The day before Christmas. . . . . .
Kamui's ship had been parked not too far away from Kabukicho, given that he was going to join in on the Christmas party Kagura had set up. It was going to be the last time Kamui allowed himself to be around Namida given the conversation he had with Abuto in the hospital. Kagura couldn't stop thinking about it, how her brother had been so distraught, letting his feelings get so pent up that he was harming himself in the process by not eating. Not once had he talked to her about any of this, at least not anymore. . . .
Most likely because he saw himself as a burden, he was hoping no one would notice what he was dealing with and hide it all with a smile. Like usual. He probably would’ve eventually pushed her away, thinking none of this was her problem and she didn’t need to involve herself anymore.
It didn't matter, she was stubborn. Kagura was going to be there for him whether Kamui liked it or not. She’s not losing him, permanently, solely because he doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings properly to someone.
Kagura's been keeping in close touch with Abuto about his eating habits, and from what she's heard. . . . it's still the bare minimum whereas he had usually been a glutton. So, Kamui was really depressed. Her brother has been rather dry when it came to responding to her texts too. Usually, they would send memes, or any other funny things to each other, maybe even harmlessly bicker, and plan days to hang out, but he's hardly responded like he used to. She even sent a text earlier, but it was fairly bland conversation compared to usual.
[ Text: Baka Aniki ]: Gud mornin!!! Are u feeling ok today? :)
[ Text: Baka Imouto ]: Yeah
l Text: Baka Aniki ]: I saw this really funny meme on twitter, do u wanna see?
An hour passed with no response, so Kagura guesses that's a no.
[ Text: Baka Aniki ]: Hey I heard there's a new GTA game releasing soon, u gonna pre order or go against Sony like everyone else seems to be doing?
An hour passes again, no response. She heaves out a breath of frustration,
[ Text: Baka Aniki ]: Are you going to the party?
Five minutes later, she gets a response.
[ Text: Baka Imouto ]: Yeah
[ Text: Baka Aniki ]: u sure u don't wanna call or smth because ur clearly not okay
[ Text: Baka Imouto ]: Yes I'm sure I'm fine
Kagura just puts her phone down after he sends that last text, and falls back onto the couch, sighing heavily. He was not mentally well, and she was stubborn and not leaving him alone. Kagura wanted to give him a person that'll always be there for him no matter what, after all. That includes in this situation. She swore, she'd always stand by him. After laying there, pondering for a few minutes she lifts herself off the couch and rushed to shower and get ready. However, she made sure to cook something for Kamui too. She practices a lot to make him shut up about her cooking tasting like crap, and also to cheer him up. Kagura whipped up some curry, and packed it up before heading out. It was cold, and snowing so she dressed warmly. She then rushed out, carrying the plastic bag filled with a packed plate of food on her forearm.
Kagura eventually arrived to where Kamui's ship was, and was greeted by his men upon going inside. She's become really familiar with everyone, Abuto even came up to her to greet her too. She had gave him a big hug, which caught him off guard, but he returned the gesture with a smile and pat on the back before the young Yato let go. ''Has your idiot commander ate at all today?'' Kagura questions, which Abuto just sighs in response too. Fingers thread through his hair, basically giving her an answer.
''He's eaten the bare minimum compared to how much of a damn glutton he was before. All I saw him eat was an apple. That's it.'' His hand fell to his side, then clenching into a fist. ''I never expected him to fall in love to begin with, but it of course, had to lead to this because he can't properly communicate what's going on in his head.'' His expression reveals annoyance, but rather. . . it was obvious Abuto was worried beyond belief. Kamui stresses him out a lot, nonstop. Yet, still believed their relationship was strictly work related. Kagura doubted that.
''I made him spicy curry, he loves curry so hopefully I can get him to eat it.'' Kagura held up her arm, showing the bag with the delicious aroma coming out of it. She had somewhat of a melancholic smile, ''Since you told him to not see Namida anymore given what happened, I think his mental state might get worse. I'm scared. I sometimes wish those two never met, even if it softened him up a lot, it also resulted in this.'' She hadn't realized that tears filled her eyes until they started falling down her cheeks, Kagura sniffled rubbing at her tears to make them go away. Abuto gave her a reassuring head pat,
''He still has you to help him, little rabbit. He'll get through this.'' She'd nod in response still rubbing tears from her eyes,
''Kamui has you too. He cares a lot about your opinion, which is why he decided to stop seeing Namida. . . .'' Kagura firmly says, looking up at the vice commander with reddened, swollen eyes from crying. He blinks slightly surprised.
''Uh. . . . haha. . .'' Abuto let out an awkward chuckle, turning his head away after she told him that. He rubs the back of his neck. At least, it was a less grumpy reaction than what she gets out of Kamui. But they both get awkward when told about how they care about the other. Abuto didn’t deny it, like Kamui. Which proves that she was probably right about their relationship. ''You should go to your brother before the curry gets cold.'' He was quick to shift the conversation to something else.
''Oh yeah, thanks old man!'' Kagura waved with a smile before running to Kamui's private quarters. Abuto waved bye as well letting out a relieved, tired sigh.
When Kagura got to Kamui’s door, she called out to him. ‘’Hey Kamui! I’m here with something for you!’’ She calls out, bouncing on her heels. Kagura had wore her usual chinese attire, feeling like wearing dark girly kei as she started doing to be like Namida would make him more depressed. She really didn’t mind despite really loving the clothing.
However, Kamui hadn’t even answered back to her. She even knocked on the door, but nothing. So, she pressed the button to open the automatic door and it opened up so she could find an empty room. Well, not exactly empty if one points out the terrifying, obsessive array of Namida related things. Starting with all the pictures of her on the wall. The figures. The plushes, and the-
Kagura blinked a few times seeing the large pile of Christmas gift boxes neatly stacked in his private quarters. Her eyes nearly bulged before returning to normal. She knew they were for Namida given all the My Melody wrapping paper, quite the thoughtful boyfriend, wasn’t he?
Oh wait, they’re only friends.
She nearly forgot how many gifts he bought for her. Knowing Kamui, maybe he was spending money on gifts for Namida, instead of eating. Kagura tries to calm her worries, going over to the small table beside his bed to place down the curry.
She nearly steps on a few photo albums. . . .?
She bent down picking up all four of them. Two labeled ‘Namida VOLUME 37’ and ‘Namida VOLUME 38’ and the other two labeled ‘Best Friends VOLUME 41’ and ‘Best Friends VOLUME 42’. She peeked into one of the ‘best friends’ album and of course, it was a variety of pictures of Kamui and Namida being disgustingly lovey dovey. ACTING LIKE A COUPLE! Looking over at his bed, there were some stray pictures he was likely going to store away in these albums. The albums that were on the THICK side at that, showing just how many pictures he likely had.
Kagura wasn’t sure if she should be terrified or not of his obsession.
‘’Don’t go through my belongings, ESPECIALLY when I’m not around.’’
The sound of Kamui’s pissed off voice made her jump, he was really intimidating when mad. Kagura hadn’t intended to bring him to such a point. She only enjoys annoying him harmlessly with bickering, that never meant anything serious between them. She turned around and quietly hands the albums back, seeing his irritated gaze directed at her while taking the albums from her. His dark circles were really bad, that’s what she immediately noticed as he sat on his bed putting the stray pictures he had in the photo albums one by one.
‘’Sorry, I just got. . . curious.’’ Kagura says, poking the tips of her indexes together when looking down regretfully. It wasn’t like there was anything embarrassing in there. Well, she felt embarrassed seeing her brother being so affectionate in pictures with Namida at least.
‘’Why are you here? The party is tomorrow.’’ He bluntly asked, as if he hadn’t been showing how depressed he was through text.
Kagura went over and picked up the bag of curry she left on the table next to his bed, and held it out for her brother after seeing him put his photo albums safely away in his shelf. ‘’I made you curry. I worked really hard on it.’’ There was a plead in her gaze for him to eat it, even if it was not to his tastes. He was always critical of her cooking after all. Kamui had looked at her, unable to stay even the least bit annoyed since she showed such kindness. However, she felt some bits of annoyance when seeing him smile when taking the bag from her. Because it was really forced,
‘’Thanks, you don’t have to worry. I’ve been eating fine.’’ Kamui lies, as he sat beside her on the bed. She decided to not say anything about the blatant lie.Surely he knows that Kagura wouldn’t fall for that. He took out the packed curry from the bag, it was packed into a large bento box. She made a large serving, hoping he’ll eat it all. He was usually greedy as all hell. The room was quiet as he ate with the chopsticks stored in the bento.
‘’Hey, isn’t it going to be painful to still have those photo albums. . . . ? It looked like you recently printed out more pictures.’’ Without thinking, Kagura voiced those thoughts. She watched her brother notably freeze, form stiff as a board. He swallowed the food he had been eating, sitting straight. Still keeping a smile on his face.
‘’Everything is fine, this is just a really bad dream. I’ll be able to still hang out with Namida, everything will be fine after tomorrow.’’ It was frightening that he seemed convinced that was the situation.
‘’Kamui. You’re not dreaming. You killed someone Namida went on fake dates with, then completely lost it when coming to see me right after, then ended up in the hospital and swore to the old man you wouldn’t see her again.’’ Kagura immediately explains,
‘’Stop messing with me, everything is fine.’’ Again, denial. She got up, and aggressively grabbed his shoulders,
‘’This is REAL! You did all of those things! This isn’t like one of those nightmares you have about mami, it’s REAL!’’ Kagura yelled at him, making his eyes slowly widen in realization. ‘’Kamui, you need to face what happened! Don’t pretend this was all a dream, this isn’t the ending to chainsaw man!’’ She firmly explained in exasperation, denying it all happened was likely why he seemed so eerily calm. Kagura let go of him, backing up a step or two as she saw how he processed what she said. His bandaged covered hand clasped over his mouth, looking visibly nauseous as he placed the food aside on the table near his bed. He barely ate half of what she made. Maybe she should’ve waited until he ate more to bring him back to reality.
His hands desperately grasped the scarf around his neck, it seemed like a comfort item. Especially right now, his hands squeezed and he swallowed thickly hanging his head down for a few moments. But he looked up at Kagura immediately after, forcing a smile back on his face. ‘’It’ll be fine. . . .’’ He says to himself, and then repeats that a few times. ‘’It’ll be fine, it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine. Everything is okay, everything is fine. I’m fine.’’ Kamui was desperately trying to convince himself that he’ll be fine.
‘’Hahahaha. . . . I just fuck up everything, don’t I?’’ He dryly laughs, ‘’I fuck up everything! I can’t do anything right! This friendship crap was just a waste of time!’’ He yelled in frustration, standing up from his bed. Kagura wasn’t even given a chance to say something before he started ripping off pictures of Namida, and pictures he was with her in off the wall. Her eyes stared in shock seeing his mental breakdown, when Kagura stood up to go over, Kamui eventually stopped. He stands there breathing heavily amongst the broken glass on the floor from the framed pictures, his fists clenched at his sides as he gritted his teeth.
‘’She’s just. . . she’s just some human girl. It. . . it doesn’t. . . it doesn’t matter. . . forming a friendship with some human girl was a mistake. . .’’ Those words weren’t the least bit convincing when his eyes were filled with tears, threatening to fall as Kagura pulled him into a tight hug.
‘’You know that’s not true. Why would you rip down pictures of someone that special to you, big bro?’’ Then let out a slight pained sound with how tight Kamui hugged her, Kagura expected him to push her away given how distraught he was. But, he accepted the comfort without hesitation. He was trembling too, then started sniffling.
‘’I’m so. . . scared of her hating me. I had a bunch of nightmares where she told me over over again how she never wanted to see me again, and how I’m nothing but a monster. . . It all felt real.’’ Kamui cried into his sister’s shoulder. His tightening embrace, becoming much more prominent.
‘’I don’t want her to hate me. . . none of this would be happening if I wasn’t such a coward. If I hadn’t screwed up. . . . .’’ The overwhelming sadness with every word that was spoken from his lips made her heart clench, feeling powerless to truly put him at ease. Tears well up in her eyes as well, ‘’I don’t want her to hate me, I don’t want her to hate me, I don’t want her to hate me. . . .’’ Kamui kept repeating, sounding desperate for that to be reality. He sounded terrified of such an outcome. He eventually pulled away, but likely only because of the way he panickedly breathes out. He was struggling to keep calm, struggling to accept what was going to happen leading to that panic attack. Kagura immediately grabbed his hand bringing him back to his bed as he was losing it. He buried his face within his hands as he kept panickedly heaving in and out, the only time she’s seen him like this was when it involved their mother.
‘’Kamui, calm down. It’ll be okay. I’m here with you, it’ll be okay.’’ She was sniffling while gently rubbing his back when beside him on his bed. She grabbed his hand again, tightly squeezing it while getting him to calm down. He squeezed her hand back as his panicked breathing settled more. The sniffling, however, did not. She was glad he was accepting comfort from her though, which meant this was truly killing him.
‘’I don’t want tomorrow to ever arrive. I thought I’d be able to be with Namida forever, making her happy, seeing her smile. . . . but it’s not going to happen. I’m a coward. I’m such a worthless coward.’’ He cried as he dug his fingers through his bangs in frustration, despair glossing over pairs of sapphire.
‘’Hey. I think big bro is one of the strongest people ever, so I think you’ll get through this. You’ve been through a lot since we were kids, even then you went through so much. You pulled through it, so you can pull through this too. I believe in you.’’ Kagura says when looking at him, he hadn’t looked back and stared at the ground when gritting his teeth as tears fell down his cheeks. His grip on her hand became increasingly tight, to a painful extent. He was really suffering right now. She let him hug her as tightly as he needed to throughout all his crying. Which went on for some time.
The only thing she could really hope for right now. . . . is that he really will be okay after tomorrow.
When the next day arrived, Kamui had been mentally preparing himself to see Namida. He was dressed and was just finishing up brushing his hair, making sure it looked perfectly. No hair out of place, since he was obsessive over his own appearance looking perfect when it came to her. She's always on his mind, everything is about her. Even now, as he braided his long, soft strands of auburn hair he was hoping he can make this day nice for her. He took the scarf she knitted for him off his bed, wrapping it around his neck.
Quietly wanting to strangle himself with it, instead of going through with this day.
Instead, he just gently kisses it, taking a deep breath. He'd force a smile on his face, hoping it'll be genuine once he sees her face. But, he'd tremble just slightly and he'd sink his nails into his arm to calm down.
Just think about Namida, just think about Namida.
Kamui went over to the pile of presents he had bought her, wondering if he should've had Kagura help him carry it. . . . No, she did enough. She's always doing way too much. He really wasn't worth the trouble. Kamui kept having all these negative thoughts, it was a never ending spiral with this regret weighing over him. He was still dreading the thought of Namida hating him. He had to push all these thoughts to the back of his mind, and just make this day enjoyable for his best friend. He'll carefully pile all the gifts when carrying them, making sure none get damaged.
He hoped she'll like everything, he hoped it'll make her face light up, and make her smile. His own smile was more softer, and genuine when thinking about that. If Kamui just focuses solely on her, ignoring his negative thoughts, maybe this day would be easier to get through.
Eventually, he was at Namida's apartment while carrying all of her presents. He manages to dig into his pocket for the spare key she gave him, and opened the door. Kamui managed to maneuver and get inside without dropping anything. Then he closed the door, going further inside while carefully carrying her precious gifts all wrapped in my melody wrapping paper.
''Hey Namiiiiidaaaaa ~! ♡'' Out came his cheerful tone, that he somehow managed despite everything the day before. ''I brought you a bunch of gifts, and I really, really hope you like all of them ~!'' However, he paused when she said to wait.
''Ehh ~? What's wrong? Did I come at a bad time?'' Kamui had been tempted to peek past the presents, albeit risky since some of them might fall, plus maybe he came in when she was changing? His showing up was very abrupt after all, no warning beforehand. Nor did he knock since he's gotten comfortable coming in as if he lived here.
