Andulka
Xuebing Du
Product Placement
Janaina Medeiros
izzy's playlists!
@theartofmadeline
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Kaledo Art
ellievsbear
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NASA
cherry valley forever
d e v o n
sheepfilms
trying on a metaphor
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YOU ARE THE REASON
JVL
Keni
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
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@lovethyconan
I can’t wait to watch Pixar movies with you little girl!!
Monsters university is so underrated. It was actually SO good, I love the message. That no matter how hard you try, some things are just not meant for you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t forge an even better path for yourself.
“Mike, you’re not scary. Not even a little. But you ARE fearless”
That hitttt
Hello little girl
Up at 5:08 am, that’s a little better. I wonder if one day my daughter will read this. I think it would be so cool to be able to read an old diary from my parents, but of course neither of them kept one. It’s so much easier now.
I’m glad tumblr flagged my old college thirst traps and took them down 😂
You’re not born yet sweetheart but I love you so much 🤰❤️
It’s 3:53 am
Pregnancy has been pretty chill so far but I keep waking up in the middle of the night to pee. Then I can’t go back to sleep and end up wandering into the kitchen to eat cereal (or peanut butter toast or scrambled eggs).
Tonight was a bowl of captain crunch. Yummy but ugh I have work in a few hours. Go to sleep!!!
I know I shouldn’t brag but seriously, how handsome is my husband?? 🫶 🥰 6 month marriage anniversary and couldn’t be happier. Also 6 months preggy - we knew what we wanted and worked fast 😉
Sometimes I wish I were dumber
I had the worst annual review of my career at CW and was so blindsided by it. I’m not sad, but furious. There was no thought behind it, that became clear when I asked for an explanation. And it was not a bad score—a 3, meets expectations. As a manager myself, I know 80% of our employees receive this score. But frankly, even if it were 99%, I believe I should be in the 1% that gets a 4. My work is thoughtful and effective yet done within outrageously unrealistic turnaround times. And I don’t just execute, I advise and influence. For almost 10 years here. I am so fucking upset which I would normally be able to hide but HELLO I’m 6 months pregnant. Fucking cried in front of my boss. Asked good questions, listened carefully even though I wanted badly to talk over him, but when he gave me thoughtless and vague answers I just fucking had it and couldn’t control my tears. Worst day ever.
Just going to leave this here:
INJF
The INFJ personality (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging) is one of the rarest MBTI types, known as "The Advocate" or "Counselor". These individuals are deeply empathetic, idealistic, and insightful, often driven by a strong, internal sense of purpose to help others and make a positive impact. They are creative, complex thinkers who prefer deep, meaningful connections over surface-level interactions, though their intense focus on others can sometimes lead to burnout.
Key Characteristics and Traits
* Empathetic & Insightful: INFJs are highly attuned to the emotions of others and can often read between the lines to understand underlying motives.
* Idealistic and Driven: They are not just dreamers but determined idealists who take action to fix problems and create change.
* Private & Complex: Despite their connection to others, they are introverted and require solitude to recharge. They are often perceived as "old souls".
* Rare & Misunderstood: Making up only about 2% of the population, they often feel like they do not fit in.
* The "Door Slam": While generally forgiving, INFJs may permanently cut off relationships if they are severely mistreated or if their trust is violated.
Strengths
* Creative Problem Solvers: They use their intuition to see the big picture and develop innovative solutions.
* Principled: They are guided by strong core values and a firm sense of right and wrong.
* Altruistic: They possess a genuine desire to improve the well-being of others.
Weaknesses
* Sensitive to Criticism: They may become overly defensive or emotionally hurt by negative feedback.
* Perfectionistic: They may set unrealistic standards for themselves and others.
* Reluctant to Open Up: Due to their complex nature, they may be hard to get to know, even for close friends.
INFJ in Relationships and Work
In relationships, they seek depth and authenticity, often acting as the "listener" or "therapist" for friends and partners. They are highly loyal but need to feel appreciated to avoid feeling drained. At work, they excel in roles that involve helping others, such as counseling, psychology, writing, and social advocacy. They are motivated by personal fulfillment and purpose, not just money or status.
Slice of life pre baby
Glen: *back from TJs with lots of groceries* *kiwi accent THICK this morning* It woz super empty t’day, only like ten people. You nevuh know what you’re gonna get.
Steph: oh nice, will remember that for next time. *a beat* your accent is extra cute this morning
Glen: *puts away groceries*
Steph:
Glen:
Steph: how come you never tell me my accent is cute? :3
Glen: because it’s American
Lol. He was joking, he said he likes the way I say turtle (which sounded like “total” when he said it)
My last post was 4 years ago in Hawaii and I just got back from Hawaii yesterday! So much has happened between both trips.
4 years ago, Glen had taken me on our first big vacation, going all out for our first Valentine’s Day. We had only been dating around 6 months and it was by far the grandest gesture anyone had ever made for me. First of many to come :)
It’s easy to fall for someone when they’re doing things like that. Who wouldn’t want to be with someone who sweeps them off their feet? How hard is it to get along with someone when you’re drinking cocktails on a beach, sleeping together in a beautiful hotel room, and in each other’s arms in warm, beautiful clear water at a stunning beach?
Between then and now, we’ve gone through so much. Like, so much real life. Difficult moments I thought we wouldn’t be able to overcome. We are so different in so many ways. The most concise way I can put it is New York Minute vs Island Time. Ultimately we’ve been able to pull each other to center and have both learned so much from each other. He’s taught me to stop and appreciate the simple joys of life—have a conversation with your neighbor, order the weird sounding cocktail. I’ve taught him to hustle, not be afraid to ask the tough questions, and that having a discussion where our opinions differ does not automatically equate to having a fight. And now, 4 years and a heck of a lot of growth later, we’re married with a baby on the way 🫶
I’m really proud of us for being so willing to learn from each other and grow together. I can’t wait to see what’s next…and to be in lame matching tropical print outfits with our daughter next time we go to Hawaii ☺️
Man, I have not written one of these in SOME TIME but I feel that this is long overdue. One of these entries really saved me, honestly. I have it on private but it was proof to me that my last relationship was not all I thought it was. In 2017, I was miserable. I wanted to be out of that relationship, but I was too afraid to take any action. Until very recently, that relationship had been perfect in my eyes and came to an abrupt ending—but that didn’t turn out to be the reality, and seeing that old, distraught journal entry showed me that. Having that context was incredibly valuable and I want to keep providing it for myself.
So, I started dating him in 2014. He asked me to be his girlfriend quickly after we broke up with our exes—October 23rd, 2014. We moved in together the next month. He celebrated Halloween at my house and met my whole family, and then I met his at Thanksgiving just one month later. Yeah, that’s INSANE. What is more insane is that we actually lasted until July 2020. Though looking back, I can now see the relationship wasn’t all I had built it up to be (dating someone for nearly 5 years with no proposal should have made that abundantly clear), but we had definitely been on an upswing when he ended it. My birthday was in April and I remember thinking that day with him was one of the best ever. We were in quarantine and couldn’t do much, but he got me flowers from Trader Joe’s and made me delicious filet mignon, mashed potatoes, and broccoli—my favorite meal. We dressed up in cocktail attire and had a zoom party with all my friends. It was all I could have ever wanted.
Then, one of my friends lets me know of a beautiful apartment just a few blocks away that is only $50 more per month than what we were currently paying for our rat-infested shithole. We’d be INSANE not to take it. So we signed the lease and were excited for the upgrade.
Then, BOOM. We’re in bed, still at our old place, lounging. I’m happy, and as affectionate as ever. I climb on top of him and start kissing him, as I so often did, even five years deep. I was crazy about him. He seems stiff, and I know something is off…but I’m not worried. I can’t imagine it being a big deal. So I climb off him and just spoon into his arm instead. I ask, “Everything okay? You seem weird.”
I can see him start to panic and I can almost feel my throat start to go dry as his does—his breathing gets fast and he starts shaking a bit. Oh shit.
I think I might have blocked this out because for something so impactful, I can’t remember his exact words. But he breaks up with me. I can’t believe it. I am in SHOCK, obviously. The first thing I ask is whether he cheated on me, because things had been a bit strange. So, he quit his job in January because he was depressed and was unemployed. I suspect this is when he started seeing other girls, since he was home all day while I was at work. But wait! Then the pandemic started, and had me working from home starting late March—effectively foiling his plans to go galivanting with random girls. I had no idea of course. I wouldn’t find out he actually cheated until over a year later.
He immediately said no, of course he didn’t cheat. He said he felt lost and depressed and didn’t think he was capable of ever proposing to me, but he knew that was something I wanted and deserved. He told me this after nearly five years of acting like it was a given. Like, I would see wedding dresses on IG sometimes and ask his opinions on them and he wouldn’t be fazed at all. I needed another e-mail address once for some promotion and he suggested I create a new one under the name “Stephanie Velloza.” Like it was NEVER a question of if we were going to get married—just when. He said he wanted to be comfortable financially, earning at least six figures. Made sense to me. Afterall, he was so reassuring. He used to send me “daily love texts” our first year dating after we would part ways on the subway where he would describe something I did the day prior that made him fall more deeply in love with me, and he would always sign off, “I love you, my future wife.” Just…UGH. I want to say I was stupid for believing him, but it really felt so genuine at the time. I now very clearly see how fabricated and over the top it was. What can I say? Your girl has always loved all things campy.
Anyway, so began my life as a single girl. In my entire adult life, I had never been single for longer than five months. The average time in between was more like a few weeks—that five-month period was me trying my absolute hardest not to jump into anything like I always had. Like I did with F. Ugh. Anyway, this year was fucking HARD and it’s something I’ll probably recount in detail at a later date, but I am so grateful for it. I grew a ton. I cried less than I thought I would, but still a lot. I had always thought that if he ever left me, I would collapse. I wouldn’t be able to move on. I’d lose my job bc I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else. None of that happened—as of today, I’ve been promoted twice. My salary has increased by about 50%. Makes up for the fact that I’m paying all of this rent instead of splitting it after that POS left me alone with the lease we signed 😊
I went on about 40 first dates in the year and change I was single. I would say I accepted a second date from about 10 of those guys, and made it to a third with…6, maybe? Of all of them, only three people really made any sort of impact on me. I will go in order, cuz I’m a chronological queen :D
John—this one really snuck up on me. I matched with him on Hinge very soon after my break-up. I think our first date was early August. Up until then, I had only been texting and going on “virtual dates” which were awkward and weird, and did not make me feel excited for dating in general. After only two of those, I decided they were a waste of time and I wanted to get a feel for in-person chemistry. He was my first date-date, and that week I planned two more after him. But wow, what a start.
He was intellectual, sweet, funny, and absolutely gorgeous. His sense of humor was exactly the kind I always fell for and I thought we could be something. I never thought I would find anyone as good as my ex, but just one month after the fact I already hit it off with an obvious upgrade (boy had an education, career, looks, and very fucking cute mannerisms). This is cheesy af, but I remember my breath being taken away the morning after when I saw him drinking iced coffee at my kitchen bar, shirtless. I was feeling good! I knew I shouldn’t rush into anything but I was excited to keep building something while we both dated other people casually.
We continued to see each other from Aug to Oct but very casually—about five times. But that was okay by me because I didn’t want to be the way I used to be with my ex, and we were dating during the middle of a pandemic, before there were any vaccines. We had to be mindful of not seeing each other immediately after we went on dates with other people who could have possibly had COVID. It made sense and I was fine with it.
He went to Florida to see family for a while and that’s when it fell apart. I blamed myself initially, but looking back now I think it was both of our faults. I overreacted to something minor and he was extremely unforgiving about it. We stopped talking after that. I was heartbroken by my first post-relationship rejection and I couldn’t believe he would be so callous to me after I messed up once.I had an incredibly hard time letting him go, and I’m actually very grateful for that. He’s the reason I sought out therapy and learned about attachment theory. Obviously, the end of my five-year relationship was more traumatic, but my intense emotion around it was totally justified. On the other hand, it made no sense for me to be so torn up over a guy I only knew for three months. I knew something was wrong, and soon learned that I have an anxious attachment style. If I had to guess, I would say he had a dismissive avoidant style, but it is hard to say. He might be fearful avoidant with a dismissive lean and simply just not that into me. Anyway, I kept popping back into his texts every couple of months and he would reply, but the conversations never went anywhere until I tried in April. We rekindled things for a bit and they ended worse than ever. I did learn a lot though, again. I think I made great strides in my insecure attachment. The fact that I was able to stand up for myself and walk away when he hurt me shows that. It taught me that it’s not my job to try and fix people, and that I absolutely cannot make it work with an avoidant individual of any kind.
Bryce—I still talk to Bryce. We’re kinda friends. He’s very fucking cool. He went through a similar experience as me, but maybe even worse. He was with his girlfriend for seven years when she cheated. They had moved from LA to NYC together. He said he was an absolute mess and could think of nothing but his nasty break-up for over a year, so it’s easy to see how we could connect so deeply. We only met up once, but our encounter was the kinda stuff that could fuel wet dreams for like, a decade. We were talking over text for a month or so—A LOT the first couple of days. We had long, roaming, fun conversations. Then we connected on ig and it tapered off. I think IG direct is just not as conducive to long messages as Hinge was. Anyway, one day I was looking though my matches and saw him again and was like, hey. Why not? I messaged him and he ended up coming over that night. I answered the door in lingerie and his jaw like, dropped. It was cartoony and cute. As he later recalled, “I ate you out within 30 seconds of meeting you lmao” We still occasionally have long and insightful conversations, but I suspect we will just become fond memories to each other soon bc of boy #3.
Glen! Where do I even begin? Glen is my boyfriend now, and I couldn’t be happier and more grateful. He makes me feel like it was a blessing to have gotten cheated on, which is saying A LOT. He was a ball of nerves on our first date, which was a little offputting but tbh very endearing now that I know what his true personality is like. I didn’t think it would actually go anywhere, but thank god I was wrong.
Glen is the most emotionally intelligent guy I have ever had a conversation with, bar none. He’s also incredibly intelligent in the traditional sense. He’s a software engineer at Lyft, and has been at the company for almost 9 years. Love me a hot nerd. And he is fucking HOT. He has a wonderful NZ accent, the prettiest hazel eyes, and such a cut abdomen that spooning sometimes hurts at the wrong angle (but nothing a quick adjustment cant fix 😊). He makes me feel supported and beautiful and like I can do anything I set my mind to. One of my favorite things about him is how warm, open, and cuddly he is, and I hope that never changes. There’s nothing I love more than waking up wrapped up in his arms. Physical touch is definitely a top 3 love language for both us of, which is SUCH an important factor in compatibility. Words of affirmation too. I feel like he and I can talk through anything, which makes me feel very confident about our future. As early on as we are, we have had our tough moments—like, we’ve both unloaded bombs on e/o and have already cried in the bathtub in front of each other—but we always come to an honest resolution. Honestly, I think you couldn’t ask for a better foundation for a healthy relationship. If I had to place us both on the AT spectrum, I would say we are both secure with an anxious lean. BTW, he goes to therapy! And like I mentioned before, is very in-tune with his emotions, and wonderful at communicating them. A dream, in other words.
We went on 6 dates before having sex, and though it was hard for me to wait that long with a guy I found so attractive, I’m really happy we did. It was the most gratifying sexual experience I’ve had, maybe ever. And it just keeps getting better. He’s the first guy to ever get me to orgasm via doggy and I legit almost cried bc it felt so good. And we recently starting smoking before sex and um. It’s awesome. So is being on the pill while in a monogamous relationship. Heh.
We decided to make things official on August 14th so as of today, we’ve been bf/gf for two months. Things are still building, and we are going on our first overnight trip this weekend. Salem! Gonna see all the spookies even though he isn’t particularly into horror stuff. He’s taking care of the driving and got us the hotel—a testament to the selfless and loving person he is, which brings out that side in me too. The side I was afraid that I had hidden in fear and would have so much difficulty accessing again. Not so, as it turns out! Happy sigh. My boyfriend is taking me on our first trip, guys! I truly couldn’t be more excited.
I did it, guys! I badly wanted to stay single for at least one year, and I made it. I learned to be my own person. I learned not to get jealous over stupid things. I learned to be more responsive vs reactive. I learned to more effectively self-soothe. I learned to make better choices. I learned that finding happiness in a loving relationship doesn’t mean the work is over. There’s still so much to do, but I feel better equipped than ever to take it all on. For the first time in a long time, I DON’T feel like I was dealt a shitty, hopeless hand. I actually couldn’t feel more fortunate, and I’m genuinely optimistic for the future.
Because a piece of gum told me to
"If he writes her a few sonnets, he loves her. If he writes her 300 sonnets, he loves sonnets"
- my english professor
He said yes. I just think it's funny i preceded my request with a selfie of me trying to look cute as if it would seal the deal
My toaster 🥰 im also happy i dont feel compelled to get dolled up anymore. I always feel beautiful with you.
Random memory
Excited to have finally bought myself a bike, several men who are less successful than me on the merit of both salary and job title condescendingly asking me how much i spent on it 😂
