What do you do when you feel like you are losing your best friend?
I’ve asked myself that question numerous times throughout the years I have lived on this Earth. I don’t even know where to begin. I have spent all of my life losing best friends. Before entering high school I managed to lose three best friends and on the verge of losing a fourth best friend. I always wanted that best friend who I could tell secrets to, the best friend who we could grow up together and would be the one I could depend on. For years I watched as best friends left my life, I watched as people came and went. I did nothing about losing my best friends until 2015.
In 2011 when I graduated high school, my best friend moved to Chicago for college. That’s when it started to get even worse for me. My ‘best friend’ and I kept in touch, for the most part. We grew apart, stopped talking. I did nothing.
2015, I started to become attached to another friend, she became my new best friend. We did tons of stuff together. Danced, shopped, talked all the time, we were inseperable. Then in the spring of 2015, we had a falling out. Words were said. That was time I was actually fighting to keep my best friend. This was how I lost my sixth best friend.
During that time, I grew close to someone who was like my twin. She was like my sister. My true best friend. Even though we lived 45 minutes away, we always found time to see each other and spend time together.
Recently, we have been growing apart and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve become more depressed, I’ve become empty, I’ve become the lonely friend no one wants to see. I don’t know what to do. I don’t care if she wants to hang out with other people, that’s fine, but now, it’s like I don’t even exist. I’m no longer the best friend, and just the annoying friend.
I wish there was something I could do, something i could say to not lose my best friend, but there isn’t. There’s nothing I can do but sit back and watch my best friend become just a friend. Talking doesn’t do anything, I feel worst when I talk about it with her. I don’t want to lose my best friend, but I feel completely hopeless, I feel completely lost.
I’ve been starting to doubt myself and who I am as a person. I’m starting to lose confidence in myself and become completely numb where I don’t feel anything.
And this is how I become the single, depressed, lonely person.
