lucy in the sky ☆

Lucy Griffith || Medical Ward Patient || Brielle Institute

[lucyintheskyyyy]

|| start//end || a finale ||

It's played out

I've moved on

Get fucked up

My new draw

And it's not right

You're dead wrong

What are we doing?

Let's go home

There's no hope

It's all wrong

Lucy took a circular pink pill, swallowing with only a minimal amount of water to get it down. She used her crutches to walk to a trash can, wincing when she reached down to throw her tiny paper cup into the bin. She sighed and placed a cold palm on her forehead, closing her eyes. Everything hurt and she felt exhausted and sick to her stomach. When the guard threw her in the cafeteria’s makeshift infirmary, there was always a nurse or a therapist on her case to drink more and more nutritional supplement. It ended when she broke down in tears and refused to go on, eventually pretending to sleep. She knew she was being difficult; far too much trouble for the staff to have to deal with on top of whatever the hell was going on with the Institute. The pain made her feel so selfish because she was too exhausted to do anything anyone wanted from her. The painkillers took any appetite she had left, but it was the only way to stay in control. Without it, the pain was too intrusive to focus on anything else, and it made talking to people and walking around slightly tolerable. It hit Lucy that she was at the lowest point in her entire life in every aspect.

That thought made her stomach flop and she held her breath, carefully making her way to the kitchen. When she isolated herself from everyone else in the privacy of the kitchen, she clutched the counter and leaned over the sink, unvoluntarily retching up the protein shake they’d forced on her. She moved her hair and wiped her mouth, crying a little bit as one does when they get sick. Lucy was never the type to intentionally throw up to lose weight, though lately it was just hard to keep food down especially with the pills.

Whether it was intentional or not, it still caused her weight to drop since the accident, but Lucy couldn’t even control that anymore. It pleased her to lose the weight, but she knew that she was ugly. She was ugly if she gained weight, she was ugly if she lost more, she was ugly now. Her body was in shambles, and there was no coming back from this. Even right before the accident, it hurt to walk. She had back pain and muscle cramps, stairs made her chest hurt. Her heart was always playing games with her, and not in the romantic sense at all— purely physically. Her ears were constantly ringing, she was dizzy, or her vision was fuzzy. She was always shivering and her body was covered in patches of what was basically fur.

Lucy shoved a hand into the pocket of her baggy sweats, where she kept one of her pill bottles. Her thoughts traveled to the realization that she probably threw up her last dose, and that she probably needed another if she wanted to feel anything. So in an attempt to shove all her thoughts aside, she poured out one, and then a second for good measure, into her hand. Lucy filled a paper cup from the dispenser beside the sink, then placed both pills onto her tongue and tossed them back with a sip of water. She carefully lowered herself to the floor, keeping her leg extended to keep her hip in relative relief. Taking off her cardigans and sweatshirt, she folded her sweatshirt up and put it underneath the knee of her injured hip, then laid down, pulling the thick cardigan over her as a blanket. The kitchen was quieter, but the ground was just too uncomfortable to rest. The cot in the cafeteria was more comfortable but too loud. But Lucy realized that even if it wasn’t actually loud, the thoughts she tried to push down with pills were still intrusive. After a little while the painkillers kicked in and she didn’t hurt as much, but the thoughts, they were still so loud. Lucy pitied herself at this point. She wanted the pills to make her feel good without trying, but she couldn’t stop making herself feel worse. There was no chance at a happy, healthy life for her anymore. She was nearly forty years old. She wasn’t coming back from this.

With a hip fracture to top it all off, Lucy could kiss any hopes of running marathons ever again goodbye, and that was heartbreaking. A hip replacement meant no running, which was truly Lucy’s holy grail.

She’d lived most of her life having accepted the consequences her eating disorder caused her to suffer from, but her deterioration that occurred over the last year had impacted her life in far more serious, irreversible ways than the ones she had learned to live with. The constant hunger, fatigue, dizziness, anxiety, the lying, even the fainting— Lucy could live with all of those things if it kept her eating disorder satiated enough to quiet the noise that filled her head; but a broken hip and a failing heart, along with the crippling depression it sent her spiraling down... That left her walking on a fine line between life and death, and it was still a life of pain and sadness. It felt clear to Lucy that she would never be happy again. She’d shut out her family to keep them far away from the disease that preoccupied her every decision, so as to protect them from her suffering. She’d lost her job, which was the one thing she’d focused all her leftover energy on when she wasn’t obsessing over food, exercise, or her body and weight.

'Cause I've been looking at the sky to show me where I went wrong

Been looking at the sky like someone was looking down

But it keeps raining on me

And I've been looking at the sky since I was like 5 years old

Been looking for the stars but it seems like they're all gone

And the fault's not ours alone

But I think it's time to go

Lucy waited for tears to come to her eyes, feeling the tightness in her chest from holding back sobs, but nothing came. She adjusted slightly, wincing as she tried to find a bearable position for her hips. The pill bottle rattled, and a lump formed in Lucy’s throat as a thought grew loud inside her head. She hated that her mind went there. But the thoughts were intrusive, and all she could visualize was the image of her pouring the pills into her palm. She was never suicidal before she became a patient, and she realized how stupidly detached she was to the idea of her own death before her collapse at work. She knew it was naive to think she was in control of her illness. She knew it was irrational to think that somehow her body was built to allow for her eating disorder, but somehow she still managed to convince herself that her body didn’t require as many calories as the average human, and that her body was capable of supporting her however low her weight fell. Medically, she knew every principle she personally lived by was impossible. And she taught her patients all of those principles, showing them the exact things she never used to combat her own internal noise. All she was was a hypocrite. A hypocrite living in a dream world where she was special, in a science fiction world where she was exempt from the rules of human physiology. How could a level-headed, well-educated, medically trained, highly motivated adult like her fall for the voice of an eating disorder?

Lucy did an awful lot of overthinking in the recent months, and it only made her feel worse about herself. They’d lead to these gloomy hazes that lasted for days, and those were the times that death entered Lucy’s mind. She’d first thought about it the days following her admittance to Brielle, when her heart failed and she almost did die. She was scared then, and she thought the fear was what she needed to accept recovery. But when recovery didn’t go the way she wanted to, she started to think that it would have been easier if she had died that day. That thought, that things would easier, scared her too, but it didn’t erase it from her mind. Thinking it would have been easier if she had died that day... led to thinking that it would be easier if she was dead. And thinking that it would be easier if she was dead became the truth to Lucy eventually, though it was just an idea until now. Now... now it was the absolute truth, and now she couldn’t think of anything else.

Now, Lucy felt it was the answer. The answer to her pain and sadness, to her institutionalization, to her tattered relationships, botched career, to her burden on everyone around her. She was a burden; a grumpy, sick, dying, weak, stubborn old woman who did nothing to positively contribute to society anymore. She was too old to dig herself out of the hole she had twenty years to dig. Recovery didn’t feel possible for Lucy, but the alternative... it was better.

She was going to die eventually, and she’d accepted that now. But if she let her disorder kill her, it was going to be long and painful. The pills in her pocket, however... Lucy’s nose watered painfully and she thought she might finally be able to weep, but there was still nothing.

Her hand slipped into her pocket and her slender fingers wrapped around the orange bottle tightly before she pulled it out. The brunette looked at its contents calmly for a moment, the pink pills tinted orange slightly from the plastic container surrounding it. She knew how many milligrams were typically prescribed for adults. She knew how many milligrams it usually took narcotic abusers to feel a buzz. She knew how many milligrams made up a lethal dose. Lucy knew her pills, there was no question about it. She may have been a psychiatrist, but pain was still a psychological mechanism. Therefore, painkillers were still psychologically active drugs, blocking pain receptors while additionally producing euphoria. Furthermore, it was an answer to Lucy’s problems, and that was how she saw it.

Her hands shook as she opened the bottle, exerting far too much effort in order to conquer the simple child-proof cap. And as she’d envisioned moments previously, she poured the pink tablets into her hand.

She was never going to recover. She was never going to work again. She was never. Going. To. RUN. Again. There was never going to be a fairytale trip to Paris spent sitting in cafes with cappuccinos [dairy and fat] and pastries [simple carbs and fat] and climbing the stairs of the Eiffel Tower [heart attack, though maybe worth the 300 calorie burn?]. It was a dream, and that’s all it would ever be. She didn’t deserve to be happy after all she’d done to those around her, driven by the anxiety and obsession over food and her body. But she was finished living in agony, too. She was finished. Her eyes were unblinking as she counted up the pills, added up the milligrams. 100 milligrams. More than enough, especially for her frail, damaged body. She was calm for once, as though she wasn’t flirting with an irreversible finale for her life.

She was meant to die alone, Lucy thought, though it did seem rather ironic to be in a kitchen for it. Maybe it even motivated her further. It had to be the right place and the right time if it was going to be at Brielle, because she didn’t wish to be found by any of the other patients, or by her coworkers. Now... felt like the right place and the right time.

Before she could think any longer about waiting, about what if’s and just in cases, Lucy placed the pills on her tongue two and three at a time, swallowing as little water as she could manage to get the pills down quickly until there was nothing left in her palm.

When the pills were gone and she threw away her cup, and she’d sat between the trash bin and the wall for a moment and thought about her decision, the tears finally came. They weren’t tears of sadness or regret, not even guilt. They were tears of relief, and they lasted as she felt her body relax and grow numb, her ears ringing eerily, all the way until her breathing grew so slow that she fell asleep, her eyelids fluttering shut for the very last time.

It's played out

I've moved on

Get fucked up

My new draw

And it's not right

You're dead wrong

What are we doing?

Let's go home

There's no hope

It's all wrong

It wasn’t long until Lucy’s pulse slowed to a complete stop, her weak and tired, abused heart never to beat again. 

[lucyintheskyyyy]

demixrivers:

Releasing a heavy breath of relief and lifting her right palm to run shaky knuckles through her roots, the brunette closed her lips and looked down toward the sink. Nodding slowly, in an attempt to take everything in, the beauty looked back up and spotted herself in the mirror – hazels darting away immediately. She REFUSED to see herself like this. Demetria Rivers was not fucking weak; despite the crack in her voice and the glazed coating in her eyes. “Okay… Good… I heard that somebody is already hurt and being taken to the infirmary? Is that true?” Demi was far too broken herself to see how broken Lucy really was… But she was the staff member in Serenity that helped her amongst all of her shit. Lucy was the first staff member to EVER approach her in the prior hospital and entertained some bitchy ass conversation – she let Demi read her own file, she listened to all of the Aiden issues, she also gave private therapy sessions when Demi didn’t want to go to her own psychiatrist. Demi too, liked to think that she helped Lucy a few times; the pep talks in eating, the makeovers… They were a pair that nobody would have EVER put together and although they didn’t speak every single day, they had helped each other more than the other realised. “Is there a staff member outside? If they let you go alone, you know you CAN come back to the office with me… You don’t have to go back out there and face them…”

Lucy dropped her gaze and looked at the sink in front of her, Demi’s suggestion grinding the gears in her muddled brain. “No... No, there’s no staff waiting. I-I left on my own.” She chewed her lip, considering her options. She could go with Demi and hide from the riot officers, hide from the nurses and the doctors who were far too busy and stressed to keep putting up with Lucy’s resistance and deterioration. But she didn’t want to put that stress on the other patients, either, because none of them signed up for that, it wasn’t their job, and they were hardly mature enough-- much less trained-- to handle Lucy in her current condition if something were to go wrong. “I... I don’t know, Demi. How many of you are there?” she asked weakly, wishing that escape was more of an option for her. There was just no way it would end well for anyone. She could hardly do anything for herself; she was barely strong enough to walk-- though the crutches certainly made it harder. “I don’t think... it’s a good idea for me. I... I broke my hip. And... I-I’m medically compromised.” She shrugged, her dull eyes now glistening, though no tears fell from them. “I can’t put that on anyone... But thanks for the offer. You... You should go, though, before anyone else comes in here.”

[lucyintheskyyyy]

whatsup-doc:

“Can I take a look?” Sebastian asked gently. The question was how bad was her condition? Does she need to be moved to the infirmary? Was it only the hip or her spine as well? Can it wait?

“Oh, they are from my office. Makes it a lil’ bit less scary and hospital-y feeling.” he smiled.

Lucy’s eyes dropped and she let out a shuddering sigh. ‘Y-yeah, I guess...” she mumbled in reply. She drew the blanket to the side, clutching a handful of the fabric to her chest. The brunette took a deep breath; she didn’t want to see the damage, but she couldn’t resist the urge to know how it looked. With a cautious touch, Lucy tugged the waistband of her sweats down to reveal heavily discolored skin over her pointy hipbone. 

At the sight of the injury, Lucy moaned and buried her face in the pillow the doctor had given her. It didn’t look as bad as it had looked a couple days before, but it was still an awful sight.

[lucyintheskyyyy]

demixrivers:

Finally plucking up the courage to lift her autumns away from the tiles, Demetria allowed her chin to tilt as slowly as possible. The SHAME in being met with a riot officer was taunting her but it was a relief to see that it was just Lucy… Standing in a momentary silence, the brunette tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear and lifting her gaze completely. “You’re… You’re not gonna tell them I’m in here, right? Please don’t tell them, Lucy.” It seemed as though the lifeless act that once haunted her body had suddenly fled to frantic. Pupils trembled, darting all over Lucy’s appearance – her JAGGED split ends, her skeletal fingers and the crutches that balanced against the sink. “What happened to you? Did THEY do that?”

Lucy’s eyes darted to meet Demi’s in the mirror when she spoke. She took a deep breath in, shaking her head as she let it out. “What? No... No, I won’t tell anyone,” she promised in a tired half-whisper. Her ears burned red and a small bit of color rushed to her face in response to Demi’s comments, flinching as the younger brunette’s eyes probed her up and down. “Um... What?” Lucy bit her lip and shrugged helplessly. “I mean, no... Kind of?” Her gaze slid over to her crutches that she set aside, assuming the source Demi’s alarm. “Oh, no, this happened... b-before the officers got here. It’s... It’s fine.” It certainly wasn’t fine; it was the least fine thing that happened to her here, but it was her own fault.

[lucyintheskyyyy]

whatsup-doc:

Sebastian looked down and immediately took off his Santa-sack to pull out a fluffy, violet pillow “Sure, there you go. What happened?” he nodded at her form on the cot. 

The moment the doctor entered the cafeteria he instinctively went into his Work Mode™. As angry as he was there more important matters - like people who needed help.

Lucy bit her lip and tilted her head toward her hip. “I, um... My hip is broken,” she explained with a grimace. She took the blanket from him, adjusting as little as she could to free her hand to place it comfortably under her head. 

“Thanks... Where did you find these? It’s fuzzy... It’s nice...” she smiled sleepily, her painkillers making her a little woozy. “So much better than a cold pillow...” she mumbled.

[demixrivers-blog]

EIGHT HOURS… Eight fucking hours she had been sat in that office, with the doors locked and a chair hoisted under its handle. For once in her life, Demetria was starting to understand the meaning of ‘INSANITY’. One of the biggest things she was beginning to question was how much longer her bladder could take. Should she go toilet? Could she make it there? Would she get caught? It was only down the hallway and on the left… Just a minute or two, right? After what felt like the longest mental battle, the beauty decided to go for it. She wasn’t sure how much of Abigail’s BLABBERING she could take. Convincing everybody to keep the door locked and not open it for anybody but her, the brunette snuck off and finally relieved herself. 

With a sigh, she bent over in front of the sink and splashed her face with cool water, bringing herself back up to reveal somebody in the mirror behind her, FREEZING into place as her hazel hues refused to even give a second look… Instead, she let her head hang low, wondering if she had been caught.

[lucyintheskyyyy]

Lucy wiped her mouth, hand trembling as she flicked acidic bile from the corners of her lips. She grabbed at the wall of the stall for a square of toilet paper, spitting into the toilet bowl one last time before pressing the paper to her lips. She coughed, clearing her throat of the disgusting phlegm coating her throat. She flushed the toilet with her hand, feeling disgusted by both the contents of the toilet as well as using her bare hand on the lever. Lucy reached for her crutches, using them together with the walls of the stall to stand up. Her knees felt weak, but at least she had her crutches to lean on. The brunette unlocked the handicapped stall and stepped out, her crutches planting on the floor as she made her way to the sink, only to see Demi in front of her. She glanced at the younger brunette in the mirror, her eyes lingering for just a moment. Demi had been missing for days; she must have successfully avoided the riot officers when they stormed Brielle. Lucy exactly wasn’t supposed to be there either, she was supposed to have an escort. But there was certainly a lot of shame for Lucy in throwing up (even unintentionally), since she needed to be keeping food down, and it was probably the pills she was abusing that made her sick. She turned on the faucet of the sink. Her hands still shook as she washed them, though the warm water was comforting for her frayed nerves.

[lucyintheskyyyy]

nursesykes:

Quentin sighed nodding. “Yeah that sounds like some shit the doctors would say,” he remarked rolling his eyes. Not being a doctor and not having the equipment, the nurse had his hands tied as to what he could do. On top of the place being on lock down, he couldn’t move Lucy anywhere either. “I don’t have anything I can get you on record per say…” he trailed off knowing how much a broken bone could hurt. “But if I had a little time I could probably find something. Hypothetically speaking off the record.” he smirked. Even if it was against the rules, who here actually followed the damn rules anyway? 

Lucy blinked at him for a brief second as her fuzzy brain tried to decode Quentin’s roundabout manner of saying yes. “Um... Right, when you... when you have time,” she answered, nodding her head as a slow, very slight smile crept onto her face. She sighed and let herself relax into the cot with the relief that she would be in less misery soon; however, her minute movements shredded that relief very abruptly. Lucy gasped in pain and squeezed her eyes shut when white light flooded her vision. The worst of it passed and it gradually began to dull, so Lucy opened her eyes again. She took a shaky, deep breath and looked at the nurse, her eyes clouded with tears. “I-I’m okay,” she said in a strained voice.

[whatsup-doc-blog1]

After checking the pediatric ward Sebastian packed all of his fuzzy blankets and pillows into one of the blankets making a huge ,fuzzy, makeshift bag out of it. He threw in some sweets and a few medical necessities then headed to the cafeteria.

So this is how Santa Claus must feel…definitely not jealous.

The officers approached him immediately when he reached the cafeteria. 

“What do you think you’re doing…?” one of them asked.

Doctor rolled his eyes and handed the guy his badge “Providing patients with some necessities you dumb fucks did not? There kids here and, you know, SICK PEOPLE.” he said in his best Doctor Voice ™ even if there was a nasty growl raisin in the back of throat, but Seb bit it back. “Now kindly back off so I can do my job.”

[lucyintheskyyyy]

Lucy opened her eyes slowly, blinking as she thought for a moment about where she was. It was the cafeteria, in all its chaotic glory, with riot officers milling about intermixing with Brielle’s staff personell. There were gruff voices arguing at the foot of her cot, and she lifted her head just enough to see what the commotion was. A doctor and an officer were exchanging tense glances, but the officer walked away with his hands up in defeat.

Lucy pulled her blanket over her shoulder and propped her head up with her fist. The doctor had a blanket with pillows peeking out at the opening of the makeshift sack, and Lucy couldn’t hold back a sigh of relief. She had one pillow, but she was using it under her knee to keep her hip comfortable and now her neck was growing stiff.

“Hey...” Her voice was a raspy whisper, so she cleared her throat before speaking again. “Can I have a pillow? I-if you have an extra one, I mean, I already have one, I just... only if you have enough though,” she said bashfully, her pale face flushing slightly.

[lucyintheskyyyy]

nursesykes:

Quentin waved the officer away as the knelt down by the cot Lucy laid on. He could see the skin pulling tightly as her bones jutted out. He could probably lecture her or accuse her of not eating since Brielle turned to shit, but the helpless look and pain she was in made him save it for another day. “Shit, I can’t tell if it’s broken or not without other equipment.” he sighed shaking his head. “I’m guessing that’s what the doctor told you too, hence the crutches.” Some doctors had stopped showing up to Brielle in general, or stopped taking patients seriously. “Have you taken any medicine today for the pain?” 

“That’s exactly what the doctor told me,” Lucy sighed with a grimace. “And to answer your question, I haven’t taken anything since nine this morning. What are the odds you’re about to offer me something?” She raised her eyebrows and pulled her sweats back over her hip cautiously. At least if the nurse didn’t have any painkillers on hand she wasn’t completely out of luck; though she wanted to reserve what she’d stolen for when nurses weren’t available. Quentin looked almost as exhausted as she did, but Lucy could only guess that it was from all the chaos that had overcome Brielle.

[nursesykes]

“Of course they’re going to fucking be violent you shithead!” Quentin was finally calmed down from his high, though his head still throbbed from being hungover and he was less then pleasant as the officer tried to justify his “excessive force”. “You SCARED them and CORNERED them. I mean, god, are you fucking incompetent at your job?” his blood was boiling and his hands were shaking, whether that was due to anger or side effects of the cocaine, he wasn’t sure. Not wanting to listen to excuses he turned back to the other. “How bad is it? Let me look at it.”

[lucyintheskyyyy]

Lucy gulped and shrugged, her face contorted in pain as she squeezed her eyes shut. “It’s my hip, and it’s bruised really badly if it’s not broken,” she explained between labored breaths. “He didn’t seem to care, though,” Lucy added bitterly, tilting her chin toward the officer that had brought her there. She pushed the pill bottles down her pants gently, letting them fall next to her thigh so she could pull the waistband of her sweats down to show Quentin the injury. It was very nasty, very dark and discolored, and the sight of it made Lucy queasy.

[lucyintheskyyyy]

Lucy has been in utter misery of late, though part of the reason was her own fault. The week before she’d hit a plateau in losing weight, something she’d let herself really go with in terms of keeping track and obsessing over how to get the number lower. When she couldn’t lose the weight, the logical answer for her was to burn more calories. With the gym unsupervised and open to all, Lucy had taken advantage of this and she stepped onto one of the treadmills. In retrospect, it felt like she should have realized it was a bad idea, but in the moment it felt like all there was to do. Running had always helped her feel better, but this time it wasn’t the case.

Lucy should have stopped or slow down when she started feeling weaker, or even when she started feeling nauseous and dizzy, but she kept running. Her vision began to grow fuzzy, and then she actually collapsed, with her knees buckling as she landed in a fetal position beside the treadmill. She came to only a couple seconds later, realizing that the sharp pain in her hip and leg were not a good sign. Lucy had hobbled out of the gym, found a nurse, who found a doctor. But all the doctor had to say was that there was nothing they could do at the moment, so she would have to make do with a pair of crutches.

The thing was that Lucy didn’t need a doctor to tell her that something was really wrong with her hips, and as the pain continued over the next few days, it also grew swollen and dark purple. Lucy hurt in any position she tried to find comfortable, and even with crutches, getting around was a lot of effort. The occasional nurse gave her painkillers whenever they felt like it, but Lucy felt as though she really could not continue to live the way she was. In more ways than one. It wasn’t just her hips; she was done being stuck at Brielle. She was done trying to fix a problem that just couldn’t be fixed, and that was how she’d come to see her eating disorder. But no one was going to let her leave now, especially with her injury. She couldn’t even walk out if she was allowed.

It was getting close to night, and usually it was a lot harder to get a hold of a nurse at night. Lucy knew the medication room’s lock was broken after the other patients’ relentless tampering, so she slowly made her way there. Most things were almost gone, various pills laying out on the shelves and floor. There was plenty of what she was looking for, however. Apparently the younger patients weren’t as familiar with narcotics, which was a little comforting when she thought about it. There was some OxyContin, but Vicodin came in much greater abundance. She grabbed some of both, figuring it would be easiest to only have to make one trip.

Lucy left the room and closed the door behind her, though it didn’t shut all the way anymore. There were two bottles hidden in the waistband of her sweats, and she had to try really hard to not rattle while she used her crutches to get back to her room.

She didn’t make it, however, not before sudden commotion consumed all of Brielle. She stopped, leaning against the wall, listening to the yells and screams that erupted from the first floor. Within a few moments, a hoard of uniformed officers emerged from the stairwell, pointing in different directions around the ward. Two officers approached Lucy, and she pressed herself against the wall, frozen in fear and confusion.

“Are you a patient?” An officer looked Lucy up and down, and Lucy nodded and drew her sweater over her waist, covering her stolen pain medication.

“You’re coming with us downstairs. We’re taking everybody to the dining room so we can make sure everyone is accounted for while we search the building.”

The cafeteria? “What? Why?” That was the last place she wanted to be, and she had no idea what the officers were doing at Brielle. “Wh-what’s going on?” Lucy asked.

“Ma’am, my job right now is to get everyone to the dining room, but someone will explain things when everyone is together.” He put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her toward the stairs.

“S-stop! Wait, I-I can’t take the stairs,” she pleaded. “Th-there’s an elevator.”

“Elevator’s for patients being transferred in wheelchairs. I can carry you. Do I need to carry you? Or will you take the stairs?”

“I’m on crutches, do you really think stairs are a good idea for me?” Lucy snapped.

The guard reached out to pick her up, but Lucy leaned away.

“What are you doing? Fine, I’ll just walk myself,” she said angrily, setting her crutches on the floor and starting toward the stairs. The guard followed her to the stairs, and Lucy went down the first few steps, wincing in great pain every time. The fourth step made her cry out in pain and she gasped, standing on the stairs as her eyes watered.

The officer rolled his eyes and picked Lucy up, completely unaware that Lucy’s pain was more delicate than a broken leg or sprained ankle. She screamed, hitting him with one of her crutches before he threw her over his shoulder. He grabbed the crutches from Lucy’s hands and put them under his other arm. She held on to her pills tightly while he scaled the stairs, bumping her up and down roughly. The pain nearly caused her to blackout, but she’d been taking enough OxyContin to stay conscious through it all as long as she kept biting the inside of her cheek to keep from crying out.

There were beds in the cafeteria, to Lucy’s relief. The officer started to put Lucy down, but she shook her head vehemently. “N-no, please, over there,” she pleaded, pointing at the cots set up on the left side of the room. He hesitated, but did what she asked, and she collapsed onto her side on the cot. “My hip is broken, you idiot!” she sobbed, covering her face. Her hip was on fire, but she knew he didn’t care.

[n8whit-deactivated20180618]

Placing two cold, unearthly hands on the opposing’s face, amber orbs directed themselves to the individual and burned radiantly into the parallel, glistening set. “The aliens are coming to kill us.”

[lucyintheskyyyy]

Lucy had opened her eyes from a nap on the couch in the rec room to find herself staring at the eyes of one of her former patients, who also had his clammy hands on her cheeks. Lucy’s hand flew to her throat as she moved her face out of his hands, and she sat up with a startled look on her face. She took a deep breath in and sighed, closing her eyes again. “Great,” Lucy grouched sarcastically. “Take me to their leader.”

[lucyintheskyyyy]

taraxclarke:

“Not really… but I shouldn’t think it will be too long now.”

“Really?” Lucy raised her eyebrows. As much as she Lucy wanted Brielle to have a director, she realized she was a little apprehensive about the fact that rules might be enforced more again. Her mindset had shifted from even trying to recover into just going through the motions, accepting that she lived at Brielle until further notice. She no longer showed up to meals, and when she did, she didn’t put in much effort. She was eating to survive now, if she could even consider it surviving, and it wasn’t doing her body much good. 

[lucyintheskyyyy]

taraxclarke:

Tara nodded. “It’s pretty hectic… but we’re managing.” Just about, anyway. “Not really. Some are, but uh.. most aren’t.”

Lucy smiled grimly and tilted her head, her hair falling in front of her face. She pushed it aside, taking a deep breath. “Have you heard anything about who they’re interviewing for Holmes’ replacement?”

[lucyintheskyyyy]

taraxclarke:

Tara wanted to push the question again when she said she didn’t know but for now she just nodded a little. “Not bad. Not great but not bad. A little tiring.” The way Brielle was right now drained her a bit .

“Things must be pretty consuming without someone in charge... Patients haven’t exactly been the most compliant lately, I’ve noticed,” Lucy replied with a small smirk. “It can’t be easy. Are people even going to their sessions?”

[lucyintheskyyyy]

taraxclarke:

Tara was distracted and almost shook her head, to give her birth name, but remembered suddenly that she was Tara. God, she needed to be more careful. Slips barely ever happened these days but every so often there would be one. “That’s me. And you’re Lucy? How’s your day going?”

Lucy shrugged, sighing deeply.  “I don’t know... How’s yours, though?” she asked, pushing her plate forward slightly and leaning forward over the table. Lucy was grateful for the conversation; it helped to have a distraction from her own self-sabotaging thoughts. 

[taraxclarke]

“Don’t mind if I keep you company, do ya?” She asked, even as she was already taking a seat across from them.

[lucyintheskyyyy]

Lucy’s stomach sank as the woman sat across from her, looking at her plate self-consciously. It was nearly filled and growing cold, but at least she’d touched it. “Hi...” she cleared her throat and took a sip of water. “Tara Clarke... right?”