Summary:Grim does some interviews to find the perfect sugar dad for him you gn!reader x all boys in one way or another.
A/N:I haven't unpacked my tag list yet, so hopefully this is everyone!
"Grim, we can't afford the bougie tuna. Put it back."
You'd missed it before when you were loading your basket at Sam's shop, but Grim had snuck in the expensive tuna. Now you were at the counter, trying to hide your embarrassment as you told Grim to put it back. Sam gave you a sympathetic smile, but still. You didn't need to add his pity to your plate of worries.
"Prefect, don't worry about it. I can take care of it."
You jumped. You hadn't realized Ruggie had lined up behind you with his own basket full of stuff.
"I couldn't do that, Ruggie, but thanks for the offer."
Ruggie grinned, "oh please, it's on Leona. He said I could get whatever I want as long as I come back with his energy drinks."
You made an unconvinced face, and Ruggie gave a playful wink.
"Trust me, your tuna won't even make a dent in his wallet. I could pay for your entire load, and still be able to pay off my student loans. In fact," he slapped down Leona's wallet, "Sam, add Y/N's groceries to mine, I'll take care of it."
Before you could protest further, Sam was ringing you both up.
And then Grim got an idea. A terribly, wonderful, awful idea.
"There, all settled. Plus now you can afford to fix your windows this month, or…." He looked at the cash in your hand, "well you can fix one window at least. And don't feel too bad for Leona. Eat the rich and what not," Ruggie patted your back comfortingly then left with his groceries.
"C'mon Grimmy, let's go," you said with a heavy sigh.
"Actually, I have something to do, Henchhuman. You go on home, I'll see ya later."
"Okay, but if you need me…."
"I'll be okay! Geeze you get so anxious without the great Grim. It's embarrassing."
You rolled your eyes and left. You would be so proud of him once he had finished though. He was excited already.
"Mr. Rosehearts. Thank you for meeting with me."
Grim primly took out his pen and began to scribble on a clipboard.
"I didn't meet with you. You barged into my office," Riddle said, his arms crossed along his chest.
"I think you will find this meeting beneficial. It pertains to Y/N L/N."
Riddle relaxed a little, and raised a single curious eyebrow.
"You see, It has come to my attention, that Y/N and I do not have the funds to live comfortably. In fact, Y/N is practically starving to death! It has also come to my attention that you harbor some feelings for the prefect, and are in possession of a great deal of funds. Now," Grim dramatically looked up at Riddle, who's face was a shade of dark red. "How do you intend to provide for Y/N?"
Riddle opened his mouth, and Grim prepared himself for the worst, but…
"Wait, Y/N's on the market?!?!!"
Grim turned over his shoulder just in time to see Cater run in, tea tray in hand.
"He's only taking applications from rich people."
"Not a concern, housewarden!" Cater cleared his throat. "Hi, I'm Cater Diamond, and my dad is a banker."
"Oh!" Grim made a note on his paper. Riddle stood up abruptly.
"You only talk to your family on holidays, I wouldn't call that a solid source of income-"
"Yes but I'm a people pleaser, so I'll probably follow in his footsteps. So I will also have a banker's salary."
Riddle turned to Grim in a panic.
"I'm going to be a doctor!"
"Oh please!" Cater rolled his eyes before conspiratorially leaning into Grim. "We both know Riddle. He'll work long shifts, day in and day out, and he'll never come home. Meaning poor Y/N will be trapped in a lonely loveless marriage. Meanwhile, I'll work my nine to five, and be home in time to gift you tuna, and keep Y/N warm at night."
"You think Grim cares about that?" Riddle shoved Cater out of the way. "I'll make time for Y/N. Plus my salary will provide double the tuna for you."
"What's all the yelling about?" Trey entered the room, followed by Ace and Deuce.
"Don't look at them, those three are poor as fuck. I mean a baker? Blech, disgusting," Cater apologetically smiled at Trey. "No offense."
"What?" Trey said, feeling more confused than he ever had been.
Grim clicked his pen closed.
"Thank you for your time. I have more interviews to conduct, but I will be in contact if you get through to the second round."
He scampered out of the room as Riddle and Cater nodded after him.
Grim sat at the foot of Leona's bed as he tapped his chin thoughtfully.
"How can I provide for Y/N, huh? You mean the little demonstration Ruggie gave this morning wasn't enough?"
Grim tapped the pen impatiently against the clipboard.
"Mr. Kingscholar, it is important that you participate fully, or I will remove you from the list entirely."
"I receive a….certain amount of, shall we say, an allowance."
"And how much can I expect from that? I have a lot of people to interview. Please don't waste my time."
Leona looked over at Ruggie, who was folding laundry, then gestured Grim closer, before whispering a number into his ear.
Grim gasped, then hastily scribbled something onto his clipboard.
"We will be in contact with you when the second round of interviews begins." Grim stood up and hopped off the bed.
"Ruggie," Leona snapped, "Ensure my future relative makes it out of here safely. Let no one stop you."
Ruggie nodded in understanding as he escorted a proud looking Grim out.
Once they were halfway through the dorm, Ruggie began to speak.
"Leona has promised me a job with an excellent salary once I graduate. Just sayin."
"Won't he just take back the job if he finds out you're competing with him?"
Ruggie rolled his eyes, "Nevermind."
Jack left his room, and noticed the two of them, and began to walk towards them.
"Jack will make you get a job if you pick him," Ruggie whispered hastily. Grim hissed and sprinted the rest of the way out of the dorm.
"What's wrong with Grim?" Jack asked.
As Grim made his way to his second location, he was picked up by the scruff of his neck.
"Hey! What's the big idea?!?!?"
"Aw little sealie you're so cute!"
"Fu fu fu," Jade laughed next to him. "our boss would like to have a word with you."
"Thank you for agreeing to see me," Azul said smugly.
"I didn't. Your scary twins picked me up and dragged me here."
"You see," Azul pushed his glasses up his nose, expertly ignoring Grim, "We got word that you were interviewing potential candidates for Y/N's future husband. I prepared some charts for you."
Azul pulled out several charts. Grim understood exactly zero of them. But he nodded thoughtfully and pretended to make a note on his clipboard.
"As you can see, my income is projected to continually go up until retirement. Plus my assets will continue to be of value, and my investments will be bringing in money for many years to come. I can safely say, money is no object. Plus, I am an excellent cook. You will never have to eat poor person's tuna ever again."
Grim made a real note this time just as the twins roughly turned his chair around.
"Now that Azul has had his turn, we would like to give our pitch," Jade said with an eerie grin.
"You see, our parents run a certain…. organization," Floyd and Jade shared a grin before turning to Grim again. "Jade and I are the sole inheritors of this empire when they pass. Just keep that in mind."
"Also, people who oppose this organization have a tendency to, shall we say, disappear."
Grim shivered as he made a skull and crossbones picture on his clipboard.
"Awesome. Great. I'll be taking Grim now…."
"Sea Snake!" Floyd shouted, wrapping his arms around Jamil, who had silently snuck into the room.
"Let go," Jamil hissed, wriggling away from Floyd. "Give me the cat."
"Aw, but we were playing with him…."
"It's alright Floyd. I think the three of us have made our point quite clear," Jade hummed, before the octotrio shared a laugh.
Jamil rolled his eyes before carefully picking up Grim.
"Look, Kalim isn't going to brag for himself so I thought I'd bring you here and remind you that this entire dorm was funded by his family. And he will be inheriting said funds."
Grim nodded and made a note.
"What about you? I mean, I already know you aren't getting picked cause, well, " Grim pointedly looked him up and down. "But the other broke losers have tried to participate."
Jamil leaned down and gave a dark smile.
"I don't need money to win over Y/N," eyes flashing red as he spoke.
Grim and Jamil both groaned. It only took two seconds for him to be scooped up by the hunter.
"Non, non, do not struggle. I only wish to prove myself as a proper caretaker!"
Grim had never been so pampered, well fed, and relaxed in his entire life. Rook had provided snacks galore, given Grim the full on spa treatment, brushed out his fur, and was now massaging his sore kitty back.
"Monsieur Fuzzball, doesn't this feel wonderful?"
Grim nodded as Rook continued his massage.
"Just think, you could have this everyday!"
Grim groaned happily as Rook hit a tough knot.
Suddenly, Rook's voice was directly in his ear.
"All you have to do is give me the Trickster."
In that moment, Grim knew he would sell you for this life without a second thought.
But before he could do that…
"For heaven's sake I told you to find Epel, not this rodent!"
Rook immediately stopped the massage, to turn to his Queen.
"Roi du poison! I was simply-"
"Spare me," Vil snapped, before handing a struggling Epel over to Rook. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small card, gracefully handing it to Grim between two fingers.
"I believe you are aware of my financial situation, but should you have questions, you can reach my manager on that card."
Then he left the room with a flourish, and the lingering scent of apple blossoms.
"You know I am willing to share the trickster with you," Rook whispered to Vil in the hallway.
"As if I'd ever share," Vil smirked.
Outside the Ignihyde Dorm…
Ortho stood next to the tablet, holding Grin up so he could see what it said.
"So as you can see from my bank account," Idia's voice said from the tablet, "Money is not and never will be an issue."
"It all looks good," Grim muttered as he made a note, "but I have to say it's a red flag that you couldn't come here in person…"
"Hey! Big brother is just busy with his experiment!"
"Yeah, exactly, thank you Ortho, for being the only one who appreciates genius. In fact this conversation is over. If he doesn't get it, then that's his loss. Ditch the noob, Ortho!" And the tablet floated back into the dorm.
Ortho gently set Grim down. "Look, big brother gets nervous around the prefect, that's all. But I think they'd make a great couple."
He gently patted Grim's head, then floated back in. Grim sighed, made a note about how Idia was a package deal, then continued to the final dorm.
"Small kitten, I am to be king of a country. Not only that, but I have spent centuries curating my hoard. Our nest will be always warm, and my perfect child of man will want for nothing," Malleus finished with a smug grin, as he leaned back in his throne. Then he sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Now you three can make your offers, or whatever."
"Me next! Me next!" Lilia said, cradling Grim like a baby. "I'm not as young as I look, and am on the best of terms with the queen and future king. I also have a great fortune built up! Kay, who's next?"
Silver timidly raised his hand.
"I just want to say, what about what Y/N wants? What if Y/N doesn't like any of us? What if Y/N doesn't even want to get married in the end? Or maybe they'll be just as happy with or without money?"
There was a long pause. Then…
"Silver's father is loaded and will do anything to see his children married and happy!"
"Fa-Lilia!" Silver hid his face in his hands in embarrassment.
"Same with Sebek. And his dad's a dentist!"
For once Sebek had nothing to say.
"Excellent, this looks very promising for you four," Grim nodded scribbling his final notes, "Now to-"
Uh oh. He turned around and saw you storming in.
"Save it Mal Mal! I'm here for my rat," You scooped up Grim, placing him under your arm as you left the room.
"When will we hear about the second round of interviews?" Lilia giggled.
You answered by flipping them the middle finger without looking back.
"What the hell, Grim? I'm not for sale!"
"I'm not selling you! I'm just trying to get you provided for!"
"Please! This is about tuna and you know it!"
"Jack called me about an-"
You and Grim groaned as you heard Crowley call to you both.
"Yes, headmage?" You asked through gritted teeth. You turned and saw Crewel was with him….wearing a bigger coat than normal.
"That coat looks so soft," Grim muttered.
"Yeah," you whispered back. "Wait, headmage, what do you need?"
"I heard your current allowance is no longer sufficient," he gently traced your jawline, settling below your chin, tapping up against it thoughtfully. "How does a little extra sound?"
"Good good, I'm too generous, I know," he hummed and walked off.
Before Crewel followed him, he smirked and patted the top of your head.
He stalked off. You stood frozen for a moment. Grim smirked up at you.
"You know, they look like they…."
"You keep that thought to yourself, Grim."
Tag list-@shytastemakerthing @stygianoir @leonia0 @lleoll @eccedentesiast-sapphic
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