Forever, Kaylin @love-kaylin- - Tumblr Blog

Conjunction: Moon, Jupiter and Saturn over Alborz mountain, Iran

Image Credit: Alireza Vafa

Everything I do is to distract me from the fact that things aren’t fine. Every waking day is just finding a distraction that can carry me through the day until I have to wake up and repeat it again. I feel so disconnected with everything it’s almost like I’m not even here anymore. I’m just trying my best to make sure I don’t drown.

I’m scared to move on because that means I accept our fate as strangers and I’d rather be heartbroken than to forget about you.

I’m not mad that you don’t want me, I’m mad that sometimes you act like you do and you take advantage of that soft spot I have because you know in the end, I’m always going to run back to you.

Do you think I could have just one more kiss, I’ll find closure on your lips then I’ll go. Maybe just one more breakfast and one more lunch and one more dinner I’ll be full and happy and we can part. But in between meals maybe we can lie in bed one more time, one more prolonged moment where time feels like forever, while I lay my head on your chest. If we add up the one mores maybe they will equal a lifetime and I’ll never have to get to the part where I let you go. I don’t want to say goodbye. But that’s not real is it?

You see the fact is, she never really needed you. And in the end you’ll find out you needed her far more. Though she loved you, she wanted you, she wanted to see where this could go. She only wanted you to give her the bare minimum, a little bit of effort, reassurance, but you couldn’t do it. She’s use to being left, she’s use to not being enough. And though it stings, she’ll recover.

She’s the kind of girl that comes in with an intensity that you’re not use to, a realness that you’re not ready for. She’s the kind of girl you cut off and then spend years thinking about randomly.

So whereas right now she may not be enough, she may not be what you want. You’ll find yourself looking for her in every other woman that you encounter. So just remember, she only wanted you for your time, your effort, your reassurance. She didn’t need you. She chose you, she just wanted you.

It is so morbid to me, to feel like I have to grieve the loss of you like you are gone, but the truth is you are.

The hardest part of letting you go is realizing that in healing all the really painful parts about us, there were some really good moments too. Some of the best of my life.

So sometimes my heart misses you, but I know who we were just doesn’t exist anymore.

To the man I loved, I thank you. For teaching me what I do and do not want in a man.

So we ignore each other and pretend the other doesn’t exist, but deep down, we both know it wasn’t supposed to end like this

I’m so mad at you. I don’t like this anger, but how can I not feel like this? You were supposed to be my person, the one who stood by me through thick and thin. Here I am alone with so many questions that will never be answered. One thing that I really just don’t understand is how one day you wake up and you don’t love me anymore. I thought we were best friends. What about all of our plans? What about our family? I hurt beyond words, but I’ll figure it out along the way.

I thought losing you would be the hardest thing I would have to go through, but I’m okay. I’m happy that one day I will be with someone who does things just because they love me, or not think what I’m asking for is too much, someone who sees my worth, someone who wants to spend forever with me without it feeling like it’s a chore. And for those reasons and many more I’m relieved, I’m happy.

Relationships...

Relationships are hard... that's nothing new, right?

Not everyday is going to be the happiest day, or the easiest day.. you are going to have to work at it, work with each other, communicate your feelings with one another. And that's what is hard, actually expressing the way the other person is making you feel. Especially for men, they've always been told “don't be sensitive”, or “stop acting like a girl”. But you have to get uncomfortable sometimes to feel those feelings so you can make a relationship work.

If you aren't communicating and just holding these feelings in and you will tire yourself out to the point where you just give up and that's not fair to anyone in the relationship. You might think “well I've been trying, I've been feeling like this” if you aren't communicating it, its a completely one sided situation you are dealing with and the other person might not have any idea you are feeling this way.

And then comes to the point where someone just wants to give up. IF the relationship is worth it, you don't give up as easy as they sounds its not. You have to work at it TOGETHER. Relationships take work and time. Love is hard sometimes, its also so much fun. Loving your best friend is fun.

YOU HAVE TO GIVE REASSURANCE LET THE OTHER PERSON AND LET THEM KNOW THEY ARE LOVED.

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“I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it.”

— Jenna, Waitress (via hplyrikz)

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