𝖆 𝖘𝖙𝖚𝖉𝖞 𝖔𝖓: life after death. child exploitation. masking trauma. letting go. vengeance at any cost. forced salvation. martyrdom. a venture into the unknown. blue, and terrible, and blue. child experimentation. victimhood of science. unrivaled loathing. no place to call home. the effects of prejudice. refusal to be known. starved for attention. hatred as the sole witness. the lone survivor. chaotic good. ever - present façade. stooping low. detestation of joy.
a private , selective VANITAS of mochizuki jun's VANITAS NO CARTE . sporadic activity . canon divergent . headcanon heavy . may contain nsfw content . minors , zionists dni . founded january 11 , 2016 . remade october 25 , 2025 . prophesied by eevee , 27 , he / she / no they . affiliated with lunouge .
hello! this is an independent, private, and somewhat selective roleplay blog for vanitas of mochizuki jun's vanitas no carte. this means that i will only interact with mutuals. it's also heavily canon divergent, meaning that i will take lots of liberties with their story! this is a temporary rules page. please only follow if you are 18+! i will not write with muns who are minors.
i want it to be clear that i very rarely follow people first. im shy and forgor a lot.
i also do something a bit different from how others treat their blogs. affiliates and mains are considered part of vanitas's canon. if said persons character is mentioned, im specifically referencing that blogs portrayal. please talk to vanitas about them!
o2. don't follow if.
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i won't tolerate any sort of bigotry here. If you're a "proshipper," a homophobe, racist, transphobe, etc. you will be blocked. the same goes for people who continue to support these people. if you ship kaeluc, yaeyato, sunrobin or kamisatocest especially or knowingly support or interact with those that do, you will be blocked on sight, i hate you, it is 100% personal. i do NOT give a fuck if you're "neutral" on it, its still terrible.
do not misgender me or my muse, vanitas uses he/they pronouns (no she despite being genderfluid as he is genderfluid between masc or no gender leaning labels and not feminine labels) and if you do you will be blocked. (i only ask that you try your best. i won't block you for making a mistake here and there.)
o3. drama.
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please don't bring stupid drama on the dash. calling out racism and the like isn't "drama," and i will warn everyone now that i am pro-callout, but i don't really want to see pointless vagues that give people anxiety. i do not call people out unless they're next to the worst person on earth, but if others are racist especially or any other terrible thing and get called out, i WILL reblog it. this is your warning.
o4. activity.
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i have a chronic medical condition. it may take me a while to reply to you, as i won't write if i'm not feeling well. i'm also autistic and bipolar, so writing also depends heavily on my moods, energy levels, time, and other, similar things. if i haven't replied to a thread that you would really like a reply to, you are welcome to remind me up to twice. please do not ask me about it more than twice (unless we're close friends) as this will make me feel pressured and rushed and i will block.
o5. shipping.
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vanitas is gay and that may come up here and there in threads. they are also trans. i am single ship with @lunouge, my best friend touya's noe.
o6. closing.
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i don't send in passwords, but if i follow you, i promise i've read your rules. i do not get dupe anxiety, so other vanitas blogs are free to follow (please i love dupes please write with me). i block extremely liberally so if you're blocked feel free to ask to unblock.
please tag asphyxiation, images of insects/spiders, sexual assault/csa, and body horror. you can tag these individually or use my catchall, "eevee don't look". if i remind you more than once and you continue not to tag it, i will block.
my icon border was commissioned by touya @midokai as well as my psd! (mobile header/dash icon and pinned post were made by me using said psd) i usually format and use icons because i like to, but you don't have to format anything with me, and i may drop some of the formatting if i'm feeling lazy. art credits
❛ i brought you soup . ❜ they are considered by many to be the worst doctor on earth , yet a doctor he is . even though he specializes in vampires , that doesn't mean he doesn't know the general practice as well . ❛ i dissolved an antibiotic into it , so you shouldn't have to taste medicine or deal with swallowing pills . just in case . i know some people can be . . . particular about how they take them . ❜ they hand the bowl over from arm's length . no use getting sick as well , after all , and he hardly wants to have to spoonfeed them . ❛ did you have any other symptoms ? ❜ / @midokai .
an honorable way of thinking, surely, one even he’d subscribed to, eons ago, ‘fore the existence of a certain individual had rewired his mind from the inside out—— what feels like an eternity ago now. ( because as sappy as it was, love had changed him, this is the truth. ) to be so against something so inexplicably … unique was outrageously pitiful / they don’t know much about his upbringing, know far less about his intricacies &͟. the reasonings ‘hind all those odd mannerisms he takes on in regards to living &͟. perhaps they will never know: what they do know, however, is that he must be miserable, just like they had been. ( a songbird trapped within a tarnished cage, though entirely by fault of their own. the cage is always seemingly opened, he must merely take flight, without fear of the unknown. ) ❝ i don’t think love makes you weak, ❞ weak in the knees maybe but beyond that … a mere sign of one’s humanity, above all else. ( normal. ) ❝ though i do understand the … fear of having someone else to worry about besides yourself, ❞ not that he hadn’t already experienced that before jack, when he’d already had cannoli to worry about. ( she’d been taken hostage once / he’d learned his lesson &͟. delved into a spiraling obsession after that, never leaving her unattended. a dirty move, truly but even he had utilized far from ethical tactics against others during his time as a leader. he has no room to speak. )
❝ but—— ❞ a blink, silence &͟. finally, the gradual growth of sly simper ‘pon their face. it’d been so long since he’d last had his hair combed by someone else. ( he wonders if his sisters are still doing okay, now that he’s no longer affiliated with the religious order. ) ❝ regardless, i hope you know you can always talk to me about it. i just don’t think denying it will do you any good. ❞
❛ it isn't about worrying about people . ❜ not entirely , at least , though it is true that that sensation of constant fretting is enough to make him feel sick . they frown , hands accompanied with the untangling . the more pressing matter is , of course , the fact that he's become their weakness . if it comes down to killing him , he's not sure that he can do it . that fact is terrifying . ❛ it is weakness . it makes you weak . for most people , it's okay to be weak . . . but not for me . if i'm weak , then i won't survive . if i give myself something to protect , then i'll throw myself in harm's way to keep him safe . and then i won't fulfill my goals if i die . do you understand , n ? love is a death sentence . love is the last drop of arsenic in the poisoned tea of a tyrannical noble . i can't afford to die yet . i can't afford to love someone . and even if i could , i am not worthy . ❜ the comb stills for but a moment . ❛ and besides . . . i quite like freedom . ❜ no . he despises it . they despise the ‘ alone ’ that they call freedom . there is nothing worse than solitude . ❛ then i don't have to answer prattling inquiries about my past or chase him down when he gets lost in the city . the life of a couple is not for me . ❜
he continues again , silent for a long while . matters of the heart always seem to turn the enigmatic vanitas into a flustered mess , but now he is only looking to process it . they know that they can always speak to n about anything , but whether or not they do is another matter entirely . he doesn't speak to anyone , after all . even this so - called love interest of his knows the bare minimum , only that which he has been made to know out of pure necessity . he doesn't like to talk about themselves , after all . ❛ i know . but . . . i have to try . i can't give in . it's too dangerous . ❜
❝ you really want it to be a disease, don’t you? why are you so in denial of the truth? ❞ because love won’t kill him, at least not the sentiment itself—— actual ailments will, ones that disrupt one’s health &͟. not something as mundane &͟. natural as an innocent crush. he’s been there, done that, recognizes the frantic behavior all too well because he also seemed like a chicken, running around with its head cut off, when he had yet to confess his truest &͟. most sincere emotions to the object of all his debilitating adoration. ( ever a fond memory, even now, a recollection of thoughts that brings a grin to mien &͟. a soft flush, though he’s quick to shake it off, both literally &͟. figuratively. now is not the time to get caught up on the concept of his love interest when this discussion had been brought to fruition solely to assist his companion with his woes. ) ❝ don’t you think never seeing him again is … excessive? ❞ &͟. how exactly are they going to manage that anyway, when he knows good &͟. well that it’s easier said than done / he had decided to follow this method once upon a time &͟. … what they say is true, absence makes the heart grow fonder. there’s more they want to say, a plethora of comments but he’s stunned into silence once he feels that grasp, an action that rips a startled noise from their person.
❝ hey! i’m trying to help! i have a date later and you're going to mess up my hair! what’s your issue? ❞ what isn’t their issue? hell, what isn’t wrong with them at any given time? ❝ it’s okay to love someone! the sooner you realize it the better you’ll feel! ❞
❛ no , it's not ! not if it's me ! ❜ it's not intended to garner sympathy , but a true , lingering thought they've considered immutable for many years . if he's in love , it's weakness . if he can't kill that brat at a moment's notice , they may as well lay down and accept death now . for so long now , he's accepted only survival as a way of life , and would do anything in the world to ascertain it . love is a problem , and they cannot accept having a weakness - when they let go of his head , he shudders in dramatic response to the idea , pulls his arms into himself with a grimace . ❛ i won't feel better . the more we talk about it , the more i feel it , the more i want to explode ! there's no saving me if i'm weak , n ! ❜ their willingness to do anything in the face of death has always been their driving force , the thing that sets him apart from those that would do him harm . they've always relied on that , so to accept that pathetic yearning in their heart is too much to bear .
❛ your hair is fine ! you can just brush it again ! ❜ his face contorts , then relaxes with a sigh . ❛ fine . i'll fix it for you . come here . ❜ a comb is pulled from a bag he keeps with him . luna had always said that they were like a parent , always worrying over their charge . he's not doing himself any favors in the department of denying that now . ❛ you'll be fine . ❜
❝ you knooow ... i'm not always one for games of chance, but something tells me sticking with you will turn out interesting enough that it deserves an exception ... ❞ seriously, who even greets a stranger like that? what a weirdo — he likes them already. ❝ so, what's the jackpot? don't leave me in suspense, now. ❞ in other words, WHAT are they stealing?
❛ then you've got the right idea of me already , my new friend ! ❜ his laugh resounds , and then it strikes him that maybe he is far too loud to steal without getting caught for very long . ah , well . ❛ the jackpot is anything and everything ! they're giving everything for free if you can outrun security , so why not take advantage of such an incredible discount ? ❜
sigh... I miss vanitas. that guy was something. (turns my head) GASP 🫵🏾 VANITAS?!!! WOAH
a smirk covers his features , one hand on a hip . ❛ now , that's more like it ! i am full of personality , after all ! ❜ and so many people call them pretty , even behind their back ! well , the exact words are pretty annoying , but they're known for using things out of context to his advantage , so it's really nothing new . ❛ fret not , i'm right before you . you needn't miss me any longer . ❜ his loud , signature boisterous laugh . ❛ i'm here to save you from your boredom , my underling ! all you need do is bow and speak your prayers to me . ❜
majority of their prattling goes in through one ear &͟. straight out the other, fixated instead on much more elusive concepts than the usual mundane blabber he has become accustomed to disregard—— always something less engaging than the ongoings of the paris streets / many a stray cat or dog to prioritize o’er his traveling companion. there is intent to remain silent for the most part, to not acknowledge but a word that spills from vanitas’ mouth, as per usual, merely staying vigilant for murr’s eventual return. ( he’s taking far longer than usual, it’s mildly concerning. ) that’s the plan but the mention of a gift is enough to rip lilac gaze from nearby bushes in one quick motion, nonchalance blooming into ebullience posthaste—— oh?! ❝ … for me? what’s gotten into you today? did you hit your head? ❞
❛ . . . oi . you're supposed to be grateful , you unappreciative brat . ❜ a brow lowers furiously . ❛ if you're going to act like that , then you're not getting it . i'll keep it to myself . forever ! ❜ he sticks his tongue out at him , then kicks at his shin a few times for good measure . ❛ take that ! and that ! and next time , say thank you , like a normal person ! ❜ but the kicks lack enough strength to cause any damage . ( ah , i've grown weak when faced with him . )
❛ don't misunderstand , my dear noé . i want you to be able to suck my blood , too . but you know why you can't . ❜ it would be a different story if he could choose not to see memories , but , well . . . ❛ but . . . i did bring a gift for you . no more than this , okay ? ❜ a vial of blood , since he'd mentioned that the most he might see is fragments of emotions once it has left their body . ❛ now be grateful , and never ask again , and tell everyone about how kind and chivalrous vanitas is henceforth . ❜ / @lunouge .
" hm ? oh -- i didn't even see this. " taiyou looks down at the foreign object lodged into his side -- something small yet sharp, enough to puncture through skin. alas, he seems to just take it out with relative ease, tossing it aside, followed by remnants of his blood, without a care. he casts a dismissive wave. " haha, don't worry about what just happened, i can just cauterize the wound later. "
their expression contorts . this guy . . . can't possibly be real . ❛ uh . . . you do realize that i'm a doctor , right ? you wouldn't cauterize a wound that small , basic first aid will do . . . let me at it . ❜ he does specialize in vampires , of course , not humans , but what doctor worth their salt doesn't know first aid , regardless of specialization ? he pulls from his belt their bag of medicines and supplies , and steps forward with antiseptic in hand . ❛ may i ? before you get infected or something . or bleed out because you didn't leave it in . . . ❜
❛ you look like someone with nothing to lose ! come on , let's go gambling ! ❜ by which they mean , ❛ let's go steal things until we get caught ! ❜ / @heimskringlas .
it’s as if it’s only him &͟. murr ‘gainst the world, despite the relentless onslaught of swats in attempts to cause him serious harm—— his ever so special persian cat, his brutality notwithstanding / held high up in the sky, regardless of the horrendous lighting, what with the rays of the everlasting sun shrouded by the gloominess of the clouds. it might rain soon, or so it appears &͟. yet he intends not to move a single muscle ‘til the image of his feline, dressed like this, is forever burned into his memory, seared into every thought &͟. every crevice of his mind. how uncharacteristic of vanitas to be this outwardly thoughtful, for once in his life. now that he thinks about it … huh.
lavender gaze is ripped away from the cat that continues to be held skywards, though this time his expression is not one of unbridled ebullience but rather slight concern—— head tilted to the side much like a dog, the angry caterwauls that fall effortlessly from murr’s mouth easily ignored for a far more urgent matter. they must be delirious with some sort of sickness, that must be it! &͟. so he lowers the feline down, releases his grip only when all four paw pads touch the ground &͟. once murr has fully bounded away, fur bristling, does he direct his full attention unto the other, like he’d intended from the start.
❝ ah, ❞ even their cheeks are flushed, like they would be if someone were experiencing a fever—— every word that falls from their mouth is ignored in favor of his own analysis, the knitting of brows, the growth of frown &͟. a lean forward, in order to inspect the other’s features much more close &͟. personal. he doesn’t look sick but what else could possibly explain this phenomenon? ❝ may i touch you? ❞ a pause. ❝ your forehead i mean. do you feel hot? do you think you might be suffering from some sort of sickness? ❞
a quiet , eek ! escapes him as he draws closer , instinctively reeling back . ❛ maybe . . . it would explain a lot . ❜ and the thought crosses their mind - if he is sick , will his companion take care of them ? their heart pounds in their ears , then - ❛ go ahead . make sure you feel my cheeks , too , they feel warmer than makes sense if i'm not . ❜ vanitas may be guilty of ulterior motives , but there's also a lingering hope nestled somewhere in there . ( maybe he can chalk it up to some illness and put it all behind him . )
they press forward , take his hand in their own to settle it against his cheek . before he knows it , he presses in , nuzzles into the touch , however he may have initiated it . they realize for the first time just how much they've missed the feeling of warmth of someone's flesh on their own , someone that he truly cares about . how long has it been since he had someone that he cared for ? someone that he worried over , and enjoyed his time with ? their acquaintances have been just that - acquaintances , at most , for many , many years . maybe they're only imagining it , a depth elongated by the refraction of water and the reflection shown there . or maybe this is something more , something he hasn't allowed himself to feel in many years .
a memory swims in the background of his brain , another line of wise words by luna , telling them to open their heart to those around them . never close your heart , and you will be surrounded with love forever . he can't help the tears that well forth at the thought of them . luna . . . would you be proud of me if you saw me now ? would they be disappointed ? there's no way to achieve those answers now . there's nothing to do but sob into noé's hand , plagued by the thought of him .
❝ if you really want to do something for me, then stop making this scene right now. ❞ >:p
the comment reminds him of his father , back when they'd travelled with that troupe , before the chasseurs , before the lab , before luna . the memory makes them choke up the tears they'd been faking . he knows better , and it's showing , but now there's a tinge to that false emotion that is undeniably real . ❛ what would you know ? go back to eating your food and just ignore me . ❜
❝ i’ve been here the entire time. you just didn’t see me. ❞ :>
❛ good god , n , announce yourself next time ! ❜ after a scream , unbefitting of such a suspicious and enigmatic person as vanitas . their hands are pulled close to their chest , gaze wide with shock . he was talking to himself as he so often does , all with the idea that nobody was there to listen , and yet . . . ❛ how . . . how much did you hear ? ❜
❝ i’m not so sure about this. i had to go to the emergency room after last time. ❞
❛ you don't trust me ? ❜ he pouts , pushing him from behind . then , a thought occurs to him , and that pout turns into a mischievous grin . their face settles on his shoulder , leaning into him , just to tease . ❛ but if you do , i'll do anything you want ! anything at all . i'll even tell you a secret . just one , though . all you have to do is earn it for me . ❜
❝ let’s not think about what i want. how about we go anywhere you want .ᐣ ❞ teehee
❛ anywhere . . . i want ? ❜ there's a pause , a brief lapse of understanding , where their bright blue eyes shift to the ground , then back at him . ( he can't keep eye contact . it's been too much for a very long time , now . ) i want you to pick ! i want to go where you want to go ! they wrack their brain for a solution , some roundabout way of getting him to just say where he wants to go already . ❛ okay then ! guess where i'm taking you ! ❜ he points a finger at him with a grin . ❛ no cheating ! you have to guess . ❜
