Luke's Blog.

Hey so, welcome to my blog. Live and in full color. I'm Luke by the way, 26 year old fuck up and self-hater. This blog..page..thing.. is going to have my thoughts. I think when I die I'll somehow let people know about it so they can get an insight into my fucked up mind. I think someone should know the real me. Why not you, too?   

[lukesmuse-blog1]

July 25th, 2019.

You ever notice NPR hosts have the weirdest fucking names? Like it’s never Steve Smith. It’s like Silvia Porjoli or Chester Chomakeeli or Lackshme Singh or some weird shit. I think some dude is named David Green so that’s pretty normal. But outside of him they have the weirdest fucking names. I think they have a syllable requirement. Like if you don’t have at least 6 syllables in your name you don’t get hired.

Anyways. I’ve developed a Chickfila addiction. No other fast food is half as good quality. Can’t remember the last time my fat ass was at a McDonalds. Chickfila is slightly more expensive but way fucking better quality. Like you can actually see the string meat in the chicken, it’s not like ground chicken solution that every other fucking place uses. Worth the little extra cost for actual real food.

Speaking of which I haven’t been in a Subway in forever too. When I found out their meat was half filler it turned me way off. Eat fresh my ass. And what was that about yoga mat chemicals in their bread? Can’t trust shit anymore.

So that’s about it. I eat Chickfila and Chipotle when I eat out and I’ve crossed almost every other place off my list. Just don’t fuck with it anymore. I’m turning into an old man. I’ve found the places I like and trust and just go there. 

I don’t know what else to write. I was going to delete my first entry because I sperged out like two sentences in, but fuck it. This here blog is gonna be the exception. No polish, no editing. If I act like a retard, the retardation will be sealed here in perpetuity. There’s too much photoshop and fake bullshit out there today. This blog is me 100%, no filters or bullshit. I’m naked to you all and I’d rather it stay that way. 

So whoever reads this, if anyone ever does. Have a good day and make yourself feel good, cuz no one else gives a fuck. 

[lukesmuse-blog1]

you ever think you’re never going to become anything

[lukesmuse-blog1]

July 19th. Muse 1.

It’s July 19th. It’s just another day like any other. I woke up later around 3 PM. I got out of bed, saw my dog ..who cares? Who gives a shit who I am or what I do. I’m just another fucking guy. It’s the truth. The sad truth we all have to face. Nothing we do matter’s in the grand scope of things. I’m just worthless.

I’m a piece of shit, and I really should die. That’s the truth in all this. I deserve death don’t I? My mind’s buzzing and I just keep thinking and thinking and thinking. I want a drink. I keep seeing her face.

Hannah Baker. Why am I watching this stupid show? The fuck is wrong with me? I’m a 26 year old man watching a teen show, and I really like it. She’s beautiful you know, she’s more beautiful than anyone I’ve ever seen, that Katherine Langford. I’m sort of obsessed with her. Her smile, the way her eyebrows move like Emilia Clarke’s. They’re so expressive.

I’m not a weirdo either right. Like I’m not a creep for finding Hannah Baker/Katherine Langford hot. You know she was 20/21 when they filmed that? So yeah, it’s not weird. She’s only 3 years younger than me, I’m 26 and she’s 23. That’s not even slightly weird.

Anyways she reminds me of Kate Winslet in the titanic. She has that fertile blush in her cheeks just like Kate did in Titanic. That sounds weird as fuck but I swear it’s a thing. That pale skin just makes such a brilliant canvas for that blush to be seen. And her eyes. God, her eyes. They’re like little daring stars that prance about her face like twin-chariots.

It’s so hard to un-marry the actress from the character, and I know Hannah Baker isn’t real, but if she was maybe I could’ve saved her. Who am I kidding? I was so fucking awkward in high school just like I’m awkward now. I hated myself just as much now as then. I would’ve never talked to someone as beautiful as her unless she talked to me first and then where would I end up? Probably the same place as Clay.

Speaking of Clay, holy fuck he’s so fucking frustrating. I love the character but every fucking time he’s about to kiss her and doesn’t it makes me irrationally angry as fuck.

And this is coming from someone that loves his character and loves the actor (Dylan Minnette). Like I’m on his side. I’m rooting for him. But fuck me… every time he almost kisses her and doesn’t it makes me grip my fist and want to punch a wall.

Why is this teen show getting to me like this. I’m 26 holy shit, grow up. But I love it. I’m not going to stop watching. You know I saw her suicide scene, the real one? Yeah I saw the one where she actually slits her wrists and all that. It was fucking intense. Jesus christ it was insane. Why’d they remove it from the show? You should show how awful and unromantic and crazy suicide is. And they showed the parents finding her and her mom holding her corpse.. how the fuck can you remove that? It’s censorship and anti-artistry and just.. the worst.

Anyways I’ve watched 6 episodes so far. Episode 7 is next. I’m gonna stop this post here. It’s been a stream of consciousness, and I think the rest of them will be too. It’s more honest that way.