Of course he could not tie his tongue up to stop it from uttering sentences laced with sarcasm, "Good question, it deserves a meaningful answer." At the last statement though, the sarcasm eased up because he was serious about giving her a meaningful answer. "I apologized since you did not deserve that kind of break up, I was angry and it was driving me mad again." Oddly, enough he accepted that he was a crazy person, but he these days, when he finally accepted that he could not get rid of his disease, it seemed like his father heard his prayers. "I snapped and I snapped at you. I never really thought of breaking up with you, even if I feel wrong in the inside, even if I feel restricted. And I'm not like you, logic first before emotion. I'm filled with emotions, my father is also a god of madness, madness was driven from emotions, you see the pattern, right? Well, back to the point, I lose it. I let my emotions drive me. Then there it went a horrible break-up. Now, you're probably wondering why I felt restricted, I have a simple answer to why's that so: I'm a guy who's craving for a relationship that has a foundation of emotions in it. Something sappy. And that has not yet to come. It was not you. That's one reason I broke up with you--actually I'm gonna let you know the reasons..." He wished he knew how to lie un this circumstance, to make it less harsher but honesty was making it easier for him to express what he truly felt. "I feel emasculated too, it seemed like you push so hard to be the Alpha it's--it's I don't know, it's controlling. It seemed like you're too controlling of situations. And we could never be equal in circumstances. It's like you hold the eighty percent and I hold the twenty percent. I'm more of an equalist kinda guy, dude." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Last is I'm not your kind of people. I'm not Jason-esque, sophisticated even if not trying, sometimes I try so hard for you. I always want to be disgusting, just be sweaty and run around the field with a tutu or anything stupid. I wanna get high and do pretend shit for fun. I wanna play loud music and ditch the classical shit. I wanna get used for sex in a good kinda way. I wanna be friends with people like Alice. You see, Fee, I'm like Alice, somebody you solely hate. I'm her kinda people. One who doesn't worry for shit. Yet be responsible when needed. Panic if it was the right time to panic. We're so opposite we can't attract. I'm like an alien. I realized, when we have this lunch together with Jane, Jason, Oliver, Cecily, and Max, that I was the outsider there. I don't belong in that group. I don't even share deep friendship with any of those people except for Max. And she's gone. And Jason. We're not friends. We're more of comrades. Only know the outer facts not the inner facts. I don't even know the guy's story. And I'm even wondering why he doesn't think of me as a moron like the rest of the people he looks at. I'm so tired of trying to be someone I'm not. I thought I was over that, but the truth is I wasn't. Now, I just want to be free. And you don't deserve someone who feels restricted when he's with you. I'm a fucking jack ass by saying this, you're probably going to hate me forever, but it's the truth. It could not be denied, it should be known." He blinked and let go of her. "This is the real Louise Fletcher, Fee, sure I'm smart in certain things like physics and leading, but I'm just a disgusting jackass, who wants to relax." He spread his arms up wide. "This is me saying sorry for wasting your whole time for being with me. I'm sorry I'm not like that ex-dude of yours back at your old school. And our relationship was not meaningless as I dubbed it to be, I learned a lot from it." He shrugged and then thought that was it. He then waited for the worst reaction from her. He's going to face it, he's not going to walk away from it.
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