7 songs of hell, 4 and love
Holding my love tightly, I go through seven circles of hell.
On my way I meet the white monumental abstract statue of your shirt, mounting over me in its bizarre size. White fabric, white horizons… All frozen, all glossy, covering what could be but isn't. There is the pain of winter in my hands that release thoughts into the white field with no direction.
Within me lies the second circle. My companion, the crucified bird that still lives in my chest. It starts singing songs disturbing my sleep. I open my eyes to the darkness. The bird slowly breathes into the silence. It sings so… my bones are cracking.
The third circle of hell chokes me like a bad lover. Reflection of myself on the shiny surface creates a mad partner. Both of us think of you. The bird shakes its wings. An icicle crushes to the ground. Pulling my mad partner by the hair, I hold us down, step on our neck, and forbid us to feel and cry.
The fourth circle is all around me holding me by my hands and feet. My mind shows me your face in still pictures, one by one, by one, by one. My body wants you profoundly. Profound is my loneliness.
Crawling into the fifth circle - I am all fog. Spreading stretching everywhere, vastness. I am embracing everything which is nothing, full of emptiness, empty of fullness. I am the fog that surrounds the frozen statue of your shape, the bird is fog too, and the bird finally dies.
I am in love, the sixth circle of hell.
There is the last spark in my chest, that remained from the bird's nest.
I dare to walk to the seventh.
I dare to walk to the seventh.
I dare to walk to the seventh.
I see you there. I come to you. As I look at you I become you. Your pain is my pain. I look at my hands which are your hands, I sit in a cage with a door opened. I am never good enough I was born this way. I believe to disappoint is in my blood. I blame myself I blame myself I deserve to live a lie. The cage of guilt locks me fairly down. Looking out through the bars of shame I see myself, and you are me. And you feel what I feel, I don't deserve to be truly loved.