who am i now?
i placed my heart
in the hands of a boy who thought i was his for the taking
even though he heard “stop”
even though he saw the tears
after, desperate and alone
i scrambled for a foothold
and found you.
you were so gentle compared to him
you listened
you stopped when i said stop
when i got scared
when i thought i was back with him
you kissed my forehead
and said, i see a future with you.
you made me learn
that love is not the same as violence
that is all i had ever known.
you taught me i do not have to be afraid
of touch anymore.
you told me, you can’t let that define who you are.
but that stuff takes time
and when you left
you took all my progress with you
i have not yet learned how to be a person without a boy
i needed more time to find solid footing on my own
with you still there.
now i am starting all over again with the added pain
of missing you, too.
