...”
“Wren,” he said again, bringing his hand down to hold both of the girl’s in both of his, “what do you need, sweetheart? How can I help?” Sniffling, she wrapped her little fingers around his thumbs, squeezing gently.
“Please, just…” Jake wanted so badly to wipe the sweet girl’s tears away, but knew better than to bring his hands near her face again. The seemingly conditioned response he received at his attempt only grew the worry he was already harboring deep down; he didn’t even want to think about the implications that came along with that kind of reaction. “P-please, maybe can… please wait, please…”
“Okay, sweet thing. We can wait a sec,” the kind man nodded understandingly. With a soothing tone, he continued to murmur, “Just take some breaths with me, cutie. You’re okay, Wren. You’re safe.”
“I… h-he… p-please Jakey,” she hiccuped through her tears, her voice swelling slightly in urgency.
Furrowing his brow further, Jake tried to coax more words out of the small girl. "He what, bubba? Can you tell me what you're scared of, Wren?"
Wide eyes darting back and forth between her friend who sat before her and the front door to the house, Wren hummed a feeble whine as she fought herself to find her voice again. "P-please, too scary," was all she could manage.
Nodding gently, Jake let out a saddened sigh, understanding it might be time to abandon the attempt altogether. But just as he was about to give into Wren's pleas, the sound of the old, worn latch on the front door opening caused the pair both to look back in surprise.
Taking a single step out onto the porch, Ari was heartbroken to see the girl's tear-soaked cheeks. At the sight of the dreaded man, who was clearly much larger and more intimidating than even she was anticipating, Wren visibly cowered down into herself, her reaction causing both men to pause as they looked at each other, wordlessly trying to figure out how to proceed.
Taking a deep, steady breath, Jake turned back to his friend, his head ducking down slightly as he tried to catch her gaze. "Wren? Sweetheart?" Eyes lowered warily, with her entire body tensed as though she couldn't help but brace herself, Wren flinched harshly at the sound of the blonde's voice. "Honey," he crooned, bringing his arms up to wrap around the girl. He couldn't help it, even as it made the poor thing's tears worsen; at the sight of her looking so terrified, so upset, Jake needed to take her into his arms and hold her. "Little chicky," he murmured gently, rubbing her back as she cried into the safety of his shoulder, "you're okay, sweet thing. How about we call it a day, huh? You did so good, Wren. I know you tried so hard."
Hearing his husband's mild words, Ari's expression softened with sadness. Of course he was hoping today would be the day, but it wasn't the end of the world if he had to wait. More than anything, witnessing the struggle of the girl's condition firsthand just convinced him further that he wanted to help her. Without a single word, Ari stepped back into the house and closed the door behind him, wanting to give Wren the sense of safety with just Jake that she so clearly needed.
Hearing the signals of his partner's retreat, the younger man continued to coo softly as he brushed a soothing hand over the shaking girl's golden locks of hair. "Shhh sweetie- he's gone now, Wren. You're safe- s'just you and me now, darlin'. Can you take some deep breaths for me?"
Peering over her friend's shoulder, Wren wouldn't believe his words until she could see for herself; at the sight of the porch having returned to its original, vacant state, she let out a tremored sigh of relief. "D-deep breaths," she recited, finally feeling safe enough to bring her little arms up to wrap around the kind boy's neck.
Smiling earnestly at the small sign of progress, Jake reached out a hand to grab the picnic basket off the grass before lifting the girl up to carry her with ease. Wren's cheeks flushed faintly as she kept herself tucked away warmly into the crook of his neck. "I gotcha, cutie. C'mon, let's go sit on the bench," Jake suggested, keeping a tight hold on his bashful friend as he carried her back to the safety of the garden.
.・。.・゜ ✫ ・.・✫・゜・。.
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thinking of achilles and patroclus finally meeting in elysium after thetis marks his name on their grave;
achilles jumps at him and presses his nose against his like he used to in their youth. patroclus holds him, and achilles hides his face on his chest and sobs profusely. achilles cries and cries and cries, asking for forgiveness. patroclus just holds him close, reassuringly, "there's nothing to forgive"— and how could there be? achilles' love for him was so big that it even made the gods fearful. achilles finally looks at him, with tears in his eyes.
a family isn’t always a mother, a father, and a child.
sometimes a family is a phoenix whose trousers are always too short and his gently treasonous husband, a selectively mute cat, an island sprite aunt and her mayor girlfriend, a were-Pomeranian, a land-jellyfish bellhop, a gnome, a forest sprite, a wyvern, a yeti, and the antichrist.
“I don’t… know. I think I might have two left feet, honestly.”
“I highly doubt that.”
- The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune
So pleased to finally share this commission for Pride Book Crate’s July box (@pridebookcrate on IG & Twitter), which was converted into both a print and a fuzzy cushion cover (which is cozy as heck, omg I love). It’s been SO exciting to see people posting their unboxings, and I’m delighted so many folks are happy with my contribution! They had requested just Arthur & Linus, so I drew inspiration from the farewell party and dressed them in a style to match the soundtrack (Nat King Cole 😭). And then, I couldn’t leave out the children, so, in the framework, you’ll find wee references to their characters. 💙
the feminine urge to keep inventing fake scenarios to be with my comfort characters as i make up yet another story line with thought out dynamics and plot twists
