LUPTHI

Make amends for all those you are going to kill - writer

[lupthi]

Think of me fondly 2.0

You tell me about the day you had, you fell asleep while telling me how exhausting and fun it was. I haven't slept a bit. Exhausting but fun. I'm nobody to the people around you. I push myself off the bed. I hit my head on the sideboard on my way down. Was _that_ intentional? Even I don't know anymore. I cry out in pain, so loud that you wake up. "Why did you push me like that?" I ask you. In your half-asleep state you are confused. I lie to you. "I was only trying to kiss you and you pushed me." In your innocence you believe me. You brush off the streak of blood running down my cheek. In my twisted narcissistic self I play with your guilt like a Ken Doll. I burn your love like a Candle. The nights are endless for me My Love, but I'm nothing you can't handle.

[lupthi]

Think of Me Fondly

And when you call me angel, the whole heaven falls on me. And when my vision gets blurred and world goes dark with your hands around my neck, when I'm at your mercy, is where I count synonyms to Euphoric. I've been a kleptomaniac of hearts but Yours Darling, I shall earn. May whoever commanded my damnation, may whoever made me the Queen of Hearts, bring you to a Utopia where you'd forever hold me in your thoughts.

And when you call me angel, the whole heaven falls on me. And when my vision gets blurred and world goes dark with your hands around my neck, when I'm at your mercy, is where I count synonyms to Euphoric. I've been a kleptomaniac of hearts but Yours Darling, I shall earn. May whoever commanded my damnation, may whoever made me the Queen of Hearts, bring you to a Utopia where you'd forever hold me in your thoughts.

[lupthi]

Angel,

Kneeling and begging before an Angel of the Lord can't be a sin, right? Even if you are not sure why you are so desperate, why you are coming back to the same point, again and again, over and over, it can't be a sin to prey for an Angel, right? right..? And I should give up trying to buy miracles when I'm already given one for free. And I should give up pushing things on to thin ice like I always do..

[lupthi]

"The original sin is not the one I commited first, but what I commit the most often, and oh my beloved if it aint thinking of you ;)"

[lupthi]

When I came back, everybody was seated. Nostalgia was pouring tea in my cup. I smiled at her. One of those old speakeasy songs were playing in the background.

The Grimm reaper accused Death of cutting my lips.

"Oh no" I laughed. "It's the color of the March and Memories". I could see the blood red lipstick had stained the porcelain tea cup. You touched my gloved hand under the table. A victorian earthquake in my heart! I drew my hand back and you looked down. Oh My Darling, you are so adorable. I removed my laced glove and placed my hand back on yours. A secret smile. 

Cherries on the table, glowed in sweet. I impale one with the heel of my glass slipper. Wait, I'm on the table. 

Dance with me?

[lupthi]

How have I

Because you are the storm and the clear sky. Because I have so much to tell you but my words stutter when I’m with you. Because there’s so much I want to get out all at once so they come out as gibberish. Because you give me butterflies just by coming into a room, but calms me down when you sit next to me. Because I can’t look at your face and not cry. Because I can’t help but stare at your face. Because you kill me with just a touch of your skin. Because you contradict everything in my godforsaken life. Because…

Because as much as it hurts to love you, it hurts too much not to.

[lupthi]

How Have I

Because you are the storm and the clear sky. Because I have so much to tell you but my words stutter when I’m with you. Because there’s so much I want to get out all at once so they come out as gibberish. Because you give me butterflies just by coming into a room, but calms me down when you sit next to me. Because I can’t look at your face and not cry. Because I can’t help but stare at your face. Because you kill me with just a touch of your skin. Because you contradict everything in my godforsaken life. Because…

Because as much as it hurts to love you, it hurts too much not to.

[lupthi]

Black Heretic

The entire field was lit up red like the forest was on fire. It was just as Camille described. Its legs looked like a spider taller than a two story building and where its body should have been, stood this giant ruby structure in the shape of a rose bud. It was still on the other side of the field and we were holding our breath mainly because of its beauty we couldn't comprehend with just one look and partly because we knew what danger hid behind it. 

What's creepy was that the monster didn't make a sound and what's creepier was how fast it moved, it was unnerving. It charged at the two guys and Julliard pulled back the chain, screaming. Luke leaped from the ground and landed a shot in another leg but quickly went flying being hit by the monster. We all charged at it again at once. 

[lupthi]

How so very romantic of you to haunt me without dying.

AtticSalt

[lupthi]

I’m drained of sorrow and robbed of bliss. I’m a blank slate. Colour me like one of your French girls.

[lupthi]

Once I was done with the world

And I know, I am, happy now. But once in a while sadness bleeds through the cracks of my broken soul that I glued back together once upon a time. And I say I'm the Queen of Hearts. But sometimes I still follow the white rabbit into the afterlife.

My Beloved, Once I was done with the world. By then I had succumbed to the coldness of the night. I have seen the moon die, over and over again, over the edge of tomorrow I wished would never come to taunt me for another miserable dawn to dusk. My Beloved, Once I was ready to leave. I was just waiting for a beautiful circumstance to steal me from the world. I have seen the fireflies cry over a forget-me-not flower left by a lover, whose name which no one could remember.

When I write, can you see, beneath all the thwarted twisted morphed fantasies, that I'm still alive? Can you feel the pieces of me clinging to life, trying to breath, because of you?

what more can I ask of you...

[lupthi]

WhiteNoise

I'm back in my corner, a thousand miles away from everything anyone would call 'the reality.' The taste of tears, the taste of blood, the weight of the utter monolithic guilt is fading away, washing away, taking everything I am away from me. But that's okay. I wish I could tell you, that when I say deliver me unto heaven,  I'm saying you are the angel that saved me. I wish I could say, that when I say you steal my words,  I'm saying you render me speechless just by being there. I wish I could say, word by word, but that's not poetic. The beauty is in the words unsaid. But Darling, how can I not write. I see oceans in you. I see skies in you. I see everything I thought I cannot have. My white noise, deafen me with your silence. Kill me with your voice. But also, allow me to be the one to ruin your life.

[lupthi]

My..2.0

As tempting as it is to go back to the depth of sadness to find myself again, to write to the darkness that eats up my soul, to miss you in ways that smothers me, to call you out in a sleepless night while the tears are buring my eyes like arsonic, pouring out carrying the pain that burns me, As tempting as that is My Love, to return to that anguish, to torture myself over and over, to bleed the agony in incomprehencible ways, Your love lavishes through my veins, makes me forget the hell I went through, turns me into a different kind of a masochist. #My..2.0

[lupthi]

Writer’s hour

“From the edge of my eyes I saw her walking towards me. My eternal salvation. -- My eternal damnation-- This world deserves her more than any woman has ever been. And if she were to die before I am, I would follow her to heaven and kill her back to life...”