one time he and i were sitting in bed and i said âwhere do you feel stuff?â and he said âwhat do you meanâ and i said, âhere is anxietyâ and pointed to my bottom left rib where the spiders start. he pointed to his throat. âitâs here for me.âÂ
i keep anger in my breastbone, he holds it in his hands. i feel sadness on my shoulders, he feels it in his lungs.Â
we play this game until we come to love, and i realize that i am terrified (jugular vein) of what might come. what if it is not the same. what if he feels it somewhere else, what if it is just a flash fire, not the slow burn, what if it is congealing in one place instead of radiating, i try to change topics, flight response (sternum)
he takes my hands in his and puts them over his ribs and says, âeverywhere, everywhere, like a sun is trying to escape me, like i am being consumed and you are filling up where used to be empty.â i say, âdonât be ridiculous humans are 99% empty space,â i nervous laugh (spiders down spine), he holds his gaze with me.Â
âeverywhere,â he repeats.