Liriko ng Damdamin.

Try. Fail. Learn.

[loststar10]

Hi,

I just want to let you know that I am grateful that you cheated on me. I remember there was a time in our relationship when I found myself praying that you would cheat, so I could finally find a way out. I loved you so much that I stayed, even though I wasn’t treated the way I deserved. I couldn’t let you go, even during the many times you emasculated and disrespected me.

Now that I’ve learned what you did, it has become much easier for me to move on and move forward. I am no longer bothered by the good memories we created, they have all been overshadowed. Your cheating was the final straw that allowed me to cut all the ties I had to you.

My only hope now is that you find healing. I hope you work on yourself, because no one can take that pain away from you except yourself, not even me. I tried everything I could to help you forget the things that made you hate yourself and the world, and it did not end well for me.

I hope we never meet again. Thank you for all the pain. I know I will meet someone again in my lifetime, and this time, she will see my worth. She will respect and trust me, and she will never make me feel like I am less of a man.

[loststar10]

There were so many questions running through my mind when I found out that the woman I loved so deeply had been cheating on me while we were still together and that she got pregnant and had a child. Even after six months of no contact, the pain hit like it just happened yesterday. I felt angry, betrayed, and completely shattered. I had been making real progress, finally putting myself back together, and in a single moment, it all came crashing down.

I didn’t know what to do with the anger. Part of me wanted revenge, to make them feel even a fraction of the pain they put me through. I wanted them to carry it for the rest of their lives. But as time passed, I realized that holding on to that kind of darkness would only destroy me more.

I reached out to her friends and family, trying to make sense of everything, hoping someone could explain how the person I trusted the most could do something like this. But no one knew the truth, until she finally messaged me, asking for forgiveness.

I asked her only three things: why, how, and when.

She called, and I answered. She was crying. Of course she was. They always cry when they get caught. I listened, not because I cared anymore, but because I needed closure.

And even after hearing everything, I still found myself asking how she was doing.

She didn’t deny it. She admitted everything and said she’s now living with the consequences. And somehow, despite everything she did to me, I felt pity. Because the person she chose over me—the one she risked everything for is now the one hurting her. Mistreating her. Abusing her.

It’s hard not to see it as karma.

And still, a part of me cared. Not enough to save her, not anymore but enough to tell her to seek help from people who actually matter in her life, because I’m no longer one of them.

I gave her everything. I loved her in ways that cost me pieces of myself. I stayed when it was hard, I understood when it hurt, I chose her even when I was already losing myself. And in the end, none of that was enough.

She chose someone who is the complete opposite of me and maybe that says everything.

Maybe this is karma. Maybe this is the consequence of her choices. But despite everything, I still hope her child doesn’t grow up in the kind of broken environment she created.

I’m still angry. Still hurt. And I won’t pretend that it doesn’t affect me, because it does. Betrayal like that stays with you.

But one thing is clear: no one deserves to be treated like that. Not after giving everything they had.

I won’t deny that I once had some of the happiest moments of my life with her but those memories don’t excuse what she did.

I’m choosing myself now. My peace. My healing.

And whatever happens to her from here on, that’s no longer my burden to carry.

[loststar10]

Six months of silence.

The last time we spoke, we said our goodbyes like we meant them, like we were strong enough to live without what we once had. And somehow, life kept moving. It didn’t stop for my heartbreak. It didn’t ask if I was ready.

So how am I now? What does my life even look like without you?

Walking away was never easy. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made and still, I know it was the right one. There’s a different kind of pain in choosing to let go of someone you still love. It doesn’t fade overnight. It lingers. It echoes.

I met parts of myself I didn’t know existed. The fragile one. The one who cries at the smallest reminders. The one who breaks loudly and silently at the same time. I became someone I didn’t recognize and maybe that was necessary.

I tried to rebuild. I climbed mountains, chased new experiences, learned new things, and held on tighter to the people who stayed. There were days I thought, *“I’m okay now. I’ve moved on.”

But healing isn’t a straight line. Some days still feel like yesterday like I could turn around and find you there, like nothing ever ended.

The truth is, I’m still hurting. I’m still incomplete in ways I can’t explain. But slowly, quietly. I see my life growing around that pain. I’m learning how to exist without you. How to breathe without reaching for what’s no longer mine.

Maybe I won’t be fully healed anytime soon. Maybe it will take years.

But I’m still here. Still choosing to move forward.

Still learning how to carry both the pain and the hope at the same time.

[loststar10]

September was the last time I saw her, back when everything still felt whole, like nothing could really fall apart.

October came, and with it, the distance. She asked for space, and I gave it… even though it already felt like losing her.

By November, we said our goodbyes, words that didn’t feel real until the silence settled in after.

December was chaos. I drowned myself in noise, in drinks, in anything that could quiet the ache. But somehow, in the middle of it all, I’d still break, crying out of nowhere, missing her in ways I couldn’t explain.

January, I ran from it. Kept myself busy, distracted, pretending I was okay, pretending I was moving on.

Then February forced me to sit still… to finally face what I had lost. No more running, no more numbing, just the weight of it all.

March was the hardest. I missed her every single day. Not just the big moments, but the small ones, the quiet, ordinary things that meant everything.

And now it’s April.

The pain is still here. It hasn’t disappeared. But for the first time, I’m not fighting it anymore. I’m learning to carry it… and maybe, slowly, to let it shape a new beginning.

[loststar10]

Hindi pala ganoon kadali ang pag-usad. Ang pilit na pagtalikod at paglimot sa mga alaala, lalo na kung araw-araw itong nabuo sa nakaraan. Kahit pa noon pa man ay natatanaw ko na na darating kami sa ganito, kahit pa pakiramdam ko’y unti-unti ko nang inihahanda ang sarili kong bitawan ang mga guhit na sabay naming sinimulan. Hindi pa rin pala madali.

May mga araw na akala mo kaya mo na. May mga araw namang parang kahapon lang nangyari ang lahat, parang sariwa pa rin ang mga sugat. May mga sandaling naiisip kong kumustahin siya, pero pinipili kong huwag. Hindi dahil wala nang pakialam, kundi dahil alam kong may mga katahimikang mas mabuting igalang.

Nakakatawa kung paanong ang sugat na akala mong naghihilom na ay biglang sumasagi sa pinaka-hindi inaasahang araw. Pero sa kabila ng lahat, patuloy pa rin akong umuusad. Minsan mabagal, minsan mabigat, pero pasulong pa rin.

Dahil kahit nalalakaran ko pa rin ang ilang kahapon, natutunan ko na ring hindi doon manatili. May mga bagay na hindi na mababalikan, at may mga tanong na mananatiling walang sagot, subalit hindi ibig sabihin noon, na doon na rin nagtatapos ang lahat.

Unti-unti, pinipili ko pa ring maglakad papunta sa mga araw na hindi na kailangang balikan ang dati, mga araw na tahimik, magaan, at mas buo na ako, kahit ako na lang.

[loststar10]

It’s been five months since the last time I saw her. Three months since we finally said it was over. And still, she shows up every day.

In the quiet.

In small moments that don’t mean anything until suddenly they do. A song. A place. A habit I forgot I picked up because of her.

I tried to outrun it.

Did things I never thought I would, went out more, drank too much, met people I didn’t plan to care about. I laughed. I distracted myself. I filled the silence with noise.

For a while, it worked.

The breakup was the right thing to do. We were messy. We were toxic. We kept hurting each other, even when we were trying not to.

Letting go wasn’t weakness, it was the only option left.

At first, being alone felt like freedom. No fights. No tension. No weight on my chest. Just space.

But lately, that space feels different. Quieter. Heavier.

I find myself missing how we used to share our lives. The ordinary moments. The way we existed in each other’s world, even when things weren’t perfect.

Even when it was hard.

I still stand by the decision we made. I respect how it ended. I know going back isn’t the answer.

I don’t miss the chaos.

I don’t miss the relationship.

I just miss the person.

[loststar10]

1:30 am na, nagmumuni-muni. Iniisip kung paano ko susuklian ang pagmamahal ng magulang ko o ng mama ko. 6-taon na akong sumusubok magbawi. Alam kong napapasaya ko si Mama, pero sobrang layo pa nito sa kung anong gusto kong mangyare sa buhay ko kasama sya. Sobrang layo nito sa mga pangarap ko para sa kanya. Hays

[loststar10]

Bukas, 1-buwan mula nang magsimula ako sa panibago kong trabaho. Umalis ako sa dati kong pinapasukan na umabot ng 4-taon. Nanawa syempre, sumubok ng iba naman. Masasabi ko rin na naghanap ako nang mas “challenging”. Or trabaho na pipilitin akong maging magaling.

Tanda ko noon, puro buwelo pa lang ako kung aalisan ko na ba. Kada sumisilip kasi ako palabas. Nalulula ako sa kung anong nag-aabang sa akin. Natatakot ako sa kung saan ako pupulutin. Ang dami kong alinlangan at kinakapos din ako sa tiwala sa sarili. Pero nagmatapang na lang ako. Maraming duda pero tumalon ako palabas.

1-buwan na mula nang pumasok ako sa panibago kong trabaho, actually medyo mahirap ‘yong responsibilidad. Pero mas sulit ‘yong sahod. Marami pa rin na pagkakataon na nangangapa ako. Paminsan-minsan nalilito, mabuti na lang may kaibigan ako na kalinya ng trabaho ko. Araw- araw yata nagtatanong ako sa kanya. Swerte na rin kasi hindi naman siya nabubwiset.

Pero kung tatanungin ‘yong stress, siguro mas stressful ‘to. Mas nakakalampag ako eh. Haha, masyado pa sigurong maaga para tingnan kung paano ako bukas habang narito sa trabaho na ‘to. Siguro sa ngayon, pipilitin ko munang maging maalam at maging responsable sa trabaho ko.

‘Yon lang, nakuwento ko lang dito. Siguro magsusulat na lang uli ako tungkol sa trabaho na ‘to pag umalis or napromote ako.

[loststar10]

“Wala pa ‘yan sa lahat nang naitulong mo sa akin Boi”

Dumaan ang kaarawan ko nung nakaraang sabado, 24th year ko na. Wala akong kahit na anong plano. Ang nais ko lang, simpleng salu-salo kasama ang Pamilya ko at si Edge (Gf ko).

Hindi gaanong magastos, walang painom. Ganyan lang nasa isip, dahil nga sa medyo kapos din. Nagpa-spaghetti, shanghai at cake si Mama. ‘Yong gf ko naman nagdala ng regalo. Simple lang pero masaya na ako.

Pero may pinsan ako, Kuya ko. Isa sa mga highlights ng gabi na ‘yon. Bumili nang maraming alak at nag-aya sa mga iba pang pinsan na mag-inom. Celebrate daw namin birthday ko.

After ng inuman, nagpasalamat ako sa lahat at sa kuya ko. “Wala pa ‘yan sa lahat nang naitulong mo sa akin”. Ang korni siguro pakinggan, pero hindi ko inaasahan na manggaling ito sa pinaka-tahimik kong pinsan.

Hindi ko inaasahan na kakailanganin ko ‘tong mga salitang ito. Siguro kakaiba lang, sanay na ako sa GF ko na magbuild up sa akin eh. Iba lang din talaga ‘pag nanggaling sa hindi mo inaasahan.

Nagdaan ang ilang buwan, nasa lowest ako. Dahil sa mga problema, at nawalan pa ng mahal sa buhay. Lahat ito tanging si Edge lang nakakaalam. Kung paano sinusubukang mahalin uli ‘yong buhay. Minsan palagay ko, ang bigat ko na rin. I mean, kung mahalaga ako sa’yo. Sa punto na ‘to ang bigat kong dalhin at sabayan.

Nakakatuwa lang na makakarinig ako ng ganito, at sa panahon na pinaka-kailangan ko pa. Nakakataba ng puso, nakakagana at nakakabalik - tanaw sa dating pursigido at ma-gilas na ako.

Salamat, sa mga bumati. Hindi na talaga tulad ng dati na maaalala ka ng lahat. Pero ang importante may mga nananatili. Sobrang na-appreciate ko lahat. Masaya ito dahil nananatili akong espesyal sa kanila kahit pa sa panahon na hindi ko kayang ipagmalaki ang sarili ko. Mahal ko kayong lahat.

[loststar10]

Matuto ka sanang umiyak, upang hindi ka malunod sa mga naiipon mong luha.

[loststar10]

Matutuhan mo sanang tanggapin na kailangan mong maging mahina, upang hindi ka magsawa na maging matapang.

[loststar10]

Nawala na si Lolo, heto ako. Nakukulangan sa lahat. Sa mga huling panahon at oras na kasama ko siya. Sobrang kulang, sana mas nasabi ko pa at napakita kung gaano siya kahalaga sa Pamilya at sa akin. Mahal na mahal kita Lo. Huwag ka mag-alala lo, masasanay din kaming wala ka. Pero palaging mananatili kung sino at ano ka sa puso namin.

[loststar10]

Mahal na mahal kita lo!

[loststar10]

Aug. 01. 8th month ng taon. Wala pa rin akong masasabing WIN sa buhay ko this year. Yea

[loststar10]

Alam kong makakalagpas kami dito, pero sana makalagpas na kami agad dito. Dahil sobrang bigat nito. Sobrang hirap pati.

[loststar10]

Ulul

[loststar10]

Sino ang matatalo sa walang kasawaang pagluklok sa mga Lider na patuloy tayong nilulugmok? Dapat ba na sisihin silang gumagawa ng mga paulit-ulit na pangako? O silang paulit-ulit na kumakagat sa pangako?

Kung mauupo muli ang isang kandidato na sangkot sa pagnanakaw. Nakinabang sa nakaw. Hindi kinokondena ang mga pang-aabuso sa karapatang pantao. Parang mapapa-putang ina ka na lang dito sa Inang Bayan.

May mga iilan na sumisigaw, na sila ang mulat. Na sila’y gising na. Ngunit pekeng impormasyon naman ang kanilang nabasang ulat. Nakakalungkot na sa nakalipas na maraming taon marami pa rin ang hindi natuto sa aral ng nakaraan.

Marami sa atin ang pagod na sa panloloko, pero lumulunok pa rin ng kasinungalingan. Kahit pa umaalingasaw ang baho ng nakaraan, patuloy pa rin itong nilalanghap.

Ang mga naitala sa kasaysayan ay tunay. At Ika nga sa isang palabas. “Walang ibang bersyon ang katotohanan”. Ang totoo ay totoo, kahit pa iba pa ito sa paniniwala mo, kahit hindi sumasang-ayon dito ang damdamin mo ay mananatili itong totoo.

Sa kabilang banda, pilit sumisigaw ang mga tao na hindi nakalimot. Tumitindig, lumalaban at pinapaalala ang mga bakas ng kalupitan, hindi para manlinlang. Kundi imulat silang nabulag at nabiktima ng sandamakmak na kasinungalingan.

Pilit sinasagip silang nagpapakalunod sa maling datos, kahit paos na sa kasisigaw. Hindi pa rin nauubos ang pag-asa na maituwid ang mga binaluktot na detalye sa kasaysayan.

Ikaw na may pribelehiyong makaboto, ang pagluluklok ng Lider ay isipin mo. 6-taon na progresibong bansa o 6-taon na paglugmok sa bansa?