you are enough

be gentle with yourself \ positivity blog \ mod: Fox, they/them \ follows from @palamedeez-nuts \ suggestion blog: @lovenotesuggestions \ this blog is no longer active but will remain as an archive

[lovenotesuggestions]

I’m alive

I’m sorry for abandoning this blog for like 3-4 years. Executive dysfunction just kind of got on top of me and I couldn’t keep up with it anymore, and the further behind I got the more insurmountable it became to get back on top of it. I’m sorry to everyone who never got a reply to their messages/asks. 

I’m trialing migrating back to tumblr after *gestures broadly at twitter* and while I don’t have the bandwidth to revive this blog, I’m proud of the little community we had here and I don’t plan to delete anything. I remember the time I spent on here fondly and I wish I could have kept doing it. Thank you to everyone who supported me over the years the blog was active, especially folks who sent regular asks. 

As a little life update, I am still with the person who I made this blog about - we’ve been together over 6 and a half years now. We moved back to our hometown with our three cats, he’s doing his Master’s Degree and I have a proper grown-up job now. I had my two year HRT anniversary this year, I’m pursuing an autism assessment for myself, and I got really into Dungons & Dragons over the pandemic. 

I hope everyone is doing as well as you can be. Feel free to send updates, I’ll keep the inbox of this account open (though I probably won’t be answering advice asks). But you will probably find me for the most part over on my new main blog @queerf0xx (which currently doesn’t have anything on it). Also basically everyone I followed back in the day has been inactive as long as I have, so I welcome any recommendations for blogs to follow. 

Sending my love to you all,

-Fox

[lovenotereminders]

Reminders for people who haven’t had relationships yet:

There’s no time limit for having your first relationship. Not having had one yet doesn’t mean you never will.

Try not to compare yourself to others. It’s not a race, and other people having had relationships before you doesn’t reflect upon you at all.

It doesn’t make you unlovable - it just means you haven’t had the luck that others your age have had to be fortunate enough to meet someone they click with.

Your value is not based upon your relationship status. You are whole and lovable and valuable regardless of whether you’ve been in a romantic relationship.

You are still young and you still have so much time to find someone. Even if you’re in your late teens/20s etc and feel that you’re much older than others who have already had relationships, don’t forget that in the grand scheme of things, you’ve barely begun and you have so much opportunity in the future to meet the right person/people.

Especially for LGBTQ+ people - it can be much harder to find relationships as a teenager than it is for cishet people because the dating pool is smaller and it can be harder to find tolerant/accepting environments. It doesn’t make you unlovable or mean you won’t find anyone, and your dating history or lack thereof doesn’t invalidate your sexuality.

Other forms of relationship are just as important, if not more so, than romantic relationships. Platonic love and affection are just as important and valuable, and you are not without love just because your love isn’t romantic.

You don’t have to rush into anything because you feel there’s a clock ticking down. There isn’t. There’s absolutely no shame and nothing lesser about you for not having dated anyone yet, and there’s no need to rush or force anything.

You are a lovable, valuable, deserving human being, and your relationship status does not impact that in the slightest.

[lovenotereminders]

You don’t help a plant grow by berating it for not being big enough yet or comparing it to other plants that have grown faster - you help it grow by giving it the water and soil and fertiliser and space and sunlight it needs to give it the best chance of flourishing. And if it needs it, you give it something to lean against to help it grow tall if it’s struggling to stand up by itself.

That’s how you should treat yourself - give yourself the tools and care you need to flourish, and don’t be afraid to lean on other things for support if you need to. It’s easier to flourish that way 🌸

[beamingsuggestion]

your good days will outnumber your bad days – just keep going

[lovenotereminders]

You are more than what happened to you.

[lovenotereminders]

i’m really fucking lonely, i’ve been crying all day. I have been doing so good these past couple weeks and then i got dumped out of the blue. i have friends and family , i just feel so unattached and really fucking sad these past couple days and i don’t know what to do anymore

I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through that. Sometimes feeling distant from people can be a side effect of going through a bad event like a break up or some other distressing event, but it’s usually temporary and subsides as you begin to heal. It’s important not to let that affect your actions, and to still reach out to the people you care about for support even if you don’t really feel like it right now. Even though it’s hard to do, it usually makes you feel better to be around those people and have them near to help distract you from those negative feelings, and support you through this time. You might also find this FAQ for getting over a breakup from my suggestion blog helpful. 

I hope your pain eases soon 💗

[serotoninsuggestion]

there are a lot of careful balances when it comes to looking after urself

like the fine lines between

“i deserve a break from doing homework getting one bad mark isn’t the end of the world” and “none of my grades matter i’ll leave this till the night before and stay up watching movies”

“i don’t always have to look perfectly presentable and made-up and beautiful society places too much value on beauty” and “i’m not gonna shower or brush my hair or get out of my pjs for a week bc who cares what i look like”

“diet culture is ridiculous i don’t have to stick to stupid rules about carbs and calories to eat healthy” and “i haven’t eaten a proper meal today just doritos and chocolate and that’s fine”

“i’m an introvert it’s important for me to recharge by having some time to myself” and “cancelling plans left right and centre and never forcing myself to leave the house is self care”

etc

are very very thin. i know it’s hard but it’s rly important to stop urself from slipping from one to the other - and when u do slip, to pick urself back up and try again

[phoebe-does]

I hope you woke up today knowing that you are special, there is no one else on this planet, in this UNIVERSE who can replace the space the world made for you to be here. The world doesn’t know what it has coming because YOU are made to do great things. Go out now and show the world what you’re made of. No matter what you are so uniquely you and no one can take that from you, no matter how hard they might try. 

[lovenotereminders]

Good days pass, but bad days get better. If you think the best days of your life have gone, you've got to make some better ones.

‘I Climbed a Mountain’ Grace Petrie

[lovenotereminders]

i was talking to someone for awhile. he was the most caring guy i have ever met and it felt like we were gonna be something. i woke up today and something was off and he broke it off bc this girl he liked before texted him. he said “it’s different with her”. even though just a coupe of days ago, he was telling me how much he liked me. my friend is talking to him, what if he comes back? what do i do? he made me really happy and i don’t understand how 1 night can change everything.

I’m so sorry that happened to you - you deserve better than to be treated that way. I think the best thing you can do is to move on; he clearly didn’t prioritise you the way you deserve to be, and even if he comes back, that doesn’t change the fact that you weren’t his first choice and he wasn’t invested enough to stick by you when a different temptation came along. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it just means he wasn’t the right person for you. But you deserve to be the first choice of whoever you end up with, and you weren’t his first choice. I hope your pain eases soon 💖

[lovenotereminders]

Try not to beat yourself up for your mistakes - the best way to make it up to yourself isn’t to punish yourself, but to accept what happened and use them to keep growing.

[anniespositivity]

Remember that atmosphere after a stormy night. Remember how peaceful and refreshed the earth seems afterwards. Your storm will pass, too darling. You will feel caĺm and revived after the rain vanishes. Just hold on a little longer. You are doing so fine; I am incredibly proud of you.

[lovenotereminders]

Romantic love isn’t the only kind of love that matters, and I feel like there would be fewer people who feel unlovable or alone for not having a romantic relationship if the importance of platonic relationships was given more credit. As well as fewer people getting into unhealthy relationships or relationships they aren’t ready for because they’re so starved for affection and think a romantic relationship is the only place to get it. 

Platonic love is so important. Platonic affection is so important. Tell your friends how much they mean to you, tell them how much you care about them, tell them you love them. If everyone’s comfortable with it, it’s okay to be physically affectionate with your friends. You don’t need romantic love to be whole or lovable, you don’t need romantic love to get the affection and validation you deserve. 

[lovenotereminders]

Hey there, I just wanted to get something off my mind. So, my year so far hasn’t been the best but there’s one thing I want to focus on the most. I was about 6 weeks pregnant in January and I was elated. It was unplanned but I learned what my happiness was. But then it ended in miscarriage, and well, that just happens sometimes... Flash forward to April I found out I was pregnant again. We made it passed the miscarriage risk and just found out the gender last week... (cont’d pt 2, sorry >~

(pt. 2) It went perfect, she had a strong heartbeat, she was growing perfectly, I was excited and unexplainable happy. A few days after the reveal her movement stopped. Everyone said that was normal at 21 weeks but I was still worried. We went to the hospital where they did an ultrasound and her heart had stopped beating. Miscarriage has a 30-ish% chance of happening. Stillbirth a 2-3% chance. I feel like something is tying to rip away my happiness. Thanks for listening ❤️ The best to you

I’m so so sorry for your loss; nobody deserves to go through that kind of pain. I wish you all the best, and I hope that if/when you decide to try again, you have a smooth, healthy pregnancy. Sending my love; you and your family are in my thoughts 💖

[lovenotereminders]

Having bad days doesn’t mean you’re failing, or not getting any better. Even the happiest people in the world have bad days. Progress isn’t a straight line - it’s a trend. So long as you’re slowly having less bad days and more good ones, and learning from the bad days about what helps you feel better and what makes you feel worse so that you can modify the way you act, then you’re gonna keep having less bad days. But less isn’t none at all, and that’s okay - that doesn’t mean you aren’t making progress.

[fuckmags]

you can heal and hurt at the same time.

YOU CAN HEAL AND HURT AT THE SAME TIME.

[lovenotereminders]

Self-love is a difficult thing to achieve, and it’s easy for others to preach it but putting it into practice is a journey that can take a lot of time and work and relearning the way that you think about yourself. 

So remember that you’re not failing by not being there yet. You’re not wrong or inferior for struggling with low self-esteem or mental illness that can make loving yourself really difficult. Self-love and self-acceptance is a process, and what matters is that you’re somewhere along that road. Even if the only thing you’ve done so far is take that first step by acknowledging that self-love is a goal you’d like to achieve some day, even that is a massive achievement, and a really important step to take.