It felt in a momentary separation, a literal week since their heated text message exchange, made Cleo feel as if she was staring at foreign ghost waltzing around in the flesh and the beauty of Lourdes at tonight’s ball. The disconnection was there. It startled her. With the knowing years of having the younger Howard girl in her life, in the mere separation for when Lourdes went off to Chicago to get her education, they still kept in contact and made the effort with each other. Perhaps, the distance was a virtue to their enduring sisterhood. Yet, as the past few months ticked on, with Cleo having her own suffering at Theo’s engagement to Rebecca and how a chapter she patiently awaited for was going to be closed, it ate her alive. Still, even in her lack of informing the other on what she was experiencing, the best way to handle what was happening in her life was burying it deep ─ just for this once. Rarely did she avoid situations by not tackling it head-on. It was this time where she felt defeated. Although, in the past week, during the time when Cleo was aching on top of the disconnect from Lourdes, Reina shredded illumination back into the stygian tressed female about going forward and fighting for what she rightfully deserved and that was love. While tonight wasn’t the evening to do that, surprisingly enough considering Cleo was never opposed to giving the audience a show, she ‘attempted’ to be on her best behavior after her mother hours prior, in her arrival, ridiculed her about influential figures being there tonight. For the sake of her mother, oddly enough a rare thing for her to even express and give reassurance to her mother, tonight was an experiment to be on her best behavior. Again, she’ll try but no promises.
Whilst the evening was already ticking on, from the hour before everyone indulged their malnourished stomaches to witnessing the show of the Latin Dance Pro Entertainment, everyone went their separate ways once the melody of music boomed through the hall, seeing beaming from ear to ear in mirth expressions as they sang off-pitch to Replay by Iyaz. As the fleeting flicker studied the patrons, in awe of everyone relishing themselves, the energy of her particular positioning was uneasy. A half-a-second observation of Lourdes sent a shiver down her spine. There was more the younger woman was letting on. Yet, somehow, Cleo couldn’t put her tongue on it. It was the first time in a while where she was dumbstruck. “You should be sorry,” she blatantly cut through, deadpanned expression as her hues matched the icy vantage point. Enormous, teeth fractured against each other whilst the fire slithered through, “Never in my entire life did I expect you to treat me like shit, Lourdes. Not like my mother has. That’s why I’m upset. That’s what I’m so fucking hurt.” Withholding the escalating of her range, her unoccupied hand clutched into a fist, using all of her vexations to flow through her body rather than attacking the other. Anyone who reflected either Evelyn or Charity instantly sent her into a spiral of disdain. “You are so much fucking better than my mother and your mother combined. Why are you acting like this? What’s going on with you?” She questioned. Yet, the unanticipated sight of unshed tears filling in the brim made her queasy. It was as-if Cleo was foreseeing her own sister attempting to withhold tears. If there was one thing she despised was tears considering she only cried two times and it was a mere second, it stung seeing another being brought to tears because of her. “I shouldn’t have done it,” she noted through a cavernous sigh. Formerly vaulted brows pinched immensely together, shaking her unphased up-do whilst amber hues coated with a glaze of concern toward the other. Murmuring her next words, which were authentic considering rarely did Cleo ever apologize, “I’m sorry too. I should’ve looked out for your best interest. I shouldn’t have told Reina.”
It had been the most painful week of Lourdes’s life, feeling disconnected from her work and from Cleo. The one person who was most likely to understand her, even the bad and the ugly. But at that moment, Lourdes felt shame clamp her mouth shut. It was the same poison that flowed when she was with Parker in private, the same sort of bitterness that crawled in the recesses of her heart when she saw Jonah in the crowd, like nothing had happened. As much as the blonde haired woman wanted to, she physically couldn’t bring herself to say those things to her soul sister because if this was bad, she didn’t know what Cleo would do when she knew. The fear of ostracization, that Lourdes felt in leaps and bounds all week, was a powerful one. And what was worse was that apparently, everyone but Lourdes herself could see, she was pulling away. Like an addict shying away to choose the company less desirable. It just added to the shame, and in turn, it made her cheeks turn very hot, a pale blush creeping through them and her ears. Her own hands clutched her purse tight, as if for dear life, or for courage.
Lourdes would have said something to Cleo’s accusations. But she was right. In her moment of anger, she had become the woman she despised more than anything. In her fit of rage, she had become her mother, mirroring her temper and willing to cause anyone and everyone the pain she was feeling, or even more. She had always been a little vindictive, but Lourdes swore it was only towards people she didn’t like. Maybe....in her moment of being cornered for answers, she became a rabid creature, with sharp teeth and a sharper tongue and no remorse. She had done that, and caused her friend more pain than she deserved. Shaking her head, the heavy teardrops fell anyways, the tightness in her chest unbearable as the woman opposite her spoke. “I...I wish I could tell you, I really wish. I just...after everything that happened, I don’t know how to, Cleo. Just take my word for it, I had to go. I had to.” Lourdes had never had a problem being selfish, putting her issues and her successes on a pedestal for all her interactions to circle, and this time was no different. Perhaps, in a grander scheme, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but now. “I’m sorry, Cleo. I never...I didn’t want to...I shouldn’t have....” Lies. “....” Her voice quivered through this whole interaction and the tears kept falling, heavy and in a slow stream as she struggled to make eye contact with Cleo. The apology from the stygian haired woman leaves her surprised though, for she knows that she isn’t one for apologies. That’s where Lourdes learned to be unapologetic too, after all. “...uhh...” For someone doing a lot of apologizing, the green hued woman was stumped by being on the receiving end of one. “You did what you had to, and I can’t change that. We can’t change that. I just...I just want things to go back to the way they were. I don’t like this bitterness, Cleo. I can’t do this.”
